Things to do to keep feeling "normal" while living out of your van?

[Lance22]

What are things that you do to help you keep feeling normal while living out of your van or car?

I guess I would be considered to be "forced" into living in a minivan out of necessity. Mainly because I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck and having to drain myself working 40 hours a week at a job I HATE!

I lived out of my minivan twice now. Once was in remote areas the other was in cities. Planning on staying in the Midwest in bigger towns ie cities with malls, large libraries, and other places I can go to feel more normal. It's weird I feel this lifestyle is so freeing and empowering but at the same time I feel it's depressing and sad. Almost as if I have "given up". I know I will never own my own home or land in the city. Mainly I want to live in my minivan to jumpstart my stock investments to start making 2,000 in monthly dividends so then I can really cut down on my working and enjoy life more..

This is the road less traveled, perhaps the loneliness of that road is what is making me depressed or brings me sadness. I'm a very stable happy person, it's just kind of weird to have these emotions. Just wondering if anyone else can relate and knows ways to help combat these feelings?

 

[bullfrog !]

First thing I needed to do was accept the fact I am not normal nor is my living situation even though there are many people like me none of us are normal in most other people’s view. I needed to use the resources around me to make my life better and not neglect the things that could make my life worse. In other words always have a plan B, C and D. Never say never and do what you need to do and go where you need to go to make your life more enjoyable. Be ready to take advantage of opportunities when they arise by investing in yourself and your health.

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

First, you have to define what you mean by 'normal'.
Only then can you start making the choices and decisions to obtain normal.
My definition of normal is probably different from yours.

 

[jacqueg]

You sound young.

I was never normal, and this used to bother me greatly. I remember being around 10, my dad yelling at me - "why don't you do so-and-so like normal people do?" - stamping my foot and yelling back "because I'm not normal!". It was true. I had scored high on some tests, and everyone who knew about these scores knew I was different.

I'm old now, and used to myself. I am no longer the least bit concerned about being normal. It is not socially normal to think it is OK to live in a van. You will never convince a normal person that this is normal.

It's your life, so own it. You're not hurting anyone. You will find that many normal people love to talk to people who aren't normal. I meet these folks in coffee shops and libraries, and at natural history lectures and music events in parks. A reasonably good time is had by all. Then I get in my van and remind myself why I'm living like this. Presumably, they go home and remind themselves why they live as they do. It's all good.

 

[Morgana]

Staying busy -- at constructive activities that advance your goals, and at fun activities that refresh your mind -- can help. Introspection is good; but too much, especially without a very specific end goal in mind, can mess you up.

If you're lonely, then finding ways to reach out to people could also help. I've never been a full-time nomad, but I imagine it would change how you seek to socialize. There's more than one road less travelled. There are a lot of people traveling these roads. Finding something you could do to help someone else might just automatically cheer you up too.

Prioritizing your goals can help too. You seem to want a lot. That is fine. But the more ambitious your goals, the more hard work and sacrifice they require. And when goals conflict, you have to make the hard choices.

On the one hand you feel that you have "given up" on some material/financial goals that seem important to you, and on the other hand you are aiming to own enough stocks to produce $2000/month in dividends. And on the third hand () you passionately want to avoid a certain type of work that you find unpleasant, yet you don't seem to have a strong desire, or a concrete plan, to qualify for some other type of work that you might enjoy more or find more meaningful. All of that, taken together, is going to make it hard to feel satisfied.

Stay busy, take time out to focus on other people, figure out what you want most and what you're willing to do to achieve it. Rinse and repeat. That would be my advice. And expect to have occasional downtimes; that's part of life too.

 

[maki2]

This sounds more like a self blame issue of not having reached a goal you thought you should already have achieved. Anyone can go through those phases in their life at any stage of life. It is a very frustrating and unsettling feeling. Talking to a counselor can help you work through those phases so that you do not get wrapped up with too many negative feelings as you encounter such things.

A “behaviorist” counselor can help you stop beating yourself up over this stuff. It is not psychoanalysis, it is more about how you talk to yourself including dumping daily blame onto your own head. Things such such as questioning that you are not “normal”. We create our own boxes that we fit ourselves into but you can open that box and jump out of it, it is not a locked prison with bars. But you might need a guide to teach you how to stop locking yourself into that cage of repetitive thoughts that led you into the feeling of being stuck in a cage.

 

[TooFarGone]

I'm sorry you're feeling somewhat lonely and isolated.

I get it. I'm not a big joiner by nature, but neither am I a hermit. One of my challenges as an adult has been dealing with changes in my group of friends and making new friends. By pursuing some of my genuine interests, I've connected with some good people. For instance, I love photography. I joined some good local photography groups on meetup.com and also joined a local photo club. I've developed my (so-called) skilz, had some great times, and met some terrific people.

I hesitated to answer this because I don't live in my minivan. But IMO it doesn't matter whether you live on four wheels or in a building, if you can find people to share your interests or just have some fun. Nobody cares where I live when I sign up for a photowalk or a meetup, and I don't care where anyone else in the group lives either.

I get that you're focused on your goals (good for you!) to build a portfolio and escape the hated work grind. But you're also living your life right now, and it's good that you're wanting it to be as pleasant as possible, and not wanting to settle for feeling lonely or isolated. I also know that living in a vehicle in a city takes a lot of energy and time just dealing with daily logistics that are easier if you live in place with a kitchen and bathroom.

As has been said, only you know what "normal" means to you, and I hope you find a happy normal!

 

[Frood]

I'm sorry, but why is "normal" the goal? Don't strive to be normal. Be exceptional. For better or worse, live a life that is yours and yours alone. Better to regret things you did that didn't work out than to regret things you wanted to do but never tried.

 

[WanderingRose]

It sounds to me like you are grieving, Lance, what you feel you should be doing vs what you are doing, and/or what you think others believe you should be doing,

It sounds like you are employed, and that living in your van is a choice, so perhaps some reframing of those negative thoughts would help you, along with practicing gratitude for what you have.

And maybe some listed out tasks, with a realistic timeline toward meeting your goals.

I am not a therapist, but these things have been helpful to me.

Good luck.

 

[eDJ_]

I can relate to it as the area I live in is full of street people with many of them bumming money on street corners holding up signs that state, "hungry need money". That money they gain is often channeled into alcohol or drugs to escape the revolving door they feel trapped in. It can feel like a prison cell after awhile and lead one's mental health into depression.

The feelings of "missing the boat" or the cough/wheez "American Dream" escalates the despair. But home ownership and having many "things" people enjoyed decades ago have been undergoing re-evaluation in the past twenty to thirty years. Even the notion of what is "NORMAL" now.

One of the things that makes a big difference for people in the shape you're in now is finding a better job with better pay. Then finding affordable shelter so they can begin to break out of the pay check to pay check....hand to mouth existence. Looking for a better area to move to and live in where this may be more possible.

If you are single and not bound to a lease or home this may be an advantage that can make you more mobile and thus capable of finding a better life away from where you are. (including a job you like)

Once this is in place, even if you are living out of your mini van and using Gyms for your hygiene needs, you can begin to map out the kind of life you want. Libraries are a good starting place for that as there are no shortage of books on the subject and magazines you can look thru to see what would appeal to you.

One of the things that has made Van Live so appealing is the possibilities it offers to people to travel and see how and what others are doing, work opportunities, and places where they may want to settle or awhile. Don't overlook some of the jobs where you travel such as in the maritime industry. You could work six months of the year and make a good years living and have six months off to travel and sight see or just camp somewhere. (perhaps in two or three places) The Captain's Log section of this site may be of interest to you for ideas you could combine for yourself.

 

[LargeMarge]

What are things...you do to help you keep feeling normal while living out of your van... bigger towns ie cities with malls, large libraries, and other places I can go to feel more normal.. I want to live in my minivan to jumpstart my stock investments...

This is the road less traveled, perhaps the loneliness... combat these feelings?

.
a)
I read your concerns just as my neighbor walked up.
We shot the breeze for a few, then politely broke until the next time we get the urge for community connection.
.
That gave me a chance to look at your questions and the ways I cope... or would, if I had a smidgen of tolerance for cities or shopping mauls.
But I have none, so there is that.
.
In just our current rig, we full-time live-aboard going on two-decades plus.
For us, the absurdity, the ludicrousness, of living in a 7x12 box-truck seems 'normal'.
.
For comparison, we confronted a transition camp of porch-pirates on the boundary of the farm.
They took the hint, absconded, and that was the last of them.
Foraging their squat, I recovered a mail-order meal-box... you probably see the advertisements.
.
With the address label intact, I attempted to return the remaining goods to the owner...
...at a new apartment complex near us.
The resident calmly explained:
* "Oh, we didn't even notice that was missing, we get four or five of those every day..."
.
According to the WorldWideWeb site for a similar meal-box affair, those start at us$40 and go up to sixty fedbux for each box.
That sounds suspiciously like a couple-three hundred fedbux daily, seven days a week.
And rent for that three-bedroom apartment is closing in on three grand a month.
.
Facing that level of nincompoopery, I think I am perfectly normal.
.
.
b)
I wonder if the 'distance' of your stock investments automatically gives you a sense of isolation.
I wonder if investing closer to you might offer a feeling of involvement and community.
.
.
c)
I wonder if, instead of combating your feelings, you embrace them, cherish them, fertilize those rascals.
Water them as a garden.
And like any decent gardener, weed ruthlessly.
What is the worst what could happen.

 

[Sage]

What are things that you do to help you keep feeling normal while living out of your van or car?

I guess I would be considered to be "forced" into living in a minivan out of necessity. Mainly because I'm tired of living paycheck to paycheck and having to drain myself working 40 hours a week at a job I HATE!

I lived out of my minivan twice now. Once was in remote areas the other was in cities. Planning on staying in the Midwest in bigger towns ie cities with malls, large libraries, and other places I can go to feel more normal. It's weird I feel this lifestyle is so freeing and empowering but at the same time I feel it's depressing and sad. Almost as if I have "given up". I know I will never own my own home or land in the city. Mainly I want to live in my minivan to jumpstart my stock investments to start making 2,000 in monthly dividends so then I can really cut down on my working and enjoy life more..

This is the road less traveled, perhaps the loneliness of that road is what is making me depressed or brings me sadness. I'm a very stable happy person, it's just kind of weird to have these emotions. Just wondering if anyone else can relate and knows ways to help combat these feelings?

Maybe if you remember how trapped you felt making payments or rent and having little left over for necessities or recreation that will help you feel less depressed and sad.. Thankfully my home is paid for. I am tied to it seven months out of the year to keep the plants, trees and grasses alive. Because I own it, it owns me in that I have to care for it or it loses value and my established yards and gardens would die without the watering and care. I'm trying to get it where I can travel and live in a vehicle in the winter months so I don't feel trapped by "possessions."

You are not paying taxes on a house and land. That should be a good feeling. I don't really own my home because I have to pay rent (twice a year) in the form of taxes. Having to pay the state means we are not really the owners because if we miss 3 years (6 tax bills) the state can take our property and sell it to the highest bidder. To me that is oppression and leads to depression because I will never really own what I spent over thirty years making payments on. It keeps costing me taxes, up keep and insurance as well as 7 months worth of work every year where I can't leave for more than a few days at a time to keep it where my children can sell it when I'm no longer alive to use it. And, God forbid, I ended up in a nursing home with them taking it for my care from my children.

Go for the life you have and think about the people who don't even have a dream of freedom or escaping the government taxing us out of our God given right to property or taking it to care for us in our last days. You've no idea how many of us dream of the freedom you have. May you be blessed with a vision of that freedom and be free of feeling depressed or sad. May you come into contact with people who will lessen your loneliness. And better yet, may the God of Creation be your best friend.

 

[Happy Camper]

It's a matter of perspective. Your perspective.

You have options to choose from.
Apartment life and not save.
Van life and save to reach your goal.
Other options you may not have mentioned or thought of.

You have chosen to live in your van to save up for your goal. Nothing has forced you to do van life.

You can choose to do something, which you have. Or you can treat yourself like a victim that's forced to make a bad choice. Which isn't the case.

The more options you give yourself, the better you feel about choosing from them. You're in charge of both options and choices.

And when you realize that you're not a victim in life's game you'll find the you're a lot happier by default.

If you don't like the options you have, work to create more options. If you choose not to create more options, that is your choice.

At the moment I'm not excited by my financial situation in the least. But I have chosen to struggle for a while because the outcome of doing so far outweighs my other options. Since I made that choice, I do find myself frustrated at times. But I know why I made that choice, and I'm at peace with it.

You'll find your peace when you realize you're more in charge of things than you seem to realize.

Normal isn't the best thing. It's the average thing. I would strongly consider striving to be content in any situation you find yourself in. That doesn't mean you accept every bad thing. It means you can always create more options, even if it might take time. Then you make your next choice. And you go from there again. And again.

 

[rruff]

What are things that you do to help you keep feeling normal while living out of your van or car?

The bigger challenge is feeling "normal" around people... feeling normal while camping or alone is super easy for me.

This is the road less traveled, perhaps the loneliness of that road is what is making me depressed or brings me sadness. I'm a very stable happy person, it's just kind of weird to have these emotions. Just wondering if anyone else can relate and knows ways to help combat these feelings?

What I do about unpleasant feelings is... not resist them. And... don't believe my mind. Just feel the emotion; and let it overwhelm and pass through. Repressing, acting out, getting trapped in mental loops, or distracting yourself, are all common strategies to avoid feelings, and all have negative consequences... and the emotions will keep coming up again. Just feeling an emotion when it comes up is the best thing you can do for yourself.

I'm guessing the mental involvement will be the tricky part. I haven't believed my mind or identified with it for a long time, so it's usually quiet. It may take some practice and attention. Often feelings are caused by thoughts in the first place.

 

[Happy Camper]

Often feelings are caused by thoughts in the first place.

The words you use when talking to yourself or in your thoughts makes a huge difference. It can change the way you feel about every situation for the better or worse with a few words choice changes.

 

[maki2]

I fortunately signed up for a few sessions with a behavioral therapist in the mid 1960s when I got depressed in my first marriage. He taught me all about the negative thoughts stuff we vocalize in our heads and how to stop it as well as break the habit of letting it take hold.

His advice was very simple to do. No equipment, no medications, no need for ongoing therapy. Basically what you do is mentally say to yourself stop, that’s enough or what ever words you like. It is no different than if you are talking to another person and you are really tired of their constantly talking negative stuff to you and won’t shut up about it. If you can’t physically get away you have to tell them that is enough, I do not want to discuss it any more. But most people do not realize they can tell it to themself and it works to shut it down. It usually takes a number of repetitions when you first practice this redirection of your thoughts. It will however quickly get easier as you begin to recognize that you are dropping back into the bad habits of letting those thoughts drive you crazy.

DO NOT NAG Yourself over things you can’t fix. You can instead strongly encourage yourself to do upcoming chores or exercise or even do more self control of your thoughts. But keep that self talk positive and encouraging.

Some behaviorist therapy also uses one of the soft elastic bands on your wrist to give it a gentle snap if your thoughts drift into that endless loop of thoughts you hate having. Basically the words “snap out of it” in action as a reminder to do just that.

Of course frustrating and annoying situations are a sign you are still alive and venturing out into the world. So this method of stopping those annoying replays is always going to be in use but hopefully not daily

 

[AtlantaGuy]

Staying busy -- at constructive activities that advance your goals, and at fun activities that refresh your mind -- can help. Introspection is good; but too much, especially without a very specific end goal in mind, can mess you up.

If you're lonely, then finding ways to reach out to people could also help. I've never been a full-time nomad, but I imagine it would change how you seek to socialize. There's more than one road less travelled. There are a lot of people traveling these roads. Finding something you could do to help someone else might just automatically cheer you up too.

Prioritizing your goals can help too. You seem to want a lot. That is fine. But the more ambitious your goals, the more hard work and sacrifice they require. And when goals conflict, you have to make the hard choices.

On the one hand you feel that you have "given up" on some material/financial goals that seem important to you, and on the other hand you are aiming to own enough stocks to produce $2000/month in dividends. And on the third hand () you passionately want to avoid a certain type of work that you find unpleasant, yet you don't seem to have a strong desire, or a concrete plan, to qualify for some other type of work that you might enjoy more or find more meaningful. All of that, taken together, is going to make it hard to feel satisfied.

Stay busy, take time out to focus on other people, figure out what you want most and what you're willing to do to achieve it. Rinse and repeat. That would be my advice. And expect to have occasional downtimes; that's part of life too.

 

[AtlantaGuy]

Great advice from a very smart person.

 

[wayne49]

I used a 1/2" wide rubber band on my wrist whenever I would rehash some negative event back in the past that cannot be changed. In less than a week that stopped those recurring thoughts. Cheap therapy.

 

[Morgana]

Great advice from a very smart person.

That was very kind of you to say. Full disclosure: all those ideas came from other very smart people, and my only role was to extensively field-test them while falling flat on my face (for which there has been no shortage of test opportunities ).