I appreciate everyone's comments. I do think I have to process these emotions, but at the same time they do feel like emotions I shouldn't be having but we can't always control how we feel with our feelings but yea..
So I watched a video of somebody living out of their car who is also a "high thinker" as in they over analyze everything. much like myself. And that video triggered my PTSD. The constant moving of the car to find shade, going to get ice, going to find a bathroom, parking at the park next to the bathroom, then finding shade, then libuary, then, parking lot, then, then then then then!!!
That constant turn key lifestyle on top of that daily activity like cooking in a parking lot feeling of awkwardness and embarrassment.
I been putting much more focus on planing my re-build and daily activities to really redefine that assumption of what van life is...
For example ability to use a rice cooker to cook up rice, broccoli, and frozen meatballs for a simple dinner that I don't have to watch. Was hoping the roadpro could do that from the passager seat but likely will just have to climb back and grab it and then I can just eat in my car's driver seat and feel normal.
I am also working through the attachment issues I have with my "home" by having a storage unit and I will place a tracking chip in my van so I can track it's location I won't have to feel "tied to the van/home" If I don't have all my valuables in one location I think I will be more able to get out of the van and explore more and feel more normal. Also it's cutting down on how much crap I own so I don't feel to attached to the van like I did last time..
I thought about focusings on building routines that are better designed but maybe the reason why we all spend our time at home watching TV be it in a car van or apartment is because there isn't much fun cheap and affordable things to do?
But like driving from work to the gym for a workout and shower, then walking to the smoothie place, then walking to the grocery store, then back to the van and driving to the park to cook my meal, put away groceries, chill and watch a show then driving to the library to rent a few books and then setting up in the parking lot for bed, then driving to my final spot and lights out and fall asleep to my TV shows...
You know.. not that constant driving everywhere lifestyle. I remember my first experience in minivan life. I took a long weekend trip and I was up and I bought breakfast around 5AM when the sun was just about to raise and it was so cool and nice and I watched the employees make the long trek into the department store I parked at the end of the lot to watch the birds dance around my car waiting for scraps.. I enjoyed that experience. Come to think of it.. I was in a smaller town then.. maybe that is the difference.
I guess I just think I would be in a better mindset if I can just build a lifestyle that better forced me to be out of the van most of the bulk of the day. I mean work, gym, showering is a start to keep me out of the van but... then what? I mean walk at the park for an hour might be fine. but then what? libuary? Ok maybe 1/2 hour or hour or two every few days or once a week... but then what?
It feels like you have more time in van life.. mainly I think because you can easily sit in your apartment online at the computer while the sun is shining bright.. but it hits differently in van life... or maybe that's just me?
I know I want to force myself out to visit food courts and stuff like ONCE a week not a daily treat... so were are filling the schedule up more... but then what?
I guess it's cause I'm not always an outdoor kind of person... maybe that's it? what inside activities can we have besides hanging at the public library all day!?
I remember beind dropped off at the mall as a kid and eventually getting bored... maybe this is triggering my PTSD. I mean going to see some cheap movie theaters and plays might be kinda cool even if I just go by myself. Hey people without friends still should appreciate the arts!
But like... what else
Don't get me wrong I done the winter in Quartzsite and adored it! mainly because I got to skip winter but... dealing with this heatwave and summer heat has pushed me to the other extreme for now at least.
But were all humans, it's ok for us to crave the indoors and to exscape the hot outdoors when we can't move out of the heat dome area during the summer.. Do you guys have any good places to go during the peak of the day?
I think being able to get inside places and have a purpose will help me feel more normal.
Plus I think this is going to be my last summer in Oklahoma! Way to hot down here!
So I watched a video of somebody living out of their car who is also a "high thinker" as in they over analyze everything. much like myself. And that video triggered my PTSD. The constant moving of the car to find shade, going to get ice, going to find a bathroom, parking at the park next to the bathroom, then finding shade, then libuary, then, parking lot, then, then then then then!!!
That constant turn key lifestyle on top of that daily activity like cooking in a parking lot feeling of awkwardness and embarrassment.
I been putting much more focus on planing my re-build and daily activities to really redefine that assumption of what van life is...
For example ability to use a rice cooker to cook up rice, broccoli, and frozen meatballs for a simple dinner that I don't have to watch. Was hoping the roadpro could do that from the passager seat but likely will just have to climb back and grab it and then I can just eat in my car's driver seat and feel normal.
I am also working through the attachment issues I have with my "home" by having a storage unit and I will place a tracking chip in my van so I can track it's location I won't have to feel "tied to the van/home" If I don't have all my valuables in one location I think I will be more able to get out of the van and explore more and feel more normal. Also it's cutting down on how much crap I own so I don't feel to attached to the van like I did last time..
I thought about focusings on building routines that are better designed but maybe the reason why we all spend our time at home watching TV be it in a car van or apartment is because there isn't much fun cheap and affordable things to do?
But like driving from work to the gym for a workout and shower, then walking to the smoothie place, then walking to the grocery store, then back to the van and driving to the park to cook my meal, put away groceries, chill and watch a show then driving to the library to rent a few books and then setting up in the parking lot for bed, then driving to my final spot and lights out and fall asleep to my TV shows...
You know.. not that constant driving everywhere lifestyle. I remember my first experience in minivan life. I took a long weekend trip and I was up and I bought breakfast around 5AM when the sun was just about to raise and it was so cool and nice and I watched the employees make the long trek into the department store I parked at the end of the lot to watch the birds dance around my car waiting for scraps.. I enjoyed that experience. Come to think of it.. I was in a smaller town then.. maybe that is the difference.
I guess I just think I would be in a better mindset if I can just build a lifestyle that better forced me to be out of the van most of the bulk of the day. I mean work, gym, showering is a start to keep me out of the van but... then what? I mean walk at the park for an hour might be fine. but then what? libuary? Ok maybe 1/2 hour or hour or two every few days or once a week... but then what?
It feels like you have more time in van life.. mainly I think because you can easily sit in your apartment online at the computer while the sun is shining bright.. but it hits differently in van life... or maybe that's just me?
I know I want to force myself out to visit food courts and stuff like ONCE a week not a daily treat... so were are filling the schedule up more... but then what?
I guess it's cause I'm not always an outdoor kind of person... maybe that's it? what inside activities can we have besides hanging at the public library all day!?
I remember beind dropped off at the mall as a kid and eventually getting bored... maybe this is triggering my PTSD. I mean going to see some cheap movie theaters and plays might be kinda cool even if I just go by myself. Hey people without friends still should appreciate the arts!
But like... what else
Don't get me wrong I done the winter in Quartzsite and adored it! mainly because I got to skip winter but... dealing with this heatwave and summer heat has pushed me to the other extreme for now at least.
But were all humans, it's ok for us to crave the indoors and to exscape the hot outdoors when we can't move out of the heat dome area during the summer.. Do you guys have any good places to go during the peak of the day?
I think being able to get inside places and have a purpose will help me feel more normal.
Plus I think this is going to be my last summer in Oklahoma! Way to hot down here!