You Ain't Right Club
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rvpopeye
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Then the bartender , being extra careful to be extra polite ,
(the pirate WAS carrying a big sword , 2 pistols and foot long dagger)
said "Skuse me Cap'n sir , but I be wonderin' what be the story on yer missin' leg , arm and eye ???"..................
(the pirate WAS carrying a big sword , 2 pistols and foot long dagger)
said "Skuse me Cap'n sir , but I be wonderin' what be the story on yer missin' leg , arm and eye ???"..................
rvpopeye
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Steering Wheel In The Pants was a different pirate .....
So the pirate sezzzz..
"Arrrrrrggghh that be three different stories !"
"I lost me leg during a great sea battle ,,, I was knocked overboard and as me crew was pulling me back aboard a Great White bit off me leg in the blink of an eye !"
So the pirate sezzzz..
"Arrrrrrggghh that be three different stories !"
"I lost me leg during a great sea battle ,,, I was knocked overboard and as me crew was pulling me back aboard a Great White bit off me leg in the blink of an eye !"
highdesertranger
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jeez popeye if you were to wear all those awards on your signature line at once you would look like a banana republic dictator. highdesertranger
rvpopeye
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Well I have waited long enough....................
"The patch over me eye happened shortly after that .
It twas a fine day and I was enjoying the cruise to Tortuga.
A gull flew over and shat in me eye ......I wasn't used to havin' me ook yet !
"The patch over me eye happened shortly after that .
It twas a fine day and I was enjoying the cruise to Tortuga.
A gull flew over and shat in me eye ......I wasn't used to havin' me ook yet !
Scott7022
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So this Russian super model looking woman walked into the bar I was sitting in last night. Everybody in the bar, including the piano playing octopus, stopped and stared at her. She took a seat right beside me, ordered a Whisky Sour and gazed down at the bar sadly. I asked her what was wrong. She said she was upset because she confused men. I remarked that men are easily confused and stunned by such beauty and she shouldn't take it personally. I went on to say that an octopus, on the other hand, is much harder to confuse and that I was going to try.
She blinked at me and noticed the famous Anapa musical genius octopi for the first time. "That's interesting," she said. "I too am a researcher. I have a PhD in Anthropology and another in human sexuality. I travel the world researching these topics, but men never take me seriously or they are intimidated by my open talk about sex."
"Seriously? I can't imagine that at all. My research tonight includes sexuality." I said and pointed to the bartender to refill both our glasses. "That famous octopi is said to be able to play any musical instrument in the world."
"Really? Wow, this is great! A Russian man I can talk to." Looking past me to the piano she continued. "I just got back from North America and did you know North American Indians had the longest penises?
I looked deeply into her liquid blue eyes. "No, I didn't."
Excitedly she continued. "Yes, it is a fact and that Polish men have the thickest. Do you find talk like this intimidating?"
I reached down into my bag and pulled from it a set of Bagpipes. "No, I don't find that intimidating at all." I tossed the bagpipes onto the Grand piano.
The octopus stopped playing. The bar went silent. The octopus yanked itself up off the bench onto the top of the piano. I and the bartender took a deep breath. The octopus grabbed the instrument and started rolling around on the top of the piano. It did this for several long seconds and then stopped. A long, sad, and forlorn note rose from the instrument.
The bartender slapped me on the shoulder and winked before saying. "See Mr. Tonto Kowalski, I told you once he figured out he couldn't **** it, he'd play it!"
She blinked at me and noticed the famous Anapa musical genius octopi for the first time. "That's interesting," she said. "I too am a researcher. I have a PhD in Anthropology and another in human sexuality. I travel the world researching these topics, but men never take me seriously or they are intimidated by my open talk about sex."
"Seriously? I can't imagine that at all. My research tonight includes sexuality." I said and pointed to the bartender to refill both our glasses. "That famous octopi is said to be able to play any musical instrument in the world."
"Really? Wow, this is great! A Russian man I can talk to." Looking past me to the piano she continued. "I just got back from North America and did you know North American Indians had the longest penises?
I looked deeply into her liquid blue eyes. "No, I didn't."
Excitedly she continued. "Yes, it is a fact and that Polish men have the thickest. Do you find talk like this intimidating?"
I reached down into my bag and pulled from it a set of Bagpipes. "No, I don't find that intimidating at all." I tossed the bagpipes onto the Grand piano.
The octopus stopped playing. The bar went silent. The octopus yanked itself up off the bench onto the top of the piano. I and the bartender took a deep breath. The octopus grabbed the instrument and started rolling around on the top of the piano. It did this for several long seconds and then stopped. A long, sad, and forlorn note rose from the instrument.
The bartender slapped me on the shoulder and winked before saying. "See Mr. Tonto Kowalski, I told you once he figured out he couldn't **** it, he'd play it!"
highdesertranger
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obviously the "flying manure spreader" highdesertranger
GotSmart
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[font=Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]Beast Master and Junky Monkey in the You Ain't Right Club.[/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]After that version of that story, You, Tonto "Junky Monkey Master" Kolowsky have earned this award. The "FLYING MANURE SPREADER" as a token of altering a ripped off stale old joke into a real beer spitter. I salute you![/font]
[font=Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]After that version of that story, You, Tonto "Junky Monkey Master" Kolowsky have earned this award. The "FLYING MANURE SPREADER" as a token of altering a ripped off stale old joke into a real beer spitter. I salute you![/font]
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Scott7022
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There are only seven basic plots or story arcs in fiction. Some claim eight and adds seven drivers. Oddly, these are known to Catholics as the seven deadly sins... After being a seven believer the John Wick series brought me to the eight camp and drivers. So I am used to telling the same old, same old and making it fun and entertaining again. You should taste my pancakes in the morning. Incidentally, that one doesn't get you slapped as much as it should. Perhaps it is the maple syrup.
I humbley accept the coveted award and will add it to my signature line knowing that one day I will have to find my Africain dictator coat to wear at an RTR.
It may work out that I am free sooner than later, if the current wind (frosty as it is) keeps blowing... In an R50 series Pathfinder and not the spiffy digs I imagined, but hey, life is what you get served and not generally what you ordered.
I humbley accept the coveted award and will add it to my signature line knowing that one day I will have to find my Africain dictator coat to wear at an RTR.
It may work out that I am free sooner than later, if the current wind (frosty as it is) keeps blowing... In an R50 series Pathfinder and not the spiffy digs I imagined, but hey, life is what you get served and not generally what you ordered.
