On Relationships & Love........

[INTJohn]

Whenever I consider becoming involved with a woman, the first question I ask myself; "Is it possible I could engage in great & stimulating conversation with this woman well into my old age?"
Everything else in a relationship is temporary, most of the time will be spent in conversation. Shouldn't it be great & stimulating!?

What does it matter to you IF I should choose to love you? Its my decision if I choose to love you; and its also my "Love". It realy doesn't have anything to do with you. Its mine, all mine..........

Some of us don't seek a playmate, a helpmate or a soulmate & it really has little to do with 'feeling's'.
There are exceeding rare persons who desire a Mindmate; IF such a person desires any1 at all!
A rational Idealist or an idealistic Rational..........

Philosophically speaking I might share more................INTJohn

 

[INTJohn]

"Every man should find a woman to love. If he finds a good one he'll become happy.
If he finds a bad one he'll become a philosopher." Socrates
(tells us all we need to know about what happened to him haha)

"Love takes up where wisdom leaves off"; St. Thomas Aquinas

"To catch a husband is an art, to hold him is a job"; Simone' de Bouvoir

"Marriage is the grave of love"; Henry Beecher

"Blessed are hearts that can bend, for they will never be broken"; Albert Camus

"Gloomy & depressing as celibacy can be perceived to be;
a bad marriage is much much worse"; Auguste Comte

"Love in action is a harsh & dreadful thing compared with Dreams of Love"; Dostoevsky

"Love is an ideal; Marriage is for real;
any confusion of this willl not go unpunished"; Wolfgang von Goethe

"To say I love you, one must first know the 'I' "; Ayn Rand

"If common sense were consulted, how many marriages would never occur?" Thoreau

Haha, enuff 4 abit..........INTJohn

 

[INTJohn]

"Love & Happiness"
Everything traditional becomes like a spider web and when one sees itself caught in its own trap in the center of such a web and needing to feed then on its own blood.
This is why any Vagabond & Free spirit hates all tradition & rules embracing change & scoffing at the definitive.

The Vagabond then painfully tears apart the net/web around him knowing he will suffer countless small and large wounds BUT the web must be torn from ones mind, heart & body.......

One will choose to painfully learn to love what he hated and then to sow sharks teeth to that where he planted kindness. From this I can discern if I'm tough enuff for a woman's 'love'.........

INTJohn

 

[Elbear1]

Its said that by age 6 boys and girls are equal in maturity. Except men tend to stay that age the rest of their lives. Women, on the other hand, regress.

 

[jacqueg]

Living with the right person is better than living alone.

And living alone is FAR better than living with the wrong person.

This is more complicated than it sounds because of the unfortunate tendency of the right person to become the wrong person.

I finally figured it out. I live alone, but visit with the most recent right/wrong person. As long as we don't overstay, we can enjoy all the "right person" stuff without getting into "wrong person" territory.

Surprisingly, sex has almost nothing to do with this, but since we are both over 70, I guess that's not unexpected.

 

[ckelly78z]

After 31 years of (mostly happy) marriage, we don't need to spend every minute with each other, or ask each opinions on most subjects. The sex life has nearly dried up, and the romance has faded. We do still have long talks about any subject, and we still make each other laugh often. She has her interests, and I have mine, but we still have mutual respect, and a desire to please each other.

 

[RoamerRV428]

great post ckelly

Hubby and I meld. We fit. What I do not get from him I find other places, cause what I do get from him is priceless and I can't find anywhere else

I love chatting, hubby is one of them quiet ones so I go off with my best gal friend and we throw back some drinks and chat away. I get my fix of chatting out life and so does she cause her hubby doesn't say 2 damn words either like mine

I learned to just chat and not expect much back. But every now and then he surprises me and spews out tons of great conversation.....but most of his chat is ALL about hunting and I am not a hunter so then when he chats that I give him a blank stare and who cares look, then he goes off to find his hunt buddies down the road, throw back some beers and chat away with them.

it works well for us

Hey any way you can get thru life with a good companion at your side, you are a winner
Any good relationship no matter what it is for both, works well and is loving and strong etc. is a great thing.
Everyone just needs to find the person that suits them and how they want their relationship to meld and after that, it is up to you to make it all work best ya can then ya gotta hope the partner is in it to win it also LOL

 

[INTJohn]

Hmmm, awrite, I'm back to this now. I was going to post all of this Relationship & Love stuff on my Captains Log thread but because of this topic designated place I decided to put it here. I was realy kinda torn between the 2 locations because on one level I wanted it to be a part of my overall 'Log' but I also realised that "Relationships" are ultimately about "Relating" - well successful ones anyway -
and this sorta sets the parameters of that applied definition. Doesn't it?

Unsuccessful 'relationships' tho can't realy be categorized as Relationships - can they? I'm thinkin they would be more akin to being described as Non-relationship Relationships and I think that this description fits the relationships that most persons have - even those who have been non-relating for 10's of marital anniversaries. OMG! Now that I've brought the 'm' word into this; trust me I'll try to get rid of it as soon as possible!

Because Love & Relationships realy have lil to do with the 'M' word.
Oh No! Nope! Take precious Love and turn it into a legally binding contract............ Hmmmm?
Don't you think there's just something realy realy warped about that? And some people do it over & over again. Needy Bastards & Bitches that they are. Like serial monogamists they can't stop getting married:
"Once, Twice, Three times a Lady......." lol, These lyrics make me chuckle, like I've been tickled and they remind me of an old acquaintance, a shirt tail friend who has been married I think now for the 6th time. I asked him when he married #5, "Dude, are like a serial monogamist? Do have this secret room in your house where you have wedding pictures and Marriage licenses on one wall and all of your divorce decrees hung on the other?" Lol

Now that I've got the 'M' word out of the way so any readers out there aren't confused; when I'm writing about Love and/or Relationship I'm not speaking of Law - at least not in the Legal sense.

Are we good with that? (He asks sarcastically cause he doesn't realy care)
I need a break and then I'll continue with my lil diatribe (if this were a song, I'ld use the word 'ditty').
Thanx..........Johnny Luzsha

 

[RoamerRV428]

a relationship is a relationship....gone into great or gone into very bad

we have relationships all out there. from the relationship I have with my butcher for great cuts of meat and he tells me of the sales coming before they come if they are great or don't touch this sale LOL

Any interactions are relationships among people.

BUT I never think ya need marriage certificate but to many 'norms' it is a must or it just ain't right....all depends what you think and how ya flow thru life and what is important to you and not so important to you

I think one thing about couples is they overthink it all. It is important to me to have basic core life values when coming together. Hubby and I have that. We chatted about future, what ifs, how do you feel about XYZ and when you come together more than you never will on some subjects, you have a good core value set that both can manage, commiserate, learn from the other, and learn to hold strong and fight a battle and when to give up and let the other win a battle Pick battles carefully with those you do love works so well for us. We both know when the other gives and we both also know that is an amazing plus to a relationship.

 

[INTJohn]

Ok, I'm back & simply overflowing with an abundance of caffeine in my blood stream. Its ok I also took a cupl Ibuprofen a few hours ago and Gin O' Clock is about 3 hours or so away. Awrite, its time for me to define 'Love'. This'll might be 1helluva quagmire tho it doesn't need to be. But since most people define Love as synonymous at least to some degree with a legal definition (and I don't), I get that many readers out there will prolly trip on what I write. I don't mean it to be a stumbling block and I think your bruises are because you've been brainwashed to believe soemthing that, tho it may or may not 'work' for you is a definition that is just tooo boring, traditional, legalistic as well as 'religious' for me. HAH!

"Love" then, "Romantic Love", Idealised by all of those feelings & whatnot that begins in adolescence, at least in a psychological sense, can only be defined as a neurochemical con job and physiologically as an evolutionally resultant genetically induced drug over dose in order to motivate us to breed - otherwise who in the hell would do it? Roflmao - This stuff just makes me laugh.

I'll be baaahak. I have to remove my bedding from this washing machine and put it in a dryer.
INTJohnny Luzsha

 

[INTJohn]

A lil more on 'Love', yeah its guna take me awhile to get out of this swamp. I knew wha I waz gettin into. So, that whole 'drug overdose' thing that inflicts most of us when young and doesn't go away for decades, to the point where many of us believe it to be a chronic disease but don't recognize it as such. But if one is able to recognize Love for the drug overdose that it is - you know all of those hormones, the testosterone and every other chemical that influences our essence no matter which gender - tho we don't generally like to admit that it IS an essence - most of us like to think, hmmmm, rather FFfeeeel, its something that is some foreign invasion to our "Free Will" - Nope! Just a simple drug od due to our genes to motivate you to breed - no different than any other mammal.

What I get a kick out of is when someone like me who has lived long enuff on this planet in my human form (and I write 'Human Form' for the benefit of those who think we're some 'spirit' made in the image of some god) to finally out grow the genetically induced drug over dose, to where 'Love' no longer has a hold on me; I'm no longer under the influence of thoze phisiologically produced drugs, hormones, testosterone, etc...........???
.......and I see the adds on tv, etc about, " Hey! GUYS OVER 50? GUYS get back in The Game". Etc yeah, they want me to get some shot or take some pill. Lol. GAWD, I've had enuff of The Game & it took me 50 effing years to finally outgrow this shit and now they want me to pay to get a shot or take a frikkin pill to bring the drug influence all back - all the misery & love sickness of Women having this 'power' over & on me! GAWD, I'm finally to the point in my life where I'm like that 10 year old kid again, a lil imp again if you will, only now I have 50 years worth of Life's wisdom, Free of the damn drug over dose known as 'LOVE'!

No I've had enuff of 'Love' glad I'm free of it and can think straight once again, enjoy my life & freedom once again, able to sin with a holy conscience once again.
nuff 4 now..........INTJohnny Luzsha

 

[1shemp]

I can live without love.But I need my sex.

 

[cherterr]

Thank you for all that. Needed those laughs.

I mostly agree with you, but I am not at the present moment inspired to Write any commentary...so I'll just say 'Thank You'. It's just too big a subject to tackle in my present lazy state of mind.. or uncomfortable, too high keyboard and fading light!

 

[eDJ_]

As a young teen beginning to date my Dad used to share his Texas wisdom's as little sayings.

Most often this one:

"The kissing don't last....but the cookin do"

Mom just had this little Smokey Mountain Gift Shop Cedar plaque that read:

"It starts when you sink into his arms....and ends with your arms in the sink".

For me ?

"It's nice to have a mate/lover,  but it important to have time away from them too,
so when you reunite the joy of being together again will reappear".   (as familiarity breeds contempt)

 

[RoamerRV428]

I bought a little sign that says LUST DUST and RUST

Sums up life for me kinda

 

[INTJohn]

OHhhh, I made it thru another night. Gawd I sleep good - 1 of Life's great needs & pleasures; a great nights sleep. Awrite, I got a cupl more comments on 'Love' to slap up here before I move on to what I've realy wanted to write about, that being 'Relationships' so I'll get to it.

This experience of the feelings/thoughts of 'love' then are something that makes a person develope an 'unconditional trust'; it makes one lower their guard, and to repeat, to motivate one to breed. At some point one is overcome by that seeming limitless, dreamlike sensation that stands as a dichotomy to what up to that point has been ones entire existence, rather hidden or visible; its an enigma that is embraced as a precious miracle permeating ones mind & heart with a golden emotional glory.

This unconditional trust now makes one dumb; just plain stupid, being infected with the proverbial love sickness. Sure, there is suffering if not outright pain often accompanied by a seemingly incurable depression when one experiences this 'happy stupidity' which is WHY many persons going thru this disease to breed often find a soothing solace in the sounds of music. They hear music as one might experience a calm beautiful sunrise engulfed by a foggy mist and music makes their love seem more close, more in tune with their oneness. Everyone who experiences this with music then begins to hear such music as if it is speaking to them and that it knows everything about them........

Along with this, Love contains a secret impulse to see as much good & beautiful in the other person (if not just Everything!) and to elevate the beloved as high as possible. To deceive oneself in this becomes such a joyful euphoria that it becomes a necessity to be deceived and so one is.

The cure? The cure then for Love? HMmmmm.
The cure to being in Love is to be loved in return......... (chuckle)

INTJohnny Luzsha, alway have; alway will!