What about the ones left behind?

[VanKitten]

Recently I have been living in motels, friends couch, car, etc.
It has been a challenge to work on the RV, take care of a tiny kitten, and keep it all together while working toward the goal of hitting the road Oct. 1st.

Now, another challenge comes up.

I have built solid friendships thru the years with many people all over the country, and many here in Colorado.   
Because I have been traveling with the seasons for more than 20 years, it has always been a case of Hello-Goodbye.   So, even though I have been here for a little over a year...I knew this was never going to be the place I would stay.    But, I often would be back in a season or a year, or a few years.

Now, I am very close to living in the RV full time, I am getting attitude from friends.
Seems that some of the male friends thought they were much more than friends and are acting hurt.   Ah geez.  

What do you say to the ones you will leave behind?     This time I know I will not be back.   I cannot find anything about the Grand Valley I like.    

I know myself well enough to know I cannot be happy living in one place.   I know better than to invite anyone to live with me...sooner or later the stress of that will set me off (probably sooner)

How do you say, "I will not be back here again.  Keep in touch."    Do you just go, with a "see ya" and then avoid contact so as not to have to say the obvious..."I won't be back".

I feel like I have been put on the spot over this.   I don't want to hurt anyone, but I don't want to feel like I am leading anyone on.

 

[Ballenxj]

Just my opinion, if you have made good friends over the years, you should make an effort to stay in touch with them, and at least tell them you will see them again next time you pass through their area.

 

[GotSmart]

You must be moving on.  What is the problem?  





[font=Roboto, arial,]It was an early morning yesterday
I was up before the dawn
And I really have enjoyed my stay
But I must be moving on[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]Like a king without a castle
Like a queen without a throne
I'm an early morning lover
And I must be moving on[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]Now I believe in what you say
Is the undisputed truth
But I have to have things my own way
To keep me in my youth[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]Like a ship without an anchor
Like a slave without a chain
Just the thought of those sweet ladies
Sends a shiver through my veins[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]And I will go on shining
Shining like brand new
I'll never look behind me
My troubles will be few[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]Goodbye stranger it's been nice
Hope you find your paradise
Tried to see your point of view
Hope your dreams will all come true[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane
Will we ever meet again
Feel no sorrow, feel no shame
Come tomorrow, feel no pain[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]Sweet devotion (Goodbye, Mary)
It's not for me (Goodbye, Jane)
Just give me motion (Will we ever)
To set me free (Meet again?)
In the land and the ocean (Feel no sorrow)
Far away (Feel no shame)
It's the life I've chosen (Come tomorrow)
Every day (Feel no pain)
So goodbye, Mary (Goodbye, Mary)
Goodbye, Jane (Goodbye, Jane)
Will we ever (Will we ever)
Meet again? (Meet again?)[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]Now some they do and some they don't
And some you just can't tell
And some they will and some they won't
With some it's just as well[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]You can laugh at my behaviour
And that'll never bother me
Say the devil is my saviour
But I don't pay no heed[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]And I will go on shining
Shining like brand new
I'll never look behind me
My troubles will be few[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]Goodbye, stranger, it's been nice
Hope you find your paradise
Tried to see your point of view
Hope your dreams will all come true[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]Goodbye, Mary, goodbye, Jane
Will we ever meet again?
Feel no sorrow, feel no shame
Come tomorrow, feel no pain[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]Sweet devotion (Goodbye, Mary)
It's not for me (Goodbye, Jane)
Just give me motion (Will we ever)
To set me free (Meet again?)
In the land and the ocean (Feel no sorrow)
Far away (Feel no shame)
It's the life I've chosen (Come tomorrow)
Every day (Feel no pain)[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]So now I'm leaving (Goodbye, Mary)
Got to go (Goodbye, Jane)
Hit the road (Will we ever)
I'll say it once again (Meet again?)
Oh, yes, I'm leaving (Feel so sorrow)
Got to go (Feel no shame)
Got to go (Come tomorrow)
I'm sorry, I must dash (Feel no pain)[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]So goodbye, Mary (Goodbye, Mary)
Goodbye, Jane (Goodbye, Jane)
Will we ever (Will we ever)
Meet again? (Meet again?)[/font]
[font=Roboto, arial,]Oh, I'm leaving
I've got to go[/font]

 

[user 423]

Just my opinion, if you have made good friends over the years, you should make an effort to stay in touch with them, and at least tell them you will see them again next time you pass through their area.

Or welcome them to visit you (for a while) wherever you may be.

 

[mayble]

I cannot find anything about the Grand Valley I like.    

Except some of the people apparently.  Are they not reason enough to swing thru on your way somewhere else now and then?

 

[SoulRaven]

I have friends that I've had for more than 40 years,  that I talk to about once a month or so.  I have made an effort to keep with them, and vice versa. 

Not everyone is a friend,  some are friendly acquaintances. I agree with Ballenxj.
Keep up with your good friends. 
Good friends are rare, at least for me.  
Worthy of extra effort.  At least IMO. 

People who have a different view of the nature of your relationship,  especially the opposite sex, seem to be inevitable.  We all eventually have disappointments in our lives that feelings aren't mutual,  and have to face that. 

What I've been trying to say is that good friends will stay that way,  even remotely.  Me, I'd be honest.   The truth is you don't plan to be back.   Who knows what the future will bring? 

Regards, 

Pat 

 

[Scott7022]

Funny, I had this conversation with a Georgian (the country) friend just recently. He wanted me to come for a visit and he does view me as a brother, and I him. Told him it wasn't in the cards right now. But I said I had said goodbye to many friends in Africa, expecting never to see those brothers and more ever again. One day I was back in the jungle feeling all the more stupid knowing what I was doing wrong. Not wrong visiting wrong being a typical white man in a African jungle. I had forgotten how to move correctly. The village and brothers hadn't forgotten me. It was if I had never left. Good friendships are like that.

As for relationship XX types if it was good enough they will come for a visit or you will. If it wasn't what does it matter?

 

[SoulRaven]

Well,  GS, I like your taste in music.   Not surprised. I can't think of anything by Supertramp that I haven't loved since it was released. 

Peace,  brother 

 

[Ballenxj]

Ah, Super Tramp. That was frequently in my cassette deck in my 67 GMC van during the early eighties.
Anybody else notice in that song how many times "Goodbye Mary, and goodbye Jane" were sung in that sequence?
Was that a subliminal message?

 

[Every Road Leads Home]

Life has a funny way of working things out and there's an old saying that always proves true......never say never. How can you possibly know if you'll ever see them again or not? Your real friends will let you go, the selfish ones will beg you to stay.

I spent a couple of nights camping with two brothers on the Big Island of Hawaii. Never expected to see them again when we parted ways. 4 years later I'm pumping gas in the middle of no where Nevada and who comes peddling up on their bikes.....those same two brothers. They biked around the big island the year I was there, and now they were doing a ride to Mexico. It was getting late in the evening so we shared a motel, a meal, some stories and parted ways once again. Wonder when i'll run into them again?

 

[jimindenver]

Kat

Have you ever had a friend come to you and say I wanted to move on but didn't because I didn't want to leave you behind? Real friends are not so selfish that they would hold you back from finding happiness. They say you will be missed, vow to stay in touch and may even want to plan to hang out. I even had a few offer to help just for the chance to hang out before I left.

What they do not do is make you feel even worse about leaving by laying a guilt trip on you or expressing anger. That is immaturity. Those with a crush either had plenty of time and were to insecure to act or you didn't see them that way.

One thing that may be part of the issue is this is a choice for you. It may be different if they thought you were moving because you had to take care of your folks or take a job, something you have no choice over. Then they would not see it as you choosing to go when you do not have to move away from them.

In any event saying good bye is hard. Stay strong, you only have a month to go.

 

[poncho62]

In todays world with the cell phones & internet (Facebook, chat sites, forums etc), no one is really getting left behind. We have friends and family all over that we talk to daily......just sayin'

 

[Kevin Carney]

One of the hardest lessons in my life, and I don't claim to have perfected it, has been learning to be honest when moving on, when relationships are changing, and when relationships are ending. We try to minimize the emotional pain for ourselves. And, because most of us are half-way decent humans, we try not to inflict emotional pain on others, at least when we don't think they deserve it. So, we say we'll get together when we won't. We say we'll stay in touch when we won't. We say "It's not you, it's me," when it's really them. We say, "But, I still love you," when we want them out of our lives. In theory, it's pretty simple. Be honest about what you're doing. Don't make promises you don't intend to keep. Don't solicit such commitments from others. So, yeah, simple. In theory. Of course, all of this can hurt like hell. But in the long run, the evasions don't help. Sometimes they just prolong a process that needs to end. I wish you and your friends well as your lives move apart. And don't be afraid to pull off the road and have a good cry if the spirit moves.

 

[Charlotte's Web]

[CHORUS:]
You Just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

Charlotte

 

[SoulRaven]

I once had a gf  named "  Gail "


So it was " jump on a whale,  Gail"

Pat

 

[TexasWoman]

At least there are people who will miss you when you are gone ...

 

[Stretch]

Jim said it perfectly.

And I'll add, the ones who had a crush were never truly your friends, because they had strings attached to their friendship. A friendship that's a means to an end isn't really a friendship.

Tell the ones you'll miss to stay in touch digitally, and tell the rest thanks and goodbye.

 

[phickerson1]

Life has a funny way of working things out and there's an old saying that always proves true......never say never.   How can you possibly know if you'll ever see them again or not?   Your real friends will let you go, the selfish ones will beg you to stay.

I spent a couple of nights camping with two brothers on the Big Island of Hawaii.  Never expected to see them again when we parted ways.  4 years later I'm pumping gas in the middle of no where Nevada and who comes peddling up on their bikes.....those same two brothers.  They biked around the big island the year I was there, and now they were doing a ride to Mexico.  It was getting late in the evening so we shared a motel, a meal, some stories and parted ways once again.  Wonder when i'll run into them again?

I love this story....where friends can pick up anywhere and able to move on.

 

[JustACarSoFar]

I feel like I have been put on the spot over this.   I don't want to hurt anyone, but I don't want to feel like I am leading anyone on.

 I'm betting it's not the first time you've dealt with this and it never gets much easier, does it!?  I really 'get' the feeling you express.

I can't offer more help than what you likely already know but..a small warning...     I've found a pattern, in some, 
that once they sense and know you are leaving they get angry.  *fear to hurt to anger* that emotional swing can get nasty~ so be careful.


We are still emotional / sensitive creatures so when others pressure us with that* type drama* we certainly are affected.

Try to remember your survival skills, that *spot* you feel put under is an emotional net with no substance. It feels real, 
 and is intended to, but keeping your health and sanity as priority to protect yourself from the situation you already
KNOW is not what you need.  The momentary turmoil will pass.

~hugs~

PS absolutely LOVE that supertramp* song! have for years n years! LOL

 

[CityWoman]

Kat,
To hell with the guys who expected more than friendship - you don't owe them anything. And if they were truly your friends, they would express excitement for you reaching your goals and that they'll miss you. It's not genuine friendship if there's an ulterior motive of hoping to get something from you (which is really fucked up if they weren't honest about that from the start).

Don't ever feel bad about disappointing people who demonstrate a lack of respect for you as an autonomous being in charge of your own life. Be yourself, be true to yourself, and be upfront about your goals and departure. No one should be afraid to express those things, nor have to strategize how to say good-bye. If there is anyone you want to stay in touch with, let them know, but if you've no plans to be going back or wanting to see them again, that is okay! It's your life and you get to call the shots.