Choosing to be Single and on the Road

[Every Road Leads Home]

Relationships always catch me unawares. When I first started van dwelling it, I thought: "This is it big guy. IT'S OVER. Aint no woman gonna want ya now that you live in a van." And I was completely good with it. It was to me, just the price I had to pay to get what I wanted.

     I've finally learned there's someone for every situation.  Granted, it took me 35 years to figure out.  With 320 million people in this country alone, there's plenty of people to fill any situation.   Doesn't matter what your situation, disabled, homeless, rich, poor, sick, healthy, short, tall, fat, skinny, etc etc, there is someone for everyone.  Might take a bit to find them, but they're out there.    
      And it's not just with relationships.  Jobs too, no matter how gross, disgusting, miserable, hard, boring, dangerous, etc a job is, there will be someone out there willing to do it.

 

[Canine]

Personally,I hope to never be without a woman,caretaker,nursemaid,gofer,lawn mower and fire builder again.Oh,I forgot to mention cook and housekeeper.Get your name on the list early girls.Vic may not be around forever.

 

[eDJ_]

I tend to follow the MGTOW thinking,  but it doesn't I harbor a resentment of women.  (as some Men's Rights types do)   

I read so often people's post that they just can't find or attract anyone.  But would they realize other people's interest?   I'm talking about flirting,  which I don't see as a negative thing. (again many people do feel it is a negative)   To me flirting is the way we go about sending signals to someone we feel some attraction or interest in.   Nothing more than that. 

I saw this article the other day in a British online magazine and thought I'd share it here.

The psychology of flirtation: how to know when someone's interested

In a recent study, only 28% of people accurately detected when people were flirting with them

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-s...o-know-when-someones-interested-10331971.html

One of the better books for beginners on the subject of flirting was written by Susan Rabin. (she has written many books)   She even travels around the country hosting seminars and teaching about flirting.   Just as some others do with the Dale Carnegie Courses on "How to Win Friends and Influence People".

https://www.amazon.com/How-Attract-Anyone-Anytime-Anyplace/dp/0452270863

The School of Flirting  Susan Rabin website

http://www.schoolofflirting.com/


So,  for those who have spent some time on the road single by choice and now think they would like to have some companionship,  learning better ways of how to go about finding it may help you find a companion. 
Just after the Holiday Season every year there are lots of single people hitting the gyms and getting in shape for the summer so that they can meet and greet.   New opportunities abound after the first of the year.

Would you realize if another person was interested in you?

 

[DrJean]

hahahaha "exacerbated by monogamous religions" that is way slanted towards men to think being monogamous is a bad thing IMO. Just sayin'


Now I enjoy being around all sorts of people. I get plenty of male feedback from the 40+ years of volunteering in the Boy Scouts. (I also am a member of the Girl Scouts, Orange Bowl Committee - super bowl volunteer when it returns yadda yadda yadda.)

From my expertise I would like to share that no relationship will work well unless you each first know and appreciate and feel fulfilled yourself. When someone looks for someone else to complete them, that's just not healthy. Session over; no charge.

 

[DannyB1954]

Researchers took individual photos of married people. They passed the photos out to a roomful of college students and gave them the task of putting together who was married to who. Most of the time they got it right. When they were wrong it was because one of the parties had a lot of money. It seems wealthy people tend to have partners that are much more attractive than they themselves are.

If you think this a bunch of huey, the next time you are in a public place like in a restaurant, Look at the couples. They will be about at the same level of attractiveness. Kids in wealthy neighborhoods tend to be more attractive than those in poorer neighborhoods, (good looking Moms gravitate towards wealthy men). One theory is women look to see how well their partner will be able to provide for her and her offspring. Good looking guys going for less attractive wealthy women have less virtuous motives.
I used to think attractive people had it made. Now I know that they just have a different set of problems. An unattractive person doesn't have all kinds of people trying to get into their pants. The last group camp out I was at there was an attractive lady. An unattractive guy was trying to be her lap dog. She ended up taking off with another guy that was not half as interested in her, but he was much better looking.

 

[cyndi]

Researchers took individual photos of married people. They passed the photos out to a roomful of college students and gave them the task of putting together who was married to who. Most of the time they got it right. When they were wrong it was because one of the parties had a lot of money. It seems wealthy people tend to have partners that are much more attractive than they themselves are.

You know, sometimes science is just plain wrong. Especially when they categorize and stereotype.

One anecdotal story doesn't prove a theory. Perhaps, it wasn't the looks that affected but the lap dog attitude. And maybe there was something you didn't see in the *more* attractive guy.

Attraction is very subjective. It's also something that grows with familiararity and maturity.

 

[Cheli]

Attraction is very subjective. It's also something that grows with familiararity and maturity.

Agree completely.

I often find myself with guys that don't tend to fit one certain look that I find attractive but I am attracted to their personality, and then the more I get to know them the more I find them physically attractive as well.  I'm attracted to a personality type more than a certain look.



Now I'm not saying that I'm all hot and the guys I date aren't, or that I think I'm better, or that I'm some great catch......I'm just saying I don't find "looks" to be as important and I'm definitely more attracted to personality but of course there is usually a physical attraction as well.  I've been with super hot guys and I've been with some maybe not so hot guys.

That being said.  I'm recently single again and I plan on staying that way for a while.  I can't wait to hit the road and do what I want, whenever I want, without the drama of a relationship or having to accommodate the wants or needs of someone else.  But if I happen to find someone along the way that wants the same things as me and has the same attitude toward life than me......then I'm not against it.

 

[ArtW]

Actually monogamy is a social construct created by religion and government to take advantage of the fact that most men, attached to a wife and children, work harder than they would under threat of violence, and in addition, apply all his creativity to maximize his income, thereby creating more taxable wealth
As far as hypergamy, it's very well documented, both empirically and anecdotally, wealthier men do have more mating success
the thing most forget is, it's an instinct, not a concious thought process, just as dominance is an instinct of men, not a concious thought process
Using hypergamy, as some do, to call women gold diggers is as dishonest as using dominance to call men violent rapists
It also presents to s greater or lesser degree in diferent individuals
Some women care more about a man's financial staus than others, some men are more dominant than others
if you look around, there are plenty of women spending happy lives with men who aren't verry well off, and plenty of men who aren't that assertive
One of the problems with talking about men and women is you have to speak in generalities, and those generalities may be generally true, but not so much individually

 

[BildrRick]

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married - Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara, and of course Opie - all single.



The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

There is my problem... with only one kidney, I can't stay drunk all the time !

 

[DannyB1954]

We are shallower than we would like to believe. I don't exclude myself. Looks beats virtues. Could it be good lookers have an aire of superiority that attracts others? Maybe. But looks still wins out. On a scale of attractiveness of say 0 to 10, A 7 might end up with a 5, but an 8 will never be with a 2 unless 2 has big bucks. Ever heard, they make such a lovely couple? They just look like they belong together?

The proof is in the results.

 

[billybob200138]

Well. Food for thought. I guess I"m a dreamer. Would love to meet a lady with simple expectations that I have. First no one mentioned LOVE. Love helps you to overlook small things that annoy but you do anyway because the other person likes doing them. Relationships are based on compromise.love is blind. HoboJoe

 

[ArtW]

Good luck with that, HoboJoe, most of the 'compromise' will likely be you compromising to keep her happy, so she sticks around and you get to be the plow horse
Live your life for you, not for someone else, if someone else wants to live your life with you, that's fine, but the first time they start diverting you from your chosen path, let them know you are following your path, and if their path doesn't match that, they're free to go
Do NOT enter into a legal contract with that person
Stay off the plantation

 

[ArtW]

We are shallower than we would like to believe. I don't exclude myself. Looks beats virtues. Could it be good lookers have an aire of superiority that attracts others? Maybe. But looks still wins out. On a scale of attractiveness of say 0 to 10, A 7 might end up with a 5, but an 8 will never be with a 2 unless 2 has big bucks. Ever heard, they make such a lovely couple? They just look like they belong together?

The proof is in the results.

Men see visual indicators of fertility as 'beauty', small feet, neyotinous appearance, ample bosoms, rounded hips, slim waists
Women see visual indicators of utility and good genes as 'handsome' broad shoulders, strong arms, strong legs, lean waist, less neyotinous appearance
It's our 'lizard brain' seeing another person as a good mating prospect, and of course you can't build 'love' without initial attraction

 

[eDJ_]

I have to agree with Art.  Most of the "Ol' Timers" I've seen who are man and wife are only on the road for weekend camping or extended vacations. Otherwise they are in the sticks and bricks,  cause that's where the Grand Children will come to visit or if there is a new baby it will be brought there.  Not so likely to a boondocks campsite.

Women tend to have different needs & interest than men.   If you are ever around where there is a show of antique RV's  look at the interiors of the pre 1970's models and then look at what happened in the 1970's and later.   A lot of women were saying that the RV's at the RV Shows were nicer than their own homes.  That's cause the industry realized what it would take to get the wife onboard for the purchase of an RV which in earlier times she would have seen as simply for Dad & the boys. 

Those early ones were rather stark and spartan with the focus on function over aesthetics.  By the 70's they
were redesigned so it would be something the women would ooooh and ahhhhh over.  (and agree for Dad to buy it)   

Today, anyone can fit out a Van or other vehicle to suit themselves & their budget.  Then choose the living arrangement they want provided they have or want that option.   But a Van is a small ship,  and you have to
ask yourself,   "do I really want 2 Captains in it" ?   That choice could have a considerable bearing on your being able to be on the road enjoying your liberty.  (no matter your gender)

 

[slynne]

There is something to be said about men seeking looks above other virtues. As a not particularly attractive women, this has actually turned out to my advantage. I can honestly say that I am not at all worried about ever having to compromise with some man. Still, an interesting thread for sure! I know plenty of women and a few men who have big troubles with unwanted romantic attentions.

 

[Thirsty Boots Nomad]

Almost every relationship I have ever been in have followed the same trajectory --- meet, casual dating, start to get serious, they lose (usually) or quit their job, I end up supporting them as they try (unsuccessfully) to find work again, my resentments grow, either I extricate myself or they finally find a job (months to over a year later) but the relationship is now so damaged there is little to salvage. After the fourth "repetition" and watching the varying degree of "success" of my friend's/family's relationships, I decided a traditional relationship was not in the cards for me no matter where or how I choose to live. There is much more to the story since then that supports that decision; the most I can ever see possibly happening is a scenario where we are both some type of "nomads" that come together and separate on a regular basis, keeping our lives mostly our own but enjoying each other's company.

 

[DannyB1954]

There is something to be said  about men seeking looks above other virtues. As a not particularly attractive women, this has actually turned out to my advantage. I can honestly say that I am not at all worried about ever having  to compromise with some man. Still, an interesting thread for sure! I know plenty of women and a few men who have big troubles with unwanted romantic attentions.

I used to think that attractive people had it made. Now I see that in some aspects they have an advantage, but along with that comes a whole set of other problems. I am more of the Barney Fife type of guy. Yea, I have been married 3 times, but only for brief periods each time. For the majority of my life I have been single, so I don't think a long term relationship is in my future. A friend once told me he could have any woman he pleased. It was just unfortunate that he was unable to please any of them.

 

[F350Girl]

Relationships always catch me unawares. When I first started van dwelling it, I thought: "This is it big guy. IT'S OVER. Aint no woman gonna want ya now that you live in a van." And I was completely good with it. It was to me, just the price I had to pay to get what I wanted.

A year into it, boy did that change.

The point is you never know. Destiny is never written in stone as long as you don't completely isolate yourself living in a van/RV/whatever. Life is too short and the world is too big too run away from it.

Good thing I met this steamjam guy a few years ago. Because I never knew I would be living in a van/rv with him for almost 3-4 years now. I also got a rig of my own. You can't look for love, it seems like it will eventually come to you.

 

[Gary68]

like most of us have a choice

"hey,your cute,wanna move in to my van and crap in a bucket?"

i'm going to stand by my original statement

 

[billybob200138]

I agree with Writer's,sorry, but relationship not joined at the hip seems to work best for me. As for listing all the bad things about women? Remember the finger points both ways. Would you live with someone like yourself and all your bad habits that you don"t see but are quick to point out in others? We are all guilty of seeing the faults in others but are blind to our own. Time for some inner reflection. HoboJoe