Choosing to be Single and on the Road

[eDJ_]

Crofter wrote:

Sociologists will tell you that the happiest people are in a relationship. I will disagree with that, and put forth that the clear eyed freedom of a mature single person & dweller leads to more happiness & more mountaintop experiences (emotional high). Because there are more mountains.

Interesting.   Back in school days I read a lot of the research sociologist and psychologist wrote about those in dedicated relationships.  A lot of time has passed since and our culture has drifted substantially.  I think much of it owes to Cable TV,  Talk Radio, and later the Internet.

The 70's thru the 80's seemed to be a blood bath in the Divorce Courts where many cited the influences of Feminism for it. (true or false...take your pick)  But even the Ad Council ran ads featuring a cartoon character called, "The Divorce Bug".   To me that seemed to indicate people felt they would be happier single.  Or happier being serial monogamist. (treating marriage relationships more like going steady for awhile)  Just after the mid 90's I was reading on the internet an acronym
"BBD" (Bigger Better Deal) where one person was engaging in a relationship only to look for a better one while in it.  (again see the "Divorce Bug" ad) 

I wonder if Sociologist would see it the same now in 2021?

Divorce Bug from the commercial.  Anyone Remember it?

[img=209x500]https://i.pinimg.com/474x/93/0d/41/930d41b11b46313650ec1536ff45a523.jpg[/img]

 

[eDJ_]

Some while back I found this graph.  It's from Facebook and maps the cycles of breakup's with those in relationships. (you can scale it up by adjusting your browser resolution/magnification)

[img=370x190]http://djsaan.homestead.com/Breakupchart3.jpg[/img]

 

[eDJ_]

This graph may also provide some insights before choosing to go on the road alone.  Especially if going on the road is a motivation for finding a relationship.

Gender Imbalance Map

[img=605x740]http://djsaan.homestead.com/Gender_Imbalance_Map.jpg[/img]

 

[JDub]

Looking pretty good for the SE HOME team ! Ladies???

 

[jacqueg]

I think a lot of people will agree that living with the right person is better than living alone. And that living alone is better than living with the wrong person.

the hell of it is that often the right person turns into the wrong person.

 

[ChileSauceCritic]

If most men would closely and objectively examine their own lives, they would find that in virtually all instances of major upheavals in life, there was a woman at the root cause of the problem.

I've lived alone for 9 years and they have been the happiest of my life.   I enjoy the company of women at times, but don't want one living with me.

My freedom is the most important thing in the world to me and having a woman around drains my free time, money, emotional well being and essentially my freedom.

I'm sure that there are women on this board who feel about men exactly as I do about women, and I can totally understand and respect that.

I also understand that there are people who can't live without a relationship.   That I can't understand, but respect.

 you are 100% correct 99% of the most traumatic periods of my life there was a female that was the source of said trauma, but those SAME women where also responsible for the happiest times in my life.  It's mind boggling how quickly women change once the new wears off of the relationship.

 

[ChileSauceCritic]

This graph may also provide some insights before choosing to go on the road alone.  Especially if going on the road is a motivation for finding a relationship.

Gender Imbalance Map

 And this is why there are so many incel's  seems the majority of the country there are more men than women, thereby women you meet will always have more options than the men who are seeking them, and the few places women (Greatly) outnumber men most are the most expensive places in the country to live . if not for the "guy who lives in a van down by the river" stigma vandwelling men have, this map would be a great advertisement for men to start Van Dwelling as what makes these woman heavy area's expensive to live in is the cost of S&B housing.

 

[crofter]

I think a lot of people will agree that living with the right person is better than living alone. And that living alone is better than living with the wrong person.

the hell of it is that often the right person turns into the wrong person.

That can happen, to the best of us. 

I feel that covid situations turned me into a raving %#!@* last year. 

But I'm all better now. Just a warning, I am not the person to take to your next pandemic. One was enough thanks.
-crofter

 

[SingleMamaRubberTrampin25]

I have been single for 2 years. I went from a DEEP dark depressive hole to slowly but surely loving being single and not even considering a relationship as a possibility at this time in my life. I can honestly say, I have never felt like this. I just bought an acre of land for myself and my 1 1/2 year old and ife is good. Being on the road forced me to face all my inner demons and let it out. When you're alone, in a van all you have it time to think. I lived with my sons dad for a year in a van, my son was conceived in a van, and have been living mostly mobile the past two years as well, alone. Hell my son can home from the hospital to a van. The mobile life has been great to me, and the single life even better. Happy to have a home base though and finally not be on the go go go all the time. At this point in my life it would take someone truly special and uniquely amazing for me to even consider the possibility of a relationship. I don't actually know if I ever will again, and that's fine by me. I finally don't feel like my life is lacking because I don't have a partner to share it with. My experiences aren't any less valid because they're being experienced alone, as society led me to believe. And to answer your other question, I'm not missing out on anything my right hand can't provide. I don't like having to "answer to someone". I find it honestly pretty cumbersome and annoying. This way of life allows me peace.

 

[crofter]

So glad we have all debunked the myth of needing a partner.

And don't forget to share pics, we all love to see what people are doing, that's pretty exciting having land and starting a family.
-crofter

 

[eDJ_]

All too often single people are faced with this "People Come in Pairs" mentality. 

So often you hear, "where's your wife/husband" ?

"You live in a Van/RV....are you serious" ?

......and you're made to feel like a "fly by night" because you don't have a sticks & bricks address & landline phone number.

A few years ago I was at a used book store in Columbus, Ohio.  There were these magazine titled,
"LIVING SINGLE".  It was published in the 1980's in Columbus, Ohio and had since gone out of print.

If there were interest with members here I would get up a online Free magazine that would target  Singles in general with some specific attention to Nomads.  Those willing to blog some articles
about their lives on the road in various parts of the USA & Elsewhere about the World, any with artistic talent who would want to illustrate those articles, and anyone into cartooning to illustrate humorous notions could be a good starting place.  Just keep your replies in this thread.

I do have an old software that is for publishing an online tabloid type publication.  I once published an eZine I called,  "The Daily Insanity", using it.

 

[Giggles]

I've been happy and single since 2005 - when I broke up with my last boyfriend. After that I decided I was done dating, and I haven't regretted it at all. 

I am much, much happier when I am single. Dating (and relationships) are just a source of never ending frustration and misery, and life is just too short to be miserable. Over the years, I've taken up many different hobbies, which have brought me a lot more joy than any man ever has. (No offense to any men....you guys are great...I just don't do well in relationships.)

To me, my hobbies are much more fun and satisfying, so I have no regrets about staying single for so long.

(Actually, come to think about it, I did date one more guy briefly in 2012, but once again, it was just miserable trying to go back to dating. I am just NOT cut out for relationships.)

I think there are many, many people in this world who are better suited to being single than being in a couple. We shouldn't feel bad about it. It is just who we are.

The only people who are not happy about me being single for so long are my parents, but it's my life...not theirs. 

Although I am not on the road yet (I'm just finishing up my van).... when I do get on the road, I will have no problems being single on the road since I've been single since 2005, anyway. It will just be a new adventure I'm looking forward to.

 

[Lefty]

"I do have an old software that is for publishing an online tabloid type publication."

Sounds like Pagemaker...

 

[eDJ_]

LOL  Lefty,


https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61T59N3SXHL._AC_UL320_.jpg
[img=200x290]https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/61T59N3SXHL._AC_UL320_.jpg[/img]

 

[eDJ_]

When I read this post on another message board, I thought it may be a motivation for single women choosing to go on the road "single".  Taffee72 is talking about the divide between being a grown up Adult and being a Parent(s) with kids.  It is quite possible to be an older single adult without kids and be rebuffed
by younger adults who are married with kids.  Being single can be tough at times especially when trapped around couples with kids.....like during the Holiday Season.  So read Taffee's post and see if it resonates with your situation. Would it motivate you to choose to be a Nomad ?

Taffee72

Try being a single woman with no kids! You're dropped like a hot potato once a "friend" gets in a relationship, married or have children.

I once was discussing this phenomena with another single coworker with no kids. She often texted me every day, always chatty. Once she entered in a relationship, never heard from her ever again. Did the exact thing that we had discussed and were befuddled by. Same story with people who have children.

It makes me wonder if people are just really shallow and only wants acquaintances to fill their time until they get married and have kids. Then you are of no use, unless in the same exact life circumstance and somehow can be used in a new role (ie. children's pla-dates, discussing child related issues, etc...).

 

[Dingfelder]

Sometimes one of a couple will actively chase away their partner's involvement with anyone else too -- or, kinda creepily, a person will volunteer to give up their friends as a matter of course, or "just in case.' There's even the occasional case of someone not wanting another of the same sex around, feeling they would be competition.

And, of course, the break-up problem, or the general misery problem, two aspects of the same mentality. To just get into the latter, it is very hard to remain friends with someone who feels they were at a low when they met you, but have since gotten some better luck(skill???). For many, you will inevitably remind them of that low. But the toxicity of that low is something they instinctually want to avoid. And because you are associated with it, that means you. Someone who feels they have increased their station in life may ditch her old friends because they are a reminder -- and proof -- of what she used to be and used to feel, perhaps, that she could not escape or outgrow. And that toxicity/memory could be spread around, and possibly sabotage what she's got now.

People are easier to dispose of than to grow with.

Leaving people behind and ghosting them is easy. Living with them and learning how to do it in changing circumstances is much harder and takes a much bigger, more thoughtful, less fearful person. Most of us are probably not that person.

 

[crofter]

Now there's some painful truth.

Also seems like people are going around shellshocked after covid, not as much wanting to engage others. I still isolate a lot because I have gotten used to it.
-crofter

 

[Treknik]

I was at a neighborhood gettogether and somebody says something about the local 'Single Guy". Half the people there turn and look at me a say 'That's Him'! You just have to ignore it.

 

[Sofisintown]

Sometimes one of a couple will actively chase away their partner's involvement with anyone else too -- or, kinda creepily, a person will volunteer to give up their friends as a matter of course, or "just in case.'  There's even the occasional case of someone not wanting another of the same sex around, feeling they would be competition.

And, of course, the break-up problem, or the general misery problem, two aspects of the same mentality.  To just get into the latter, it is very hard to remain friends with someone who feels they were at a low when they met you, but have since gotten some better luck(skill???).  For many, you will inevitably remind them of that low.  But the toxicity of that low is something they instinctually want to avoid.  And because you are associated with it, that means you.  Someone who feels they have increased their station in life may ditch her old friends because they are a reminder -- and proof -- of what she used to be and used to feel, perhaps, that she could not escape or outgrow.  And that toxicity/memory could be spread around, and possibly sabotage what she's got now.

People are easier to dispose of than to grow with.

Leaving people behind and ghosting them is easy.  Living with them and learning how to do it in changing circumstances is much harder and takes a much bigger, more thoughtful, less fearful person.  Most of us are probably not that person.

True words, never spoken better