Choosing to be Single and on the Road

[VanKitten]

I chose to be single long ago....the nomad live was a reaction to that, at least..at first.

Having been tied down raising a family, etc. once freedom hit, wow it hit with a vengeance!

I discovered myself along the way. Sticks and bricks? As long as I could know that I wasn't staying for long it was OK. In fact, that has been a driving force....I really do not seem to be happy staying put, no matter where I am. That line from Paint Your Wagon is really me.

I worry that giving up the single life would mean giving up the nomadic life too. I would not be happy for long. For 20 years (roughly) I have moved along about the very 2-3 months. Except right now. I am staying put for my Mom.

 

[DuneElliot]

Currently choosing to be single when I hit the road in September unless someone amazing comes along between now and then and actually wants to travel too. I'm definitely open to a relationship with a man who thrives on this life as much as me, but I won't compromise my freedom for anyone.

I also think that maintaining your own space is important and I would have no issues with us both keeping our own vehicles...in fact I think it's a good idea.

 

[rvpopeye]

I know I've posted on this thread already but at 230 posts I guess I can post a different point though.

Traveling in the music business wasn't very conductive to forming let alone keeping a relationship going so I just concentrated on getting better (at my trade !) 1 two month long girlfriend 25 years.......
But now being a nomadic workamper I have had 3 season long girlfriends 13 years.......2 in my 29'class A and 1 with each having our own rig ,, but at the same job.
1 10 year GF overlapping both lifestyles with a break in between.


If you leave yourself open to possibilities.......................................

 

[VanGrrl57]

I have been widowed for quite a number of years and have been single ever since. I went out on one date that I let a friend talk me into and that didn't work out in the sense my friend wanted it to. I just wasn't ready and the gentleman was a nice enough person but we also both realized that we would like each other as friends ONLY and that's okay. I look at it as a win-win and we are still friends to this day. He now has a girlfriend that I believe is right for him.

I don't reject the idea of meeting someone but I am also happy being single, too. As I am new to this life, I feel at this point I need to concentrate on learning more about being a vandweller than in starting a relationship. However, if it's meant to be, it will happen and that's okay, too.


VanGrrl57

 

[AbuelaLoca]

This was truly one of the funniest threads I've read. I'm a big mouth, so I gotta throw my view in. I'm a single empty nester. I cannot tell you (some will totally understand) how excited I am to finally concentrate on ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!!! I'm gonna be selfish and narcissistic and self sufficient and while I already find joy in every situation, I'm going to add a circumstantial happiness to that joy!! If this is like anything else in my life, I'll be bored with it in about 3.3 years (the selfish part, not the nomad part)!!

 

[eDJ_]

I think choosing to go on the road single is a vote for developing one's own self.   Getting away from who and what you've know in one place for so long provides opportunity for exposure to new experiences and ideas.   Many don't realize how locked into daily patterns that they have become until they can step back from that life.   It may be vital to their personal development and vision for their future to broaden their vista through traveling.  Whether they choose to continue their life on the road or to return to some place that they discovered while traveling,  this will be one of the benefits they will realize from trying this way of life.

Mark Twain once remarked that those of the industrial revolution would not have the opportunity to from time to time get a new perspective as the "seniority system" was beginning to be implemented.  This system would come to tie people to their jobs and homes/locality like never before.  One week a year for the "annual" vacation is hardly enough time to get that new perspective.  Especially if it is spent returning to the same vacation area each year.   This transition into being on the road alone will provide a time where they can look back and reflect on their past life to better understand what they may have to do differently to bring forth a better future life.  Being alone will be a time to think and make more clear observations that aren't influenced by others who are close to them.

Those who would choose this way of life will have that opportunity for a new perspective.   They may not have to be on the road alone for a number of years for this personal growth to take place.  In William Least book, "Blue Highways" it only took a long road trip over some secondary roads to heal and restore his soul.
For the rest of us taking on this challenge alone may lead to a strengthened sense of our character and gaining that new perspective on life.

 

[ArtW]

You are so right, a week isn't long enough to realize how much better life could be if you weren't a shovel
Doing it alone means you serve no one but yourself, for a change

 

[eDJ_]

In another thread concerning "mobile mentality"  I suggested a basic philosophy for those considering becoming an RV Nomad.  As a minimalist philosophy it could perhaps be condensed into an "Oath" to ones self.
So I took a few minutes to pen this oath for anyone who may want to ponder something of this sort. 

I started by questioning those most basic things we gain when we travel by ourselves.   And this is what I came up with.    Understand,  I've never been accused of being a Philosopher.  LOL   But I think this would
describe where we would start when we embark on being a nomad and where we would like to end up.

Today I choose to embark on a lifestyle change where I will be traveling and living alone
in my rig for the purpose of breaking free of those patterns I've learned and become all
too absorbed within.  Thus I can be free to pursue a new perspective on life and my
relationship with it.

I promise to myself to make an honest effort at self-reflection where I can identify those
areas of my personal life that are my best and those that are keeping me from fulfilling
myself and overcoming them.

I will then use those observations to improve my strengths and talents as well as
attending to my weaknesses in order to assure my full personal development for the future.

In this time I will try to live a minimalist life style while working to build the health
of my mind, body, and soul to strengthen my character and provide a deeper personal
satisfaction that can translate into my future.

 

[AbuelaLoca]

Sounds exactly right!!

 

[crofter]

Read the whole thing. No secrets left now.
-crofter

 

[crofter]

Read the whole thing. No secrets left now.
-crofter

Both genders fit in each of these groups, so no bashing here just a little sociology.

Seems like some of the males who responded were satisfied with a deep one on one relationship. These seemed to be the most psychologically mature and the happiest.

Others were not satisfied and wanted multiple relationships or just sex with multiple partners. These seemed to be stuck in an adolescent fantasy and less mature psychologically. Possibly more carefree but less happy due to glitches in the multiple relationships like nasty and expensive divorces and cheating scenarios where one partner thought there was a monogamous relationship. This lifestyle is the most traumatic for children in general due to inherent instability.

Yet other males want to live isolated in a male only enclave, while nurturing a hatred for females. These seemed less psychologically developed and reflected a pathological aspect to their personality in that they needed to join a hate group to tell them what to think. Seemed to be the most unhappy group. This group is also terrified of the financial burden of child rearing, easily fixed with a vasectomy.

Females are also drawn to same sex living, but in a more nurturing way, and the living situation often includes the project of rearing children.

In our society we have no need to produce and rear hordes of additional children. We are well populated.  So a person can be successful without rearing a single child, and instead can pursue a profession or other interest, like camping and travelling.

This also allows more diversity of relationships without child rearing responsibilities, while missing out on the family ties. The person who takes control of their life outside of the baby track does have more freedom and less financial responsibility.

However in old age the person who did not rear children will most likely be alone, wheras the person who reared children may be assisted by the children in old age.
-crofter

 

[eDJ_]

Interesting take on this old thread Crofter.  I've often wondered if there would find a renewed interest again given the number of new members since it's last post and the growth in this lifestyle.  I think it's an enduring question as so many seem to be single while considering undertaking this way of life.  Freedom does have some "opportunity cost" associated with it.  Being without the comforts of a significant other, or pets is often is one of the most significant of those concerns.  

I've seen/read recent threads that regard what would happen if a couple broke up and the question, "what them" ?   Is one to become homeless while the owner of the rig becomes single and on the road again ?  Perhaps this is one of the elements or questions at the heart of this lifestyle.

 

[crofter]

In the above analysis, I was in the second group, monogamous person tied to a polygamous person through monogamous marriage vows. I don't recomend it.

Been single for over 20 years now after the above situation dissolved. I would say that my level of happiness is pretty good, on the level of the long marrieds. More accountability though as there is no one else to blame for bad decisions, etc. 

Sociologists will tell you that the happiest people are in a relationship. I will disagree with that, and put forth that the clear eyed freedom of a mature single person & dweller leads to more happiness & more mountaintop experiences (emotional high). Because there are more mountains.
-crofter

 

[crofter]

@ eDJ_
In answer to the question: should a partner in a dweller relationship sell their van, and travel in the other partner's van?

Sounds like a personal preference thing. Also financial. If the partner does sell, should save the funds aside for their next great van someday. I recomend that the partners keep their finances seperate and be accountable to paying an equal share and participating equally in the chores.

Some people put one van in storage while travelling together. Storage payment $$$ is a money drain.

-crofter

 

[GypsyJan]

"However in old age the person who did not rear children will most likely be alone, wheras the person who reared children may be assisted by the children in old age."

Having children is no guarantee that they will stay in touch once grown. I know of many with one or more estranged children. I also know of many that are happy not to have their grown children close by to boss them and demand financial aid and a built-in babysitting service as wanted/needed.

 

[crofter]

And there's always nieces and nephews and step children if you did not get any of your own.

Not sure it's a bad thing to spread the wealth if you have any. If you wait too long the tax man will get your money when you die anyway.
-crofter

 

[Cammalu]

I never had children but keep in touch with sisters and nieces on a daily basis. We are very close although have our bouts with each other often.

 

[bullfrog]

More likely the state, if you require Medicaid. With my mom she had to have less than $2,200 in assets and she gets to keep $40 a month of her Social Security while in the nursing home, the state takes everything else. Even if she gave it all away it had to be given away over 5 years ago otherwise it was still considered an asset I believe. So if you are going to give things away do it 5 years before you need to or see about setting up a trust, getting a will and power of attorney for property and medical needs. My mom had just enough that we were able to keep her in a comfortable, clean nursing home after she started having mental/health problems. All of the above cost around $3,500 to an estate attorney with most of her assets being used to pay for the nursing home bills long enough to meet the 5 year requirement so the family could keep the house when she applied for Medicaid. Average cost for the nursing home was a little over $6,000 a month.

 

[crofter]

In case you had to google it, here is a link.
-crofter

https://www.investopedia.com/articl...1315/will-vs-trust-difference-between-two.asp

 

[JDub]

I'm solving my inheritance problem by steadily transferring everything I own to my son in $10K increments over the space of years. Pretty much everything of value I accumulate anymore is meant to be a legacy to him. I'm just temporarily storing or using it.

The things I accumulate to this end are things or assets I believe will retain or increase in their value unlike USD's which IMO are doomed ala Weimar Republic. When or if the time comes that I'm going to be completely incapacitated and unable to care for myself - then it's time for a trip to Vegas with a thick wad of cash to blow on sushi, hookers, and automatic weapons rentals and range time followed by a final high altitude parachute jump (Oops! forgot to pull the ripcord!)). I plan on arriving at destination with a bad attitude spouting Hunter S Thompson's "Life should not be a journey".

Cheers