Why didn't I think of it...

[user 35711]

Back in the day, when I was struggling within my last and final marriage, I was looking for any way to make it work. After all, we had 3 daughters and I had been divorced 2 times previously and really felt like a failure already. I actually began researching all sorts of ways that families and couples "live" within primary relationships. Some were pretty interesting it seemed to me and not that common back 20 or more years ago. My husband and I tried discussing it and fought and eventually, I (being me), couldn't take it anymore, decided divorce was the answer. And so, my third one came to be.

In looking back, while it wreaked havoc on the lives of others, I am not sure if another arrangement would have helped. But maybe prolonging the arrangement would have helped the kids as they were young. I will never know.

I bring this all up because I have been reading here about the couples where one partner takes off in their RV or van and the other doesn't! Holy smokes! Why didn't I think of this plan? Of course, I was young and working, but if it would have helped my marriage and children, I am sure I could have arranged something. My ex had a good job with flexibility. Is it possible if I could have had weeks away here and there that my sanity would have been saved? Maybe I will be judged on my mothering ability and it's true, I will never win the Good House Keeping award for being the world's greatest mom. I did the best I could with what I had. But maybe I could have done better with more time alone, in nature and exploring myself and the world around me. Alas, I will never know.

 

[Sarah’s Travels]

Don’t beat yourself up on past decisions. Looking back may cause you to second guess decisions of the here and now.

My hubby and I have different ideas of what is “down time” or entertainment lol. But our long term goal is traveling together. He is one who likes survival type of “camping “. I want to see national parks as well as lots of state parks. My travel now is to see the sites I want to see. When he retires and we downsize (a lot) lol we will check out federal land and check out the “traditional” type of low cost of Van life.

But one thing I know for sure is 5 years ago this plan would not of worked. Now is my time while my hubby’s time is 2 1/2 -3 years from now.

Your planning now, which tells me now is your time. So far for me the experience is great, but not easy. I embrace it because it’s a dream of mine.

Embrace your dream!

 

[RoamerRV428]

Past is gone. Learn and think what it applies in the future but other than that, drop it and move on truly. The past can give us SO much NEGATIVE truly so take what little ya learned and dump the rest best of luck leaving it all behind. I know I have!!

 

[user 35711]

Don’t beat yourself up on past decisions. Looking back may cause you to second guess decisions of the here and now.

My hubby and I have different ideas of what is “down time” or entertainment lol. But our long term goal is traveling together. He is one who likes survival type of “camping “. I want to see national parks as well as lots of state parks. My travel now is to see the sites I want to see. When he retires and we downsize (a lot) lol we will check out federal land and check out the “traditional” type of low cost of Van life.

But one thing I know for sure is 5 years ago this plan would not of worked. Now is my time while my hubby’s time is 2 1/2 -3 years from now.

Your planning now, which tells me now is your time. So far for me the experience is great, but not easy. I embrace it because it’s a dream of mine.

Embrace your dream!

I hope I can make it a reality someday!!

 

[maki2]

Stop beating yourself up over what you didn’t do. That is a direct pathway to depression and depression is a state of mind that will totally demotivate future plans and achievements. Get up in the morning and make it a great day!

 

[user 35711]

Honestly, I am hardly beating myself up...just reflecting. This is how I personally deflect depression and sadness. I think about the past, but don't dwell on it and then dream about how wonderful the future can be, all the while being present in a grateful way. Writing helps me. Xo

 

[user 35711]

I guess I am misinterpreted when I reflect on the past as not letting go. Gee...I simply like to write and have read interesting ways folks have done it here so I compared it to my life. I am not depressed, in fact I am quite grateful and excited. I am not negative either...just sharing musings. Oh well...

Past is gone. Learn and think what it applies in the future but other than that, drop it and move on truly. The past can give us SO much NEGATIVE truly so take what little ya learned and dump the rest best of luck leaving it all behind. I know I have!!

 

[BelgianPup]

Just consider some of the absolute idiots who have made such awful decisions that they make YOURS look good!

 

[user 35711]

Buhahha!!!

 

[eDJ_]

Some of us have troubled past and the best thing would be just to try and move on.. Still we may have to refer back to those events to learn from them. We learn from our mistakes and so often with loved ones of the past.

I would present this Anthem Song for those struggling with their past and trying to transition to better times.

Don't Stop Thinking about Tomorrow

 

[KevinD]

Back in the day, when I was struggling within my last and final marriage, I was looking for any way to make it work. After all, we had 3 daughters and I had been divorced 2 times previously and really felt like a failure already. I actually began researching all sorts of ways that families and couples "live" within primary relationships. Some were pretty interesting it seemed to me and not that common back 20 or more years ago. My husband and I tried discussing it and fought and eventually, I (being me), couldn't take it anymore, decided divorce was the answer. And so, my third one came to be.

In looking back, while it wreaked havoc on the lives of others, I am not sure if another arrangement would have helped. But maybe prolonging the arrangement would have helped the kids as they were young. I will never know.

I bring this all up because I have been reading here about the couples where one partner takes off in their RV or van and the other doesn't! Holy smokes! Why didn't I think of this plan? Of course, I was young and working, but if it would have helped my marriage and children, I am sure I could have arranged something. My ex had a good job with flexibility. Is it possible if I could have had weeks away here and there that my sanity would have been saved? Maybe I will be judged on my mothering ability and it's true, I will never win the Good House Keeping award for being the world's greatest mom. I did the best I could with what I had. But maybe I could have done better with more time alone, in nature and exploring myself and the world around me. Alas, I will never know.

We don't know exactly how your marriage would have turned out if you had gone off on your own. But we do know that going on an adventure of your own probably would not have helped it. It's true that couples who live on the road or otherwise "live apart" often survive and thrive. But what do you do when you have kids to take care of? You brought them along, right? Yes, you did probably do the best you could. But what if you could have done better? If you had had a chance to reflect, relax, and think about what you really want from a relationship, it could have helped you be a better mother. And by the way, so does having a career. Relationships need work, and work is about giving, not about taking. Stop thinking of your relationship as a struggle. If you really want to help your kids, think about how much work you put into making a good relationship for yourself. Then think about how good a relationship you have with them. It can go up from here!

 

[RoamerRV428]

I guess I am misinterpreted when I reflect on the past as not letting go. Gee...I simply like to write and have read interesting ways folks have done it here so I compared it to my life. I am not depressed, in fact I am quite grateful and excited. I am not negative either...just sharing musings. Oh well...

yea---I feel ya because I thought you were having past issues in some way but my advice stands about the past. let it go ya know or some having current issues, make a decision and tackle it, many just waiver thru being wishy washy ya know. Kinda the old crap or get off the pot. but ya know many situations would never work for another too. So yea we all wish we had hindsight HAHA or something like a crystal ball to see all but marriage issues can sure be strange between couples so?? alot of shades of gray in that one LOL My kinda thinking is if we can't be together in life and have to do separate lives but remain married, why bother to me HAHA Ditch the guy and go. Easier to cut ties. Now that is a personal thought on how I would roll. I don't know, it does work for some they say but it wouldn't suit me. I guess it truly very personal kinda decisions we all make.

 

[user 35711]

Some of us have troubled past and the best thing would be just to try and move on.. Still we may have to refer back to those events to learn from them. We learn from our mistakes and so often with loved ones of the past.

I would present this Anthem Song for those struggling with their past and trying to transition to better times.

Don't Stop Thinking about Tomorrow

Great song! Thanks.

 

[user 35711]

We don't know exactly how your marriage would have turned out if you had gone off on your own. But we do know that going on an adventure of your own probably would not have helped it. It's true that couples who live on the road or otherwise "live apart" often survive and thrive. But what do you do when you have kids to take care of? You brought them along, right? Yes, you did probably do the best you could. But what if you could have done better? If you had had a chance to reflect, relax, and think about what you really want from a relationship, it could have helped you be a better mother. And by the way, so does having a career. Relationships need work, and work is about giving, not about taking. Stop thinking of your relationship as a struggle. If you really want to help your kids, think about how much work you put into making a good relationship for yourself. Then think about how good a relationship you have with them. It can go up from here!

My relationship with my kids is pretty good now as they are all adults now and it's been years and we have all done our own lives, had our own individual struggles, taken, given, learned and moved on. There are struggles still because that is life, I will always contemplate so I can continue to try to make my life and relationships as good as they can be. Xo

 

[user 35711]

yea---I feel ya because I thought you were having past issues in some way but my advice stands about the past. let it go ya know or some having current issues, make a decision and tackle it, many just waiver thru being wishy washy ya know. Kinda the old crap or get off the pot. but ya know many situations would never work for another too. So yea we all wish we had hindsight HAHA or something like a crystal ball to see all but marriage issues can sure be strange between couples so?? alot of shades of gray in that one LOL My kinda thinking is if we can't be together in life and have to do separate lives but remain married, why bother to me HAHA Ditch the guy and go. Easier to cut ties. Now that is a personal thought on how I would roll. I don't know, it does work for some they say but it wouldn't suit me. I guess it truly very personal kinda decisions we all make.

One doesn't know really. I am single now and will likely stay that way!

 

[RoamerRV428]

One doesn't know really. I am single now and will likely stay that way!

AMEN~ I know I would never get married again ever and I have a wonderful marriage, but if single, I would DO IT all without the marriage certificate for sure

 

[user 35711]

Some of us have troubled past and the best thing would be just to try and move on.. Still we may have to refer back to those events to learn from them. We learn from our mistakes and so often with loved ones of the past.

I would present this Anthem Song for those struggling with their past and trying to transition to better times.

Don't Stop Thinking about Tomorrow

Just to add, someone sent me this song yesterday...guess that tells you more about me! Or at least what others think of me (he's my second ex and we have a great relationship btw). Haha

 

[Tony's Dream]

Anyone over the age of 18 have made decisions that sounded good at the time but you later regret. One true fact about history, no matter how much energy you focus on the past......you can never change it.

My wife and I have been together for nearly 40 years and we both know the importance of alone time. When we travel together we tend to get on each others nerves......so I travel alone. When I am on the road....I can where I want, when I want, and eat what I want. Selfish? I'm retired and want to enjoy my golden years.

 

[user 35711]

Absolutely!! Live for today. And no, not selfish!! I don't think so. We only have this one precious life on earth.

 

[Katt]

Just consider some of the absolute idiots who have made such awful decisions that they make YOURS look good!

You called?