PSA - Participant Beware

[Tony's Dream]

I have traveled the world during my military days. I have found that there are 3 kinds of people in this world. There are the givers, who want to help people for the joy of giving. They will freely offer advice, come to aide of those in need, or give the gift of a free meal. Then you have the takers, those who are always looking for something for nothing. They will gladly take a free meal without thinking of giving anything in return, they will take (steal) something you left out in the open, and they don't care how they make you feel. Finally you have your average Joes who are just trying to make a good life for themselves. They want to be friendly because they enjoy making friends. They offer help because they know that at some point in their life they will need help. They offer the free meal because some day they may need a bite to eat.

The problem is, it's not easier to see who is who. So I have always lived my life from the perspective of self. I don't ask for help and always try to do things for myself. I save for tomorrow so I don't have to ask for anything from anyone. I don't harm people and don't let them harm me. I am not self centered, I just drift on a different cloud. Most people find me friendly, but I am always looking at people and deciding what you are to me.

 

[NomadicFoodie]

Traveling the world, behind a gun, with the support of the US military is different than just traveling the world, respectfuly just sayin'

Culturally there are many places in the world, mostly the poorest, most thirsty places where helping a stranger is spiritually required.
The poorest people have always been the most generous in my lived experience, and for context I am talking war zones too.

Curiosity AND generosity of mind matters.

 

[crofter]

....  I don't ask for help and always try to do things for myself.  I save for tomorrow so I don't have to ask for anything from anyone.  I don't harm people and don't let them harm me.  I am not self centered, I just drift on a different cloud.  Most people find me friendly, but I am always looking at people and deciding what you are to me.

I am a do it yourselfer also, and will do without and not ask for help. I am helpful and friendly on the surface, but very slow to let another person in. Most people just give up on me and move on to someone else which is okay too. I am comfortable as a solo traveller.
-crofter

(Some of us love guns, and some of us fear or hate guns. Let's not make this thread about guns, thank you. -c)

 

[maki2]

By the time you get to be a senior you figure out that not everyone wants to be your friend and not everyone is a person you want to be friends with.

 

[Deborah]

By the time you get to be a senior you figure out that not everyone wants to be your friend and not everyone is a person you want to be friends with.

Seniors and children are prey. Sad.

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[maki2]

Seniors and children are prey.  Sad.

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Anyone of any age can be a victim of scammers, thieves, rapist. Even whole groups of people can be victimized.

 

[Deborah]

"Anyone of any age can be a victim of scammers, thieves, rapist. Even whole groups of people can be victimized"

The vulnerable are those who are truly vulnerable and who don't choose to be the victim.

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[maki2]

Do you know anyone who has normal cognitive reasoning who actually choses to be personally victimized? That would fall into the category of abnormal behavior which is contradictive of normal cognative reasoning.

 

[WanderingRose]

People can fall into a victim mentality, where they passively choose not to protect or otherwise defend themselves.

It’s complicated, it’s why people find it so difficult to leave abusive relationships.

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

Do you know anyone who has normal cognitive reasoning who actually choses to be personally victimized? . . .

It's not choosing to be victimized, it's choosing to NOT do the work necessary to avoid being victimized.

 

[crofter]

It's not choosing to be victimized, it's choosing to NOT do the work necessary to avoid being victimized.

I choose not to do any work, after all it is Sunday today. Does that mean that I am asking for it if I get robbed, raped, or murdered today? I think not. Lets be real folks and stop the victim blaming.

There are two kinds of people: the good people and the bad people. As previously mentioned, often difficult to tell who is who, especially as some people have skills enabling them to pick your pocket while giving you a feel good hug. 
-crofter

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

I choose not to do any work, after all it is Sunday today. Does that mean that I am asking for it if I get robbed, raped, or murdered today? I think not. Lets be real folks and stop the victim blaming.
There are two kinds of people: the good people and the bad people. As previously mentioned, often difficult to tell who is who, especially as some people have skills enabling them to pick your pocket while giving you a feel good hug. 
-crofter

It has taken me years to train myself to be situationally aware (work).
It has taken effort (more work) to educate myself on what I should be aware of.
Awareness of my surroundings doesn't take a holiday just because it is Sunday.

So if the threat is pickpockets (I know you are just using this as an example), then do the research (work) to educate yourself on how to defeat it and make the effort to implement your defenses.  Then there are people who won't make the effort.  Are they to blame when they loose there wallet; no.  But they made it easy to be a victim.

We can never eliminate the threats to our person and property but we can work to reduce the odds (even on Sunday).

 

[RvDreams]

OK kiddies, stop the bickering and play nice or the thread will be closed.

 

[cyndi]

"...We can never eliminate the threats to our person and property but we can work to reduce the odds (even on Sunday)."

It really isn't black and white. There are many grey areas. Depression and other disorders of the brain can make it nearly impossible to function in a relationship in a healthy manner. Not everyone has access to therapies to counteract these very real life-altering maladjustments.

 

[crofter]

...Awareness of my surroundings doesn't take a holiday....

Do you use cameras? How do you stay aware when you are sleeping?

And would you use confrontation or just remain behind a locked door? I use the locked door method, but they can still pick your locks. Considering cameras, but then I would need wifi and would have to monitor the feeds.
-crofter

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

Sorry, crofter.  Your questions rolled off my list before I saw them.

I had thought about cameras but I didn't think they added enough security for the expense/hassle.  The advantage of a camera is you can see them without giving away your position.  I do use a dash camera and am thinking about replacing it with a wearable one.

It's da beagles job to be aware when I am sleeping, and he does a very good job (sometimes too good).

Every situation is different and I think through ahead of time how I will handle the ones I think are probable.
Your locked door example:
As soon as someone tries the door handle the dog would go nuts.
If the intruder persists I would hit my key fob panic button = truck lights flashing, horn honking.
Still persists?  I have weapons at hand and the locked door gives me time to ready and think through my response.  
High intensity flashlight shining at the door.
Door opens and its game on.  At that point his intentions are clear.

 

[crofter]

Oh, sounds like with the beagle you get more for the money than with cameras. I thought beagles, being hounds, were not watch dogs and only interested in hunting game. You must have the attack beagle breeding in your dog. 
-crofter

 

[Jraulpilot1983]

I have traveled the world during my military days. I have found that there are 3 kinds of people in this world. There are the givers, who want to help people for the joy of giving. They will freely offer advice, come to aide of those in need, or give the gift of a free meal. Then you have the takers, those who are always looking for something for nothing. They will gladly take a free meal without thinking of giving anything in return, they will take (steal) something you left out in the open, and they don't care how they make you feel. Finally you have your average Joes who are just trying to make a good life for themselves. They want to be friendly because they enjoy making friends. They offer help because they know that at some point in their life they will need help. They offer the free meal because some day they may need a bite to eat.

The problem is, it's not easier to see who is who. So I have always lived my life from the perspective of self. I don't ask for help and always try to do things for myself. I save for tomorrow so I don't have to ask for anything from anyone. I don't harm people and don't let them harm me. I am not self centered, I just drift on a different cloud. Most people find me friendly, but I am always looking at people and deciding what you are to me.

"Words of wisdom"..........

 

[Calypso]

Most people you meet will want to first figure out what you can do for them. There is no such thing as just curious. There is a reason for the curiosity. So what do you do for a living? Tell them you are a mechanic and see if they don't want free advice, or can you take a quick look.....

Anyone can be nice to you while they figure out if they can use you somehow. It does not make them wonderful people.

When I meet someone I think.. what can I learn from them? Maybe the informational content is the same, but the intent in the approach is different. I don’t have much to offer, but I hope whatever I do have it maybe could be of help to another. And that if they are in need, I can help. But I can see how it can be exhausting and one sided, esp in the case of being a mechanic in a community dependent on their vehicles. As if one were nothing more than a walking auto shop.

Everything in life is a transaction of sorts… even breathing… yet…
There are lots of opportunists out there, and maybe that’s what you’re referring to? If so, I agree with you, there are the takers, the entitled, and the manipulators, and the ones who don’t understand about transactional relationships and how the other needs to want what is being offered, and want to offer what the other needs/wants. And no, just being allowed to be in their presence, doesn’t cut it. The satisfaction of helping only goes so far.

I think in that regard you have a point that we all need to realize and remember. While it’s a community, one can govern their own participation. No one is required to help, no one is required to exchange what they have, including knowledge and skills, for something they don’t want, or just don’t feel like giving. And no one is expected to give back for help unsought. Just because you helped me carry my water without me asking, doesn’t mean I have to now help you fix your rig, or give you food. No one is obligated.

People have the right to decide to or not to interact and at what level. That doesn’t make them a bad person, that doesn’t mean they have ill intentions, it just means they chose not to. And I can totally see that for a person who may have been taken advantage of and not found the transactions to be of equal value to them. And the person asking isn’t wrong or bad, or only out for themselves, esp if they are in need, one can always ask, but one should never expect. We can learn how to not have transactions without either side getting their nose out of joint and passing judgement on the other.

“Hey, my rig is making such n such a sound, I’ve tried blah blah, can you come look at it?”
“I’m don’t look at other peoples rigs.”
“Gotcha, well what do you think it is? I had considered tooty toot toot, but then someone said, no, what do you think?”
“Hey look, I’d rather not talk shop … I’m sure you can find something online”
“Oh okay cool, I understand … have a nice night” …
OR it could continue ..
“ okay cool, I can appreciate that. So where are you coming from? I was just at so-so and there was this great spot you should check out if you go.”
“Nice, well.. if you’re into that kind of stuff you really should head over to laddy dada area”

Idk. Just a thought.

 

[Calypso]

I have never heard that asking what a person does for a living is rude. That may be in some other countries but we are talking, generally, about the U.S. I have never been refused an answer when I've asked that question and have found that most are proud of the work they do and love to share. I have thought about it hard and can't think of a reason anyone would take offense at being asked what they do for a living. When I meet someone I take an interest in them and their life and ask questions that will help me understand them better. If they have no interest in talking that becomes evident quickly and the interest is terminated.

The only time I can think that one would take offense is if they thought it was being used to judge the other. It’s like a “where does this person rank in my opinion”. Or maybe they themselves aren’t proud of the answer. I think I’m more associating it to the dating world, that whole awkward thing.

In thinking of your response and how I have sometimes shrunk to being asked that question at times in my life… I’m going to try and rephrase it.
“What do you enjoy doing for a living?” Ive have lots of types of jobs, at times I have hated what I was doing, and definitely didn’t want to share it … but if asked what I enjoyed doing for work, that would open it up. “Well right now I do medical data entry, but what I would really like to do is an air traffic controller.” Or something.