Philosophy, I need to stop this and get away.

[Tundrawolf]

Hi,

I am a 38 year old single male. 

(Please, if you could read this, and offer me advice, I would be grateful!)

All of my life I have worked jobs I hated. The one exception was working with wolves, and possibly feeding the homeless and hungry, although that did not pay the bills at all, working with wolves or feeding people. 

Presently I have a "good" job, and I have learned (Forced myself) to like it, but after spending a few weeks off due to the slow season, I have begun working again, and 8 hours feels like 16. I don't "hate" what I do, but I severely don't like it. 

I am a writer and have written 13 novels, all science fiction. I LOVE writing. It is my passion... I do not assume my books are marketable, so I am not under any illusions they will make me money. (I write about sapient anthropomorphic creatures, it is a niche market)

Personally, I have a multitude of useful, marketable skills. Everything from working with computers to automotive to welding. I can, and have, built homes from the dirt up. 

Recently, I bought some property with a million dollar mountain view. I love the acreage and I don't want to lose it, but...

I have discovered the COUNTY has their tentacles in literally every aspect of your home, what you can build, what you cannot, and of course- permit$. I have also discovered property taxes- which means I technically do not actually own my land. The government does. Because if I fail to pay them, they send armed men to kick me off of my land. 

I know I have been around property taxe$ and permit$ all of my life, but it never actually hit home until I tried LIVING ON MY OWN LAND. 

Needless to say I am shades of livid and disgusted over this... 

And recently times have been hard. WOrk has been scarce. I like where I live, but it is hard, here, hard for everyone recently. I am struggling to pay the mortgage on my land, and even the taxes, even though there's no home on it (yet). 

I find myself struggling, working a job I do not enjoy, to pay for land I cannot live on, over, and over, and over. 

It's an endcless cycle of despair and sorrow... And I have lived it every day of my life...

I wake up, eat, go to work, come home exhausted and broken, eat, watch a few youtube videos, go to bed, get up, do it all over again, day in and day out. 

And for what? So I can maintain a plot of land I cannot live on, because I do not have the money to do it the way the government wants (Can't live in a travel trailer or mobile home unless it's within 5 years of the date you place it on, they're just trying to make it hard for the poor to have land! I know of one man who is behind on his mortgage because the COUNTY told him he can't live on his land on a travel trailer, so he lives at a motel- which sots money, HE IS A HOMELESS LAND OWNER!!! Despicable tyrants!)

Anyway...

I don't want to lose my land. I have already got it 1/4 paid off. Unless I am physically unable to keep it, I want to keep it. 

I need advice... I have 4 trucks, a van, and a toyota RV chassis. I have lived in the Toyota before I was forced to tear down the living quarters due to rot- I lived in there for a year and I LOVED IT. Some of my best memories were in that little RV. And I have rebuilt it from bumper to bumper, and installed a one ton full floating rear axle, so it;'s bulletproof. I'll be building the living quarters again when I have the money to do so. Also a 4x4 conversion for it as well for the low gear, because it has the 4 cylinder, which I like. 

The van is a 99 Dodge Ram Van 1500, with the V6. It gets nearly 20 MPGs. It is a conversion van without the high top, but I am looking for a high top. The van needs a new transmission, which I can rebuild myself, but it won't cost much. 

I see Bob's videos and I am chomping at the bit to spend time in national forests... I am literally never sad when I am camping.. I used to camp every weekend when I could get away with it... I love nature and to be in nature. Being in a van and travelling from forest to forest sounds like a dream come true for me. And if I can spend time writing the novels I love, drawing the pictures I love to draw and illustrating my stories IN THE FOREST, I would be the happiest man in the world, and it would give me a reason to live, literally. My dream is to have a cabin in unincorporated Alaska, near a stream, only accessible by float plane. 

Presently I am trying to get caught up with bills, and to find a high top for my van. 

Someone suggested putting a small home on my land, and a stable, and renting it out to an "Equestrian" who will have incentive to stay there and not move, due to the access to BLM land, my property has 2 corners of it against beautiful BLM land and thousands of square miles of trails, hills, etc. I am in love with this idea, actually, it could be income for me when I am on the road.

I guess I am asking, how does someone like me live in national forests? I have watched the video "Jobs for nomads" and that makes sense, but what if I take the plunge and don't get any, or one of those jobs? How much should I have "Saved up" before I go on this journey? Even if I onyl go on the road for a year and return to this area (Prescott, AZ, which I LOVE!!!)

Can anyone give a miserable 38 year old some advice?







tl;dr

I am a miserable 38 year old who wants to live on the road, write in the forests, but I don't want to lose my land.

 

[jacks18614]

All I have to add is that a Scamp single axle gooseneck and the Toyota cab chassis would make a nice full time combo.

 

[skyl4rk]

Reduce your expenses to much less than your income. Get rid of things you are not using regularly. Sell the land, sell all but one vehicle. Pay off your debt. Save an emergency fund. Save about 6k for the first half year, then join the tribe and look for temporary work. Or save 12k and take 6 months off, then look for work.

 

[user 423]

Adopt a 'can do' attitude. There are lots of jobs out there (the economy is improving folks) but sometimes it can be a job finding one. If you have a negative attitude, you've already shot yourself down. Don't do that.

 

[Every Road Leads Home]

Have you ever tried self employment? I'm your age, i'll be 38 this year. I sort of do a handful of different things because doing the same job bores me after a bit. I do some buying and reselling of stuff on craigslist, buy the bargains when you see them and then sell them for their real market value. I do insurance adjusting work where I fight the insurance companies for the homeowners for home damage claims....fires, floods, wind, etc and I do woodworking/carpentry jobs from time to time. And I do some investing in the stock market, but that's all geared for long term/retirement goals. I put all my extra money towards my mortgage all through my 20's so luckily i'm now mortgage free, but I hear you on the property taxes, you really don't ever "own your land" There are some parts of Alaska you can buy land and not have property taxes, my uncle doesn't have any on his 20 acres, outside of there I don't know any place else. I like having a home base and I like having my shop so I don't think i'll ever be able to be a full time nomad. But I love traveling and get cabin fever if I hang around too long so I'm going to start incorporating a lot more traveling into the mix. I'm single with no kids so there's no reason I shouldn't.

As far as living on your land goes, get creative. Convert a cargo trailer or box truck or something of that sort into a living space so that it doesn't look like an RV from the outside. If you mix it up and travel some of the time and live on your property some of the time I doubt anyone will catch on.

 

[Canine]

Stuff is over rated. Who needs six vehicles when you have to be a slave to your work to be able to keep all six vehicles? I had a friend who had a very limited income due to a fairly severe physical disability. He owned one 72 Ford pickup, one 84 Ford pickup, and one 2006 Ford pickup. None of them ran. The two older ones needed too much work to fix up, so it wasn't really worth it and and he couldn't afford it anyway. The new truck was well worth fixing up, but he didn't have the money because it was partially invested in the two older vehicles. I told him instead of using his trucks as places to store old furniture and garbage, he could sell the two older ones to make one nice vehicle instead of having three junk vehicles cluttering up his yard. He got mad. He never fixed any of the trucks. I quit giving him rides. He hated me for that. Why? Because stuff was more important to him than his friends and his independence. For someone who preferred stuff over freedom and friends, he sure complained about it. A lot. He died of a heart attack bitching and moaning about his pitiful situation that he put himself in. Not how I want to die, but that's me.

Most people are in a position of having to choose between freedom or stuff. Do you want to be tethered to a job you hate and have stuff? Or do you want freedom and have very little stuff? That's what it boils down to. It really is that simple.

You can have freedom from a sucky job. Freedom from not being able to travel. Freedom from permits and government intrusion. (You won't totally get away from government intrusion, but you can minimize it.) Freedom from insuring all that stuff. Freedom from having to protect all that stuff from the elements, vandalism, and theft. Freedom from spending your time maintaining that stuff, which is a considerable investment of time and money.

I, too, would love a piece of land that I could call my own, but the costs (financial and otherwise) are too high. That land wouldn't be the only piece of land that I could ever access. There is a whole nation of land I enjoy. It may not have my name on the deed, but I enjoy it much the same way.

 

[Minivanmotoman]

^^^ well said my friend, well said.

 

[Tundrawolf]

Stuff is over rated. Who needs six vehicles when you have to be a slave to your work to be able to keep all six vehicles? I had a friend who had a very limited income due to a fairly severe physical disability. He owned one 72 Ford pickup, one 84 Ford pickup, and one 2006 Ford pickup. None of them ran. The two older ones needed too much work to fix up, so it wasn't really worth it and and he couldn't afford it anyway. The new truck was well worth fixing up, but he didn't have the money because it was partially invested in the two older vehicles. I told him instead of using his trucks as places to store old furniture and garbage, he could sell the two older ones to make one nice vehicle instead of having three junk vehicles cluttering up his yard. He got mad. He never fixed any of the trucks. I quit giving him rides. He hated me for that. Why? Because stuff was more important to him than his friends and his independence. For someone who preferred stuff over freedom and friends, he sure complained about it. A lot. He died of a heart attack bitching and moaning about his pitiful situation that he put himself in. Not how I want to die, but that's me.

Most people are in a position of having to choose between freedom or stuff. Do you want to be tethered to a job you hate and have stuff? Or do you want freedom and have very little stuff? That's what it boils down to. It really is that simple.

You can have freedom from a sucky job. Freedom from not being able to travel. Freedom from permits and government intrusion. (You won't totally get away from government intrusion, but you can minimize it.) Freedom from insuring all that stuff. Freedom from having to protect all that stuff from the elements, vandalism, and theft. Freedom from spending your time maintaining that stuff, which is a considerable investment of time and money.

I, too, would love a piece of land that I could call my own, but the costs (financial and otherwise) are too high. That land wouldn't be the only piece of land that I could ever access. There is a whole nation of land I enjoy. It may not have my name on the deed, but I enjoy it much the same way.

Stuff is not overrated...

When I was feeding the hungry and the homeless I had one rusty, forty year old pickup truck that barely ran.. It was all i had, and it was terrifying to consider that if it broke down (A real possibility) I would literally have no way to get to town. After I sold that truck for pennies I had a motorcycle.. That's it... I remember having to take the front end of a VW Beetle and strapping it TO MY MOTORCYCLE because I had nothing else and no way to move it. 

Now, I have four trucks (Well, three, I count the Toyota RV as a truck because it's a flat bed rn) that all run and drive, all are 4x4 save the Toyota, they are registered because of AZ's 5 year registration, but only the van is presently insured. The blue diesel 4x4 truck has a problematic diesel motor in it (The 6.2) and I am about to find out if the motor needs a ton of work... Might have no other option but to sell it as scrap or put in a 350.

The 96 Chevy pickup has no windshield, and was involved in an accident where it smashed into a guardrail (Why I got it so cheap) and the 1982 Isuzu PUP (gas) is pretty well beat up and needs a head gasket, and needs the electric radiator fan I installed to be turned on and off manually so it doesn't overheat. 

What am I going to do, sell these fairly beat up and low value trucks for a few hundred dollars... And what? Be without them, if I ever need them? I am asking you honestly... I don't own a 2000's anything... All my stuff is beat up and I am not interested in getting into payments on something newer and "Worth fixing"...

My place looks like a junkyard because everything I have, no matter how bad it looks, has purpose, has value, and cannot be replaced for what I'd sell it for, and cannot be sold for more than it's value to me. 

I also allow people I know who do not have vehicles to use my trucks, if their vehicles break down, something I could not do if I did not have them. 

Every tool, every piece of scrap metal is something I would have to go out and purchase if I did not have it. Every tool has a function. The rusty hundred gallon engine driven air compressor with grass growing around it comes in handy a few times a year- I could not function without it. What am IO going to do, sell it for $1,000, then need it a few months later, and have to buy one for $5,000? That sounds like something a desperate tweaker would do, honestly... And I've known people like that... I guess my problem is I know how to fix things. A piece of scrap steel can be cut, formed, and welded, to effect a repair worth thousands...

I like the feeling of knowing that if one of my vehicles breaks down (My van needs a gallon more tranny fluid just to move, and it's full of metal shavings...) I can use one of my other vehicles to recover it, and continue on.

My tools, and stuff, are what give me value as a human, I can repair things, I can help others, without them, I'm just some guy who can swing a hammer- but I sold the hammer so now I'm just some guy who knows how to fix things but is powerless to effect any repairs.

I have a 600 lB engine driven welder that barely ever gets used, but when I need it, it can save someone stuck in the hills with a steering gear ripped out of the frame of their truck. I can do fence repairs on many of the ranches out here for money, and I have done these things. How will you weld a fence that's ten miles from electricity? You aren't going to do it with extension cords, that's for sure. The generator part of it can also power any well, useful on my off the grid property.

Without a phillips head screwdriver, how are you going to remove that screw? Without a wrench, how will you remove that bolt? Tools are necessary, useful, tools are life. A vehicle is a tool, a machine, a transporter.

Without "Stuff" I'm just another person. With my diesel tractor, I can use the PTO to do so many things it's ridiculous... I am also going to begin work on building a backhoe...

But, I do get you. My life would be much simpler, easier, and probably happier without all this "stuff". But the security my vehicles give me is priceless, I do not feel "Stranded" or "About to be stranded with no help". I also have a nice BMW cruiser motorcycle I just love. 

Ideally, I may have to put a small government- compliant house on my land, and store this stuff in it's own area, while I rent the property out to a horse person, while I travel for a few months out of the year. Maybe decompress and find a new way of life...


I also understand why there are codes, and government intrusion into our lives, it is unavoidable, I get it, nobody wants "wants" homeless people owning a plot of land next to them. I believe the Constitution affords me rights, including rights to property, it is just agitating to understand in a very real way, that so much freedom has been lost in this country, and nobody has said "Hey, wait a minute... That's not right!" Making people homeless because they are too poor to build a house is flat wrong.


I am sorry if that goes against your narrative, you have valid points, if I was physically disabled I would take your advice, but I am not, and I still must work to survive, and probably will have to, many years in the future.

 

[lenny flank]

It sounds to me like the mobile lifestyle isn't for you.

And that's OK--it's not for everyone.

 

[moorejames]

It's amazing how much the stuff we own, really owns us. 

I got an amazing sense of freedom every time I got rid of something that had previously been "needed" or "worth something to me" or just something "I might need some day". 

You might not be wired that way, but you might want to consider giving it a try... Sounds like what you've been doing isn't working for you.

(and I would include the land in with that "stuff" - sounds an awful lot like it's making you miserable... plenty of free land out there to enjoy without being a slave to it). 

From a single 50 yo dude who got rid of everything and hit the road and doesn't regret a thing about doing that. Sure, there were plenty of "what if x happens" thoughts, but those situations are much easier to deal with when you aren't carrying the weight of a lifetime of accumulated shit on your back.

(oh, and instead of assigning a value to everything and trying to sell it, consider giving it away to someone in greater need than yourself. Takes the financial equation out of the picture and you feel much better about getting rid of it rather than trying to get "value" out of it. The value is in the giving...)

 

[SoulRaven]

I learned years ago about codes and how they would get in my way. Sadly, that was decades ago and now the codes are even more restrictive. Not sure how to deal with that, but probably a subject for a different website, since it is very political in nature.

Frankly, I am not sure what specifically is being asked. I would talk with the codes people and learn exactly what would and would not be allowed, and having had issues with what someone "said" I like them to reference the written codes and then read them for myself.

Issues with renting would be that renters often don't pay the rent, so being dependent on that income can be dicey - "been there and done that". Also, anything stored on property can be removed from the property or vandalized. One has to accept that if they are not present, stuff can happen.

It appears that if one isn't all that particular about the work they do or where they are, especially those that can do without hookups, that one can find a job, and in some pretty neat places with great views! Plenty of info here and across the internet.

Tundrawolf, just some friendly advice when it comes for asking for input: This is a brainstorming thread about your situation, and we can only draw from our own experiences and share them with you, "Take what you can use and discard the rest."

 

[SoulRaven]

Can anyone give a miserable 38 year old some advice?

I am a miserable 38 year old who wants to live on the road, write in the forests, but I don't want to lose my land.

According to what I read, and see between the lines, and your very last written sentence (where you're sentencing yourself) and the order in which you wrote them, you're not doing anything near what you love to do, nor what you want to do in a job, which seems to be odd jobs like a handyman (which has become RARE today), and all because of the value attachment you have for the land. Value not as in money, but an emotional and heart investment into the land

Whether you choose to keep the land, rent out to a horse person, the fact remains that you will still have to clean it all up, and garage it all to satisfy the city and also to the renter so they'd want to rent and pay a reasonable amount to make it worthwhile to you having to do all the work to get it ready. Is that what you want to work even harder for in the near future? Those "getting ready" things will cost much money and big blocks of your time as well. It can't and won't all get done overnight, maybe within a year or so? 

I mean, I get it, the value of the land next to BLM and with the beautiful view and you not wanting to lose it. But I also get it, on what hanging onto the land is doing to you and your daily thoughts, emotions and the slave and angry feeling attitude it's all giving to you, and it's doing so on a daily basis and at too many levels along with the near total disability, and I mean a disability as in unable to do what your talents and abilities would allow you to do that is, if you were traveling and living in forests and writing and drawing which is what makes you happy. Those are marketable skills and skills you love to do and ought to be doing the most of in your daily hours. If they're in a niche market, then it would be wise to widen the niche as much as you can but stay true in part to your original niche, but to include creating for a more widespread audience who would be willing to pay for results of your talents which have adapted to give them that interest. 

You could do a child's version of your original niche subjects. You already have those writing and art skills but, I'm sure that children would love to see the unusual from the everyday and that is what you already do. Gear it down to child and add a bit of childlike wonder and whimsy and it's still your total creation which now could appeal to children where it never was available at their level before. That is value coming from a niche that is still your own niche and stays true to the niche in your mind which you've already created years ago. Try it, see what you can come up with within a week in gearing your niche towards children. It's "mindset" either for, or against yourself. 

If I had to advice you, I'd say to pick out your most important and useful tools to do the most frequent jobs which help you and others and, pick those you enjoy using the very most, and pick those in which you can earn an income with, and let the others drop away. Do the travel, do the niche work/fun. 

Let some things drop away, give away or sell. With some, we put an extreme value on everything, until we come to the crossroads, like you are now at those crossroads and are questioning your hopes, dreams and desires versus valuation of it all. All or nothing thinking, tends to have one result only, which is to keep you in stasis and not doing anything except what you have been doing which is NOT making you happy at all. Only you can make that shift so you can make changes which can make you happier than ever before. It requires letting go, which gets easier as time goes by, it takes practice and small steps. Getting rid of one big thing will make some of the smaller things far easier to get rid of by giving away to someone needy, selling, or donating to charity. 

For those other things so hard to get rid of, you could try to think of and consider a trustworthy friend, who is in a position to co-own your best tools, compressor & such, and share it with them with the agreement that you can come and use things like compressor, or borrow those tools that you can physically move to take to a job or to help another out.

 

[mpruet]

We all have to make decisions on what we value.  In general we will place value on things vrs. our freedom.  This is the point that Vicky Robin makes in "Your Money or Your Life". 

When we focus on things, we not only have to purchase them, but we have to maintain them (and as you point out often pay taxes on them.)  And even then you don't really have 100% ownership of your things because they often have to meet a community standard.  That takes money and to have money you have to work.  And if you don't have a passion for your work, then you become a slave to a job.  So ultimately you give up your freedom to have a priority on possessions.  That's why so many folks look forward to being able to retire.  They feel that they will finally become free enough to enjoy their life.  Only that is only going to be true if the individual has been successful enough to have a large enough of a nest egg to provide the income needed to pay for the maintenance of his possessions as well as to actually live on. 

It sounds like you are placing your primary value on your things and not on your freedom.  But at the same time it sounds from the title of this thread that you are not at all happy with your focus and are in conflict with yourself.  Perhaps you need to spend some time doing some soul searching to discover what you really want out of your life.

 

[Tundrawolf]

Also, I am not anti government. Government is necessary. Present day I think America has the best, freest government in the world. I am blessed to live here, under this government, as opposed to any other. Government combats chaos and keep the nation safe. I am against injustice.

Posted this because I can't edit my reply.

Also I haven't been notified of these replies, I want to thank everyone for your wisdom, there is truly some well worded, kind advice here, ands I appreciate it greatly. I am trying to figure this all out and it's hard, really hard. So much is going on in my life right now, and I am maturing in ways that are needed. Thank you all for your good advice, I am going to be trying to do some soul searching, i definitely need to start reevaluating things in my life that I have held onto.

 

[Minivanmotoman]

Great, well thought out, intelligent answers, 
I appreciated and enjoyed reading them moorejames, And Goodwill, Snow Gypsy, mpruett.
It's all about attitude and focus.
It is liberating to let go of what at one time may have been deemed necessary. To learn to adapt and flex to situations beyond the typical. To find joy and happiness in ones life and situation. To run like hell from the negatives and not waste another precious minute on them as I like to say and do.
Work to change what makes one unhappy.

 

[John61CT]

Don't waste your energy banging your head against walls, bureaucracy exists, accept it and work within it following the path of least resistance.

And in making future major life decisions do better research first, especially seeking advice from those with the relevant experience.

_____
It sounds to me like you do need that land, at least for storage and a workshop.

But you need your living space to be mobile, since you currently can't afford to build a legal house.

That way you have the Freedom to Choose between two paths, or alternate between them:

A) live in the wilderness as cheaply as possible and write

B) travel to where the best paying jobs are and knuckle down, build up an emergency fund, then save toward investments in a better future

If you can find work that both pays well **and** that you actually enjoy, makes you feel inspired and full of purpose getting up in the morning, that would of course be ideal, but given your current state of mind maybe too much to shoot for?

If the idea of building an attractive home on your land one day, and getting rental income off it and having a place to eventually settle down is both realistic and inspiring to you, then focus on that, and go for maximum wages, as a means to an end.

Work in the meantime towards making your place one you and your neighbors can be proud of.

 

[Minivanmotoman]

Advice can only take you so far, if you accept.
Motivation and inspiration sometimes can help.
A personal fav, lyrics

It's an ordinary day by Great Big Sea

I've got a smile on my face, and I've got four walls around me
I've got the sun in the sky, all the water surround me
Oh you know, ya I've been down and sometimes I'll lose
I've been battered, but I'll never bruise... it's not so bad
And I say way-hey-hey, it's just an ordinary day
And it's all your state of mind
At the end of the day,
You've just got to say... it's all right.
Gina sings on the corner, what keeps her from dying
Let them say what they want, but she won't stop trying..Oh you know, 
She might stumble, they push her 'round
She might fall, but she'll never lie down...it's not so bad
And I say way-hey-hey, it's just an ordinary day
And it's all your state of mind
At the end of the day,
You've just got to say... it's all right.
It's alright, it's alright...it's ALRIGHT.
'Cause in this beautiful life there's always some sorrow
And It's a double-edged knife, but there's always tomorrow..Oh you know, 
It's up to you now if you sink or swim,
Just keep the faith and you're ship will come in?.it's not so bad
And I say way-hey-hey, it's just an ordinary day
And it's all your state of mind
At the end of the day,
You've just got to say... 
I say way-hey-hey, it's just an ordinary day
And it's all your state of mind
At the end of the day,
You've just got to say... it's all right, it's all right
I've got a smile on my face, and I've got four walls around me

Songwriters: Hal Ketchum / Darrell Scott
Ordinary Day lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group

And the good old tune video that might pick you up for a bit
Music video

 

[Wabbit]

As to the feeling miserable, stop doing things that make you miserable, or... redefine what "miserable" means and add some context. Are you talking about feeling miserable or could it possibly be you tripped into a small puddle of feeling sorry for yourself(no offense meant, I think this happens to alot of people, me included).

Depends what day you ask me, sometimes I literally tear up thinking about the wonder and magic in what I am able to witness going on around me. Other days, the suffering I see makes it hard for me to not imagine seeing it all burnt down in the name of some imaginary "Justice". If that makes any sense. Best of luck.

 

[Canine]

I'm not saying get rid of every single thing you own and live in a cave. If a screwdriver has value and you can justify it, then keep it. It takes up little room, is not a large investment in money, can be used often and in a wide variety of situations.I had a 50 gallon air compressor which was super nice to have to operate pneumatic tools. I love pneumatic tools. Nothing compares, but I got rid of mine because they were a large investment in money, the compressor took up a lot of space, took a lot of electricity to use, and I didn't use it enough to warrant keeping it. I found a balance with my tools. The compressor had value and I lost some money on it and now I can't help other people as much as I used to be able to, but now I have my freedom. What your balance is can be decided only by you. Something tells me, though, you would survive just fine without a 100 gallon, engine driven compressor. You may be over-rating that particular item.

I remember talking to a woman whose boyfriend beat up on her. Black eyes and such. She wasn't allowed to talk much with her friends, had to go straight home from work, etc. I asked why she didn't just move. She said she loved him. She didn't have the money. She was scared (she didn't outright say this one, but it was obvious she was afraid of being on her own). Their were more reasons, but bottom line she made the choice to stay with him. I'm not saying it would have been easy to up and move. She had a choice between bad and worse and she choose worse. That's her choice, though. She complained, and justifiably so, and wanted out, but in the end chose to stay. I got tired of listening to her whine and got tired of looking at her bruises, so I eventually wrote her out of my life. You remind me a lot of her. You complain about how crappy your life is, but you choose to stay in it. That's your choice and that's fine, but soon there will come a time when people will tell you to shut up and suck it up or make better choices.

You also have some faulty logic stuffing up your thinking. For one you have a sunk cost fallacy. You figure that since you have so much invested that you won't get back what you put into it, so you keep investing in it. And yes, you are investing money, time, and emotion into your junk vehicles. You are investing time at work to pay for the land to keep your junk on. Then you are investing time at work to make enough money to buy a lawn mower so you can invest more time mowing the lawn. Then you invest more time maintaining the lawn mower, getting gas and parts. If you got rid your vehicles, then yes you will be out of some options of transportation. But if you took that money and saved it or invested it, it would give you more back when the time does come to get another vehicle or repair the one you have.

I find it honorable that you are a giving person and make efforts to be available for your friends and neighbors, but at what cost? Do you think your friends would be happy to know that you are suffering greatly at work just so you can help them in their times of need with your equipment? If your friends are happy that you keep your stuff around in case they need a tow or a repair, then those aren't friends.

Without stuff, you are a person. Likely you would be a better person. Not a hoarder. Not the guy with a junk yard for a home. You would be a happy, positive, contributing member of society. You don't have to be 100% mobile to be happier. You could do without a lot less stuff, though. You are placing too much value on your junk IMO. But if stuff makes you happy, like the example of the friend that I wrote about in my previous post, then be happy with it. Nothing inherently wrong with that. Accept it and enjoy watching it rust out in your yard. At least the mice are enjoying it.

I quit asking for permission about stuff. As long as I'm not hurting anyone, not a threat to anyone, and not blatantly doing things that people egregiously disagree with, then I pretty much do it. Better to ask for forgiveness later than to ask permission and be denied right out of the gate. I do criminal stuff every day. Why? Because I'm not hurting anyone or causing any problems in any way whatsoever. Society wants to save energy and conserve our resources. That is what I do. But I do it to such an extent that I'm outside of what society considers normal, so I am wrong. I'm told I have to live in a minimum of 310 square feet, but I live in less, so that makes me wrong. I don't have plumbing or a grey tank or a black tank, so I am wrong. I'm not paying to be hooked up to electricity since I am 100% off grid, so that is frowned upon. The list goes on.

One time I had an opportunity to clear a miles-long driveway of some trees. I didn't have a chainsaw, so I went to the Stihl dealer to see about getting one. Chainsaw bars come in different lengths. They start in 2 inch increments- 14" then it goes 16", 18", 20" then they jump to 4 inch increments- 24", 28", 32", 36", etc. I wanted a 22" bar. Those are uncommon, but Stihl does make one. I told the dealer I wanted a 22" bar. He said they didn't make it. I said they did. He said no. I said yes. He said he has been working in the business for 25 years and Stihl doesnn't make a 22" bar. Since I'm tattooed, white, biker trash, I didn't have a good reply, so I walked out. I absolutely knew in no way shape or form was I wrong. I was right. In no way could someone in even the remotest sense prove I was wrong. Only in a quantum mechanical world would I be wrong. Yet, here is this guy telling me I'm wrong. That bugged me. I went out and bought a Stihl 22" bar, went back into the store, and said, "Do you remember the conversation we had about the 22" bar?" He said he did. I handed the 22" bar to him. He looked at it for a while. He turned it over and ran his hand along it as this physical manifestation of me being right and him being wrong slowly sank into is mind. Then he said:

"Well, yeah, Stihl does make this bar, but you can't get chain for it."

What?! Stihl makes a bar, but they don't make chain for it? Complete and utter nonsense. He had a total disconnect with reality. No matter what I said or did with this guy, he was right and I was wrong. I could have went out and purchased chain for it to prove him wrong yet again, but all he would have done is twist it around in his mind that I was wrong. He was going to live in his world the way he wanted and that was that.

You are in the position you are in almost completely because of the choices you have made and continue to make. If you keep making the same choices, you will keep getting the same results. If you want less stress at work, then start making choices toward that end. You are a slave to your stuff. You have lots of excuses, and that is mostly what they are- excuses. Not justifiable reasons. We all went through what you are going through. I sure did and I bet every commenter in this thread did. I don't envy you having to go through the process of minimalizing, but we all went through it and are better for it.

As far as work, nothing in life is guaranteed. It is a chance to some extent. If you have a good work ethic and work history and don't procrastinate, I would be amazed if you couldn't find consistent work. Working as a campground host would give you a lot of time to write books. Being a gate guard would give you even more time, but the pay sucks. If the night shift doesn't bother you, you could work at a hotel checking in guests. That would give you tons of time for writing as well and you would get paid to do it. You likely could get permission to stay on their parking lot, too. You have many, viable options.

 

[closeanuf]

I was going to give you some earth shattering advice, but it took me almost 60 years that you don't own shit; shit owns you.  I'm about to turn 70 and it's still true.  Good luck; we all have to figure out what works for us.  I finally figured out that if I couldn't take care of myself then why did I think I could should be trying to take care of others.