Tundrawolf,
I also love writing. I wrote a book about my experience before, during and after war. It took me years to write the book. I wasn't good enough to get it published. I only pitched it once. Then I realized, I didn't write it to be published, I wrote it for me. I wrote it so that I could process the experiences and get past them. You can find it on kindle if you work hard enough to figure out my full name
. There is enough info on this site to do it.
You say all this stuff about land and tools but when you spoke of love you spoke of writing. When you spoke of happiness you spoke of camping.
You have a couple different things going on.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. The journey is as important as the destination, however, bringing the destination into a possible reality for you and your life requires that you take the first step, out of your mind and into real life.
If I read your post properly, you didn't write a pitch letter yet. You might not have researched the writing and publishing industry. Writer's Market might be the book you want. I think I pay an ongoing five dollar subscription to writer's marketplace. You assume your work is not valuable enough to make money at it?
Blend your technical know how into your Science Fiction writing. If you don't want to publish - at least get your work out there - see if you can sell a few copies. Make it public. Do a press release.
Tools. I had a big van. A 1990 Ford Wagon Econoline. V8 5.8 I think. I bought the vehicle, I bought the tools, I worked on it for about six months. This thing was cool too had about 400 watts of solar on it. My living situation changed, my room mate moved to New Orleans, I had to decide how I was going to live and took a room across town, so I ended up wanting a vehicle that would always run. I gave the van and the tools to my friend who is working on a nomadic cycling group because he loves nomadic travel and needs a business to fit - he loves cycling. I financed a Fit and now live in it.
One question that can help is this: if you could buy a house with all the codes and so on - would you live a nomadic to semi nomadic lifestyle? If the answer is no then you might be nostalgically trying to make something work in your mind to meet your need for the forest. If your answer is yes then it's something to work toward - but how?
You mentioned feeding the homeless and feeding wolves. You must understand what it feels like to be without and have compassion for life. This is excellent but one of the most common things that happens with people who are thus driven, is it's all coming from somewhere; an idea, a thought, a desire to ensure others don't have to be in pain like you are (conjecture - don't take my meaning literal less it applies); and, then the thing those people don't do is turn that compassion on themselves. Yes, there are lots of cliche ways to say love yourself and self love; but, it didn't become a cliche for nothin'. Loving oneself is a part of human social needs because if we don't care about ourselves we often misrepresent who we are and don't ask others for the social needs we have.
Two reasons I drew this conclusion... It could be inaccurate but perhaps me saying it will help anyhow.
You're not taking the risk to monetize something you love doing because you have a preconception about what that thing is worth to others. In order to do that, you must have overlooked your feelings for yourself and decided somehow that your work is not of value because you are not of value. All things being equal, a thing that is equal to one thing is also equal another thing that is equal to one thing. (got that from a movie - something about euclid? IDK).
Your not monetizing your love for wolves. Your not monetizing your ability to build things that function. Your not monetizing your love for writing. Your not monetizing your love for camping. Your scared to do what you love. And that's completely normal and completely okay but fear isn't a mechanism to keep us from doing things. It's a mechanism to help us be careful about how we do things. Fear isn't meant to be a barrier, it's meant to be a process which preserves your ability to survive.
Here's the logic on that. What if you were afraid to meet your basic needs, breathing, eating, preserving self through shelter and clothing. You would die. Fear isn't meant to help you die. Other wise fear wouldn't exist in our current form. Fear is meant to help you live. Courage isn't the feeling you get before the thing, it's the feeling you get after you did something you were afraid to do. And the logic there is, we admire people who are courageous because we honor those who have walked through fear.
This argument is really just to check on how you think of fear. If you think fear is meant to protect you so you avoid that which you are afraid of you may have misunderstood the sort of point of being afraid of something which can derail you into thinking don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. Well sometimes fear should be heard and listened to. But not in the case of your writing, your dogs, your dreams.
Without money you will not be able to keep the land. You love the land, you need the land, the land takes part in your dreams and yet you can't seem get to the logical position that your high IQ and technical skills are worth what the land is worth to you. This falls back to a self worth issue.
You don't want to fix cars for money, build fence for money, weld for money (or you would have even if it took your far from the land). You want to help people and you want your technical and innovative skills to be challenged. You want to be an imaginer, dreamer, inventor, engineer and builder, but not a builder of things that people have built already or already know how to build but things that need to be built.
How to monetize a passion. A) find a market that is preexisting and break down the doors. B) create a market for what your skills are and sell. C) build a social community around what you want to do. D) find someone who does something you love and invite them to work with you or work for them. (Maybe a few more).
Okay, so I took a great deal of leisure here. But I responded to what I heard in your words with what my impressions are. Only you know if the words I write here now are true to you or not. Like someone said above, you have to find your own way, and in that way you will surely have to face yourself.
if you want you can find my website which has a bunch of exercises that could be helpful. I'm not gonna post it here. Cuz, you know the thing about horses and water.
Oh, and the single thing. You meet a mate and I mean friend, companion, lover etc when you are you. Be you, you find a mate. It's simple logic but trust me on that one, it's all about psychology and love maps and human evolution and junk.
