Leaving loved ones behind.

[JasonMcD]

I was attracted to this lifestyle because i felt like i wasn't getting everything out of life that i could. I often find myself depressed, thinking that the world is passing me by. There isn't much going on in my neck of the woods here in south central Ohio. Its an area that is economically depressed, and doesn't have much going for it. I don't see that improving any time soon. All my friends are either married, or committed to their careers and making new ones is difficult because i often find that i don't click with many people in my area. Finding relationships is even more difficult. They seem to be content with their lives, and the thought of leaving all they've ever known would terrify them. 

 About the only thing that gets me through is that i have a wonderful family and a few very good friends. In the passed 10 years i've seen several members of my family and some friends pass away, and its left me feeling that i should relish every single precious moment i have with them. Yet..the road calls. I wish i could bring them with me, but that is not a realistic scenario. I'm finding it hard to balance the need to fulfill my own needs in life, with the prospect of losing that precious time with them that i hold dear and may never get back. Some of them who i love very much, don't have much time left. I may be on the road somewhere someday, and get the news that they are gone. I would have missed that chance to have those last moments with them. The moments i've missed before, or didn't take advantage of, that still haunt me sometimes. 

How do you compartmentalize those feelings of missing out, with the feeling that you need to live your life too?

 

[bullfrog]

You have to make yourself whole before you can see others completely. Limited experiences result in limited view points. Depending on who you are will either make you value them more or regret they never went where you are going and see what you will see.

 

[Gypsy108]

Being attached to anything on this earth never works out .  Everything gained will be lost.  What comes together will come apart.  Everything is impermanent.   Friends become enemies.  Enemies become friends.  

I will be leaving loved ones with the thought that they need to get used to me being gone. anyways...because some day it will be permanent....

 

[Cammalu]

I do understand that. My mother is 92 and every time I leave for the winter I get a sick feeling in my stomach. She is cared for and has other family but still.

In the meantime. I have a couple of nomads at my place here in Western KY right now and you are pretty close. Join us if you’d like.

 

[cyndi]

I called my mom every day. And when her memory got bad I called her several times a day (actually set alarms so I didn't forget). I have a postcard list. Generally, I write about 5 cards a day, running through my list. Elders on the list get postcards more frequently. Many of my postcards are pictures I've taken; frequently with my dog and/or rig featured or in the background. It soothes my soul (and guilt) And everyone loves getting mail that's not a bill.

I've also had friends meet me out on the road and then we would camp for a few days or a couple weeks. One of them actually caught the bug. And now we meet up, camp together and travel together a few times a year

 

[user 423]

With today's electronics it's a whole lot easier to stay in touch than it used to be.

Not quite the same but mostly works pretty good.

It would be interesting to know what your loved ones would say about staying near vs. leaving.

Everyone would be different but I bet some would say, "Go on, get out of here and travel! I'll see ya later."

 

[ForestRoadSurfers]

To mirror slow2day I find technology has allowed for facetime/phone/contact opportunities to bolster the times in-between visits.

 

[LERCA]

This is one of the old questions in the world. You always lose one thing if you choose the other. You can’t have it all. Why not try it for a year and see how you feel. You can always come back.

 

[B and C]

I do a lot of text messaging and give loved ones my coordinates. If I don't check in for a few days they will reach out to me or heaven forbid, send out a search party. I will return once a year to take care of facetime.

 

[maki2]

Maybe the issue is thinking the last moments in their life are super important ones and somehow have a lot more value than all the other time in your life you have spent with them. However a lot of deaths are sudden without any advance notice. Just make it all count and remember to let them know how much you value them. Remember this its important,.... the one thing your family and friends hope for you to find in life is happiness, good health and good friends. If they know you are happy and living your dream they will have good fun talking to you on the phone and in emails. Joyfull conversations bring smiles to all even when from halfway around the world.

 

[JasonMcD]

I do understand that. My mother is 92 and every time I leave for the winter I get a sick feeling in my stomach. She is cared for and has other family but still. 

In the meantime. I have a couple of nomads at my place here in Western KY right now and you are pretty close. Join us if you’d like.

*responded to wrong post previously. 

That is such a kind offer. Thank you so much. My plans are to head west for a while, but i love Kentucky. If and when i do make it back to the area, i will be sure to let you know. I would love to meet and spend time with fellow nomads.

 

[eDJ_]

I was attracted to this lifestyle because i felt like i wasn't getting everything out of life that i could. I often find myself depressed, thinking that the world is passing me by. There isn't much going on in my neck of the woods here in south central Ohio. Its an area that is economically depressed, and doesn't have much going for it. I don't see that improving any time soon. All my friends are either married, or committed to their careers and making new ones is difficult because i often find that i don't click with many people in my area. Finding relationships is even more difficult. They seem to be content with their lives, and the thought of leaving all they've ever known would terrify them.

Ain't it the truth !    I'm down here in the southern tip of the state and believe it or not people here see Columbus as the center of the Galaxy. 

So many here have moved off to Pittsburgh, Louisville, Richmond, Charlotte, Atlanta, Greenville, Johnson City etc.  Thing is when they first move away an get a taste of "LIFE", they run home on each of the holiday week ends and begin telling younger ones in the family who are destine to the same fate if they remain "here" and encourage them to come visit them and "transplant".  This is much like what European immigrants did from the mid 1800's and on encouraging young family members to come across the Atlantic.

It always gives me a laugh on the holiday weekends to see all of the out of state cars running the streets.  After the weekend they disappear.  Then you hear Politicians bellyaching about keeping "our" natives at home.  (and the Brain Drain etc where those who get educated here leave)  You may recall a 1969 movie titled, "Goodbye Columbus" ? 

Growing up here,  many had moved off to distant cities and other places.  There seemed to be tradition  of buying a camera & projector and all who returned would get the old & young family members together after the big dinners and have a slide show & lecture of what they were seeing.  Some were in the military and traveling overseas etc.  That was high tech then.  Today the same could be done with websites, blogs, and Youtube for videos where these could be viewed by those back home.  But many Nomads now have a foot in the not so distant past.....and the new "Internet Age". 

A friend of mine was talking recently about visiting old folks at a Nursing Home and a young Minister was visiting with his laptop and using his Cell as a hot spot to show some old folks videos of Church activities.
Boy Scouts at camp, the Choir practicing, a Church Dinner, etc.  But it is a different time from the days of the "Walton's Mountain TV Show" where the family could live in the same place for generations.  

What I've seen so many people do to cope with this is put together a scrap book of photos from their youth with all the family members and good times.  Then digitalize the photos and post them on places like facebook and store the scrapbook somewhere very safe. That's about the only way to go back and still have a life.

Two expressions for a Nomad to remember:   Time waits for no one  &  If it's going to be,  it's up to me.

 

[mpruet]

You take them with you.  

With today’s technology there is no reason that you can’t have regular contact with anyone anywhere in the world.  There’s zoom, FaceTime, and other social media apps that allow you to have facial contact with anyone anywhere.  

I remember in the last few years of my working life, I had to go to Beijing, China.  But I was able to have face-to-face discussions with my wife back in Dallas, Texas.  My grandkids live in Wisconsin, but my wife has daily face-to-face time with them - no matter where we are.  Shoot, she even had a face-to-face with them when we were in the Yukon on our way to Alaska.  

There is no reason to lose contact with those that you love when you are on the road.

 

[k6thmmesta]

i can understand in the past few years we have lost 10 in the extended family and this jan my oldest brother passed and then i lost his dog he passed, and my mom and dad are 84 and 90 so i am feeling it. my parents want me to live the nomad life they know i want it. just hope i can make it, day by day we can do it just do not try to keep too much in. i will be here

 

[cyndi]

Also. even with dementia, my mum lived to hear about and see pictures of my adventures. She was a traveler at heart. It geve her great joy to know she influenced my life in that way. But, I spent the last two years of her life as her caregiver. I wouldn't give that up for all the adventures in the world. As hard as it was

 

[LERCA]

Amen to Maki’s post. I think my views are different because I grew up in a Southern California beach city community where people escaped to, ran away etc from their home states and countries. They either were running from something, they didn’t fit in back home or they had dreams (rarely fulfilled) they were chasing something and there was literally no extended family. Everyone here had nuclear family Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and 4th of July was the neighbors. I resent it and wish I had moved when I was young enough to start over myself in a real, non-shallow, community oriented place.
I didn’t know what family was because neither I nor my friends had any. My parents came from huge extended families across the country in a time when air travel and phone calls were prohibitive. So for me running away from nothing and no one has never called to me. I certainly understand it but it’s unappealing.
And as far as leaving elderly relatives behind either you had a relationship with them or you didn’t but as I get older it doesn’t mean people around me have to stay. If someone needs an advocate or you’re worried about their treatment and care then by all means stay home and watch out for them (what goes around, comes around) But not traveling because family is old is kind of ridiculous.
Totally off-topic here but I’ve lived and traveled in other places and had to train myself to show up when I offered to get together or not to pass out when someone invites me somewhere and actually knocks on my door. In California a lot of people have asked me why people say they should get together then either never do or don’t respond to your invitation. It’s not personal, it our culture.

 

[txmnjim]

All my friends are either married, or committed to their careers and making new ones is difficult because i often find that i don't click with many people in my area. Finding relationships is even more difficult. They seem to be content with their lives, and the thought of leaving all they've ever known would terrify them. 

 About the only thing that gets me through is that i have a wonderful family and a few very good friends. In the passed 10 years i've seen several members of my family and some friends pass away, and its left me feeling that i should relish every single precious moment i have with them. I may be on the road somewhere someday, and get the news that they are gone. I would have missed that chance to have those last moments with them. The moments i've missed before, or didn't take advantage of, that still haunt me sometimes. 

i too am getting where many of my friends/family have gone and i dwell on it way too much. i heard a good line on some Western i was watching the other day where a character said, "you have to leave the dead or they will take you with them". pretty good advice. i see a contradiction where many van dwellers want to "get away from it all" but them seem to think they can hook up with other van dwellers and have great social relationships. that sounds good but in reality many (most?) like myself want to get away from everything, including people, so when i hit the road forging new social relationships will be the last thing on my mind. all i can say is like everyone continue to use technology to maintain connections and possibly stick to the area where those closest to you are. i will never forgive myself from leaving my mother, as i reflect on this Mother's Day, for the last 5 years of her life for "adventure" here in Minnesota. we talked/emailed nearly every day but it wasn't the same. good luck to you Jason and may you find peace of mind AND adventures which i'm sure is possible!
jim

 

[txmnjim]

In California a lot of people have asked me why people say they should get together then either never do or don’t respond to your invitation. It’s not personal, it our culture.

some places more than others. when i first moved to MN i remember running into a lady who was bending my ear at a Shopko store about her and her husband moving here and having a terrible time making friends. she said, "people will ask you every kind of question except do you want to get together!" i have been here 15 yrs and i still wonder if this lady ever found happiness...
jim

 

[Cammalu]

Going to see my mom today. She’s 92 and very frail. I’ll bring pizza and a cold stone cake.

 

[highdesertranger]

I deleted the oopsie posts. don't worry nobody did anything wrong. Highdesertranger