Judgements

[vanvanvanvan123]

I see Life in terms of polarities. i observe how seemingly opposite ideas are complimentary. I see nothing wrong with someone saying look before you leap. And nothing wrong with the opposite -just do it.
If you want infallible sage advice, look to those who are filled with Wisdom... generally they are not present on forums but rather in Holy Scriptures.
This is a place for people to give their opinions, and as long as it is not downright ugly, evil, hostile. I like it.

 

[WildTrappist]

Bah! You guys are such number bigots. You are leaving out all the infinite variety available in the Real and Complex number sets. I just don't know if I can hang out here any more.  [emoji12]

WTF!? Amazing ,complex and smooth, their wordcrafting glides off of the page. I bet there is a whole nother tribe who sees that! Grant, I don't know if I can take your level of negativity in my life anymore! Woot!

 

[WildTrappist]

This made me tear up. I've gone quiet on budget matters because who else has to routinely pay for essential medical equipment that medicaid won't cover? Who else is creating the foundations of their setup from the low budget they boast of? And how the heck are financial crises like vehicle work and surprise medical bills NOT a monthly occurrence for you all so you have the chance to substantially up for them?  I realized that I was waging battles others do not have to fight.

A big thank you to Queen for starting this thread as a timely reminder.

Hey Bitty, about a year(ish) ago I posted some words about my house electricity set up and mentioned what I had, and I said what I still needed. Another member sent me a pm saying he had two of one of the items I needed and if I sent him an address he would send me the item. Magic*

People here are kind and loving and strong and powerful and honest and liars and weak and boastful and hateful and mean. All of us can be all of those things. At least I know I can be!

The ones you need will meet you half way.

 

[WildTrappist]

A lot of people think I'm irresponsible and crazy for living in my van, for choosing not to cost very much, for deciding to make a small footprint.
A lot of people have NO IDEA how I got here in my life. As such I have NO IDEA what motivates others to speak to me or of me in a negative way. Nor do I know why anyone would think of me or speak to me in a positive way. Best thing I can do is know that we are fallible, that I am in charge of myself, and the consequences thereof, and in the BIG PICTURE I know almost nothing.

Thank you Queen for bringing it up. It made me think.

 

[gcal]

I don't think of it so much as an equation but more of as an option. Option A is heading out with nothing and maybe even some debt. You scramble for income and that scramble determines where you can go and when. We never did that and cannot say much about it. I am assuming high stress and insecurity. 

Option B is you leave with some savings and little or no debt and pick up jobs to augment your savings while you travel, or maybe you do freelance computer based work. More security and choice, but not complete freedom from having to earn a living. We did that the first time out 25 years ago and enjoyed it. Low stress and plenty of mental stimulation.

Option C is going with little or no debt, reliable pension or other income, and plenty of savings to give you choices. We are doing this, now. We are enjoying it. But, frankly, our age is a limiting factor for some of the more demanding activities we would have been able to do 20 years ago. Very low stress and lots of choice, but a certain amount of frustration and boredom from lack of real mental challenge. (Except for the rat thing)

Depending on how you want to go, there are not infinite individual ways to get there.

 

[gcal]

Some of you have misunderstood the topic of this thread. The topic is acceptance without judgement of the way other people do things.

It is NOT the examples she used. If you want to comment on those examples, go to their threads or start new ones.
Bob

The thing is that most people who come here are not just looking for support, but also advice. It is awfully hard to support a decision that one "judges," from ones own hard won experience, will doom that person's efforts to failure. Personally, I think acceptance of or encouragement of another person's plans when you are sure they will come to grief is irresponsible and cruel. Be judgemental. Tell then where your own judgement sees the potential pitfalls that they may not have seen in their impatience. If they decide to take your advice, fine. If they do not, that is fine, too. At least they will be expecting the problems that come and will not be blind-sided by them.

 

[gcal]

As I often see, people that don't get out of their own little niche often don't understand what life is like beyond that.  They make judgments from a limited amount of knowledge so I see that in play.

Also, this website spans living situations and locations.  Everyone won't be living in a van, jobless, etc. as they are here looking for advice on a best fit for them.   I don't know about everyone else but I don't share a lot of financial info on the web or other personal details which when left out might make my decisions look like less than something to be desired.  I'd have to write a book to cover everything.  So we are always working with limited information about an individual and making judgments in that case leaves much to be desired.  

I think you can't really comment on where I am going if you don't really understand where I am at.  When people ask specifically if someone thinks something is possible, there are kind ways to direct that person to think it through for themselves and that is what I try to do.  Give them the resources to use to make the decisions that will work for them.  

I saw a budget on another website.  It was judged and ripped apart by some.  I was very annoyed.  Show me your budget and I won't criticize how you spend your money, I will use it as a template.  You spend $40.00 a month on eating out?  Well, I don't eat out but I buy dog food so I substitute that expense in the eating out category rather than talk about what a waste of money is eating out, then I get judged for "wasting" money on my dogs.

I often see a lot of hostile posts in blogs being critical of the ideas, thoughts and actions.  The bloggers put so much time and effort in doing this.  You simply take what you can use from the information and leave the rest.

Ah, money. So much emotion is attached to it, so much of it negative. Our budget, now, is very different than it was on our first time out - not just from inflation, but from our circumstances. I can tell you how much we spend on things now and how much we spent then. Both make perfect sense based on our circumstances at the time, and both are very different.

 

[gcal]

I think we can & should. It frustrates me that it has become popular in our society for everyone to be a critic. And to go out of their way to do it, really? I have seen posts like "that won't work for a Vandweller" or "you are in an RV park and I can't stand to be in an RV park".  I can't wrap my head around why the effort to respond that way seems beneficial to them &/or others. It didn't contribute to the conversation by being a killjoy/spoilsport. It killed the spirit of the conversation & a bit of the individual's nomadic spirit receiving it. If we  continue we'll self destruct. Have we forgotten our manners?

There are people whose posts are so negative and so full of why the many suggestions and offers of help are not going to work for them, that I judge it best not respond to them. That seems to be the best course of action for me and for them.

 

[Wanderer]

So my curiosity is peaked by this, is your way the only way to do things right?  Is there room for being supportive without judging what someone else is doing?  I recently read a quote elsewhere that said 7+2=9... but so does 5+4.  There are many ways to arrive at a similar mindset without telling others they're stupid or wrong or (in your personal, possibly VERY different experience) have no need to worry.

We all walk different paths in life, some come to conclusions later or earlier than others.  Our experiences are unique, so maybe we can all agree that since our personal experience isn't universal, we could all get along and just be supportive while also being informative?

Yes, we all have that "This works for me" but I am ALWAYS looking at ways to improve it, or to finally look at the issue/situation and say "This is all I shall do, it's enough for me"

But God knows I'd still absorb and listen to others for thus I shall also pass on the information and be looked upon as "Helpful"...

(I first thought this was a posting of Legal Judgments/Wage garnishments)

 

[GotSmart]

I am color blind.  I do not see things as others do.   :dodgy:

So I do not argue about details.  

Has anyone ever considered that more than one person can be right?

I was at RTR, where the only similarity was that more than 1/2 the vans were white. (Or started out that way.)  Every last vehicle there was different in some way.

 

[nobodyG17]

Judgement will never go away.   The best thing to do is to look inside yourself and see if you can change how you tolerate judgement.

 

[buckwilk]

Recently in a money thread a poster decided people who take off on this lifestyle without proper savings are "stupid".

In the Dangers thread people (me included) posted about things they consider dangers while traveling, which is what the OP asked about.  Only to have a chorus of "worrying is pointless" and "I never worry about anything" posts in reply.

In another thread we got to hear all about how people without jobs and savings are going to ruin it for the rest of us.

So my curiosity is peaked by this, is your way the only way to do things right?  Is there room for being supportive without judging what someone else is doing?  I recently read a quote elsewhere that said 7+2=9... but so does 5+4.  There are many ways to arrive at a similar mindset without telling others they're stupid or wrong or (in your personal, possibly VERY different experience) have no need to worry.

We all walk different paths in life, some come to conclusions later or earlier than others.  Our experiences are unique, so maybe we can all agree that since our personal experience isn't universal, we could all get along and just be supportive while also being informative?

 
I don't think that people who answer posts here are saying that the only way is their way. Internet, email comms are often misunderstood. If you are standing in front of me you will understand what I'm saying or you will ask me to clarify. That is difficult on the net. I think that most questions posed here are not always capable of being answered by supportive, get along answers. This lifestyle is populated by some of the most independent, self reliant, intelligent,capable people you would ever want to meet. That they sometimes respond in ways you are not comfortable with in no way means that they wouldn't sleep on the ground outside their van after giving you their bed. Life is tough, van life is tough. In their way the folks in this life are the toughest, kindest, badass I've met. Give em a chance..............

 

[Queen]

Just wanted to bump this up for another round. We're going in to winter and things on forums involving a love for the outdoors and freedom tend to get snippy as we all get closed in for a few months.

I'm going to try kindness and compassion instead of being mean and judgemental. Hoping a few folks will join me in that endeavor.

 

[mayble]

I'm going to try kindness and compassion instead of being mean and judgemental.  Hoping a few folks will join me in that endeavor.

I'm in
I was fortunate to be raised in a very tolerant, non-judgemental family and acceptance is pretty ingrained, but I do catch myself offering unsolicited advice and trying to fix things that aren't broken. 
Thank you for the reminder to just let people be who they are; to listen and offer support without judgment, love without pressure to change, and only offer suggestions if they are truly wanted.

 

[Queen]

I'm in
I was fortunate to be raised in a very tolerant, non-judgemental family and acceptance is pretty ingrained, but I do catch myself offering unsolicited advice and trying to fix things that aren't broken. 
Thank you for the reminder to just let people be who they are; to listen and offer support without judgment, love without pressure to change, and only offer suggestions if they are truly wanted.

Beautifully said, mayble!

I'm a work in progress on this, like you, I sometimes want to offer advice even when it's not wanted.  Been working hard to overcome that.  I was raised in a deeply judgemental home, it's taken me decades to see that it doesn't help, it only separates us further.  And it feels like we have enough of that going on these days without me adding to it.

 

[akrvbob]

Thank you for the reminder to just let people be who they are; to listen and offer support without judgment, love without pressure to change, and only offer suggestions if they are truly wanted.

That was extremely well put!!

While nearly everyone on this forum are great people who almost always mean well, there is a tendency to offer suggestions when they are not wanted and in fact are specifically being rejected. Most of the times, that's where the hard feelings and fights come from.

When our intentions are good and honorable, sometimes it's hard to stop! But it's critically important that we all learn to keep our advice to ourselves, even if we are right, if the person has refused it. No, does mean no.

 

[Gary68]

just please make an exception when it comes to me,if you see me doing something wrong write,"stop you fool" in caps
no need to be touchy feely with me,i will not get butt hurt over interweb post,i might not take your advice and go my own way but will not get butt hurt :angel:

 

[BradKW]

This made me think of a comic clip I saw recently... What happens when people get offended"

 

[Ticklebellly]

Just wanted to bump this up for another round.  

I'm going to try kindness and compassion instead of being mean and judgemental.  Hoping a few folks will join me in that endeavor.

Worthwhile bump.   The original post is quite inline with some previous thoughts.

I don't so much get upset about people making judgement; I sometimes don't like what they do with them.   I often wonder at those who say "If I can do it, anyone can".   How silly without knowing any thing about the person who may hear it.   I have worked with a lot of people with substance abuse issues and it is not as easy as some make it out, getting off the gear, that is.

My biggie is the instance where someone describes another as lazy.   The statement has little to do with the other person.   What they are saying is that, they themselves, would do something different in that person's situation or circumstances.   Pretty much saying their attitudes and preferences are right and the other person's are wrong or should be different without knowing anything of what led the other to do what they are doing.

Once used to generate a whole pile of stomach acid worrying about what others were doing.   Bit of empathy and tolerance for other people's choices have been good for me.   

Put me down as a joiner, Queen.

Ticklebellly

 

[DannyB1954]

I think it goes back to childhood and school. If you are old like me, try to remember back when the teacher would ask for an answer to a question. If you were called on and wrong, you got disapproval. If you were correct you got approval and a reward, ( remember gold stars?). Being correct brought rewards and approval, being wrong brought criticism and rejection. You IDIOT!

So being right becomes important even if you need to prove that by making someone else wrong. Today I see it as more of an insecurity issue. The more that I have to prove that I am right, the less secure I am that I am right. Confused? Me too.

Somebody who is always broke is often the first person to try to give you financial advice. Single people with no children will tell others how they should raise theirs. They aere trying to prove that they have the answer. Give them a gold star.