My desires were simple: I just wanted peace and community.
Unfortunately, when I'm around any community, I have no peace. Any time I'm around other vandwellers I find it seriously disheartening. About 2/3 of the time, if I talk to a person long enough, they start dropping what I call "racist shibboleths." They say little things that are only slightly racist to see how I'll react. If I merely don't agree then they quickly start making things up to paint me as the bad guy and things quickly go south from there. Then you have the homophobes who drop "homophobe shibboleths." It's gotten to where I am almost afraid to even talk to other white people, because they are likely to just expect that I am a racist homophobe just like them.
My very first encounter with vandwellers was an exercise in frustration. It was at Jamie's Van Build Party, November of 2018. Almost every male I encountered was just a non-stop fountain of insults. Like we were still in high-school and they had to establish some kind of pecking order. I was working on mounting my solar panels in a manner that has now been acclaimed by many as ingenious. But, because no one had seen someone do that before, I was ridiculed at every single step. Narcissistic YouTubers roamed the area, trying to get people to do stuff for them for free while they wandered off playing YouTuber. Yes, I met a few nice guys. 50% of them were from Canada.
On my second encounter with other vandwellers, at one of the caravan locations, I had two major incidents. When I first arrived, some guy's dog just ran up and jumped in my car. The owner told me the dog did that to everyone and that I had to keep my car doors closed to keep his dog out of my car. I simply told him that it was not my responsibility to keep his dog out of my car and that I was not going to keep my car closed up on a hot day because he couldn't control his dog. So the guy goes off on me and then goes around telling everyone that I was an asshole. (No. I was not an asshole.)
Later that night, at the camp fire, two guys on either side of me were taking about gun control. I merely mentioned that I believe in the second amendment but believe we do need some gun control, especially to prevent seriously mentally ill people from having guns. This was after yet another mass shooting. [font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]This guy just started going off on me because "There should never be any gun control of any kind!" [/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif][size=small][size=small][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]He[/font][/size][/font][/size][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif][size=small][size=small][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif] eventually threatened to beat me up. [/font][/size][/font][/size][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif][size=small][size=small][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]And no one said a thing to defend me. Not a single soul, of the twenty or so that were there, even bothered to tell him to chill out.[/font][/size][/font][/size]
And then the coronavirus hit. It seems as if everyone but me, Bob, and Suanne are utterly ignoring it. Even friends I had made previously rolled their eyes at me when I said I didn't want to go any closer. Crowds of vandwellers packed in like sardines in already overcrowded campgrounds, standing around talking to each other, only one or two feet apart. No thank you.
And almost no one is responsible with their dog. Some dogs can actually catch Covid-19. But even if they don't have the disease, they can be an "excellent" transmission vector. What thing do people rub their faces all over and breath directly onto all damn day? Their dogs. What thing has acres of surface area worth of hair to trap and harbor the virus? Dogs. What things have wet noses to sustain a virus for the longest possible time? Frikkin dogs! Normally, I love dogs. But now? There is no way I am petting your dog. When your off-the-leash dog comes running up to stick it's virus-harboring nose all over me, I don't want it anywhere near me. Yet, if I take any action to keep it away from me, I am the asshole. I understand that this confuses most dogs. They have been spoiled into expecting every human to pet them. So, because I won't pet it and try to keep it away from me, your dog decides I am an enemy. Now it starts barking and growling at me. So you tell me if I just pet it it will like me. Guess what, it is not my responsibility to get your dog to like me. It is your responsibility to control it and keep it away from me. Even supposedly liberal people turn into absolute assholes and threaten violence if you challenge their "right" to be irresponsible dog owners. And of course they always swear I am being unreasonable because their dog would never bite anyone. Every single dog that has ever bitten anyone has an owner who claimed it would never bite anyone. Including the ones that have bitten me.
So, I am now very wary of other vandwellers. I'll have a nice 10'-away conversation with them in the Walmart parking lot. I'm happy to give some advice about their solar or whatnot. But I am literally afraid of talking too long. I'm definitely afraid of them parking within a "dog's roam" of me.
So, as a result, I am incredibly lonely.
I'm sure there will be some who insist on commenting that I must be a jerk, when anyone who knows me knows better. I am very skinny. And most people, men and women, assume I should just let people walk all over me. When I do not, they lie to themselves and everyone around, including me, [font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]saying[/font][font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif] I was a jerk. Ask any black person or woman, standing up for myself is not being a jerk. It is my right and duty as a human being.[/font]
[font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]So, anyway, I did not find what I was looking for, and I despair that I ever will.[/font]