How to avoid toxic people?

[Mike Reno]

This is a difficult post. I've come in from the cold and back to a stick-built brick rancher. I wanted to stay in touch with the Mobile Community so i've been offering a cheap campground alternative for small RV's or vans, camping on my property with electric and water. At a price less than a third of Virginia campground prices. The problem is people now...are...just...nasty. In general. Not just this community. You risk real problems when you interact with strangers. Drugs, addictions, withdrawals, meltdowns, mental illness, criminals, thieves, abusive violent personalities. I have failed 3 straight times with people camping on my property. I'm in a gorgeous part of southern virginia, Virginia Lake Country, 50,000 acre John Kerr Reservoir, fishing, boating, kayaking, state park, waterfront parks, dam...gorgeous. But how do you all navigate the meeting of new unknown people??? Tired about people lying, saying they have no drama, no baggage, then dump a truckload on you. This community is just a cross-section of everybody, but how do you all avoid bad outcomes with strange people. I'm giving up trying to provide a safe affordable spot after 3 strikes. What are you guys finding out there?

 

[LoupGarou]

I've found it's getting more difficult to dance within the different social economic circles without stepping on someone's toes.

You might try offering a spot to only the people that you've interfaced with on your travels.

 

[WanderingRose]

What Loup said.

And, I’ve learned in 15+ years of travel to maintain clear boundaries with others until I get to know them pretty darned well.

If you are welcoming strangers to an inexpensive hookup on your personal property, you may entice more than your average share of people with whom you do not want to become close.

Might post a lovely sign at the entrance that says you reserve the right to refuse to share your property with anyone for any reason, then be prepared to follow thru if you tell them to leave and they give you trouble over it.

 

[Morgana]

Kudos to you for giving it a try but I think that -- through no fault of your own -- it is just too risky. If you were running a larger operation, and charging more, you might be able to devote the time/money/energy to managing the drama creeps and setting up a security system, but that's not what you were about. I hope you find a way to work with a smaller group of people that you have more reason to trust -- or some other way to continue engaging with the mobile community. Give yourself a pat on the back and move on, would be my two cents.

 

[bullfrog !]

I generally avoid people but do often suggest places nearby they can stay. Even people well known to me I usually make sure their visit offers a spot isolated from me and only visit a few times. I saw an add the other day on Craigslist for a full hookup site that required a $40 fee before visiting for a background check. Exact location would only be given after it was complete and satisfactory. One week probationary stay and a maximum of 28 day stays before review and possible renewal for another 28 days. I would assume this is because you could legally have them trespassed if the agreement is 28 days or less at that location anything more and it becomes a rental which gives the legal recourse as a “renter” and you would have to have them evicted. Certain states have squatter’s rights as well you need to look at before inviting people to stay on your property. As stated before it is best if you can get referrals from people you know. I have had friends in vans or seasonal housing that had family members come visit use my camper and it has worked out well.

 

[mattvei]

i would make friends with a hard-ass local cop who knows the realities of trespassing people versus evicting tenants. I would then hire them to do an initial interview with any perspective occupants and pass along that fee to the people you are reviewing. Would let the prospects know that you are connected with the local law enforcement community and they are not going to put up with any misbehavior. Good guys will love it; bad guys will run away

 

[jasonafeder2]

Yeah, there are too many toxic people out there. But, on the other hand, sometimes formerly nice people go through some horrible life-event that changes them for the worse. Sometimes they recover and go back to being good people. I have seen it happen to others, and, although I hate to admit it, it happened to me once too. I was "on top of world" when I had my life come crashing down around me. I acted like a real jerk for awhile. I found my way back. Thank goodness. Nowadays I am careful about who I let in to my life. Humans are primates. Talking monkeys. You just need to be careful. Don't give up hope for humanity. Just be a bit more careful. I wish you the best.

 

[Frood]

I'm not sure what your issues have been specifically, but if this is an official business then try incorporating some fairly strict campground rules that you strictly enforce... IE no music or
engines louder than X decibels, conversations and voices should kept below X decibels (or just
say that all noise should be kept to a level that isn't audible from outside the camp space). It
seems horrible, but unless you have rules or terms of service you don't have recourse when
people try to take advantage of you.

The other option is that you create a members-only type situation where you control the membership
(need not be fee-based) and hand-pick your members from amongst people you trust and who's
judgement you trust. Then you limit space rentals to members or member referrals.

Of course you need to make sure this is all legal where you are. Sometimes legacy laws make for
oddities and irregularities when viewed through the lens of common sense.

 

[mespringer]

Escapees has a successful model. Not sure how much land you have but consider working with Escapees and possibly granting land to them with a contingency that you keep a place for you.

 

[INTJohn]

How do I avoid “toxic” people?
Hmmm………
Read any of my Captains Log threads.
One of my basic thesis’ is “I’ve never suffered from Solitude; I’ve only suffered from Multitudes.”
Hence I generally avoid Every1.
intjonny boi livin & lovin his own solitary life.

 

[scaredycat72]

What do you mean by "failed"?

As someone who loves people most of the time, I video chat or talk to them before meeting them, at least twice, and I look at their social media profiles. During the conversation, I usually ask a question, make a passing reference, or express a concern that sets unstable people off - politics, crime, police, homelessness, vaccines, the way society is heading, etc. I look at the way people answer: Do they go off on a tangent, ranting and raving? Do they have a victim mentality? Are they aggressive? Hit the right button and a bomb will explode. I look for the explosion.

Talk to people and look for the flags.

PS Your post almost comes across as advertising. Not saying that's your intent but the way you list all the attributes and the area you're in makes it seem that way.

 

[Cajunwolf]

I have a friend in West Texas and another in Utah who has land I stay on when in the area. I'm among the only people they let stay for the same reasons mentioned here. The more people you have packed into a space, like a city, the worse it becomes; it evolves into the laws of the jungle, and some of these monsters get out into the open and remind you why you're a loner.

 

[Happy Camper]

How do I avoid toxic people?

It really depends on a few simple things.
How toxic are they being?
How fast am I driving?
It's there safe space to the left or right?

Sometimes you can't avoid extremely toxic people no matter how much you want to.

 

[peteg59]

Might cost a bit but start with an attorney. He/she will likely be able to give you answers about legally getting someone off your property without the court/sheriff intervention?

Then might try air bnb?

There really is no foolproof way to screen complete strangers without getting to know them first, but good luck...

 

[RoamerRV428]

you own beautiful property, can offer a nice spot for a camper but in the end, 3 times you got very nasty strangers on your property. I feel ya on that. How would I avoid toxic people, in full honesty I would never open my property to campers, unless I knew them And that is because of the issue you have faced. I am sure you got some nice campers also but the ones that stink ruin it for the rest cause I personally, with my personality could not handle that drama one bit as much as I would love to offer a nice service it isn't worth it to me. Now this is my opinion LOL I say put the pros against the cons and decide to keep offering to strangers or not. Key being, anyone with a 'chat' for a bit seem nice til they land on your property and ya got trouble. I also hope you 'got some liability' type insurance etc to cover these people cause if they hurt themselves badly on your land while there, ya know.....they grab a good attorney and next thing ya know they own your beatiful property. I would keep my home as my home and I 'tackle toxic' people out on the road. I am not a people person in any way too so to me to invite strangers to my home base would be a nightmare I just wouldn't do....but again, that is me I would consider my home my retreat away from all those toxic people for sure out in the world, I just couldn't invite them into my world like that. wishing you the best way forward on this one.

 

[towboater]

Once upon a time we had a beautiful river farm with a sandy beach and a great swimming hole. The previous owner kept the gate locked on the lane to the river. When I bought it I said I would be a good neighbor and let my neighbors use our beach. Within a month I relocked the gate after picking up bottles, chunk of carpet, crappy diapers, cigarette butts etc... Oh, forgot to mention my wife after working all day and me at my second job to pay for all this land had to get the tractor and pull their car out at 10PM. The moral of the story: u can't help people that won't help themselves. I asked an acquaintance who had quite a few rent houses how he screened prospective tenants since I was getting mine destroyed. He said when they show up he walks out to their car and if it is filled with trash he didn't rent to them. I sold mine, since to this day I am a sucker for a sob story and don't listen to my own moral. Best wishes to all

 

[maki2]

i could not open my personal land that way. I cherish peace in my personal space. I need sanctuary from other people’s drama.

 

[dreamrunnerjt]

Very happy to read this. I also have an undeveloped piece of land that I was considering opening. This has given me a lot to think about.

 

[LargeMarge]

... people???... saying they have no drama...

.
a)
I thrive in a tiny ExpeditionVehicle with another adult... and often 'A Frequent Yummy Third!'.
We also have three RedHeelers.
.
Somebody looking in, they might experience Shakespeare-levels, German-opera, tsunami-during-a-blizzard levels of drama.
Run-screaming-for-the-hills levels of drama.
Naturally, me looking out, I describe this as 'normal'.
.
The peace-seeking farmer in the rural rustic forest -- after a significant 'if your neighbor bugs you, drive away' time -- might be sensitive to intruders on the anticipated quiet.
And this's understandable.
.
.
b)
Any time some thing or some event -- or some human -- bugs me more than once, I contemplate the constant in the equation... me.
I start at:
* What do I need to learn from this?
.
Generally, the lesson goes along the lines of:
* I feel out-of-control...
... and that engages a realization of redonckulous missing since the last time...
... so, naturally, I have to laugh at my need for control.
.
.
c)
And 'yes', the vast majority of people are intentional nincompoops.
Not my job to fix 'em.

 

[eDJ_]

Consider the way some Bar owners do things. They have a bouncer at the door and some inside. Often they raise their prices to keep the "less than desirable" out. Then if you do
have to tangle, at least there was enough money to compensate for the hassle.

Generally the trouble makers are value shoppers.