Did you make bad choices? What’s your story?

[izifaddag]

Iz-Israel Kamakawiwo’ole. He has the most beautiful voice. (Growing up in a SoCal beach town in the 70’s you learn some Hawaiian Pidgin) Anyway if you have time you should listen to him on YouTube.

So I’m not hearing bad choices I’m hearing life and how people work hard all their lives. I’m never going to let some idiot upset me again when I have all these people on this site who are such gentle, compassionate people who “get” it.

Yes I know Iz I love his songs especially Somewhere Over The Rainbow. That song is so appropriate for so many of us. Just hoping things get better. 

The choice thing is a good comment. When somebody says that you are where you are because you made bad life choices it is said out of a staggering amount of arrogance and willful ignorance. They are saying that they didn't. That they are cleverer than you. That you are stupid and they are superior. 

I have spent an entire life on both sides of the Atlantic scrambling for a little something. I am not stupid I did well in school, served a 4.5 year apprenticeship, went to college, studied science. I did everything you are supposed to do and I am effectively broke.
Yes, sometimes you get to make a choice but for the majority of us it boils down to 2 things.

Luck and damage control. Constant damage control.​

Example. In 2009 I had a bankruptcy. It wasn't a 'oh you went nuts with the credit cards' bankruptcy. No, no, no. It was strategic. A way to divest myself of a property, that had turned into a losing proposition, without the bank having its claws into me forever AND no property. Damage control. A controlled crash landing. I lost a small fortune.

You are forced to live somewhere sometimes by circumstances. You are forced sometimes to work in a company that is committing suicide. You are sometimes forced to watch as the ship sinks before your eyes and then sucks you down with it. Sometimes people in governments and Wall Street cause the economy of the country to collapse. You have no part in any of this stuff, you are a victim. 
There are no 'making bad choices'. You are an innocent bystander that did everything right but got shot whilst someone else was robbing a bank. 

To say that any of this was through "bad life choices" is so arrogant and plain stupid that it boggles my mind how someone could be that dumb and still manage to breath.
This is why your thread touched a nerve. This is why I was totally insulted by that comment. 
People who say such things usually come from money and have no idea how the real world works. They are the ones who camp in $100 a night sites and if you cannot then obviously it is all your own fault.
Rarely things are that cut and dried. End of rant.

 

[LERCA]

Thank you thank you thank you Iz. I am getting better at not letting idiots bother me. I’m also learning to choose good people as my friends and surround myself with good people. That took a long time but that’s a personal thing. Miserable people try and make others miserable. I see it on here sometimes even though most people are so kind and helpful.
That was a great post. This was a great thread for me with so much sensible writing and wisdom.
Thank you everyone!

 

[izifaddag]

Por nada.
Most folks are ok and even the ones with the spiteful keyboards are often fine if you meet them in real life. 

Some aren't


You keep away from those clowns. Just like these rioters now. Don't go anywhere near them. Stay away. I am cautious nowadays. An example. People come off with this southern charm, y'all, down home crap where I am. AND they will cheat you in a heartbeat. It is facade a ruse a smoke screen. 

Then we fool ourselves with stereotypes of different places. I was a trucker and I can tell you for  a fact nasty rude people congregate together. They feed off each other. My god Miami and Ft Lauderdale - shudder.

California has this reputation left over from the 60s. Laid back, everyone is toking, riding the waves, the beach boys. Nonsense. It is quite probably the rudest state. I got used to it, smart mouth, rude people for absolutely no reason other than they like it. Same in Oregon same in Washington. 
Then there is the exact opposite. New York State and NY City or New Jersey. They are supposed to be rude, won't help anybody, nasty smart mouths. Not true. They are the funniest, friendly people around. 
Northerners and southerners. Stereotyped but not really true. Southerners are not stupid and northerners are not cold. Just people.

 

[user 423]

Idiots. Clowns. Mean people (who are often taken wrong).

Lots of variety you find on these internet forums.

But let's not forget the Flakes.

 

[jacqueg]

Yes I know Iz I love his songs especially Somewhere Over The Rainbow. That song is so appropriate for so many of us. Just hoping things get better. 

The choice thing is a good comment. When somebody says that you are where you are because you made bad life choices it is said out of a staggering amount of arrogance and willful ignorance. They are saying that they didn't. That they are cleverer than you. That you are stupid and they are superior. 

I have spent an entire life on both sides of the Atlantic scrambling for a little something. I am not stupid I did well in school, served a 4.5 year apprenticeship, went to college, studied science. I did everything you are supposed to do and I am effectively broke.
Yes, sometimes you get to make a choice but for the majority of us it boils down to 2 things.

Luck and damage control. Constant damage control.​

Example. In 2009 I had a bankruptcy. It wasn't a 'oh you went nuts with the credit cards' bankruptcy. No, no, no. It was strategic. A way to divest myself of a property, that had turned into a losing proposition, without the bank having its claws into me forever AND no property. Damage control. A controlled crash landing. I lost a small fortune.

You are forced to live somewhere sometimes by circumstances. You are forced sometimes to work in a company that is committing suicide. You are sometimes forced to watch as the ship sinks before your eyes and then sucks you down with it. Sometimes people in governments and Wall Street cause the economy of the country to collapse. You have no part in any of this stuff, you are a victim. 
There are no 'making bad choices'. You are an innocent bystander that did everything right but got shot whilst someone else was robbing a bank. 

To say that any of this was through "bad life choices" is so arrogant and plain stupid that it boggles my mind how someone could be that dumb and still manage to breath.
This is why your thread touched a nerve. This is why I was totally insulted by that comment. 
People who say such things usually come from money and have no idea how the real world works. They are the ones who camp in $100 a night sites and if you cannot then obviously it is all your own fault.
Rarely things are that cut and dried. End of rant.

This is a GREAT post.

I'm 73. I like myself and am comfortable in my own skin. It took me years to get here.

EVERYTHING I did and didn't do got me here. So while there were plenty of things that I did then that I wouldn't do the same way again, they were not bad choices. You only know what you know at any given time. You have to forgive yourself for being a non-omniscient human being - and you have to forgive other people for [font=Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]being non-omniscient human beings [/font]too.

You can make yourself crazy looking back and kicking yourself for something you did or didn't do 20 years ago. Making yourself crazy does not lead to serenity or improved decisions going forward. Instead, look back, ask yourself what you can learn from whatever it was, make some positive changes as a result of what you learn, and move on.

 

[Chica63]

Thanks.  A nursing home is out as can't afford it (and couldn't before).  10k a month is a LOT of money!  A LOT of the IRA got spent.  The addition was all cash as the house wouldn't appraise in the neighborhood for that addition.  This is by far the smallest space we have lived in short of the roadtrek.  Our first house was 1200 sft, the second was 1550 sft and the third was 2700 sft.  The paid for house was a median 2600 sft. and in a small town.  I hate being in the big city.  Housing is a LOT more expensive here in the suburbs than a small town.  I would have built upwards as it would have been a lot cheaper but I worried over stairs.

Hi Brian. First, I’m very sorry to hear about your wife. Have you looked into a group care home? Last summer my mom became very ill after battling cancer for 4 years. She became bedridden (literally could not sit up or get out of bed without passing out) and needed 24/7 specialized care. She decided to stop treatments and go on hospice. She wasn’t eligible for Medicaid for a nursing home and we didn’t have the money to pay for it out of pocket. The social worker at the rehab facility (where we were given 72 hours to find a place or take her home) put us in touch with a gentleman who finds group care homes for patients. (The don’t have to be on hospice, btw).  We had never even heard of such a thing.  They are usually private homes run by a nurse or nurses and provide 24-7 care. We were lucky we found a private room in a newly established care home for my mom within 48 hours. The cost was $2100 a month. Her SS covered almost half of that and we were able to come up with the rest between a little of her savings each month and our own money. The monthly cost included food and basic necessities. Plus being on hospice she was provided all the equipment she needed and someone coming in daily to check on her, bathe her, provide activities etc. And the woman who owned and ran the home was amazing as well and catered to her food sensitivities. We were able to drop in any time of day until curfew. When she passed away we were able to be there with her and the nurse and hospice took care of everything, even contacting the funeral home for us.  It was truly a blessing to have found that home. My mom was not easy to handle but she was happy and comfortable there. 
I hope you both find some peace during this difficult time. If want more info feel free to send me a message.

 

[NctryBen]

I’m one of those that never could “conform”. Bad choices? Maybe, but I’ve always tried to give everything my best. Pretty much wore my body out with little to show for it. Nomadic life seems like a logical thing for someone like many of us. What we choose to do is our own choices and business. Most I see in this community are very caring people. People that “get” each other. Doesn’t matter what you have or don’t have, we’re just who we are. Unlike the corporate world who judges us by what we have. People with things are never content. I feel like much of the hate going on is people not being able to accept living with the choices they’ve made to this point. We like to blame our situations on whatever and whomever. Nomadic life to me is different... we may hold opinions about this and that, but it’s about taking control of what we can and living life without constraints. I’m basically signing over my property to my kids. Not like I have a lot... but as long as I can come around and make my contributions and then go on with whatever I choose to do, that’s just me. We’re dependent on each other to a point no matter what, I think. Thanks all for their contributions to this forum. I see a lot of heart in just about everyone here.

 

[crofter]

Today I went to Target and counted four sprinters with people living in them. Brand new and beautiful. I’m guessing since they were shiny and new it’s just for fun and they have money. But I don’t know for sure and am curious as to people’s stories. I guess I’m still angry about the guy who posted that those of who ended up in vehicles had made bad choices. I wonder how many of us did. I certainly didn’t. And if you did you have my sympathy. In other areas of my life I made some terrible choices like financially supporting two husbands and then losing everything in the divorces....

Ha! I have been divorced for over 20 years because the opposite gender is way too expensive. I feel ya on that one for sure. Marriage only works for people who are suited to it. If you are a free spirit, well maybe a different choice would have been better than marriage. It took many years for me to realize that I was a dreamer and I was the only one with that particular dream, the rest were just going to follow their own way. Nothing I thought or did would have changed anything. I think if I had not invested everything as I did in those failed relationships, I would have come out with more money, but I would have doubted myself. I know myself better by having those fully invested catastrophic failures, even though it was hard, and expensive. 
 
It is a lot less stressful just being accountable to myself, and I suppose that is part of what makes my situation work for dwelling. Ultimately, if there is some problem I have to deal with, well it is my problem to solve, and to my own benefit to solve it. I have to admit that money's tight because I 'm disabled. I had planned to work much longer than I was able to. I was injured twice at work, and that put my financial plans into the ditch. But I still drive one of those shiney rigs, because I want to avoid breakdowns on the road as much as possible, at least until I really know my rig. So was it my bad choice to be working at a job where I could possibly become injured? True, I did accept the job in the first place and did willingly go there on that day expecting to complete my assigned duties without injury. But, as they say, an accident is an unplanned happening, not a choice. Can you blame everyone's situation on their choices? No, not an accurate assessment, life is much more complicated than choices.
~crofter

 

[Cammalu]

Bullfrog, I know where the job is you are looking for. But instead of just roasting marshmallows you have to feed them to my night visitors. They will gladly take them out of your hand.

There are rocks for you to paint as well. Plenty of firewood in the woods already down and I have a chainsaw. I’m not cutting it for you.

I took this pic of a couple of visitors here yesterday.

I’m afraid there is a dog now that might shake pond water on you though. She’s a big swimmer.

You know where we are in KY and we will be here until it’s cold.

 

[Cammalu]

I’ve always had the travel bug and have lived in ten states and South America.

I never had a ton of money but I kept my credit clean so was able to buy houses over my lifetime where ever I was living. I moved to rural Kentucky about 12-15 years ago (can’t remember) and was able to buy a beautiful piece of land because it’s very cheap to live here.

Some years later my niece and her husband moved out here and shared my house. Since I had them I was able to take out a mortgage and buy a rental house across the road from me when it came up for sell ($25,000). We fixed it up much better than it was and rented it out for not quite double what the mortgage payment was. A couple years later I was able to do the same and bought another. I’ve bought two more the same way. The extra money goes into fixing the next one for the time being but my niece and her hubby will have some income from them one day. I doubt I’ll live that long but I might.

In any event there are possibilities out there. I don’t live in my house at all anymore but am in the driveway in my RV here in the summer. If we ever are finished fixing up this last house then we won’t have to be here very much. That’s the plan anyway but the house is a mess and will acquire a lot of work and we are old and don’t get around very well. Finding someone to hire to help is very difficult. We tried a couple of teenagers but they really just want to work as slow as possible and take breaks every few minutes. It just wasn’t working out nor cost effective.

We do have passing visitors here and get to enjoy that.

 

[bullfrog]

I’ve spent too many nights swatting mosquitos, watching out for poison ivy and having a kerosine jar full of tics I pulled off the dog to be back in the hills of Kentucky. Plus I probably wouldn’t be able to breath humid air anymore. Lots of nice people back there though I miss. I really hope people come to realize lack of education and the poverty it brings along with the lack of health care and the illness it brings are the real evils of this world. I spent most my time in Kentucky trying to as a teacher right some of those wrongs. Some jobs are just too big for one person. I hope this next generation does better. I just sold the home place to my son so we can just continue wandering around out west. This old dog is getting almost too old to hunt though and may just have to lay on the porch!

 

[Cammalu]

Yeah but I have a remedy for almost all of those ails. Frontline for the ticks, bird feeders to drawn in birds to keep the insects at bay, an AC if it gets too hot in the shade, and a pond to cool off in if you don’t mind getting wet.

I’m in western KY not eastern where you have the super undereducated although we do have a few confederate flags flying here and there. I ignore those types but it seems I found more running around Quartzsite than even here.

No big hills here just rolling small ones. I have very, very few friends here anyway. Just one family really.

It is better in the fall and spring for sure though.

Poison ivy? It’s very apparent if it’s there and I just avoid it mostly. It doesn’t seem to bother me though for some reason. What gets me the most is the wild roses and blackberries when I’m mowing the edge of the fields. My arms stay scratched and bloody.

 

[tx2sturgis]

Some of yall seem a lot more 'human' now...compared to when we are debating battery cables or solar power ratings....

Me? I'm just here for the hot women!

 

[LERCA]

Great stories here. So nice to hear everyone’s lives. So much heart and talent.
Crofter, your post made me laugh and cry. Couldn’t agree with you more. Except there was one guy in my life who got me. There’s only been one really in my lifetime and he died suddenly at 47 (I was 40) not a day goes by that I don’t think of him and it was 18 years ago.
Now I have to think about whether I want to go to my mother’s house and help her. She’s a malignant narcissist and has been viciously cruel to me all my life. You think you’re done with all that but life isn’t done with you. I’m a strong believer in karma which is what makes me even consider it. I’ve had too many people rescue me at the last minute to turn my back but I don’t know if I’m strong enough.
Anyway I’m in awe of the life experience and wisdom on here.  Thank you all for sharing some very personal things.
TX we’re hot all right, but in my case that would be hot flashes.

 

[bullfrog]

We had the entire back line of the property in black berries, best fence and kept the neighbors happy as well. Part of the reason I am thin skinned and bleed so easy now is so many brier injuries and smashed fingers from cracking hickory and walnuts. I get being a hermit after living in the hills, many times there you are lucky to solve you own problems and a few of your own families problems never the less societies problems. Being an uneducated hillbilly gets you treated much like a minority in other parts of the country. When you can’t get people to accept you and help you over come the problems is when things get bad. As my friends used to say “When judgement day comes all they will have to do is light the fire in this county.”

 

[bullfrog]

Lecra you have to take care of yourself before you will be able to help anyone else on a long term basis. If your mom is anything like mine she won’t make it easy. Mine hasn’t been but you do what you are able without damaging yourself. There are others that can and will if you reach out to them. It may not be what either of you wants but it may be the only way for you to survive. We have worked at Escapees Care and for some it works, maybe something to consider.

 

[NomadicFoodie]

Something to consider is Escapees Care in Livingston Texas as well as what I call "old man jobs" like driving a shuttle or dispatcher.  Also sometimes there are volunteer jobs that furnish a free site.  I never knew I could get a free site by roasting marshmallows, painting rocks and telling stories.

A friend of mine has picked up work driving for funeral homes...

 

[NomadicFoodie]

This has been a fascinating post.
I'm not into sharing too much online, and my story is a long and twisty one. Basicly, after growing up in a revolution/war zone Life is Good. I have made mostly good decisions, a few spectacularly bad ones that I did learn from and when I was younger i took a lot of risks, in multiple ways, emigrating twice, business that worked, business that failed, but now I can't tolerate risk as much, I guess I know more! I don't have much materially but I sure have a lot of stories.... I can't wait to meet some of you and hear yours. Good people here!

 

[JerryJ]

This post is not about me, I made my decisions, good and bad, but becoming a nomad is my choice. Here's one van dweller (temporary) who has also chosen to use a van rather than an RV:  

[font=-apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont,]https://www.instagram.com/p/CCyviYMnnMj/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link[/font][/SIZE]

[font=-apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont,]The particular Instagram post is more about advertising her pajamas, but my take from it is that people from all walks of life have all sorts of reasons to chose to live some part of their life simply, enjoying the world around them.[/font]

[font=-apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont,]To Lerca, the best advice my GP ever gave me was don't worry about what other people say, do what is right for you![/font]

 

[Qxxx]

You just have to keep rolling along, and quiet the demons in your head. In the brain, it's an ageless battle between the modern neocortex and the ancient 300M YO limbic system. Some of us inherited angry genes and had to learn to control them. It's not always easy.