Choosing to be Single and on the Road

[compassrose]

Reading this thread makes me happy, sad and horrified. In one week's time I will have been "single" for one year. It has been the worst year of my life. I lost my best friend.

I am happy that there are those of you who are living life on your own terms and content in your choices.
I am sad for those of you of who have not found the right special person to share your life, your joys and your sorrows.
I am horrified that this is what there is out there in the "dating pool"... a place that I don't think I want to go wading into. Eeek!

My 29yo daughter does not date and seems to have no interest in dating. I really understand why. A lot of her contemporaries don't date either. The people out there scare me. Or make me wonder about them. There's one guy on FB that I watch his posts. I call him a "player" (mustang convertible and an RV, I guess that makes him a "catch" or the fact that he is breathing). Has all these women replying to every idiot thing he posts and several of them live right there near him. He can post "It's a nice day" and 10 women will reply about how nice it is and how they should meet up with him and go to the beach, etc. I can't complain. Gives me a good giggle every so often and I usually need a good giggle. But they are a tad rude to other women (the competition?). I think women my age are still viewed as not "complete" if they don't have a partner to share their life with. My children's friends don't seem to be that into "steady" relationships but think you are odd (or gay) if you are not diving into the deep end of the dating pool all the time. I think I prefer standing off to the side and just watch the show. I don't even have much interest in meeting anyone I converse with via the internet. Too much drama for me. I'm doing all I can to deal with my own problems (real or imagined) to deal with anyone else's problems (real or imagined). I think I scare people. If, at some point, I decide I need "companionship" I will get a dog. But I do have my daughter (the non-dating, RVing one) and we will probably be traveling together for a while. We have decided that instead of having her move into the bus with me, to repair/remodel her vintage Class C so it will suit her and her puppydog (the one I have been babysitting because she doesn't like to be alone) a bit better.

 

[offroad]

Logical living COMPASS. You got it right. No one wants drama. Some have no idea they have drama. Baggage is understandable. But drama is not.

 

[lterry]

I'm happily single, though I blame no one other than myself for any broken relationships. Some people just aren't meant for coupledom, and I am one of them. It feels like a tug-of-war and I'd rather have peace.
I like being around the opposite sex but only as friends. No romance! But that often can't take place...some people believe there's no where to go except being romantic. As if that's that next step to take. But it isn't. I've yet to have a real friendship with a man last. So, take that however you wish. I like being single, not manless.

 

[BradKW]

lol...this reminded me of a time when a woman said to me: "I'm sorry, I just time to be romantically involved right now..."

To which I responded...

"Romance? Who said anything about romance?!"

 

[GrantRobertson]

No romance! But that often can't take place...some people believe there's no where to go except being romantic.

That is because that is what society has been force feeding us for millennia. I won't go into the dozens of reasons or who actually profits. Got other things to do today. Besides, I don't wanna get too ranty.

 

[Iggy]

I, too, seem destined for a lifetime of being single. But it is far from a bad thing. I fell in love only once and it turned out I was in love with an illusion. She was actually a deeply evil sociopath who only had designs on my money (back when I had some) and was engaged to me and another man simultaneously. I got another girlfriend pregnant and she had an abortion without consulting me first. Another became a lesbian after a year of us dating. So yeah, though I still occasionally date for fun, even then I remain on a friends only basis mostly.
A van is best suited for solo living in my opinion, at least the way I have mine arranged. And I love making decisions without having to compromise to please someone else. I'm too nice about letting others choose, then end up a bit bored and resentful that we aren't doing any of what I want to do. Besides what woman in her right mind would go for a guy with virtually no money, living in a van, and no ambition except to travel and enjoy life on the least amount of money possible?! Besides, look at this face!

I rest my case.

 

[lterry]

lol...this reminded me of a time when a woman said to me: "I'm sorry, I just time to be romantically involved right now..."

To which I responded...

"Romance? Who said anything about romance?!"

Pretty funny - okay, let me clarify: no romantic or nonromantic intimate encounters for me. (try saying that fast 10 times)

 

[lterry]

I, too, seem destined for a lifetime of being single. But it is far from a bad thing. I fell in love only once and it turned out I was in love with an illusion. She was actually a deeply evil sociopath who only had designs on my money (back when I had some) and was engaged to me and another man simultaneously. I got another girlfriend pregnant and she had an abortion without consulting me first. Another became a lesbian after a year of us dating. So yeah, though I still occasionally date for fun, even then I remain on a friends only basis mostly.
A van is best suited for solo living in my opinion, at least the way I have mine arranged. And I love making decisions without having to compromise to please someone else. I'm too nice about letting others choose, then end up a bit bored and resentful that we aren't doing any of what I want to do. Besides what woman in her right mind would go for a guy with virtually no money, living in a van, and no ambition except to travel and enjoy life on the least amount of money possible?! Besides, look at this face!

I rest my case.

Looks like a friendly face to me.

 

[lterry]

That is because that is what society has been force feeding us for millennia. I won't go into the dozens of reasons or who actually profits. Got other things to do today. Besides, I don't wanna get too ranty.

I agree :/
Thankfully, my  daughters  have a preference for being boyfriendless as well. I raised them right!

 

[WriterMs]

Besides what woman in her right mind would go for a guy with virtually no money, living in a van, and no ambition except to travel and enjoy life on the least amount of money possible?! Besides, look at this face!

Well, there's your problem Iggy! It would be better not to introduce yourself using a police mugshot!

So what was going on to make you make THAT face? LOL

 

[Iggy]

Well, there's your problem Iggy! It would be better not to introduce yourself using a police mugshot!

So what was going on to make you make THAT face? LOL [emoji14]

It was my reaction to the pouring rain today. Lol I had hoped to hike the Silver Falls loop in Oregon one last time before heading toward San Diego and later the RTR.
But you think that picture is bad, you should see my driver's license!

 

[mockturtle]

Gee, Iggy!  You're a lot better looking than I would have guessed!

 

[TMG51]

I guess a lot of you guys are committed to the single life then. I dunno, I'm waiting for the right kooky chick to accompany my van travels again.

 

[akrvbob]

A really great book on the topic of love, sex and romance is "Sex at Dawn." It's written by anthropologists and the Dawn it refers to is the dawn of the human race. It turns out that until the advent of Agriculture and civilization about 10,000 years ago, monogamy was a rarity.

It's a tremendously entertaining book because it shows so many fun ways in which humans evolved to have many sexual partners. Pair-bonding as partners and friends is very common, but monogomy was generally not part of it. Some examples:

1) Why are women the noisy ones during sex? To alert the rest of the tribe she was ready.
2) Why is the human penis shaped the way it is? It acts as a plunger and sucks the competing sperm from other competitors out of the birth canal so your genes are more likely to win the race and be reproduced.
3) In numerous tribes sperm was thought to be the food the baby in the womb ate. One man alone couldn't provide enough so the whole tribe was expected to contribute.
4) The term "It takes a village to raise a child" was very literally true for most of human history. One man and one woman couldn't keep watch at night so the hyennas or lions could come in and take the baby or the baby could crawl off and be taken. If the woman had sex with mutual partners, no one knew who the father was and so each man and his extended family took it as his responsibility to raise the child. Literally the entire village raised each child like their own. No child was ever neglected or lacked for love. The majority of children are in civilized times.

Once you take monogamy out of the equation, male female relationships become very easy. Like Lisa said, we all long for friendships with the opposite sex, but monogamy makes that almost impossible.

Sigh, those were the good old days!
Bob
Bob

 

[Gary68]

yes,syphilis for everyone,no wonder tribal life went the way of the dinosaur,well,i have thought about child sacrifice a time or two but needed someone to stack the fire wood so they lived

 

[rvpopeye]

Sounds like a cool book Bob.

I've been alone most of my life on the road ,
But have been with someone too.
Being alone is easier ,,,,,,or not !
Being with someone is more fun,,,,,or not!
What will the future bring ???
Maybe a little of both,,,,,,or not !
Life just happens whatever way it want's to.
Some assembly may be required...................................

Oh My GOSHK ! Skuh kuh kuh kuh kuh

 

[WriterMs]

Sounds like a book where the authors put a lot of "imagination" into it and their own theories based on... ???

Sperm can fertilize an egg in a half hour. So nature shaped a penis to be a plunger to suck out the competitor's sperm? So the second man is there during the same hour? Really? You buy that? How about the shape is needed to get the sperm as close as possible to the fallopian tubes?

Monogamy is something you think was forced on men? Hmmm. Studies show that men are much more likely to remarry quickly after divorce than are women.

I have SEVERAL men friends.. platonic... and had them through more than one long-term relationship. And I fully expected my ex to keep his women friends. Our trust in each other that way was never a problem.

Just read the socks thread, too ... and many other posts over time discussing relationships. I can appreciate the humor in many of them. Yet there seems a lot of misogyny in general towards women from some members. Hmmmm. I guess we all carry baggage so maybe what I see here is a reflection of the general population?

Maybe I just need to avoid these topics or take a break. :huh:

 

[Terry]

Wow. I've been widowed for just over two years now and I hate it. I loved having my wife to take care of and having her take care of me. We were best friends and that is the way I believe a relationship should be. There was nothing, nor no one more important than Cathy. Yes, we would have arguments and I would storm off but I would always call within a few minutes to make sure she was alright and let her know I would be back home as soon as I could get my attitude under control. I don't think I will have another 40 years to get that close to another lady but I would like to find something as close to that type of relationship as I can. I know things will never be the same as I had with Cathy. I'm not as durable nor as able bodied as I was and would prefer a lady that was a little more independent than Cathy was. The thing is that anything that comes up will always be a work in progress and has to have attention payed to it all the time. I really like having someone to share everything with.

 

[Reverse Engineer]

The road life is generally not for couple oriented people.

When I was OTR, there were a few Couple Drivers out there, but not many and I'm not sure how long those couples lasted together out on the road either.  It's generally a solitary existence, and you need to be comfortable as a Solitary Man (Woman).  Obviously, it is more men than women who will choose this life, for any number of reasons.

Besides the psychological issues are the sheer physical constraints.  Whether you are in a Van or a Freightliner tractor, you simply do not have much space to work with.  To have everything one person needs in such a vehicle is a tight squeeze, to get everything 2 people need takes more room, bigger vehicle/trailer.  Not double the size, but 50% more room I think.

Its a solitary kind of life.  Rewarding in its own way, but solitary.



RE

 

[mockturtle]

Obviously, it is more men than women who will choose this life, for any number of reasons.

Interestingly, here in the west I think I've met at least as many solo women RV-ers as men.  It's not unusual, as many of us are widowed but choose to continue the lifestyle we enjoyed.  However, while traveling in the southeast, I found my solo lifestyle to be viewed with surprise and even alarm.  So, if you want to meet independent women, the west is the place.