Choosing to be Single and on the Road

[GrantRobertson]

I am not on the road yet but plan to be within six months or so, though I will be in a small RV or shuttle-bus-conversion-in-progress within a couple of months or so. I am intentionally designing it so that another person just wouldn't fit. It will be a super nice design with great build quality and decor. It's just that the bed will only be 20" wide and there won't be room for a second one. Though, I "clean up well" I tend to let my scraggly beard grow to about a quarter inch every week before I shave it on Monday morning. I almost intentionally do not wear stylish clothes. I no longer even try to talk to women in any capacity other than basic friendliness and courtesy. All this in an effort to ensure that I will not ever get into another big-R Relationship again. Every one has started out nice but the crazy has always slowly crept out at about the same pace I was getting attached. Never wanting to be that guy who left someone because they had "some issues" I ended up staying way too long... way past the time when the "issues" showed themselves to be full-blown mental illness. I will spare you the horror stories. Suffice it to say, I could write a book. We are not talking about simple depression here. Not by a long shot.

Each of these Relationships lasted several years and took me even longer to recover from: either in terms of my life plans, emotionally,  financially, or all three. I am not talking about feeling bad because someone broke up with me. Usually, by that time, I was relieved. I'm talking about the utter exhaustion that comes from living through the kinds of things that movies have been made about.

Now, I am 55 years old. I am about 10 years behind on the life plans I started on back before I was 40. The way I see it, I've got about 20 good years left in me. I just can't afford to take the chance that another 5 or 10 years could be wasted dealing with and recovering from another bad relationship. Sure, there is a chance that the sixth (or is it seventh?) time (not counting short-term dating) could be the charm. But I doubt it. Not with my track record.

I do not identify as a MGTOW, mostly because most of the guys in that "community" are way too bitter and ranty. I do not project the problems I have seen in the women I have known onto all the women in the world. I just don't trust that any of the very few women who may be attracted to me to not fit the same pattern of what I have seen before, oh so many times. So, I guess I would say I am a Person Going My Own Way, a PGMOW.

 

[ramblingvanman]

I am in the same place as Grant. I intentionally dress down and am somewhat overweight so as not to attract the opposite sex. I have been a serial monogamist for most of my adult life. Now I am enjoying being "unencumbered". I love women, too much sometimes. I always end up getting the short end of the stick come break up time though. While I would not mind finding a really good woman who shared my interests, I am not going looking for her. If she shows up and forces her way in, fine. If not, that is fine too.

 

[ilovemyvan]

I kissed an awful lot of frogs before I found my Prince. If this relationship was to end I would never go back kissing frogs that's for sure. I would go on single remembering how great my Prince was. I am blessed and I know it.

Nicole

 

[GotSmart]

whats a 419 folder??

My 419 folder is where I go to get a laugh.  It contains emails from spammers, and particularly brain dead people. 

This is the Urban Dictionary definition.


[font='Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Roboto, Arial, sans-serif][font=Lora, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif]419[/font] [/font]
[font='Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Roboto, Arial, sans-serif]SECTION OF NIGERIAN LAW WHICH COVERS FRAUD. OFTEN CALLED A NIGERIAN 419 SCAM BECAUSE THE EMAIL SCAM PROMISING A PERCENTAGE OF THE CASH IF YOU HELP MOVE MONEY OUTTA THE COUNTRY ORIGINATED IN NIGERIA. MANY SCAMMERS ARE POOR AND SO MUST USE KEYBOARDS WITH THE CAPS LOCK KEY PERMANENTLY JAMMED DOWN. 

also the name of the fictitious hip-hop group created by the Ebola Monkey Man in his often hilaroius discourses with scammers. www.ebolamonkeyman.com[/font]
[font='Source Sans Pro', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Roboto, Arial, sans-serif]I AM GENERAL IMAN AL-KOHOLIK OF THE ARMY OF THE LATE SANI ABACHA FORMER PRESIDENT OF NIGERIA AND I WISH TO ASK FOR... [/font]

 

[offroad]

Prefer a relationship in my life. With the right strong willed minimal drama person. They are rare but they are out there. But admittedly there are a lot more needy folks, some no fault of their own. The right person is never easy. The wrong person is a just too painful.

 

[Queen]

I live with the love of my life, she is everything to me, we have been together 26 years and every new year is better than the last. If something were to happen to her and I was alone, I would stay that way.

We talk about that sometimes and that's why we have the home base in FL and now the Roadtrek, we handle things very differently. If I go first she'd hermit in the condo forever, if she goes first I'd be in the van that day and never stop moving. Probably why I like reading here, I see kindred spirits in that wanderlust.

 

[GrantRobertson]

If she shows up and forces her way in, fine. If not, that is fine too.

It has been my experience that the ones who show up and force their way in are the ones to avoid, for either gender.

 

[B and C]

I also live with the love of my life.  38 GREAT (and some not so great) years.  We have had some differences in our life, but those days seem to be behind us.  I am in the same boat as Queen in that if she goes first, I am gone on the road.  If I go first, she will be a hermit and later move in with the son.  This is part of the reason we will keep the S&B and it will be home base during the Winter holidays where we can be around for family time.

We have always traveled well together.  We put over 250k miles on a '77 Dodge van.  Wish I still had it.   The Roadtrek is much more comfortable though and not near as much fun to drive.

We hope to be on the road 9 to 10 months a year starting in January

Brian

 

[Suanne]

Like Queen and Brian, my partner loves being in our sticks and bricks. In fact, he's down right miserable when traveling away from this comfort zone. So, I spend part of the year traveling solo and the other part with him. It's a compromise and my best choice for happiness right now. (I love being on the road and in nature; I like being a home-body and love John.) Should John pass before me, I'd be full-time on the road in a heartbeat. As for remaining single, I don't know for sure. I'd like to think I would, but don't have a very strong resolve or clarity one way or the other.

 

[dragonflyinthesky]

I've only been on the road 7 months but living on the road or in a sticks and bricks is about the same. A big house can be pretty small if you are both unhappy with each other.

I've been single 10 years now. I'm with a companion who is very safe. He doesn't want any more and I don't want any more than what we can give each other.  We are both jaded from previous relationships don't want to risk ourselves. It works for us.

I will be taking off from my home base, where I've been several months in a few weeks. He is seeing that my electric is repaired and everything else is set for me to go.  I also do domestic things for him so it is not one sided.

Sometimes I look at happy or semi happy couples, living on the road or old  friends and I'm a little envious. I do miss the idea of living happily ever after with my soulmate but that's not happening. This past winter and spring I met up with some men from here at the Florida connection. We also met up and traveled with some other couples and singles, all strangers at first. We seemed to me to form a happy little tribe and encampment. It's amazing how close you can bond with the right strangers.  We all split up late spring to take care of personal matters here and there.

Some are meeting up again. I'm torn between heading there in a few weeks (Florida) and awaiting the rest of the group to straggle in or going out west to spend the winter.

This was a lot of rambling to say, keep an open heart and enjoy life as it comes even if it's not perfect. Yes, I choose to be single. Now, I would consider a man with his own rig and travel together but separate living quarters.  He can't be needy and needs a bigger camper than mine. Mine's to small to do the wild thing anymore, I'm to old to be limber enough. 

 

[missnout]

If you don't like the fish your catching... change your bait. he he, just wanted to add a little humor.

 

[SoulRaven]

I think it would be great to find a like minded woman to share the road with, I know there are many nights I would enjoy the comfort of a woman. Not just sexually, but also the somewhat more gentle way of dealing with issues. Finding someone that you both want to spend 24 hours a day with or close to is (to me) difficult. Funny thing, the last woman I was truly in love with ditched me because I was 'Boring'. I was work, home, sleep and go out once or maybe twice a month. That was 8 years ago. She messaged me on Facebook wanting to meet for coffee. We met and time had not been good to her, or to me actually, my heart attack aged me a bit and slowed me down in many ways. As it turned out she had had some drug issues and arrests. Not necessarily a deal breaker, I still enjoyed talking to her. 

So when I got home I Googled her. 4 arrests for drugs and theft. Nope. Many things I can overlook but a thief is not one. I deleted my Facebook acct., very seldom used it and figured it's best just remain single and if the powers that be, whatever they are, cause me to meet a nice woman who wants to travel, so be it. If not. Life does indeed go on.

 

[GrantRobertson]

If you don't like the fish your catching... change your bait. he he, just wanted to add a little humor.

A lot easier said than done, my friend.

 

[Tinman74]

54 years married and still on our honeymoon. We enjoy the same music, entertainment, have the same political and moral views. We both love to travel in our RoadTrek and we both also enjoy returning home. After we have been traveling for a while one of us will just ask, are you ready, already knowing the answer, and we will return home. Don't ask how we know, we just do. If there is such a thing as soul mates i guess we would fit the definition.
When one of us ends up being alone in the end we will have no regrets, only memories.
Bob

 

[SoulRaven]

Well our worst nightmare was just realized, the doctor called and my
wife is allergic to our Springer Spaniel. I know that this isn't the
place to talk about rehoming but could somebody please find it in
their heart to help me out. Her name is Janet and she's 43 years old.

 

[cyndi]

That one's pretty old, Loo. You could use a new joke book.

 

[cyndi]

54 years married and still on our honeymoon. 

How fortunate for you and your wife to be blessed with such a gift. I'm sure there was some hard work involved!

 

[Optimistic Paranoid]

Well, this thread goes a long way towards explaining why no one has posted in the Dating Site For Vandwellers sub-forum since last December!

So much for Bob's hope that this would become THE Hot Site for Vandweller Hook-ups . . .

Regards
John

 

[WriterMs]

I'm laughing and laughing at your comments here. I had been thinking this thread gives some of us single women a roadmap of those with landmines from their past. LOL

Although I freely admit I met my 10-year relationship guy online in a Nashville writer's group, I don't think THIS forum is or needs to have specific threads about meet-ups (and I know you don't either).

I think a month of two of reading posts by those who contribute often gives people a beginning understanding of the personalities and life views of those here. I do hope everyone takes note, however, that I am much more charming and intelligent when you meet me in person.

 

[compassrose]

After being in a relationship for over 35 years (34ys married) to the same guy, I am now single (widow). I never "needed" David to support me or do for me. I'm quite capable of being on my own. I don't think I would ever get with someone for those reasons either. My daughter (and her dog) is going to move into the bus with me and we are both heading back east and (hopefully) drift around until we find a place we like and maybe pick up a bit of land to home base on. She wants to convert a bus of her own (or buy one already converted and remodel it). We will pool our resources and both use the land as a home base when needed. When I can travel no more, I will have a place to park the bus. I am not looking for another to share my life. I like being alone and I like my own company. I don't think I will have any problems with attracting men. I'm 54yo. Men my age tend to want much younger than me. Nor am I a "caretaker" type of person. That fact that I don't want to settle in one place or settle for less than I think I deserve also puts me out of the running for most men. So no problem. That's okay. Besides, I didn't like dating when I was young. I certainly don't want to do that now. I will never forget the guy who expected me to put out because we shared a single milkshake. Needless to say there wasn't a second date.

I have always found it odd the number of women who say they don't like eating in a restaurant alone. They say they get treated different. I've not had that problem. I have often eaten alone when traveling. And I don't wear a wedding ring (haven't in years) so they didn't know I was married. I think things have changed... or I eat in low class places (Cracker Barrels mostly). I think it is more acceptable for women to be alone now.