Almost ready to take off.... SCARED TO DEATH!

[LoveCareThinkDo]

Like many of us, I suffer from anxiety. However, it's been almost over the top lately. I've got just about everything packed in my minivan. I plan to stop by Flagstaff to get my solar equipment, then install it myself. I have just under $8k saved up. It will cost me just under $3k for all the other stuff I need to buy (solar, MiFi booster, miscellaneous other stuff I haven't bought yet), leaving about $5k to live on till I can establish an income on the road.

I have calculated that I only need to earn just under $600 per month to live on. (I get a little bit of disability from the VA.) Based on my mediocre research, it seems that a person with my tech and writing skills should be able to do that just fine, with plenty of time left over for thinking and learning.

BUT I AM STILL SCARED TO DEATH!

Yesterday, I was completely decided to just give up all my dreams, move back to my home town, get a regular job, and spend the rest of my life working to pay rent.

But I am pretty sure I would regret that the rest of my life.

I keep thinking of things I have heard other vandwellers say: 
"Your wings don't open till after you jump."
"Nature is the best cure for anxiety and depression."

I guess I just need a little encouragement. I have been dreaming and working towards this for years now. I have lived in a beater old RV and then in my minivan for a total of just over two years. But that was in the relative safety of having a regular job and urban boondocking.

Now, I just have to be brave enough to make that first leap.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Cammalu]

Words of encouragement from the master,
Dr. Suess


Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And then things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on y our way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't.
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be as famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't
Because, sometimes they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike,
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
You're off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

 

[LoveCareThinkDo]

Words of encouragement from the master,
Dr. Suess

Thanks. I needed that.

 

[Blanch]

I am glad I did it.
The anxiety went away for me.

Time and experience will help.


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[Moxadox]

I sure can't say it any better than Dr. Seuss! Thanks, Cam, I needed that too. Close to 4 years in, and just coming to the end of a Waiting, having fallen into a large Hole. Holes do happen, and some are moveable holes, but others are Stationary Holes. Whatever. The important thing to know, Caravan, is that everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, is temporary. Everything passes. You launch yourself, give it a reasonable amount of time, and you know that if you really don't like it you can always find a spot to land and get a job. Many people do that. And then you can either plant yourself somewhere and stay, or you can get back in your rig after you feel more secure and go someplace else. You can migrate seasonally if you choose. There is no playbook: that is illusory. You are the author of your life.

The Dire Wolfess

 

[ByeBye]

Anxiety and depression, would always have me do exactly the opposite of what would be best for me. You're giving yourself the greatest of all gifts in this Solo Flight Adventure, at least that's how it seems to me. Sounds like you've been diligent about planning, I envy that as I'm impulsive too often but it, lol, has a way of keeping things interesting.

I don't know what your beliefs are, about this world in general, but at some point I have to trust the process and believe that Universe/God/CRVL/Buddha/Vandwellers/etc, or combination of, has got my back. I'm not on the road yet but I'm experienced in traveling alone and I have what seems like fear about this shedding of the cocoon as well.

But, what's confronting some occasional free floating anxiety when we might fly.

 

[LoveCareThinkDo]

Thanks everyone.

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[WanderingRose]

Accept that you will continue to have good days, okay days, and some bad days, but it’s all part of the adventure of choosing to live your life another way.

You only live once, and if you’re able to live a dream now, I say do it!

 

[travelaround]

It will be wonderful. Go do it.

 

[Matty Van Halen]

Don’t let fear of the unknown paralyze you. I hope everything works out well for you. Even if things don’t work out as planned , that doesn’t mean it’s over. You could go back, make adjustments, regroup and try again. I’m sure things will work out. Congrats on making the decision to do it!

 

[RoamerRV428]

I completely understand that 'safety net' of a regular job and 'that predictability' of what we think is that safe type life but when that urge of 'go for it' hits hard sometimes you have to answer!
This freedom you find will be wonderful for you and the best thing is nothing is permanent. You could find a fab new location you do want to settle in a home and get a job etc. if something clicks and that is what you want...never say never, you can literally bob and weave and do whatever it takes to make it work for you at any given time in your life. After that first big leap your shoulders will lighten their load very much You will be so happy you did this and followed this path of what you worked so hard to achieve!


I can't wait to hear of your adventures on the road when you launch!!

 

[waverider1987]

I know exactly where you are coming from. I can't tell you how many times I packed up my car just to get around the corner then turn back around. Finally I did some short solo trips which graduated into longer 2 week trips. Now I'm cutting all the ties loose which are BIG...ending a relationship and closing my business. I know I can still come back though if I want but I wanted to give myself an extra push to get out there and do this because for the past i-dont-know-how-many-years, it's all i've wanted to do.

I find support helps, but I don't have that from anyone in my life right now. The RTR is going to probably be a god-send and a good way to start the adventure. What better way to gain confidence then meet up with a bunch of other like minded people?

I figure get out to the RTR....learn, talk, listen.....if I change my mind, I can always go home and figure out what to do with my life. But truth is, I have no back up plan. If this doesn't work out, idk what else to do. I think this is exactly what I always wanted and I'll make it work because I want it to.

 

[LoveCareThinkDo]

I know exactly where you are coming from.  
...

Thanks for your kind words. 

I know this is what I want. And I know this is what I need. I just need to get over my anxiety and get moving.

 

[rosiemartinez1211]

I so hear ya! 
I've been trying to plan my stays along the way from TX heading West and my stomach starts to tighten up cuz I can't figure out the best plan. 
I'll be towing a small pop-up but I still worry about how I'm gonna do. 
And I question, Should we (myself n my sister) just sleep in my small SUV at truck stops, should we camp for a couple of days, and if so, where can I drive in and not get struck? Should I drive 8 hours per day to get closer to AZ quicker, should we stop for the night after 4 hours?
Should I stock up with groceries or just trust they'll cost the same along the way.........I mean it never stops!
Yes, I understand your trepidation!!!!  But I'm going for it and trying to just trust the process. And I'll probably be on here constantly asking for advice, LOL. 
Rosie

 

[LoveCareThinkDo]

I so hear ya! 

Thanks for the encouragement, Rosie.

I'll be taking off in just a couple of weeks. I hope to see you out there.

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[WanderingRose]

It will take awhile to find what works best for you, Rosie, but if you look at it as a learning experience while embarking on a new adventure that may help.

Try not to get stuck on finding the best plan, you just must have some plan that you can modify as you go.

In our early RV days, I stocked up with groceries as if I was heading into the wilds of Alaska, when actually there are grocery stores everywhere.

Some will cost less than at home, some will cost more.

I suggest heading out with food for several days, plus a small supply of emergency rations like canned soup, Mac n cheese, whatever you like that is shelf stable. Always have a supply of basic necessities, food and water, as emergencies and natural disasters occur.

Unless you are on a strict timeline, I suggest driving no more than 6 hours a day.

Stop, take a good walk, have a beverage of your choice, start to plan for the next day, read a good book and get some rest.

Take your time in the morning, have your coffee or tea, enjoy your surroundings, eat a good breakfast and relish your new adventure.

Unless I am heading into a very popular area where reservations are required, I usually plan my next nights stay each morning, whether that is a campground to call ahead to or a WalMart to slip into.

You can sleep in your SUV in truck stops, but unless very carefully conserving money is critical might look instead at a campground.

With a pop up, you may be able to take a tent site, less expensive, while still having electricity and access to whatever facilities the campground offers.

There will be others to talk to at campgrounds, too, to help with small things if you need it, and who will provide you with encouragement and support.

We were all new once.

Public campgrounds are generally less expensive than private, and I have found the AllStays app to be an excellent resource for campground and other travel needs of all sorts.

On week days, you can often use Passport America campgrounds one or more nights at a time for 1/2 price, if you want to join this club it is relatively inexpensive, they have an app and I have used it for years.

If you have the time, and find a campground you like, maybe stay a couple of nights and work on getting your sea legs.

That’s what I would do.

Above all, remember you don’t have to know everything to start out, and it doesn’t all need to be perfect...we all learn as we go what works best for us.

If you are safe, fed and watered, and headed in the right direction you are good to go.

Have a great time!

 

[LoveCareThinkDo]

Well, I'll be taking off in the next day or so. I feel I am only about 2/3 ready. 

I have a 20 pound propane tank with propane, 4 small green bottles, which I will refill from the 20 pounder. I have a Gas ONE Portable Stove, as reviewed by Bob Wells in one of his videos. I plan to use that for cooking as well as heat, just like Bob does. (Please, I do not need all the warnings. I have magical powers just like Bob.  :angel:  )

I have bought some camping pots and pans. Most of my cooking will consist of simply boiling water. I figure, the less I actually cook food in the pan, then the less time I will have to spend cleaning pans. 

I have an Alpicool C22, 12v compressor fridge (not an affiliate link, be sure to use one of Bob's links before purchasing). This is a new model. It holds 23 quarts and looks a lot more like a small cooler. It actually has a small freezer section and comes with an ice tray. Yes, it really does freeze ice when the rest of the fridge is above freezing. However, realistically, it is only big enough to hold two Popsicles (IF you overlap the handles). But the main compartment is tall enough for a half-gallon of milk to stand upright.  I just happened to have a large Coleman cooler that I used before. It just so happened that the Alpicool almost exactly fits into the cooler. Soooo.....  I hacked away at my cooler to make the fridge fit and make openings for the vents....  and now the fridge is a super-insulated fridge with an extra durable shell. I'll explain more about that in a separate post. Maybe, I'll make that one of my first YouTube videos. (Naturally, I gotta start a YouTube channel. I'll talk more about that later.)

I plan to stop in Flagstaff (at the store Bob recommends) to pick up the supplies I will need for solar. I used to be an electronic's technician, so I can install it myself. (I will be volunteering at Enigmatic Nomadics van build party to install solar for others before I stop to install my own.)

I plan to order one of those MoFi cellular internet gadgets, along with a double directional antenna setup, and an expanding aluminum antenna pole. I still have no idea where I will fit that into my minivan. Though I do still have plenty of room.

I even bought one of the porta-potties recommended by Bob. I decided that with my intestinal issues, I want a "real" toilet instead of a bucket where I have to dispose of the bag almost every day. I've used a bucked before. I've used a port-potty before. I definitely prefer the latter. 

I have yet to figure out exactly what I will do about water. So, for now, I will just use one-gallon jugs. Though, I have room under the floor, where the folding seats used to go for a pretty darn big water tank (almost 20 gallons). I just need to find one that will fit the space best. I have owned one of the big Reliant 7 gallon "cubes." I felt it leaked way too much. All their smaller jugs have a chincy vent plug that I don't trust not to leak. (I have already read through most of the old threads about water containers. I don't need suggestions. I just need to figure out what I want to do and when I want to do it.)

If you have seen my build thread, you know that I have already built my cabinets and I have a comfortable bed. I have a great sleeping bag with plenty of heavy blankets.

I still don't know where I will park. There is just way too much information out there, but it is just scattered everywhere so it is pretty hard to make sense of it all without setting up a whole database just to track all of it. So, I will probably just join up with one of the caravans and travel around with them until I figure things out. I am aware of FreeCampsites.net and others. However, I still think all this could be made a hell of a lot easier. Yet something else I will talk about later. 

I still don't know what I am going to do for a living. I have saved up enough money to live on for about 9 months after spending what I need to finish fixing up the minivan for full-time living. However, I have pretty good computer and writing skills, so I should be able to find something that will help me get by.

Please, please, please, I am not posting all this so someone can jump in here and tell me what they think is wrong with every single one of my solutions or plans. I have enough anxiety as it is. I am mostly just writing all this to get some of the weight off my shoulders and get some encouragement. 

Thank you for your support,
CC

 

[travelaround]

You have beautiful cabinetry in your van - I'm impressed - also think it is cool you can install solar. I will have to pay someone to do that for me, when I get around to it. Anyhow, looks like you're well-prepared for the start of your new, more mobile life. Congratulations!

 

[WanderingRose]

It looks to me as if you are ready to make a start on your great adventure.

What doesn’t work as you go, you can change.

As long as you are safe, warm, fed and hydrated, the rest is all gravy.

Have a great time!

 

[LoveCareThinkDo]

You have beautiful cabinetry in your van - I'm impressed - also think it is cool you can install solar. I will have to pay someone to do that for me, when I get around to it. Anyhow, looks like you're well-prepared for the start of your new, more mobile life. Congratulations!

It looks to me as if you are ready to make a start on your great adventure.

What doesn’t work as you go, you can change.

As long as you are safe, warm, fed and hydrated, the rest is all gravy.

Have a great time!

Thanks. 

I'm looking forward to meeting everyone.