You Ain't Right Club

[maki2]

The Quartzsite tourism website has directions to get to the petroglyphs
https://quartzsitetourism.com/explore-quartzsite/

look under the subtitle for grinding holes and also under the subtitle for dripping springs.

 

[crofter]

probably find it on a map

Did you notice that I posted the free map sticky after confessing lost ness in a couple meetups? Too funny. And I would love a tour, will try to come back this winter.  
@Qxxx  Popeye's point cannot get lost due to it is a known geographical point. You can always find those, even when you are lost and cannot find anything (or anyone) else.  Seriously though, this was just a bad run of lostness.  Usually not a problem for the crofter.   ~crofter

 

[maki2]

Well so far I am leading the contest to win a bottle of Geritol by 1 thank you. But it is a close race. We need more jokes to make it a fair contest. I know you other folks really don't want me to win. Where is your competitive spirit? I know I am the worst joke teller ever, anyone can do it better.

 

[crofter]

Well so far I am leading the contest to win a bottle of Geritol by 1 thank you. But it is a close race.  We need more jokes to make it a fair contest. I know you other folks really don't want me to win. Where is your competitive spirit? I know I am the worst joke teller ever, anyone can do it better.

Ok since you asked...

1. What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?
“Make me one with everything.”

2. You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?
Because they’re really good at it.

3. What is red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. Where does the General keep his armies?
In his sleevies!

6. Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
The don’t meet the koalafications.

7. A bear walks into a restaurant and say’s “I want a grilllllled………………………………………cheese.” The waiter says “Whats with the pause?”
The bear replies “Whaddya mean, I’M A BEAR.”

8. What do you call bears with no ears?
B

9. Why dont blind people skydive?
Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.

10. I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?”
I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.”

11. What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

Plagiarized jokes from the internet cause everyone knows I always forget the punch line.   ~crofter

 

[crofter]

And a few more....

[size=large]20. A man is walking in the desert with his horse and his dog when the dog says, “I can’t do this. I need water.” The man says, “I didn’t know dogs could talk.”
The horse says, “Me neither!”[/size]

[size=large]21. A guy goes into a lawyer’s office and asks the lawyer: “Excuse me, how much do you charge?”
The lawyer responds: “I charge £1,000 to answer three questions.”
“Bloody hell – That’s a bit expensive isn’t it?”
“Yes. What’s your third question?”[/size]

[size=large]22. What is the resemblance between a green apple and a red apple?
[/size][size=large]They’re both red except for the green one.[/size]

[size=large]23. I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.[/size]

[size=large]24. How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.[/size]

[size=large]25. What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.[/size]

[size=large]26. An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar.
I know because they told me.[/size]

[size=large]27. I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was.
Then it dawned on me.[/size]

[size=large]28. I told my friend 10 jokes to get him to laugh.
[/size][size=large]Sadly, no pun in 10 did.[/size]

[size=large]29. What’s red and moves up and down?
A tomato in an elevator[/size]

[size=large]30. I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.
Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.[/size]

[size=large]31. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the “P” is silent![/size]

[size=large]32. My roommate told me my clothes look gay.
I was like, don’t be a dick dude; they just came out of the closet.[/size]

[size=large]33. How did the blonde die ice fishing?
She was hit by the zamboni.[/size]

[size=large]34. How Long is a Chinese man’s name.
[/size][size=large]No, it actually is.[/size]

[size=large]35. How does NASA organize a party?
They planet.[/size]

[size=large]36. Knock Knock.
Who’s There?
To.
To Who?
It’s To Whom.[/size]

[size=large]37. What’s a pirates favorite letter?
[/size][size=large]You think it’s R but it be the C.[/size]

[size=large]38. Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They’re making headlines.[/size]

[size=large]39. What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
OMG!!!!!!! BREATHE!! BREATHEEEEE!!!!![/size]

[size=large]40. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.[/size]

[size=large]41. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
Same middle name.[/size]

[size=large]42. I couldn’t believe that the highway department called my dad a thief.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.[/size]

[size=large]43. My grandfather died peacefully, in his sleep…
[/size][size=large]…not screaming like the passengers in his car.[/size]

[size=large]44. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.[/size]

[size=large]45. What do Cannon Balls do when they’re in love?
Make bbs.[/size]

[size=large]46. Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog?
He wanted to get a long little doggie.[/size]

[size=large]47. If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you?[/size]

[size=large]48. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
That’s just how I roll.[/size]

[size=large]49. Cole’s Law: Thinly Sliced Cabbage[/size]

[size=medium]OK I am laughing so hard, are you happy now?     ~crofter
[/size]

 

[Qxxx]

Even though they're all stolen, I give you a TY for #28.

 

[crofter]

Number 20 got me. I am dogsitting and broke the tv so we are bingewatching the channel it is stuck on. Anything for a diversion! ( have to leave the tv on to keep the Great Dane a little calmer. Otherwise she is in my lap all the time)    ~crofter

 

[Qxxx]

Talking animals are too common, #11 is a better dog joke.

 

[Qxxx]

Ya missed #34.

 

[Qxxx]

Talking animals are too common, #11 is a better dog joke.

 

[crofter]

So true. Looks like this got moved to a more appropriate thread for jokes. Altho Maki was calling for humor someplace else.  
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says, ‘I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.’

Q: Why do you need a license for a dog and not for a cat?
A:  Cats can’t drive!

Q: How did the little Scottish dog react when he met the Loch Ness Monster?
[size=medium]A: He was Terrier-fied![/size]

[size=medium]Q: Why was the dog stealing shingles?
A: He wanted to become a woofer!
[/size]
[size=medium]Q:[/size][size=medium] What’s the difference between a businessman and a hot dog?[/size]
[size=medium]A: The businessman wears a suit but the dog just pants.[/size]

Walking past a veterinary clinic, a woman noticed a small boy and his dog waiting outside. ‘Are you here to see Dr Meyer?’ she asked. ‘Yes,’ the boy said. ‘I’m having my dog put in neutral.’

[size=medium]Q: Why do dogs make terrible dance partners?[/size]
[size=medium]A: They’ve got two left feet![/size]

[size=medium][size=medium]Q: What happened when the dog went to the flea circus?
A: He stole the show![/size][/size]

Q: What did the scientist's dog do with his bones?
A: Barium

more pilfered jokes from    ~crofter

 

[crofter]

Number 39 should be posted at the grocery store by all those purple grapes.    ~crofter

 

[Qxxx]

Ha, 2 of my posts, 2209 and 2210, above were made on the other thread, Magic carpet ride over to here. #34 was actually a post, not the joke, in case the sense of it ain't right. LOL.

Dog jokes are always good.

 

[maki2]

I liked #23 the best. Now you all know I truly ain't right....

 

[Cammalu]

The Quartzsite tourism website has directions to get to the petroglyphs
https://quartzsitetourism.com/explore-quartzsite/

look under the subtitle for grinding holes and also under the subtitle for dripping springs.

Dripping a Springs is a HELL of a ride having to cross over big boulders in a narrow gulch. It’s very cool once you get there. I had to take my puttputt to the shop for repair afterwards.

I had a couple of YARC gals with me on one trip out there and there were a couple places they insisted on getting out and walking through.

I think my new puttputt has a higher clearance so might not be so bad.

 

[crofter]

my new puttputt has a higher clearance 

What is your fave ATV??    ~crofter

 

[Qxxx]

I had a couple of YARC gals with me on one trip out there and there were a couple places they insisted on getting out and walking through.

Back when I did 4-wheeling, I worked it the other way round, I "asked" the passengers to get out in tentative spots  :angel: . It's like the joke of "my old grandpa was driving the car, and the only one in the car who didn't go down screaming when the car went over the cliff, cause he was sleeping".

And "gotta have more cowbell", ummm dyslexic dog jokes.

 

[Cammalu]

What is your fave ATV??    ~crofter

I’ve only had three so I’m not much of a judge at ALL.

I have a Honda Pioneer 1000 now and I bought it because the few Honda’s I was around in Q weren’t quite as loud and the owners loved them. I also wanted to be able to have a cargo dump bed here on the farm that transforms to two extra seats. It’s neat

 

[Qxxx]

66 MPH!!! Good thing they have a roll bar. New name for Cammalu is The Streaker.

 

[crofter]

 a cargo dump bed here on the farm that transforms to two extra seats. It’s neat

So the dump switch doubles as the ejection button when you have passengers? I'll be watchin my p's and q's when we go on that ride.   ~crofter