Women Only: Safety on the road - sexual assault

[Snikwahjm]

I have never been raped or assulted. I’ve been insulted a lot... one day my sister called up and said her grandson was hauled in to juvenile detention for trying to rape his little sister. Turned out after much counseling he had been raped by an older boy in the neighborhood. He was afraid to tell who it was and would not testify in court a few years later. He couldn’t face the guy. How awful. Well my sister and I started talking about things in our childhoods. I was flashed by an older man on the bus. I suppressed that. I never told a soul. I avoided busses. Still do. Now I have a vivid memory. In turn, my sister said she was going home from school one day and a man called her and another girl to his car and offered them candy. She said she ran home and reported to the neighbor lady that a man in a car needed help. She told the neighbor lady “the man’s penis was big and red and puffy and puss was coming out.” Sorry if this is too graphic... The neighbor lady called the police. I wonder if my Mom would have been able? My sister said she didn’t know how much danger they were in. I never knew either. Inocense is over rated when kids are old enough to go out of the house on their own no matter if a girl or a boy. Teach them to be safe. Arm them with information.

 

[TrainChaser]

Someone once said, "If a child is old enough to ask the question, they're old enough to get a truthful answer".

 

[Snikwahjm]

If they are too innocent to ask the question, they still need basic information for protection.
I know I said I wasn’t raped or assulted but do not go to a male doctor alone - er, don’t to to a foreign male doctor from a male dominated country for female problems. Ask me how I know.... I had a hard time writing this but I want you to be warned - suppressed it again... (Are there any non male dominated countries?
I said a bad word above and my post didn’t show up right away. I assume it was sensured... I bet it is ok to say br east... but not pen is LOL...

 

[heron]

I'm a newcomer to the forum, only been around a couple of weeks. Much of what I've read in this thread is familiar from my own life, and from the time when I worked with abused people or at risk (especially LGBT) kids. I think it's important that these things be addressed, that people have a need to talk about it, and to find comfort and community, and to know they're not alone. I feel badly, though, that so many of us felt the need to say, "Not all men," when the thread has absolutely nothing to do with men who don't treat women poorly. In the interest of honesty, I have to say I might have said something like that, too, had I not read the entire discussion in one go, and seen how prevalent it was. The fact is, this is FOR WOMEN ONLY. Says so, right from the gitgo. And the women who've posted have been discussing the people who have harmed them. Who happen to be men. It may be that at some point, someone will post about having been assaulted by another woman, but they haven't, so that doesn't matter. To call the stories here male bashing, is to turn the tables on the person who's been harmed, and say, your experience doesn't matter; what matters is making other people, male or female, uncomfortable by your telling of your story. And that's wrong.
Your story matters.

 

[TrainChaser]

The Political Correctness of 'bashing' members of the male sex both irritates and amuses me. Some mods want us to say 'not all men act like this' with every comment. So I'll ask a question:

Let's assume there are only two kinds of men: Those who will assault a woman, and those who won't. The mods here seem to assume that all male members here WILL BE INSULTED if we don't tiptoe around the apparently delicate sensibilities of all men.

But I've known good, decent men who generally feel that any man who attacks a woman should be shot or beaten to death (depending on weapons available). But I've also known men who act insulted, and 'get on their high horse of self-righteousness' (as my Mom used to say), any time this subject comes up. These men make me suspicious. You're familiar with the quotation from Shakespeare, where Hamlet's mother says that the person in reference "doth protest too much"? That's how I feel.

So here's my question (or two): Do the mods really think that ALL decent men will be intensely insulted if someone makes a general observation that many men routinely assault women, even though it has been happening for thousands of years? Or is it just because the guys who do assault women (or would like to), whine to the mods about the political incorrectness of it?

OR (third question)...... is it just the mods?

 

[Kathleen]

I have not viewed this thread for a while. Just scrolled through it again.

So IF you are in the process of being raped and it's within your power to kill your assailant would you do it???

Rape is heavy duty and taking someone's life is equally heavy duty.

I know a young woman who was assaulted while walking her puppy early on a Sunday morning while everyone in town was asleep after a wild holiday weekend.

She was assaulted at 22 yrs of age, while thinking she was in a safe environment on a city street. A man loped up out of nowhere, dragged her into the bushes near the river and raped her.

He was drunk and stupid. According to the account she shared with me a large rock lay next to her, with which she could have bashed his head in and killed him instantly.

Should she have murdered this numbskull nitwit in his half drunken stupor?

What do you think, and what would the law have done to her back in the mid 70's???

I don't think they would have supported her actions. And in a "non violent" rape (don't get upset now, I'm talking about the difference between a sloppy drunken idiot and someone who has slashing, stabbing, torturing, and killing on his mind) would you kill the aggressor and feel killing the rapist was justified?

It's so clear from this thread that the majority of women in the US  face so many issues that men "in general" don't have to face. And my heart goes out to victims of violence and sexual assault, whichever gender they may be.

 

[heron]

OR (third question)...... is it just the mods?

Did I miss the mods? I didn't see anyone insisting that we say, "Not all men." It seems that we are conditioned, or whatever, to ensure that men don't feel disrespected, and go out of our way to make it so, even in a space that is, in theory, for us, alone.

 

[heron]

What do you think, and what would the law have done to her back in the mid 70's???

As I remember it, in the '70s, you still needed a witness to prove rape, unless you were beaten half to death in the process. And in the case you cite, chances are, the guy would've said the drink made him do it, and have pled down to ... some kind of nothing.
And while I guess it's good he didn't beat the **** out of her, a rapist is a rapist is a rapist, and is willing to commit violence against a woman's body. Thre's not that much difference between these two perpetrators.

 

[michele0203]

Did I miss the mods? I didn't see anyone insisting that we say, "Not all men." It seems that we are conditioned, or whatever, to ensure that men don't feel disrespected, and go out of our way to make it so, even in a space that is, in theory, for us, alone.

I can't say for certain if it's occurred on a thread, but I have recently been contacted been PM on the site by both a mod on the behalf of the male member and the questioning male member himself curious as to why I posted a question in the women's section.  Last time I checked this was a free country and I don't owe anyone any explanations for why I post a question in any forum I decide.  So yes is there a bent towards protecting the male ego here and it makes me fear how much worse it is on the road.

 

[michele0203]

I don't think they would have supported her actions. And in a "non violent" rape (don't get upset now, I'm talking about the difference between a sloppy drunken idiot and someone who has slashing, stabbing, torturing, and killing on his mind) would you kill the aggressor and feel killing the rapist was justified?

I am going to get upset because a sloppy, drunken idiot who waited and watched for an unsuspecting female sounds pretty violent and calculating to me.    And however someone responds in that moment of self protection is acceptable...some go into fight mode and others freeze or flee

 

[Cammalu]

Whack him with the rock


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[TrainChaser]

Hit him with the rock. Hit him in the nose (hard) with it. The pain will give him something else to focus on. Anything less than killing him seems to be viable in most places. So if you can bend his little finger all the way back, break or dislocate something, or kick him in the side of the knee and rip some tendons, etc, that seems to be considered self defense.

Heron, you haven't even been here a month. If you post something that is 'offensive' to the mods or delicate members, your posts will vanish.

 

[heron]

I can't say for certain if it's occurred on a thread, but I have recently been contacted been PM on the site by both a mod on the behalf of the male member and the questioning male member himself curious as to why I posted a question in the women's section.  Last time I checked this was a free country and I don't owe anyone any explanations for why I post a question in any forum I decide.  So yes is there a bent towards protecting the male ego here and it makes me fear how much worse it is on the road.

I'm disappointed at that. I know Bob is very clear that he doesn't want people trashing each other, which is very definitely something that makes me want to be a part of this crew, but I'm sorry to hear that a forum directed at and for women is interfered with, because this discussion, in particular, and others, as well are stories of lives as they're experienced by individual women, and people without that experience should maybe just hush. Or start a thread that's open to everyone, and people can participate or not, as they see fit.
@trainchaser, true enough, I've been here-what a few weeks? (just checked. 26 days.) It is my nature to try to persuade, rather than fight. It's also in my nature to speak plainly, while trying not to be unkind. Sometimes I get a little too plain, but only when provoked beyond endurance, and even then, not on purpose. So, if my posts were to vanish, I'd have to go, too. With sadness, surely, but I spent one long marriage walking on eggshells, and don't plan to do so, again.

 

[Almost There]

One of the jobs as moderators is to ensure that each thread is posted in the correct section of the forum.

If any one of us, as moderators, feel that a thread MIGHT be in the wrong forum, we question it. If it's blatantly in the wrong part of the forum, we reserve the right to move it.

In the case of the thread started in the women's section that was questioned, it appeared to several of us moderators that it MIGHT have been put there in error because we felt it was a general question (ie, not a woman specific issue) that would benefit from a wider response from ALL members. Mistakes do happen and we're happy to correct them when it does.

The OP was contacted and responded that indeed she only wanted responses from the female portion of the members.

The thread was left where it was.

No one was interfered with.

We don't protect the male members any more than we protect the female members. We strive to protect everyone here.

[font=Verdana,Arial,sans-serif]No one , repeat no one is allowed to denigrate any individual, group or section of society whatsoever here. The words 'many', 'most' and 'all' when used in conjunction with negative comments about anyone will not be tolerated.[/font]

[font=Verdana,Arial,sans-serif]The phrase ' if it's not nice or useful it doesn't belong on the forum' needs to be repeated often here.[/font]

[font=Verdana,Arial,sans-serif]Now, back to the discussion of Safety on the Road please.[/font]

 

[Linda Cripple-Creek]

Yes, heron. Very familiar with the eggshells of which you speak. And whoever put the "protest too much" quote, i agree wholeheartedly!

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[Linda Cripple-Creek]

I do wonder if any of 'us' (female) currently full-time (or occasional) vandwelling has suffered violence or been attacked while camping, (anywhere)?

 

[Linda Cripple-Creek]

My plan is to go full time on or about Dec.1. I would love to hear what you ladies do in particular to be safe. Is it pretty much the same as you do anywhere: be aware; avoid situations that look sketchy; etc. Or do you have "road-specific" safeguards that you use? I saw that Suanne has a loud whistle. Someone on YT showed a "foghorn" ? that makes a lot of noise. I saw that bearspray has a very low amt of capsacin and the person reviewing said it might possibly be useless against a determined human attacker. Mace spray is illegal here in NC unless you carry it in full view (keychain was recommended).

Please don't take this to mean that i am afraid/terrified. I just believe in being as prepared as i can be, with knowledge and anything else that would be reasonable. So, please share your own strategies and ideas..

 

[Almost There]

My rules:

Use my gut instinct - if I don't like my surroundings I move.
Always have an alternative plan in case of ^^
Park facing outward so that you can drive straight out instead of having to back up.
Make sure that your keys are where you can grab them...mine stay on the engine tray.
Keep your drivers seat clear of crap.
Put valuables out of sight.
Lock the doors.

When I park in say a W/M and have shopping to do, I park conveniently to the doors, do my shopping and then move to where I'm going to be parked overnight. It means that I do not have to walk all the way across the parking lot to the overnight area.

When I had the Class A, of course this was not an option so I closed my drapes before I went in to the store and then opened up the door and hollered "Hi Honey, I'm home'. It was to the dog but no one else could know that.

In 40 odd years of travelling all over the continent and now, over 16 years of full-timing it solo as a women, again all over the north american continent, I can say that I've only ever pulled out of 1 spot because I was leery of staying overnight and only had to move in the middle of the night twice.

I pulled out of a campsite last year because it was questionable as to whether the gates were going to be locked at dark and I didn't want to wait until then to find out. I moved a 1/2 hour drive down the road to a W/M because I don't like driving in the dark.

Once I had to move in the middle of the night because the parking lot at Sam's Club was being worked on at 3 AM by the street cleaning  machine...four of us had to move our rigs that night.

The other time was in a FL rest area where a vehicle came in with an engine fire and parked directly across the lane from me. I moved in a hurry to the next rest area.

At no time have I ever been threatened, assaulted, attacked in any way shape or form whether I was camped in the boonies, a campground or in a parking lot/truck stop.

 

[akrvbob]

The Political Correctness of 'bashing' members of the male sex both irritates and amuses me.  Some mods want us to say 'not all men act like this' with every comment.  So I'll ask a question:

So here's my question (or two):  Do the mods really think that ALL decent men will be intensely insulted if someone makes a general observation that many men routinely assault women, even though it has been happening for thousands of years?  Or is it just because the guys who do assault women (or would like to), whine to the mods about the political incorrectness of it?

OR (third question)...... is it just the mods?

I'm going to break the rules here, but I think the circumstances warrant it. This is the first time I've ever posted in the women's forum and hopefully will be the last.

If you are going to blame the moderators and feel disappointed with the forum and me, I think it's fair I get to answer. 

I went back and read the whole thread and no mod has ever posted in this thread until #94 and it was on a whole different topic and only in self-defense. 

To the best of my knowledge, nothing in this post is true. If I've missed it, please, please show it to me and I will apologize and correct it!!

 

[Cammalu]

Trainchaser it was probably me that said a gazillion times "not all men". I knew so many would take offense and some certainly did. If you recall another thread was opened about it on the general forum and it started getting a bit squirrelly and had to be closed. I probably stated there several times something like, "I didn't say ALL men." There was just a lot of protesting when it went to the general forum which was why I chose to put it all here and not there. I knew that somehow it would go bad.

So, in Bobs defense it was never the moderators that had me say any of those things. I did it to ward off what I knew was coming and so it didn't sound like I was male bashing.


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