Women Only: Safety on the road - sexual assault

[Gardenias]

FYI in case you haven't seen this article regarding sexual harassment at the national parks.

"... [font=Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]Investigators have uncovered problems at many of the nation's premier parks — Yellowstone, Yosemite, the Grand Canyon, Canaveral National Seashore — as well as inappropriate behavior toward female employees by the Interior Department's former director of law enforcement."[/font]

 

[Cammalu]

FYI in case you haven't seen this article regarding sexual harassment at the national parks.

No surprise there. Too bad though really.

 

[Txjaybird]

I'm already wondering what those who read and don't respond think of me after my posts! Damn shame, ain't it?

O.K. You asked for it!   You would be welcome to sit at my table anytime.  

You,  like myself and many others here have had terrible things happen in your life.  I believe these things have affected our lives and the way we look at others and life in general.  Yet here we still stand and if for some reason we can't stand we can sit!  My point is we have survived.

I haven't posted here before.   My story/ies have been told here by others.

When you stated you wonder what others think of you it reminded me of something once said to me many years ago.  

After working in several areas of the trucking industry in 1981 I purchased a new 1 ton dually & a 40ft flatbed trailer.  Up until this point I'd ran doubles with a lover or in a group to escort OD loads.   As soon as I was alone I felt like I had a sign around my neck " Fresh Meat & Stupid Too".  I had men telling me how to back my rig, secure the loads,  one business owner tried to hit on me at a dinner where his family members and employees were attending.     
 
All of this and much more set my attitude about strangers that I met while on the road.  It made me more aware of my surroundings and extra careful about walking in some of the places I needed to be at night. Looking back I seem to have usually done most of my running around with a few friends and in areas I knew.

Later on something a guy told me at a steel mill really made me laugh.  Now I had developed an attitude......I'd always had one it was just more developed.  Also some muscles.  He'd loaded 40ft long pieces of small pipe on my trailer with me watching every move.  Then  he sat up on a big fork lift watching me throw chains across the pipe in the right places and using a cheater pipe for leverage to pull down on the binders. I looked up and he had this big grin on his face.

It was noisy so I yelled WHAT!    So I'll say to you what he said to me

  "If we're ever in the same bar fight I sure hope you're on my side"   I've been in a few of those, usually while trying to avoid them, I've always managed to walk away under my own steam.

Sometimes we have to at least seem tough to protect ourselves from potiential harm.  Anyways if a fight breaks out I want you on my side!  We're Tough Cookies!  We've survived everything that's been thrown at us so far.

We can't help what others think of us, even when we say "I don't care" I do care.  Still  I will not change the self that I am to suit others.  I'm a take it or leave kind of person.   I'm a old lady and I have enough to do and only so much energy to work with.  Someone else's closed mind is not at the top of my "to do" list

Jewellann............Whining Women Make My Teeth Hurt

 

[RV-Hopeful]

Whining Women Make My Teeth Hurt

Amen!

 

[AbuelaLoca]

"If we're ever in the same bar fight I sure hope you're on my side"   I've been in a few of those, usually while trying to avoid them, I've always managed to walk away under my own steam.

Sometimes we have to at least seem tough to protect ourselves from potiential harm.  Anyways if a fight breaks out I want you on my side!  We're Tough Cookies!  We've survived everything that's been thrown at us so far.

We can't help what others think of us, even when we say "I don't care" I do care.  Still  I will not change the self that I am to suit others.  I'm a take it or leave kind of person.   I'm a old lady and I have enough to do and only so much energy to work with.  Someone else's closed mind is not at the top of my "to do" list

Jewellann............Whining Women Make My Teeth Hurt

Yes! Thank you! I would gladly fight beside you

In all honesty, Ladies, I set fear for my life aside. I am excited about getting on the road next year! Alone, unafraid! I did a weekend alone a month ago and I was not afraid... I wasn't sure how I would feel, though, which is why I did it. My fear is actually for things like not having enough money for gas, not finding a good place to park, having the physical strength to function, meeting others from this fabulous forum... Those are my real fears. I should put aside the fear of meeting others as Cammalu, GotSmart and the bLEEPs were awesome folks... I'll face the fear and conquer it one meeting at a time.

 

[RV-Hopeful]

Agreed.  Many men don't understand what it's like unless they have daughters.  When I talk about selling my stuff so I can leave,  I have to educate SOME men that I just can't put it on Craigslist and have strangers come to my home.  We have to do things differently. (At least we who are safety-conscious.)  We do have to self-protect almost all the time.  Men aren't vulnerable like women, and yes that was a generalization only.

I'm in the process of selling stuff on craigslist as well and always meet the buyer (male or female) in a parking lot of a crowded shopping center.  I feel safe and the buyer feels safe as well. If it's a big item, I let a neighbor know that I'm having someone come over to look at an item.

I think we've all, as women, had things happen - little or big - my 2nd ex was a big man, very controlling in a covert sort of way - he never raised his hand, we had shouting matches occasionally but in the end I told him I didn't want to be married to him and got a divorce.  Shocked everyone because they all thought we were a perfect couple.

I'm going to hit the road within the next year and I'm concerned about safety issues, but I also notice everything around me, I don't put myself in places where bad things can happen and I think my intuition is strong (only have to listen to it).  But all that is in the city - out in the middle of nowhere should someone come upon me and I'll have my bear spray handy and my van keys and the 1st year I'll probably be a peripheral tag along with some group until I get my traveling legs. 

The sharing here is awesome - it's an important topic!  It's not man bashing, it's the truth.  Women have different concerns than men.  Always have and always will.

 

[RV-Hopeful]

add on to my previous post - my 1st husband did raise a hand - slapped me once. only once I divorced him. My 3rd (and last) was a softy, but there was still an element of controlling about him. I do have to wonder about men in general being controlling, but heck - I'm a woman and I've been told in no uncertain terms that I am controlling and sadly, I'll agree to that. (or is that just not taking any sh*t?)


I think it's relationships where one always seems to establish some dominance over the other. I'll be in a relationship with my dog because it's always glad to see me, never complains, always loves me and is faithful as the day is long!

 

[GypsySpirit]

I'm going to hit the road within the next year and I'm concerned about safety issues, but I also notice everything around me, I don't put myself in places where bad things can happen and I think my intuition is strong (only have to listen to it).  But all that is in the city - out in the middle of nowhere should someone come upon me and I'll have my bear spray handy and my van keys and the 1st year I'll probably be a peripheral tag along with some group until I get my traveling legs. 

Having the same idea, hoping some seasoned vandwellers will let me tag along for a little while.  Hardest part will be picking a direction!

 

[eoewan]

As GypsySpirit and RV-Hopeful stated, I too will be a peripheral tag along when I hit the road with my son.

My first to do when I'm ready is to post here to see who will be where and if they wouldn't mind a newbie tagging along. Not to be intrusive. It would be to get comfortable.

 

[TrainChaser]

"Hardest part will be picking a direction!"

That's why someone invented flipping coints.

 

[RV-Hopeful]

"Hardest part will be picking a direction!"

That's why someone invented flipping coints.

I've been flipping coins my entire life so I should be able to do that!

 

[Gypsy Clipper]

I too have never been assaulted or raped. I was an over the road truck driver for almost twenty years. I started in the 80's when there were no women truck driver showers and drivers lounges still played XXX movies 24/7.
I am not a bridge dwelling troll nor am I Barbie. What I do have is a good eye for dangerous situation and I definitely don't put myself in situations that are out of my control.
I have lived in my van for two years without incident. I lived in major cities such as Houston and Charlottesville VA. I slept in quiet neighborhoods, motel parking lots, truck stops and Walmart parking lots.
Know your surroundings and as soon as you feel uncomfortable leave. That's always worked for me.


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[TrainChaser]

That's very good advice! Be aware of what's going on around you, evaluate it, and get off the stupid phone.

 

[michele0203]

I don't see any male bashing here. What I do see is women trying to share vulnerably and rawly about their experiences. And this makes people uncomfortable. Uncomfortable to look at the reality. The stats are high for women being sexually violated. This is a women's section so that is our focus. And how it pertains to our living in a vehicle. And our living on planet earth. And not relating to the rainbows and unicorns of too many touting how safe it is to live on the road. And maybe it is. But dammit sometimes you gotta process this shit with others first. If someone is offended by my expressing my experience then please scroll by. Maybe even ask yourself why does my experience bother you so much. Those uncomfortable feelings you have momentarily while reading my post have been with me since a little girl. And a child sure as shit doesn't have the means to scroll on by.
It is not my job to make anyone comfortable. I am not responsible for your feelings...man or woman. And yes, I've avoided this site because I have seen on more occasions than I'd like, where women are told not to turn this into "male bashing” when all that was being done was a woman was expressing HER experience. Silent no more!

 

[jacqueg]

Like most of you, I've been whistled at, had things shouted at me, have been grabbed at on the street, have ducked into stores in order to avoid someone who was staring at me too intently, was coerced into sex by lovers (and a husband) who just had to have it now, etc, etc. Nevertheless, I always had an active sex life, and always enjoyed male company and co-workers. I didn't realize how much all those "minor" incidents affected me until a friend of mine took a Model Mugging class. (http://modelmugging.org)

It's emotionally intense - you are taught to go full force against a man dressed in a protective suit. In my friend's graduation event, I watched her fend off an attack. At one point, one of the women teachers came to sit down next me and told me to breathe. I guess it was apparent from across the room what I was feeling. Later, I took the class myself, and the depth of the rage I found within me was just astounding. At my graduation, they sent TWO "muggers" after me.

Some of the women in the class had terrible stories to tell. The two that stick in my mind the most is the stranger who held a knife to a woman in the middle of the night in her own bed, with her small son in the next room, told her to shut up and do as he said or he'd kill the little boy, stayed all night, and then promised to be back as he left in the morning, and the young woman who had been continually raped by her grandfather as a child, and now was trying to protect her young half-sister, because no one had ever believed her and the grandfather had never been removed from the family.

A few years back, I read a book by a man who taught co-ed rape awareness workshops. He said he started off each class by asking the men - "what do you routinely do to prevent yourself from being raped?" The men are usually stumped by the question - some will answer "stay out of prison", but that's about it. It takes a couple minutes. Then he asks the women the same question, and it takes a LOT longer. It demonstrates to the men in the workshop exactly how much this issue affects women's lives.

So I think that, as painful as it is, we owe it to ourselves and each other to talk about it, and to speak up to the men in our lives.

 

[TrainChaser]

Little girls are taught not to hurt people. Mommys sure didn't think THAT ONE through, did they? Grown women are STILL saying they wouldn't want to hurt anyone if they were attacked. And that's pathetic.

 

[JustACarSoFar]

Little girls are taught not to hurt people.  Mommys sure didn't think THAT ONE through, did they?  Grown women are STILL saying they wouldn't want to hurt anyone if they were attacked.  And that's pathetic.

REally? 'grown women say they don't want to hurt an attacker' ?? wow. not me, lol.. Funny thing, when I go for walks theses days
I take my walking stick. I don't need it but yanno, it helps stabilize me sometimes.  I have not  been practicing to use it' like a weapon
but... I WILL!  almost too eagerly? like  "MAKE MY DAY!"   

 

[michele0203]

Little girls are taught not to hurt people.  Mommys sure didn't think THAT ONE through, did they?  Grown women are STILL saying they wouldn't want to hurt anyone if they were attacked.  And that's pathetic.

The brainwashing is real

 

[TrainChaser]

On a forum that I haven't been back to in several years, one younger mother said that she would never have a gun in the house. But if she DID have a gun in the house, and she and her young daughters were attacked by several murderous pedophilic sexual predators, she would get the gun and shoot it in a direction where no one was until it was empty (so it couldn't be used on them), and then wait to die (a lingering death) with her little girls.

YES, people are still training girls to be willing victims.

 

[Linda Cripple-Creek]

@TrainChaser. My first thought was, How Awful. Even if she couldn't bring herself to harm someone in her own defense, what about her little girls!?!? Sounds like she has been very sheltered as to what can happen. I recently qualified for a concealed carry permit. My weapon is a .357 magnum. If someone intends to rape or do any other bodily harm to me, they will need an anbulance at the very least. I am law abiding. I don't wish harm to anyone. But i wouldn't let a rattlesnake bite me if i can help it, and he deserves a lot more understanding than any rapist. I'm not a man hater -- some of my best friends have been men, and i like male company. But many years ago, i was a victim of date rape, because i had no understanding of what was about to happen. My tender attitude about being "understanding" went thru a dramatic, immediate, and drastic transformation. I will respect 'you.' You will respect me. End of discussion. I'm done preaching now...

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