Do you have a plan for when the S#$%^T hits the fan

[maki2]

Vanbrat, I understand that you are just venting your frustration and your exhaustion under the overwhelmed burden of caring for elderly parents.

As to my health care plans for my senior years. That falls under “personal information” and “need to know”

 

[vanbrat]

I am venting.
I am frustrated.
Exhausted isn't even the tip of the ice burg
I am also terrified of/for the people who don't have a plan or family that are willing to fight so many battles like we have had to fight for mom. They thought they had it all covered but..... We thought it would be a bit of a pain in the @$$ but it is still so far from done. At every turn we are having to have papers Mom has not been able to deal with and has lost or destroyed. We are fighting to get the very people who's job it is to ensure she is safe to even notice what is happening to her. We lived to far away and we were dealing with chemo and radiation and our own hell with that to see how bad things had gotten for them. When dad was hospitalized mom was brought to our house by my son who was sickened by the way their apt. looked. We loaded as much up and in her mail we found an old notice that adult protective services had been notified. 4 weeks later, 3 weeks after dad passed. We got a call asking us how he was, and did we think he needed any help and could we do anything for them. What would have happened to her if we had not gotten to her? THREE WEEKS AFTER he passed away!! Needless to say that is one social worker who won't forget that phone call.
So no, I don't need to know the details of your plans just please have some and make sure they are doable. And if this venting gets one person up and makes plans they did not think they needed then okay.
By the way we have not had the time to make our own detailed plans but at least we and our kids know were and what to look for.
I for one am thinking of some of the plans I see here to see what I may have forgotten. And if I forgot them after all this maybe someone else has too.
The part of dying is the easy part, the part mom is dealing with is the part that is sooooo hard, she may well live another 10 yrs. Though I don't think so. Part of the DNR she signed and asked for last trip to the ER was no more pacemaker tests or care. So when the batteries run out so does she. We are struggling and praying that the money doesn't run out first. Moving back in with us is no longer a safe option.
Oh ya. The pacemaker was just one of the health issues they dealt with while parked in son's driveway.

 

[bullfrog !]

There are lots of documents you may or may not need. Birth Certificates, Social Security card, Medicare card, health insurance card, insurance policies, marriage certificates and divorce decrees for all events, any deeds or titles, bank accounts, credit union or any financial information, credit cards (numbers and etc.) automatic payments for services. It really is worth hiring an attorney if dealing with property or larger estate in my opinion. Once they pass get several copies of the death certificates as most insurance companies and financial institutions will require them. If you feel you have 5 years before they pass or even before applying for Medicaid a trust in many states will be worthwhile so again contact an attorney or estate planner so prearrangements can be made. It is a lot easier and cheaper to plan ahead but still a very difficult task to get done.

 

[maki2]

Try not to get too emphatic about how you should be making plans for how family should care for you when you get elderly because in this community there are many who have no such family around. Why not make some suggestions about how to plan on what to do if there is no one…

 

[Sky King]

I agree with Death with Dignity. Here's their Life File https://deathwithdignity.org/life-file/
Of the states where it's legal only Oregon allows Non Residents. IMHO it beats dying of being deprived of food & water. I've read that the cause of death is listed as the underlying health condition and won't affect insurance etc. Death is a part of life & can be as complicated. My best friend died in sleep at deer camp 10 years ago this Nov. Good luck!

 

[Sky King]

Why is California Burning? | 5 Minute Videos | PragerU I agree ​

 

[Morgana]

There are lots of documents you may or may not need. Birth Certificates, Social Security card, Medicare card, health insurance card, insurance policies, marriage certificates and divorce decrees for all events, any deeds or titles, bank accounts, credit union or any financial information, credit cards (numbers and etc.) automatic payments for services. It really is worth hiring an attorney if dealing with property or larger estate in my opinion. Once they pass get several copies of the death certificates as most insurance companies and financial institutions will require them. If you feel you have 5 years before they pass or even before applying for Medicaid a trust in many states will be worthwhile so again contact an attorney or estate planner so prearrangements can be made. It is a lot easier and cheaper to plan ahead but still a very difficult task to get done.

If you are searching for someone to help you with this type of planning and management, another keyword to search on is "fiduciary" or "fiduciary services." Sometimes it is a lawyer who offers this but it doesn't have to be. The person who has helped me has a background in accounting and law enforcement. I can't remember now exactly how I found her, but I know I did a xit-ton of research, starting with the American Bar Association, local senior center, etc.

Whether you have family to help you, have family you need to help, or are flying solo, there are still things you need to plan for. It will be different for everyone, and no one post here can cover everyone's needs. Bullfrog is right, it is always a tough challenge but it will be easier if you plan ahead.

The best time to start was 10 years ago. The second-best time is now.