My Biggest Fear: Stuck and Settling Down

[IanT720]

Hey guys I figured this is the place to bring this up, It's my biggest fear. &nbsp;I'am stressed and almost depressed because in the back of my mind I have a fear of either being forced to be stuck in my hometown and not following my dreams or even worse,&nbsp;believing&nbsp;it might be better to stay and settle down here. Don't get me wrong I love my town and family but, I want my own life down south where I can pursue many&nbsp;interests&nbsp;and careers that are not found in Michigan. &nbsp;I'm working right now, paying off debt to my parents and taking over my bills, I'm also saving for my cargo van just I can't shake this feeling that I will either meet a girl, get a good pay raise, or find a cheap apartment and choose to settle down here. &nbsp;Or actually having to be forced to stay here, due to finding a girl, taking care of my parents, or some other reason. &nbsp;I&nbsp;absolutely&nbsp;dread the thought of it, specially If <span style="text-decoration: underline;">I decide to stay</span>. &nbsp;I've never moved in my life, and I think that's part of it, just the feeling that I can't or won't want to leave in the future. &nbsp;It sucks. &nbsp;Any advice, or motivational techniques? I just hate this feeling of being stuck, when I'm a natural adventure-er and my&nbsp;interests&nbsp;and&nbsp;careers&nbsp;take me on the other side of the country. Thanks all.

 

[Terry]

you need a vacation. Just take some short trips with whatever you have and do some camping out. Get some experience.

 

[cyndi]

Keep your eye on the prize and<br><br><span style="font-size: small;">"</span><span class="text"><span style="line-height: 24px; font-size: 20px;"><span style="font-size: small;">Twenty years from now, </span><span style="font-size: small;">you will be more disappointed </span><span style="font-size: small;">by the things that you didn't do </span><span style="font-size: small;">than by the ones you did do. </span><span style="font-size: small;">So throw off the bowlines. </span><span style="font-size: small;">Sail away from the safe harbor. </span><span style="font-size: small;">Catch the trade winds in your sails.</span><br><span style="font-size: small;">Explore. Dream. Discover."</span><br><span style="font-size: small;">Mark Twain<br><br>I smell fear; fear of the unknown. <br>Any woman you fall in love with should either respect your dream to explore or want to join you. <br>I am&nbsp; headed to my parents' home now. I could be there for 3 months or 3 years. Whatever. I am happy to be there for them, when they need me. In the meantime, I have my rig. I'll get some time to travel and when all is said and done, my rig will be ready to go.<br><br></span><br></span></span>

 

[ShesJustJodi]

15 years ago, my husband and I packed everything we owned into a moving truck, put the kids and pets in our minivan and moved to Florida from Chicago. His fear almost kept us back. I looked at him and said I would rather give it a shot than stay until we were 50 and wonder how our lives could have been different.

We got here and everything went wrong. We lost our apartment during the drive down. Lived in a motel room with four kids a dog and two fish, no jobs, no apartment and down to our last $57. But we knew we were not giving up. Fifteen years later, he's on his third wife, we live together with our youngest two (long story), and my corporate job is going to pay for my rig in 2-3 years. I never regretted taking a chance. I was 28 and never knew anything but my parents dreams.

Feel the fear and do it anyway! You will never regret LIVING your life with both feet!

 

[owl]

&nbsp;&nbsp; Only a fool wouldn't have those concerns. When you have to make a major decision write the positives on one side of the paper (screen) and the negatives on the other side. That exercise makes&nbsp;your goals become clearly focused . Take the time to write&nbsp;them down and carry it with you, look at them often.&nbsp; As for&nbsp;a girl-----------Good luck with that!! Every man in the world faces that dilemma.

 

[drivebyandy]

I wonder if this is a Michigan thing, though I'm sure it's probably not. But surely different parts of the country must have stronger ties to feelings like this? Seems like I heard somewhere that families in Michigan tend to stay fairly close to each other.&nbsp;I've been debating posting something similar to this either on my blog or here tonight. Even in what I consider to be a land of outsiders I'm still an outsider that doesn't know if he really wants to open up. <br><br>I'm also from Michigan and going through all the same thoughts. I've broken free a few times and yet I return. Now I can't seem to make any forward progress and am paying $100/week in gas getting to work and back in my van. Of course just living in my van by work would be a solution, but when I'm working full time, spending 2 hours a day in traffic and it's dark when I leave and get home I don't have much time to work on my van.<br><br>I used to own a home, and to be honest before my income dropped out and I couldn't pay my bills, I enjoyed it greatly. So about half of me longs for all of that again. The other half reads blogs and sees pictures of amazing places and knows that I could actually BE there. I also know that 'settling down' is a lot easier to do than&nbsp; 'breaking free'. You can settle down in a matter of months. But once you've done it, it takes time to get out from under it all again. <br><br>I have no answers. I just share that you are not alone, and that I'm pretty much in the same boat just trying to work my way through it.

 

[my_vantasy]

Please don't think I am minimizing your feelings, but experts say that everyone in the Midwest gets SAD (seasonal affective disorder). I am in Ohio so I live in the same gray winter days.

Beyond the amateur psychology, I think others here have given you great advice. And again, please do not take offense. As former Vice President Dan Quayle (does anyone remember him?) said, "The future will look better tomorrow. "

Posted respectfully.

 

[yesican]

I am formerly from the midwest (Wisconsin, Minnesota, Indiana, Michigan, then back to Wisconsin before moving to Alaska)...We call those who live near home "40 milers".&nbsp; Those people whose umbilical chords never get severed and live within a quick jaunt from mom/dad and the life the grew up in.&nbsp; 16 kids in my family...3 of us are not "40 milers".&nbsp; <br><br>The first time you step out of your &nbsp;"comfort zone" is always the toughest. FEAR of failure, FEAR of harm, FEAR of unknown, and on and on.&nbsp; You will grow to become a greater&nbsp;person if you move out of your "comfort zone" and face those fears.&nbsp; REAL failure means never having tried.&nbsp;&nbsp;Life's little and big&nbsp;failures&nbsp;are the&nbsp;building blocks of&nbsp;growth.&nbsp; <br><br>So grow to be that greater person your heart wants to be.&nbsp; Step out of your comfort zone, face those fears, and chance failure.&nbsp; Life is a learning curve...and you can't get around it if you're not in motion.<br><br>Good luck...<br><br>P.S.&nbsp; There is nothing wrong with being a "40 miler" if you are fulfilling your dream where you currently call home.<br><br>Rae

 

[owl]

<P>T720, as you can probably tell, lots of folks here share your feeling. Whether you realize it or not you have already made the leap. Stick with it. Good luck and Godspeed</P>

 

[offroad]

Old story about crabs in a bucket. Why don't they just climb out, because the others pull the escaping crab back. Try escaping your bucket. You learn a lot.

 

[wrcsixeight]

4/14/'98...<br>I'm lying on my first generation thermarest camping mattress in my empty 2 bedroom apartment of the last 4 years. &nbsp;Next to me, my surfboards, and my backpack, in that backpack, airline tickets taking me around the world, leaving the next day.<br><br>. &nbsp;Everything else was sold, given away or put in storage prepaid for 2 years.<br><br>And I was having a Panic attack.<br><br>It was the single best thing I ever did with my life. &nbsp;Decoupling from the dictated existence.<br><br>I was overseas for nearly 3 years.<br><br>But I never returned, and my memories of my travels, the places I saw, the people I met, the waves I rode are way beyond any dollar figure, and nobody who stays home can ever understand that.

 

[lampliter]

Courage is fear on its knees.

 

[coultergeist]

I was a soldier for over ten years.&nbsp; I went to dozens of countries and nearly every continent.&nbsp; I got to see quite alot of this world.&nbsp; There are places of great beauty and there are places that are not nearly so.&nbsp; There is great good, but there is also great misery.&nbsp; I developed a great understanding and empathy for all cultures and groups of people.&nbsp; We are all different, but at the same time, at our core, we share a great many commonalities.&nbsp; We are all human.&nbsp; I also developed a great love for home.&nbsp; The more you leave, the more you realize you miss the little things that made it home in the first place.&nbsp; I ended up coming back to live in the area I grew up after I got out.&nbsp; I had a family of my own by then and it was the best choice at the time.&nbsp; <br><br>Home is a wonderful place to be, as long as that is the desire in your heart, but I would never have given up my time away from home.&nbsp; It allowed me to grow and to experience things that few in the world ever get to.&nbsp; <br><br>Always dream, always hope, but most importantly, always follow your heart.&nbsp; Regret is the greatest misery this world has to offer.&nbsp; Never do anything you know you will regret.&nbsp; Even more important though is to never fail to do what your heart and soul dreams of.&nbsp; That is what you would ultimately regret the most.<br><br>Remember, you can always go back and settle down if that is where your heart leads you back to.&nbsp; You can't always go and see the world.&nbsp; Make your life count, not just to others, but also to yourself.

 

[Guest]

THERE IS NO "STUCK".<br>If you want to leave bad enough, you'll walk out on your own two legs with whatever you're wearing - and find a way to survive.<br><br>It's been done. It's being done every day, all day - mostly by <em>women</em> <em>and children</em> who's choices are:&nbsp; keep a roof over their head and be beaten to Death, or run as far and as fast as they can with absolutely nothing, in order to stay alive.<br><br>Consider what you NEED to live <br>VS. <br>What you simply WANT to have.

 

[offroad]

and for those STUCK WITH RESPONSIBILITIES folks. yes you are. to a point.&nbsp;<br><br>if you are going to be a mean SOB to your children, spouse, relatives. then get out of that. many say suck it up and change your personal attitude, you are an adult. &nbsp;yes pray-try-work to change. if you cant do it, be strong enough to change your life by separating from that situation, with grace and kindness to all parties involved.<br><br>you are not trapped. never were.&nbsp;

 

[Seraphim]

<br>What offroad said. <br><br>As of June 1, I will have fulfilled all the obligations and promises I made, with no unhappiness or regrets. Save one:<br><br>On June 2, when we hit the road, I will begin to fulfill a promise I made to DW many years ago. No more other obligations save those I wish to incur...

 

[offroad]

i reject your reality and substitute my own - &nbsp;have been thinking about the quote that originated from Dr Who of all places.&nbsp;<br><br>though it meant something different. to me it means live the life you want to live. dont be forced into a lifestyle by circumstance. &nbsp;&nbsp;<br><br>do we have to do the retail -at the managers beck and call type of job? &nbsp;do you need to work the 9 to 5 job until 70? &nbsp;can you take your income saved, and live some lifestyle where you have enough at a low wage. just in a better lifestyle? &nbsp;<br><br><br><br>

 

[dragonflyinthesky]

<STRONG>Get the hell out of Dodge.</STRONG><BR><BR><STRONG>Quote by Marshall Matt Dillon<BR><BR><SPAN style="COLOR: #993300">Dragonfly</SPAN></STRONG>

 

[ShesJustJodi]

I guess I just don't understand people that hide from life in their comfort zone. I am a feel the fear and do it anyway type of person. Yes, if you have responsibilities, you have to work them into your plan. But using them as an excuse to not live, is a different situation altogether.<br><br>Where do people get this victim mentality? Is it inbred?&nbsp;<img src="/images/boards/smilies/confused.gif" class="emoticon bbc_img"><br><br>Back to the original post, either you really want it or you don't. Its ok if you don't, just stop making excuses. If you really want to be a traveler, you will.&nbsp;<br><br><br>

 

[Cubey]

I say don't settle for less than what you want out of life.