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Dew, I moved your meme to this 'just for fun' thread and removed Carla's helpful comment that became 'circular' when it was now located within the thread it was pointing to.
Last Joke was on Jan 2 WOW what happiness! Milton Berle offered: “Laughter is an instant vacation.”
There was a bit of confusion at Wally World this morning.
When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets the cashier
said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to the gun registry people , I did just as she
had instructed. With my shirt & jacket on the counter and my pants around my
ankles, ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE! When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally
subsided, I found out that she was referring to my damned credit card!

I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. I feel they need to make their
instructions to us senior citizens a little clearer!!!!
My ex had never gone deer hunting before, she really didn't know much about it, and asked to accompany me one Saturday morning. We entered the woods and I set her up in her very own tree stand and told here that I would be a short distance away in my own tree stand and if I heard her shoot anything I would be there as quick as I could.

A while later I heard her rifle...bang...bang...bang, bang, bang, bang. I sprinted down the hill to where she was and came upon a man with his hands up, he was talking to her saying "Okay lady, okay, it's your deer...I just want the saddle."
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True story, had a man with a jet ski come through the aquatic invasive species station on his way to the main launch ramp at Lake Powell. His jet ski was covered in mud and debris on the bottom probably from another lake he had recently visited. The inspector told him to pull up on our containment ramp so we could wash it off for before he went into the lake. He replied “ No, I won’t do it, you’ll get it wet!” Lol!!! Don’t know how much longer I can keep dealing with the few people I do, I seem to get all the good ones!
The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and
says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see? "

"The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of
planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in
Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a
quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the
Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful
day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"

"It tells me Kemo Sabe dumber than buffalo dung.
It means someone stole the tent. "
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news.
Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.
Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.
However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island
for the rest of our lives!"
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our Visa and Master Card bill yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"
"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she said.
"One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send the installment check for the income tax this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Esther pulls away and asks him,
"What was that for?"
Abe answers, "They'll find us!"

Washington state salmon fisheries are suing campers who have been walking in shallow waters where salmon traditionally spawn​

The case is Roe vs. Wade.

What are the campers favorite music bands?

Van Halen and Camper Van Beethoven
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What do you call a happy camper?

You're not a happy camper are you?
No, I'm a Jolly Rancher

Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.

God gave us shins so that we could find the trailer hitch in the dark.

God gave us foreheads so that we could easily locate the corner of the slide out—even in the daytime.
  1. If you lose something in a senior care home, don't stop looking until you've searched every nook and granny.
  2. The old man moved to Hawaii to live the life of a dentured surfing dude.
  3. Do elderly hockey players get gerihat-tricks?
  4. Pastry chefs know that old age crepes up on you.
  5. The old folks home was very secure. Each door was guarded by a century.
  6. You may be old, but I don't carrot all.
  7. Be kind to your children, because when you get older, they're the ones who are going to choose your nursing home.
  8. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
  9. My doctor told me I need to sweat daily, so I told him I'd start disobeying my wife.
  10. Aging gracefully is a nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.
  11. At my age, the only pole dancing I do is holding onto the safety bar in the bathtub.
  12. The older we get, the earlier it gets late.
  13. Old people are just young people who have been alive for a very, very long time.
  14. Only old people watch the Grammy Awards.
  15. Why am I getting older and wider instead of older and wiser?
  16. Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.
  17. The old baker understands aging—she's an old tarte.
  18. You know what the young chicken said to the old? "You're no spring chicken!"
  19. Age got muffin on you.
  20. My father-in-law is so old that his driver's license says, "Picture may be of someone else."
  21. How are stars like false teeth? They both come out at night.
  22. What goes up but never comes down? Your age.
  23. An old woman is sitting at a bar when an older gentleman sits down beside her. "So," he says, "Do I come here often?"
  24. What musical genre do older people with arthritis listen to every time they sit down and stand up? Pop.
  25. You know you're old when getting lucky means a short wait in the doctor's office.
  26. The good thing about getting older is that you don't have to worry about things like acne anymore. The bad thing is that you start worrying about new things, like wrinkles and gray hair.
  27. What's the key to a structured retirement? A rigid nap schedule.
  28. Isn't it a great feeling knowing you're so old there's nothing left to learn the hard way?
  29. You know you're old when you turn down the lights to be economical instead of romantic.
  30. Why was the retiree's wife tired? She got twice as much her husband for half the pay.
  31. You know you're getting older when you have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
  32. I was told by my doctor that I should start exercising. So I joined an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, and jumped for an hour. By the time I put on my workout clothes, the class was over.
  33. These are not gray hairs! They are wisdom highlights! I happen to be very wise.
  34. If my body were a car, I would trade it in a newer model… every time I cough sneeze or sputter my radiant leaks and my exhaust backfires.
  35. Where can single men over 65 find younger women who are interested in them? In the bookstore, under "Fiction."
  36. Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.
  37. You know you're getting old when you can't fit all the candles on your cake.
  38. Allow me to politely suggest this be the year you start lying about your age.
  39. I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
  40. At least I'm not as old as I'll be next year.
  41. Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get up again.
  42. The tragedy of getting old: So many candles… so little cake.
  43. My mother-in-law is like a fine wine. She gets more expensive with age.
  44. I'm not getting older, I'm just becoming a classic car.
  45. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
  46. The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the birthday cake.
  47. There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine. — P.G. Wodehouse
  48. "I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do." — Phyllis Diller
  49. "You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out." — Jerry Seinfeld
  50. "I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes." — Andy Rooney
  51. "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." — Mark Twain
  52. "So far, this is the oldest I've been." — George Carlin
  53. "As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it." — Margaret Deland
  54. "By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere." —Billy Crystal
  55. "As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people sure don't." — Carrie Fisher
  56. "You know you're getting older when you're told to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police." — Joan Rivers
  57. "You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing." — George Bernard Shaw
  58. "The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it." — Doris Day
  59. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." — Bob Hope
  60. "I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere." — George Burns
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