How and What do I tell my Kid?

[LostInLife]

Hi all.

I haven't been back to this board since post #14 of this thread. It kinda set me off a bit and I didn't want to be rude to anybody.

With that said, I want to send you all my sincere thanks. This thread has been very helpful in getting myself mentally prepared for what I am going to have to do...

-Don

 

[Seeker/Wanderer]

Yes Don, I was there in a very similar situation. My son is now 16 and I actually moved back into my (former) home with my ex just be with him and support him. He was totally psycho and looked like a concentration camp kid before that and was failing at school. He is now in an early college program and kind of a math and science genius but I am wondering how to afford college. He wants to go to the CO school of mines. This is all with major sacrifice for me. I hate being here in TX working on and paying for everything while still doing child support all the while with someone I despise. So I totally relate. I drive him to and from the college every day in Houston and make sure he has a good dinner every night. Every day I wish I could be back out on the road but my son holds me back. I have got to help him get started in life. Im also retired and and live on SSI and a managed trust I can't access for his purposes. Once he is 18 I hope to assist him still somehow with college. He is such a good boy and takes his schooling super seriously. Don I know how difficult it is when all I did was work and pay for everything and my wife still does nothing but drive around in her Mercedes and watch TV. I lost the house, my 401ks and pay her $1500/mo but 1 1/2 more yrs of that and she will die alone in this house. My kids all hate her too. I was really lost and alone when traveling and always thinking of my young son struggling here. So I am not sure what exactly to tell you but I simply decided to tough it out for my sons sake when the alternative was pretty grim.

 

[maki2]

I sent my son to live with his Dad right when he turned 13. It was because I was on swing shift at work and could not find a sitter for him. But it was also because the company I was working for was steadily laying off people every month and it would be my turn sometime that coming year. I knew I would have to move to another area to find work when that happened. I also was well aware that during the teen years boys learn a lot of the social skill lessons and they also tend to make their closest lifelong friendship bonds with other's of their age. I myself had a father who got transferred and ended up gong to 3 different high schools, so I don't have any of those life long friends in my life. I know how uncomfortable it is to always be the new kid.

So I told my son the truth, that I was going to have problems keeping a roof over his head in the near future. That I wanted him to be in a stable place for his junior high and high school years in a good community with good schools where he had family including grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins around. That I would see him in the summers and at Christmas Holidays. His father was living in Anchorage where he grew up. Too cold and too few jobs available for me to live there.

It is very painful to have to do such a thing when you really would rather not. But sometimes it happens. But eventually he came back to live with me in my home when he started college. So having that kind of separation does mean you miss out on a lot of time spent with your child but it is not the end of a good relationship because you can keep in contact and still have some good quality close times and many more of those to come when they are adults.

In the long term it did work out. He enjoyed the schools, he made life long friends, his father and step mother kept him towing the line so that he kept out of trouble. He grew up to be a decent person with a happy marriage.

As to paying for college you are one of many millions of parents who can't afford to send their kids to college. However being nomadic perhaps when the time comes you could consider establishing your residency in a state that has one of the lowest in state tuitions for residents. This would be something you could have a conversation about with your son and your ex. You know what...there are quite a few college students who live in vans or even build a tiny house to keep cost down and help them stay out of student loan debt. By then you will be an expert on the subject of how to do that. It will also be a way to help explain why you are living that way.

 

[Seeker/Wanderer]

Be sure to get a dog from the shelter. Nothing better. They always love you and get you outside to walk all the time.

 

[maki2]

Thanks for the responses!

WalkaboutTed: Thank you for the advice and kind words. Some very good ideas!


lenny flank: I am not 100% sure yet. So far though... My Endo wants to see me in August, then it looks like every 6 months after that. IF I can get him to write a 6-month script for all my supplies and Insulin, that would work out pretty well.

I can schedule my winter appt. for when I was planning on visiting with my kid!

Some of the major, nationwide drugstore chains might serve you well. Places such as CVS and Walgreens can fill your prescription in a local store that might be near you by referencing your standing prescription in their computer system. It is much easier than you might expect. You don't have to carry 6 months worth along with you.

 

[Mom2PB]

I'm sorry you are going through this. Your kid WILL be fine. My kids saw their dad twice a year from age 9 to 16 then just once a year from 16-18. He lived on the other side of the country and plane tickets were expensive plus he didn't have time to take off work if they visited him. However, my kids love their dad and they have a great relationship.

Your son is old enough to know the truth. HE is also old enough to spend some time with you on the road!

Keep up the telephone calls as often as you can and always tell him you love him.

Best of luck!

Michele

 

[RoamerRV428]

Hi all.

I haven't been back to this board since post #14 of this thread. It kinda set me off a bit and I didn't want to be rude to anybody.

With that said, I want to send you all my sincere thanks. This thread has been very helpful in getting myself mentally prepared for what I am going to have to do...

-Don

any new updates on what went down?  hoping the best for you!

 

[Uncle Todo]

He was last online here 10/4/19, hopefully something worked out, if not ideal at least something workable.