GIRLS' ROOM: Why is family so unsupportive of solo female travelers?

[KASibson]

If my mom hadn't been so fearful for her only child then I would have taken off in a van to explore the country when I was 18. 

I definitely had the mindset that I needed to go to college and "make something of myself".
Hindsight being 20/20, college didn't really help me get a "good job" and landed me with a lot of debt which limited what I could do for the next 5-10 years.  College did, however, allow me to meet some really awesome people that I expect I'll stay friends with for the rest of our lives.

I didn't have a car until I was 20, aside from using a car temporarily for the summer between high school and college.  I had some pretty epic road trips in my college years, but never even considered that I could sleep in my car (a Ford Escort).
I was raised to believe that sleeping in cars was something that only homeless people did.  Luckily, I've since realized that's not true, and that there's a difference between sleeping in a vehicle because you *have* to and sleeping/living in one because you choose to or want to.
Even if I'd realized that "car camping" was something that people did, that would've been potentially a game changer back then as I was forever trying to convince friends to camp with me, and having a vehicle to sleep in instead of a tent (on the cold hard ground) probably would've made it easier to get friends to come along.

 

[TrainChaser]

Newbie: " I've actively encouraged her to find her own road in life and she's already traveled to places I've wanted to visit since I was a kid. People told me I'd be overprotective even before she was born. Huh People don't know me so well I guess."

You sound like the model of what parents SHOULD be, and usually aren't.

I think it was last year that a 22-year-old guy (naturally) back east lit a firecracker and set it on his head, blowing his brains out. His mother said, "I spent 22 years keeping that boy safe". THAT WASN'T HER JOB! Her job was to teach him how to deal with the dangers of life, because mommy won't always be there. But that seems to be the American way of non-child-raising these days. When you run across a decently-raised kid these days, they practically glow in the dark.

 

[anewbiewannabe]

You sound like the model of what parents SHOULD be, and usually aren't.

Thanks. :heart: It's been a long time, since my dad died, since anybody acknowledged I was doing a good job.  I think I've done a pretty good job and she's an awesome young woman.  I hope we get to travel some more together before she's really off living her own life.  For now I'm within driving distance and here to be a consultant, as needed, as she spreads her wings. :heart:

 

[TrainChaser]

Your pride in her will also help to keep her on a positive path.

Too many parents try to keep their kids on a leash, and that simply doesn't work. It may be simpler in the short term, but it nearly always fails in the long term.

 

[DrJean]

Why is family so unsupportive of solo female travelers?

You told them??? 

 

[Almost There]

You told them??? 

Well, except for those who are totally estranged from their families, it's kinda normal to tell your relatives when you're packing up and leaving town for what you hope is for good!!....

My mother was very ambivalent about it...I got my itchy feet from her so on one hand she understood the deep want to wander. OTOH she also depended on me a great deal for a lot of support work as well as emotional support. Whether she used the word 'abandoned' to my brother and sil or whether they put their own slant on it, I'll never know but I can tell you there was no, nada, support from that side of the family.

My kids understand their mom and couldn't figure out how I'd stayed in one place as long as I had...

 

[TrainChaser]

AlmostThere: "... she also depended on me a great deal for a lot of support work as well as emotional support. Whether she used the word 'abandoned' to my brother and sil or whether they put their own slant on it..."

I would bet money that the 'abandoned' attitude came from your brother and SIL. If there is one thing that I seem to see repeatedly, it's that one sibling (often out of several) tends to do all the work and provide all the support, and the others offer opinions and show up for the money at the end.

 

[Almost There]

Oh yeah!

We don't want to get me started on THAT!!  

 

[Cheli]

I am extremely fortunate as all of my friends and family are extremely supportive of my decision to become a solo female traveler. In fact, they are more sure than I am. hahaha As I am in the process of selling everything I own to get ready to hit the road, they are the ones telling me to just do it anytime I get that fear and hesitation of what am I doing.

Just do what you need to do for you and what will make you happy and they will follow suit once they see you are fine.

 

[DrJean]

So great that you have such good support! I 'm sure they'll be there when you need them along the way too!

 

[mothercoder]

I hear you on this.  I had a very frustrating day today with my sister.  I don't have military experience but I raised two sons on my own.  I used to be very outdoorsy (camping, fishing, hiking, skiing).  I've hung dry wall and switched out a water heater, basic car maintenance, traveled cross country on my own several times.  In my case, my sister pretends to be supportive on the surface but when asked for some pretty minor help, she refuses.  For example, I live on the east coast and she lives in Nevada.  Since there isn't much inventory out here in the way of RVs, I proposed that I go out there and stay with them for a couple of weeks while I find what I'm looking for and get it road ready.  Well, are you sure it would only be a couple of weeks?  No!  I can't guarantee that what I want will come available in a couple of weeks.  Okay, scratch that idea.  

Then I said that I want to make NV my state of residence, get my vehicle registered there, get a DL, register to vote, get insurance and maybe establish myself with health care providers there so I can come back for annual exams.  And I wanted to know if she would be okay with me using her address as my mailing address and forward mail to me.  I said I would give her a postage retainer and supplement that as it is used.  Her condescending response first started by chastising me that I couldn't live in my state and register my car and get a DL in another.  What??  Did she really think that I'm stupid enough to drive 2000 miles to register my car and get a DL and then drive all the way back again and even consider that was wrong?  My sister is very good at not saying what she means but the meaning is clear.  She pretty much declined to help me with my mail by putting so many conditions on it and then intimating that she didn't think I'd last long on the road anyway.  Thanks so much. 

Thankfully I have the support of my sons and that is what matters most to me.