GIRLS' ROOM!!! If you're solo and intend to stay that way

[lterry]

I've seen a few new female members and although I can't reply on all of your threads, I still wanted to offer some advice that wasn't redundant. 
Beyond the obvious things you'll need to absorb, you need to be forewarned about people's reactions to solo woman on the road who intend on staying solo.
People will have a hard time accepting it.
Men might not believe you when you say you just want to be friends or not believe you when you say that your male friend actually is a friend, not a romance. You do have worth as a friend and don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.
You need to develop a thick skin if you don't already have one. If not, you'll end up getting your feelings hurt or being pissed.
The other problem is well-meaning friends. Someone will assume you've been "wronged" and they just need to find the right guy for you. Or, there is always the possibility of a belief problem among your friends as well. Try not to let your feelings be hurt if they don't believe you. They're not actually calling you a liar...for some people it just doesn't seem right that you don't want to find a partner. Societal norms are too ingrained into them.
You are worth more than sex! If a man wants more than friendship and you don't, that's his problem not yours. Especially if you were clear.
I repeat: You are worth more than sex!

 

[cyndi]

I don't think it's any different than a stationary life.

I also know men have the same issues with women.

 

[Almost There]

Truthfully I've not encountered too much of that attitude! Maybe I exude some kind of 'don't push me' or maybe people are trying to be like that and I'm too accustomed to ignoring that type of nonsense to even notice it any more.

Come to think of it, I can't remember the last time anyone tried to set me up.

Maybe it's my age!

 

[Queen]

Try being a lesbian, a lot of guys (notice I did not say all guys) view it as a challenge to try and change your mind (especially when you're young and pretty), or they get pissed as though it's a personal affront that you're not interested in them. Very weird.

 

[mothercoder]

I'm new to this and not even on the road yet but I've already experienced a little of what you're talking about.

I was approached by someone on one of the FB full-time groups. Apparently he is actively looking for a woman in life. Which is fine but I made clear that I am not interested in a partner at this time in my life. Still, I tried to remain friendly and we discussed my plans a little. Early in the conversation when he stated what he was looking for he said he wanted "someone who would enjoy earning money on the road, spending it and screwing all night." I was mildly offended but I didn't say anything because I had no interest. But after he had said the "screwing all night" comment a third time I offered my admittedly unsolicited opinion that it might be best not to phrase it quite that way since many women would be offended. Well, he didn't appreciate my comment. He said that was his way of seeing "testing" a woman: if she laughed he knew she was someone who he would be interested in; if she was offended then she wasn't someone he was interested in.

I told him no worries because I wasn't interested in any kind of romantic relationship anyway but if our paths crossed he was still welcome at my camp for a beer or glass of wine. I guess he took it as rejection because then he started in saying that there's no way I was going to "fit in" with full-timers unless I had the money to buy a big rig because I was too hoity-toity and clearly a lush (I guess because I offered him a beer). And then he proceeded to say that I needed to learn how to act like a woman around the men who are on the road because it was "THEIR" world and I needed to find a way to fit in. And there was no way I was going to fit in the way I was.

Needless to say, I just shook my head and blocked him. Although I have to say that this is really no different than what I've experienced in other situations: men getting nasty when you reject them, even if you do it in a kind and friendly fashion. The difference was the insistence that there's no way I would fit in and I needed to recognize it was a "man's world" out there. Neanderthal.

 

[lterry]

You are all right on. This happens in stationary life too, but when you are on the road I feel like it is even harder to convince people of your wish to stay solo. "Surely you don't want to travel without a man...."
Oh well. Life foes on.

 

[Cammalu]

Neanderthal is right. Thank god I'm past the pretty young age of the constant man trouble. So many nice ones but the buttheads sure make you cynical.


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[cyndi]

Let's not turn this intoa man bashing thread. Idiots come in all sexes

 

[mothercoder]

I'm not bashing men.  I've met some lovely men and I've met some pretty miserable women.  I was just rather put off by a man telling me that being a full-time RVer was a man's world and I needed to find a way to fit in.  Oh hell, I haven't fit in like a glove in any aspect of my life -- why start now?  lol

 

[cyndi]

It's a topic that easily goes there. If I thought anyone was man bashing I would have deleted the post.

I was reminding any future participants in this conversation not to go there.

 

[michele0203]

I really tend to test out the waters with new people inmeet, regardless of their gender. But especially men with my trauma history.

I've been single long enough to have heard most all the generalizations and sexist comments, many of which are often not even intended to be such.

I'm an introvert and ususlly prefer to keep to myself anyways. Though I would enjoy connecting with other like minded females as well as possibly other like minded men who are similar in disposition to Bob W. I've never had a male friend in my 42 1/2 years of life, so I don't imagine gaining a ton of them off the bat in my new lifestyle, but am open to the idea if the person feels safe to me. This is not to bash men, I hope that is easily understood here in my post, I just have felt much safer around women my whole life.

 

[TrainChaser]

MotherCoder: "Oh hell, I haven't fit in like a glove in any aspect of my life -- why start now?"

DITTO! hahahahahahahaha!

There does seem to be some difference between people on the road and people in standard 'society' (or what passes for it) -- on the job and in public places, etc. I've thought about it, and the difference seems to be a matter of isolation. A man or woman who is traveling with someone (even kids) seem to be less of a target than the ones traveling solitary. Some predatory types seem to feel that they can get away with more when there are fewer people around.

And it isn't always sex, it can be asking for money, or a ride, or practically anything else. Those with a more timid personality need to learn to recognize manipulation when it's being used on them. Many people in our society have been taught not to hurt other people's feelings, but you have to draw the line when you think you're being set up as a victim. When a cowboy 'cuts a cow out of the herd', he has a specific reason for doing it -- he's not just practicing with his lasso.

 

[mothercoder]

"When a cowboy 'cuts a cow out of the herd', he has a specific reason for doing it -- he's not just practicing with his lasso." True words.

 

[Big Gator]

Old Sage campfire advise, "Don't sell your rig"


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[TrainChaser]

>>> Old Sage campfire advise, "Don't sell your rig"

That's very good advice! If you have a rig you can live in, and conditions go south, you can leave. Another person's 'great idea' to sell it and put a down payment on a sports car may be good for them, but it's not necessarily good for you.

Here's how one guy operated:
1. Met woman w/small paid-for home.
2. Talked her into selling it about 4 years later to buy a slightly larger house on the side of a hill. Now his name was on the title.
3. He found another job, and said they had to move because commute was too far.
4. Bought a new, larger home. When it was almost paid for, he sold it to move to Las Vegas.
5. They could have paid cash for the 'new' home in Vegas, but he decided to pay half down, make payments, and save the rest for 'an emergency'.
6. He gradually withdrew the emergency money and gave it to the casinos.
(The guy was my father.)

Please, whatever you do, think for yourself, and learn to say 'No'. NO is complete sentence, you don't have to dress it up.

 

[DrJean]

"No." IS a complete sentence!

There's nothing inherently "wrong" with men, nor women for that matter, other than we are human. My not wanting to live with "you" may have nothing to do with "you", and does nothing to diminish "you". If it affects you otherwise, well, there's therapy for that!

 

[Ms Linda]

Hi Almost There, I'm in my early 50s and can't remember the last time a man even looked at me LOL.

 

[gcal]

Good grief! Is there really that kind of super abundance of desirable, or even adequate, men on the road? Especially for the "mature" woman? If there is, I personally know at least a dozen ladies who will be buying Roadtreks and hitting the highway.

 

[gcal]

Needless to say, I just shook my head and blocked him.  Although I have to say that this is really no different than what I've experienced in other situations: men getting nasty when you reject them, even if you do it in a kind and friendly fashion.  The difference was the insistence that there's no way I would fit in and I needed to recognize it was a "man's world" out there.  Neanderthal.

Why did it take you so long to block this putz? He was probably a troll, anyway.a

 

[gcal]

I really tend to test out the waters with new people inmeet, regardless of their gender.  But especially men with my trauma history.  

I've been single long enough to have heard most all the generalizations and sexist comments, many of which are often not even intended to be such.

I'm an introvert and ususlly prefer to keep to myself anyways.  Though I would enjoy connecting with other like minded females as well as possibly other like minded men who are similar in disposition to Bob W.  I've never had a male friend in my 42 1/2 years of life, so I don't imagine gaining a ton of them off the bat in my new lifestyle, but am open to the idea if the person feels safe to me.  This is not to bash men, I hope that is easily understood here in my post, I just have felt much safer around women my whole life.

OK. I hope this doesn't come out wrong, but I think you will be safer than you expect. You will also find men who are nice people and who are willing to be just friends. It's a matter of biology. The young bucks won't be interested in you and the older gentlemen will be reaching a stage in life when they are not much interested in anyone - and could do very little about it if they were.