Women Only: Major downsizing

[michele0203]

Hi ladies!   It's been a while since I've posted, but I am back on track for giving the vehicle dwelling life a 'go'!  I have 1 week left in my apartment and I've decided to stay in an extended stay hotel while I get prepared.  I almost signed a year lease on another apartment, but just couldn't do it, it felt like a prison sentence.

So now I've been donating as much as possible and it has not been easy.  Not that I own anything fancy but apparently I am more attached to stuff than I realized. 

In the past year, actually less than a year, I've quit a very high paying and high stress inducing job after 81/2 years, found a new job, and am now becoming a minimalist.  

I am proud of myself but also freaking out a bit!  I just keep reminding myself that on my deathbed having taken risks outside my comfort zone won't be something I regret. 

I am thinking about attending the RTR and would love to connect with other women!

 

[Maggie Flinn]

I also have been trying to give away all that I can. I also have issues. I keep thinking that I am going to need this or that for something and don't want to buy it again. I must really figure out exactly what I need and just purge. Thank you for sharing.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Maggie Flinn]

I just bought my van a couple weeks ago. I am 53 and also looking for other women to meet up with at the RTR and Jamie's van build. I am in Washington and the cold weather is setting into my bones which are aching for warmer weather. I am holding on to my home for now. I hope to gain enough faith to let it go but for now my niece will be living here. I have not been on this forum before yesterday and feel lost in it all. I hope I am replying properly. I really hope to find women I can basically know someone before I go down to AZ.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[michele0203]

Maggie it has been surprisingly difficult to purge. I have wanted to ensure that each item goes to someone who needs it and throwing things away causes me much guilt! But I'm going to have to do it and just know that going forward I will be a much more careful consumer....it's good to know I'm not alone!

 

[michele0203]

Maggie, I don't blame you for holding onto your home.  I would probably do the same if I was a home owner.  Many people seem to use their home property to supplement their income!

I joined the forum about a year ago and haven't been on for a while.  Yes, I too felt and still feel a bit lost...so many topics that I know little to nothing about.  I'm jyst going to try to keep it simple and do what's best for me.  

Here in Chicago we've been in the 90s and I'm longing for much cooler weather...I'm heat intolerant and I love mid-low 60s!

Please feel free to PM me.  I'd also like to know some women before just showing up to the RTR, too!  What kind of van did you get?

 

[VanKitten]

I have had to do this purge many times in my life.

It has never been easy.

When I first hit the road for life in 1999 I had 4 households to get rid of.
It took 2 years...but I was living out of my car the whole time. It was easier for me then (not easy..just easier) because if it didn't fit in the car..I could not keep it. But, I was in mourning over some of the stuff I had to sell. The stuff I really cared about I gave to friends.

Then, again in 2011. I had to get rid of another household. I knew I was never coming back to the condo in Florida..I had to clear it all out.

Now, In 2017 I had the entire household of my parents. Many childhood memories in that.
Somehow it was much harder this time. The loss of my Mom (and best friend) made letting go of the stuff too much like losing her again.

I really have sympathy for the progress you are going thru. But, trust me on this...it is really an anchor. You ultimately do not own that stuff..it owns you! Having it forces you to live by a means to be able to pay to keep it.

Please .. lets plan to find each other at the RTR this January. Drop me a Message...we can make some plans to meet up. Maybe try to get a women's newbie circle going?

 

[PattySprinter]

I would love to meet you ladies also at the RTR. Going through similar circumstances - it helps me to know that I really don't own this stuff - that I am a caretaker until it gets passed on to the next caretaker ... NOT my kids - five adult kids and none of them want any of my antiques or stuff.

 

[michele0203]

I really have sympathy for the progress you are going thru.    But, trust me on this...it is really an anchor.   You ultimately do not own that stuff..it owns you!   Having it forces you to live by a means to be able to pay to keep it.  

VanKitten,

I am so sorry for your loss.   I can't imagine having to go through this process multiple times and especially not going through a parent's things afterlosing them.  I am feeling all sorts of things about items I've held on to, sentimentAL and otherwise....just really a mixture...glad to be rid of it but also sad to see it go and angry that I thought I needed it all along. 

You are correct...this stuff has owned me! I am so aware of how I have not possessed these items rather these items have been possessing me and preventing me from LIVING.  I can say this...I am thinking twice about purchasing anything going forward.

I would love to meet up and yes a newbie women's circle sounds great!

 

[michele0203]

I would love to meet you ladies also at the RTR. Going through similar circumstances - it helps me to know that I really don't own this stuff - that I am a caretaker until it gets passed on to the next caretaker ... NOT my kids - five adult kids and none of them want any of my antiques or stuff.

I would love to meet you too PattySprinter!  Yes, just a caretaker unail iy gets passed on to someone who needs it more...although I'm not sure how I feel about the word caretaker...need to think about that one!

 

[jaxtonsgram]

Hi. After a crazy summer I am back. 2 places I would have never thought of to donate clothing and arts and craft items. My daughter was in a hospital psych unit this summer and in a drug/alcohol rehab facility
 They both accepted clothing and arts and crafts. I had never thought about that before. There is just something about goodwill I personally don't care for. 
I have next 2 days off so I better take advantage and get rid of stuff. Nora, mi

 

[mert6706]

Hello Ladies! If I get to RTR (no transportation right now) I would love to get together with other gals attending for the first time. Is someone taking charge of organizing such a gathering?  Having never attended before don't know the logistics of the place but would think we could pick a day and time to form a circle at someone's rig and go from there? I am only in the thinkng stage when it comes to downsizing. I think I'm avoiding getting started because it's too daunting a task, especially when it comes to stuff that has sentimental value. Just keep reminding myself that a few years ago I had to flee with only a suitcase fulll of clothes. Lost everything else, and grieved over my "stuff" like a death in the family, but I survived. This time it will be my choice so should be easier, or maybe not. Maybe the previous loss will make doing it again that much harder. At any rate, need to "just do it." Maggie, I left Washington State a few years ago after living there for ten years. I loved it, left due to my son's terminal illness and needing to be near family.  When I become a permanent nomad I hope to spend summers up there. Good luck to all of you brave, strong, independent ladies! Let's stay in touch!

 

[shadowmoss]

Anyone coming to AZ who wants to 'know' a woman there is free to contact me. I tend to wander around, but I am willing to drive to meet up. I also know some of the places to camp, some resources, etc. I live in a Class A and I plan to be at RTR. I drove over a couple of days last year. Just PM me here.

 

[mayble]

I also have been trying to give away all that I can. I also have issues. I keep thinking that I am going to need this or that for something and don't want to buy it again. I must really figure out exactly what I need and just purge. Thank you for sharing.

my issue isn't that i might need something, but rather that i could potentially sell that thing for a few dollars.  "i should have an estate sale/garage sale/put it on craigslist/ebay," etc etc etc.
in reality, i am the worst when it comes to actually selling things (honestly, i couldn't sell ice water in the desert), so in the end it just sits there gathering dust and impeding my progress.
i just need to convince myself to forget about the few dollars and get rid of it!

 

[gypsyvioleta]

my issue isn't that i might need something, but rather that i could potentially sell that thing for a few dollars.  "i should have an estate sale/garage sale/put it on craigslist/ebay," etc etc etc.
in reality, i am the worst when it comes to actually selling things (honestly, i couldn't sell ice water in the desert), so in the end it just sits there gathering dust and impeding my progress.
i just need to convince myself to forget about the few dollars and get rid of it!

I donate mine to a charity like the Waterfront Mission, Caring & Sharing, or Salvation Army, where I know that the $$$ they get for it will go to help people & I don't have to worry with meeting someone in a parking lot, or deal with yard sales or Craigs lists.  So much easier & it doesn't keep being in my way.

 

[Queen]

in reality, i am the worst when it comes to actually selling things (honestly, i couldn't sell ice water in the desert), so in the end it just sits there gathering dust and impeding my progress

Right there with you sister, a friend of mine says I'm the only person he knows he could actually lose money selling stuff.

 

[tnvangirl]

I also just sold “everything” except what is in my 10x10-storage unit ☺. I sold my house and all of my furniture and donated most everything else. Most of what is in the storage unit are items I think I will need to put the van together and a handful of “sell on Craigslist” small appliances. I understand what you are going through it was also tough for me to get rid of things for many reasons. If you have time I suggest starting small, one closet, one dresser etc. at a time. Some things will be no brainers. The rest can wait until the next round. At least you feel like you are making some progress this way instead of being frozen or stuck. I ended up going through some places 3-4 times. What I thought I wanted to keep at round 1 seemed less valuable to me by round 3 or 4.
I am also staying in an extended stay until I get the van ready.
Like mayble I am NOT a salesperson. I also struggled with the idea of getting a couple bucks for this or that. As a single woman I was a little uncomfortable having CL strangers in my house. As an introvert I did not even want people I know in my house ☺.
If I had it to do over again I would contact an estate salesperson that was also a real estate agent. I did not know at the time but many of them do both of these things. I contacted the estate sales agent AFTER I had a contract on the house and they did not have enough time, or I didn’t have enough items to meet their minimum sales value etc. However, if I had listed the house with these agents they would have done the estate sale as well due to commissions for the house offsetting the small value of furniture etc. Of course you have to give them a percent of the sales dollars but still it is something.
The way I understand estate sale to work is you go through and pick out the items that you want to keep and they will deal with the rest of it. You still have to address your things but it eliminates those items that are worth something but don’t really hold any sentimental value to you and you don’t have to go through the hassle of selling them yourself.
Best of luck on your journey.

 

[CoachOnTheRoad]

Adding myself to this thread, I'll be a newbie at the RTR this year and would love to meet up with other women. I started out van-dwelling in the Adirondacks this summer, and leaving from NY state next week to head out West, my first big trip!

It took me a few years to purge everything, and I'm left with a 5x5 storage unit, and a few boxes of things at my daughters home. I had garage sales, sold on on-line garage sales, Craig's list, donated and gave away. I kept a couch, a cedar post bed that I loved, my grandmother's dresser and some kitchen items. When I first started purging a few years ago, it was just an urge I followed. My higher self may have known what was coming!   

I've also had to go through all my parent's belongings, once when my Mother moved out of her home into assisted living, and then when she passed. That also took a few years. I still have dreams about it!

I think part of my urge to purge actually started with my Mother, she was a borderline horder, but in the end when she was dying, the only real thing she had was love. The rest of it was meaningless. She died of Alzheimer's at the age of 76, and it made me re-evaluate my own life.

It seems like everyone has their own process but what I hear from everyone who's gone through it, and what I feel for myself, is that it's worth it. I feel so much freer carrying all I need in my van. It's amazing. It hasn't been easy, but something I feel is, I'M ALIVE.

 I love your sentiment of thinking about your deathbed...similar to what do I want my gravestone to say? "I kept all the stuff?" Or... that "I'VE LIVED."

Mary Ellen

 

[michele0203]

Hi Nora, those are great ideas!  Also, I  hope your daughter is feeling better.
So, how did you do getting rid of stuff the past few days?

 

[michele0203]

Hello Ladies! If I get to RTR (no transportation right now) I would love to get together with other gals attending for the first time. Is someone taking charge of organizing such a gathering?  Having never attended before don't know the logistics of the place but would think we could pick a day and time to form a circle at someone's rig and go from there? 

I've never attended before either....My guess is that women start to form connections here and on other various sites and plan to have both formal and informal gatherings.  I remember hearing something last year about a group of women that camped a bit a ways from the main hubbub...that's more my style...I shy away from large gatherings.

Yes, it is just stuff but i agree that it is a grieving process.  I'm also very sorry to hear about your son's terminal illness.

 

[michele0203]

my issue isn't that i might need something, but rather that i could potentially sell that thing for a few dollars.  "i should have an estate sale/garage sale/put it on craigslist/ebay," etc etc etc.
in reality, i am the worst when it comes to actually selling things (honestly, i couldn't sell ice water in the desert), so in the end it just sits there gathering dust and impeding my progress.
i just need to convince myself to forget about the few dollars and get rid of it!

I hear you...I've beat myself up for not trying to sell my stuff, but it would have just delayed the process for me, more so than it already did...apparently I needed the kick in the pants and my decision just 10 days ago to not rent another apt has kicked me into high gear.  I just tell myself if I ever want any of this stuff again there's million thrift shops, garage sales, and yes dumpster dives where i can easily replace things.