Women Only: I'm back!

[LivGolden]

Sure. I imagine there will be a lot of writers/storytellers at WRTR/RTR.

How did your workshop go? That would make a good evening's conversation.

 

[Gardenias]

I understand all too well this pain - but differently. I often wonder if fate had been different, would I have suffered this heartache rather than the one that struck me.

We both lost, both our boys, many years ago. One at two years old to conjunctive meningitis and the other in his twenties to an act of violence. This would have torn many couples apart but it brought my husband  and I closer. I am so grateful to have had such a wonderful husband.

I think these heartaches are especially painful, and puts children's estrangements in perspective. I'm relieved that you and your husband have each other to heal and become closer. If you want, hugs!

 

[LivGolden]

Thank you, Gardenias. My husband died a couple of years ago. I didn't even try to pretend to handle that even reasonably well. 
I broke. I made sure the universe knew it, too. I was a sad mess. These days, though, I've been learning to lean on myself and even seek new adventures. I believe a lot of people who take to the road whether pushed to or not understand the power of hope which can lead us back to a different happiness. It's a draw. Not that it isn't scary. But it is still hope and it's possible. 

Peace  :heart:

 

[Gardenias]

I apologize for missing the had!
Reading what you'd been through, I feel inspired to feel hopeful, thank you!

 

[LivGolden]

There's so much positive from people on these forums. Full of hope. Resilient. The only real negative might be simply frustration, at times, for want of getting out there and enjoying life. Even that seems positive. I believe it is. I'm enjoying the 'community'. I'm looking forward to WRTR/RTR. Hope to you there, there. 

 

[rosiemartinez1211]

Thanks ladies for sharing your stories. My sons aren't estranged but they just kinda don't really consider to ask if I need anything.

I was a single mother when they were young. I managed to keep a roof over their heads, have them in sports, go to college, work 2 part-time jobs and always managed to feed them.

I don't know if I had a Wonder Woman syndrome and maybe that's why they're "selfish" or if I just spoiled them to the degree that they just don't really wanna do anything or think to do anything for me. Well, it requires a lot of bitching to get them to move.

My older son, who still lives with me (which I'm okay with since he'll be paying the mortgage so I can hit the road) I think is just so sick of living with me that he pretty much stays in his room. And I feel bad for him cuz I know he wants the right woman in his life. And there I go again, divorced parent guilt!

 

[travelaround]

Hi Rosie,

I think most adult children, sons especially, are self-absorbed, trying to find their ways through life.

I do have one son who phones me frequently when he's driving his semi and needs to talk to someone, but when he's off work, with his friends, I am ignored. I accept that. I'm glad he has friends.

I rarely ever hear from my other adult children except the one I live near. She and I get together at times. She's the one living in a school bus now. Two weeks ago we had dinner together at Dockside, a nice restaurant with a great view of the Lake Coeur d'Alene marina. Then she invited me to go to her church with her and I did that a few days later. Haven't seen her since then, and she's not one to phone every day.

I've come to accept that my adult children don't want to spend a lot of time communicating with me. It is great that they have other interests. I wouldn't want them to be dependent on me in any way at this time in their lives. I have the one who won't talk to me at all, but also (lucky me) four others who do talk to and occasionally visit me.

I think it is key to develop our own lives and interests, live our own adventures, and not depend on them for affection and attention. There's so much more out there and it is time to go find what else life has for us. I can't wait to get on the road. If I were a cat, I'd be at that point where I was leaning back a little, getting ready to spring forward. I'm in a serious condition of anticipation.

 

[rosiemartinez1211]

Yes, as nervous as I am about towing, planning and arriving safely, I am itching to leave.
We've done our part, now it's OUR time.

Hope to see you in Quartzsite!

 

[ThisDharmaBum]

I too am in the camp of feeling rejected by adult children. But, to be honest, this daughter also did the rejecting oh so long ago. I am now realizing that sometimes "rejection is part of the separation process as one transitions into adulthood". And now, 10 years after my mother's death from cancer, I have regrets, and I wish that we had been able to resolve that transition better (as the rejection was two ways). So I am trying to navigate that better with my (young) adult children.

This includes embracing my next stage of life with joy and adventure and creativity and more time for rest and self-love, and the knowledge that death is inevitable.

Completely agreeing with rosie, "We have done our part, and now it is our time!" Life is short, and we all deserve love.

 

[Karla]

Wow, I didn't expect a response like this from so many moms. We should get matching jackets.

My cousin told me my son, who's in Flagstaff, asked to join her sister's family in Arkansas for Thanksgiving. I was afraid he'd take off cross-country in the car I gave him, which is an '04 and which he's probably not maintaining because he refuses to learn even basic maintenance, so I texted him. For a while all I could get out of him was his telling me I could stop paying for his phone (but also let it slip he hasn't done anything about getting his own account) and asking if I'm paying any other bills for him. Finally he told me he's flying. I'm afraid to push more to ask who's paying for it, because I know he can't. The only people who might are my siblings who make a hobby of trashing me to him.

 

[travelaround]

The only people who might are my siblings who make a hobby of trashing me to him.

You have my sympathy but I'm sure that's nothing compared to the loss of your son's loyalty. I have a sibling who never wanted children, and even had a vasectomy to prevent them from being born - but now that he's an old retired guy he sees how valuable they are, and it seems like he wants mine. I don't mind sharing! However, when it gets to the point where he's trying to turn my children against me, the line is crossed.