Will I End Up Alone

[watercoursegreen]

Hello from Alaska everyone!

This is my first ever forum post, so I’m pretty new to all of this. I am a 29 year old male who for the past year has been planning to leave the rat race behind.

I’d like to move to the West Coast area and live full-time in a van or small trailer for the foreseeable future. My ultimate goal is to take back control of my life – to have the freedom and time to enjoy nature and this beautiful world!

But as I’ve been intently watching Bob’s videos, a gnawing feeling has been growing in my stomach: “Am I setting myself up for a lonely life? What are the odds I will find a female partner in my age range (in her 20’s or 30’s)?”



I am an introvert (although I think I hide it well), but if I’m honest with myself I would admit that I have a deep need for long term companionship. I’ve always had what felt like a pipe dream of finding a woman like myself: a free spirit; a person unafraid of moving to the beat of a different drum; someone for whom sharing a beautiful sunset, a starry sky, or the patter of rain on a roof would be enough to make her heart happy.

I’m a bit of an unconventional romantic I suppose: I love living a minimal life focused on what’s important: memories rather than ‘things’. And it’s sad, but this has caused me a lot of problems in my past romantic life: most women (that I’ve met at least) really want creature comforts.



Nomads are already a minority, but I am a little worried that, at 29 years old, I would become a minority-within-a-minority. Most of the people I see in Bob’s videos are retirement age or, if they’re young, are male. It makes me wonder if I am setting myself up to spend the next 30 years exploring life without a partner.

I would really love some insight and advice from anyone willing to offer it. Perhaps someone who has attended an RTR and noticed whether there were many younger (full-time) people there? Or perhaps someone who knows of a great way for nomads to find partners?



Thank you very much in advance!

 

[RoamerRV428]

heck yea there is someone out there for you and you guys will meet and have a fab relationship I bet

thing is don't limit your scope to like only the RTR or whatever. You are on the road. You are gonna travel, meet many people in all situations and you never know when that love bug will hit!!

A month in an area exploring, hit some local diners, chat up with some people in whatever town you are near, find a bingo game happening or ANY SMALL situations that puts you in a line of available people that could make a connection for ya. Put yourself out there is all I am saying, be receptive in your daily life a little bit and what you can find could surprise you!

Many find love in a flash, when least expected, the right soul mate so......no way you are exempt from finding the long term love of your life on the road I hope that when you do meet someone ya come back and tell us all about it! I love hearing great stories about people who hook up under different circumstances in life and make a great thing out of it for themselves!

you will be fine I am sure

 

[ByeBye]

SO many variables but one is an exterior journey, way of life. The other is of the internal journey. One is not dependent on the other.

Checkout Adventure Van Man's latest video.

 

[jeanmarie]

Yes, you will probably end up alone - unless you take a wife or girlfriend with you when you hit the road. There are not nearly as many solo women in your age group on the road as there are men on the road. There are not nearly as many young women who want to hit the road in the first place. Most women that age don't want what you want.They are more concerned with security and family. Just a fact of life.

 

[Doubleone]

I'll share with you some advice I recently gave my adult son.  He's 26yrs, handsome, bachelor degree, eagle scout, good humored, working full-time as an electrician making good money... but between girlfriends at the moment.  From a dad's point of view, he's a great catch for any young woman, but I saw he was spending way too much time working and hanging out with his single buddies... wondering why he hasn't been meeting more girls.  We usually meet our spouses/significant others at the places we frequent often and spend the most time... school, work, and social activities (church, clubs, group activities).  I told him stop hanging out so much with the boys, and suggested he do more social activities and hang out more with existing couples.      

What follows are some raw thoughts, offered in the same spirit as a 'best friend' who always keeps it 100% real, and tells you like it is...  You say you're looking to find, "a woman like myself: a free spirit; a person unafraid of moving to the beat of a different drum; someone for whom sharing a beautiful sunset, a starry sky, or the patter of rain on a roof would be enough to make her heart happy."   Would such a free-spirit woman, unafraid to move to a beat of a different drummer, happily living on her own  want or even need a long-term  relationship?  So, where would such a woman hang out?  What activities does she like to do?   I know you're speaking from the heart, but basing a relationship solely on romantic visions alone is too often a very short lived reality...   What happens when all those lovey-dovey butterflies and pitter-patter of two hearts eventually slows down, as happens in real life?  What's left when the fast and furious passion fades?   What is the substance of  your ideal relationship?  Why does she need or want to be with you?  What's in it for her?  What do you bring to the table?  Is your vision of nomadic life a viable path to your dream  or an escape from reality?  Your post suggests your gut already knows the answers...

 

[MrNoodly]

Find the companion first. The pool of women of all types is larger in the "normal" world. And the number of them who are up for the kind of life you want to live is also larger than the number of unattached women currently living that life. That percentage is probably higher in a place like Alaska.

As for making a living as a nomad? Get that started now, too. Don't wait until you're on the road.

 

[rvwandering]

Welcome to the CRVL forums watercoursegreen! I know a few young couples who have met on the road and travel together so keep your hopes up. There's a good chance you'll find someone who fits into your lifestyle. More young people come to the RTRs every year - hope to see you there!

To help you learn the ins and outs of these forums, this "Tips, Tricks and Rules" post lists some helpful information to get you started.

Most of our rules boil down to two simple over-riding principles: 1) What you post should provide good information (like your introductory post), and 2) Any response to someone else's post should make them feel glad they are part of this forum community.

We look forward to hearing more from you.

 

[owl]

I meet people in the age group you mention on the road all the time. There are thousands of young folks, guys and girls on the road. Go where young outdoor oriented people go and you will be amazed. Mtn. bike hubs, climbing and bouldering areas, beaches, concerts etc. Van get togethers all over the country attract young folks. The ones put on by vanlife diaries are really popular with young folks. Descend on Bend in the fall gets bigger every year with primarily young folks. People go to these events and make friends who they end up staying in touch with, and sometimes traveling together. There are hundreds of ways to assume this life without being retired or having a monthly income. When you get out there you will learn from folks who do it. I started when I was 25, did it all my life. Turned 72 on the 16th of June.

 

[watercoursegreen]

Thank you for all the replies everyone. I am honestly really surprised how everyone here has a very valid point, even though some of them are from fairly opposite sides.

A few people's posts got to me, especially this one by Doubleone:

Doubleone Wrote:
What happens when all those lovey-dovey butterflies and pitter-patter of two hearts eventually slows down, as happens in real life?  What's left when the fast and furious passion fades?   What is the substance of  your ideal relationship?  Why does she need or want to be with you?  What's in it for her?  What do you bring to the table?  Is your vision of nomadic life a viable path to your dream  or an escape from reality?  Your post suggests your gut already knows the answers...

I try to be an optimistic person, but it's hard for me to ignore the points you made.

In truth, my 'gut' is pretty confused. I am honestly not sure if a nomadic lifestyle would be my salvation, or just an attempt to escape a reality I can't seem to find enjoyment in. (I'm not even sure what the real difference is between those two motivations... Is 'escaping a reality I can't find enjoyment in' actually a form of 'salvation'?)

As stated, I am a natural introvert, so it's difficult for me to connect with most people. I've been in two serious relationships (each ended badly). The result is that I have very little faith in people - that's not how I want to believe, but it's a really hard belief to unlearn.

You asked the difficult question: "What's in it for her?  What do you bring to the table?" and, from a practical point of view, I suppose I don't have much to offer a female my age - especially the 'average' female interested in children, security, money, etc. This forces me to the belief that my ideal partner simply does not exist.

But then I think to myself: "Well I exist, don't I? - and I don't care about money, security, or children! I would be happy just having a partner to share my life with. I'm a male, sure, but are men and women truly that different? Is it really so unlikely that there exists a female that is like me?!"

I feel like the answer to that question would probably determine whether living as a nomad is my salvation, or just an escape from an unhappy reality. If, hypothetically, there were only 3 women on the planet that think like I do... well then wouldn't I be better off alone, rather than living my life looking for the impossibly unlikely? In such a case, perhaps becoming a nomad would simultaneously be my escape and my salvation.

I apologize... I am clearly a very confused person... I feel like I need a Fortune Teller to read my future. Either that, or if there are any Anthropologists who can give some ballpark figure on the odds.

 

[RoamerRV428]

you are playing a game with an unknown. playing or dreaming about life isn't living life.
get out there!
SEE and LIVE what comes available to you in the form of any companionship.

the WHAT IF game of life is so useless in so many situations, romance being one of them

get off the pretend mind game roller coaster and get your butt out there and into a real life situation and things will be clearer to you

best of luck to you......stay positive all the time, no one likes negative people LOL

 

[MotorVation]

I met my last fiance walking a dog on the beach near Atlantic City on a crappy weather day when the beach was practically deserted.

I don't walk dogs on crappy weather days near Atlantic City or get engaged anymore. Lesson learned. Just sayin'

 

[RoamerRV428]

love love love your post Motor!!!

 

[RoamerRV428]

I met hubby by 'seeing him around' and 'kinda discounted him in a way' but when I was forced to buy hay from him cause NO one had winter hay for my horses I was turned toward him from a friend...….best darn hubby anyone could get So yea, like Motor said, what comes your way comes your way!!

 

[jeanmarie]

you are playing a game with an unknown.  playing or dreaming about life isn't living life.
get out there!
SEE and LIVE what comes available to you in the form of any companionship.

the WHAT IF game of life is so useless in so many situations, romance being one of them

get off the pretend mind game roller coaster and get your butt out there and into a real life situation and things will be clearer to you

best of luck to you......stay positive all the time, no one likes negative people LOL

If you can't find meaning in your life, "getting out there" isn't going to help. There is a good chance it will make things worse. You are the only one who decides if your life is useless, and you can't run away from yourself.

 

[RoamerRV428]

playing a mind game is 'cool, perfect, ok cause IT WILL come true?' oh come now on this one....a dream of doing something real like working toward a goal of making a retirement fund bigger, hitting a goal of XYC that is 'substantial tangent' gain is one thing….I get that....but psych yourself out about a 'true what if' is useless. OP never said he doesn't have meaning in his life at all.....he is wondering about the future and if you wonder too hard if the right person is out there, then you can say NOPE and stop looking even before ya begun.

something like love to find is not tangible in any way. so....yea I hold my post on that one

 

[Wabbit]

Love is like a game of hide and seek. The harder you seek, the better it hides. Or some kind of Forrest Gump wtf does that mean bs...

Do what you want to do. No one in the history of no one's has ever been guaranteed to find a soul mate. Do what you WANT to do. If you're looking for happiness or better yet contentment, live life doing what you want to do. The rest will fall into place.

Best of luck and try to relax. If that's hard to do, then "learn" to relax. Sounds weird maybe, but I had to learn to relax. I'm wound a bit tight lol.

 

[Day Dreamer]

I had the same thoughts when I was your age (feels like yesterday). I chose to stay and date, etc. Got married, mortgage, kid, mostly raised our kid while my workaholic partner worked too much. Now we are on the other side 20 years later and probably going our separate ways soon. I always had "the itch". Almost moved west twice but work and family got in the way. My partner has no interest in the lifestyle or even weekend camping anymore. That being said, no regrets. Just can't be in two or three places at a time unfortunately.

If your goal is to have a family I would consider living a traditional lifestyle for now. I just couldn't imagine raising kids on the road personally. You might meet someone that also has your same dreams but wants to have a family first. If you meet someone and date talk about both of your future dreams 5, 10, 20 years "down the road" (pun).

If you have multiple desires like me you can choose which to fulfill at different parts of your life. You can choose and plan based on what is possible at the given time. For example you most likely won't be starting a family at retirement age. You will need to decide that soon. There are things I wanted to do but now getting too old and beat up (thru hiking the AT for example). I have friends that did the ski bum thing for 10 years in their 20s but they couldn't handle that now.

Personally I would probably make a plan to go on the road and see the country for a specific amount of time like say 2 years and then re-evaluate at that time. Most likely it will change, because along the way you will find someone, something or someplace you love.

 

[crofter]

Personally I would probably make a plan to go on the road and see the country for a specific amount of time like say 2 years and then re-evaluate at that time. Most likely it will change, because along the way you will find someone, something or someplace you love.

I agree.  I am fine with being "alone" because I get tons of social interaction through working, and a social group I belong to. I like working and also eating, both necessary activities. I love the van life, and am a part timer usually. It is possible that love is random, but I was introduced before taking the big jump down the road to marriage. I will say that the biggest help with committed relationships is having a hefty and healthy support system, like extended family, (or us!). Good luck Watercoursegreen!     ~crofter

 

[DannyB1954]

We tend to look at all the advantages to a situation, then when we jump in we get slapped in the face with all the disadvantages.
I have been married and divorced. When I start to think how nice it would be, I remember what it was really like. I may meet somebody, but I am not searching.

That being said, there are RV groups for singles like loners on wheels. Google is your friend. Here is one result http://roamingrv.com/rv-clubs-for-solo-rvers-updated/ Adventure Van Man just recently met someone, https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCh37UFI3Jyt3LBibKv5CKtQ I think it was through one of those caravan deals that Bob Wells started.

There is a chance that a female vehicle dweller in your age group may be getting their funding through SSI. Maybe because of physical or mental issues. Be ready to have to deal with the problems that others bring with them. The up side is she probably won't be as crazy as the one's that I have picked. Happy hunting, (and may the good Lord be with you).

 

[Doubleone]

First let me offer you a reassuring pat on the back… It’s gonna be alright!  What you're feeling actually seems pretty normal, but unfortunately there is no cure for normal...  So the best anyone can do is work through the process, and keep pressing on…  I believe humans are inherently social creatures; we desire interaction and social contact, we crave to hear another human voice, and we need to feel a caring touch (physical, intimate, and metaphorical).  Fundamentally, we are all searching for validation, a sense of belonging, and most importantly to feel relevant.  We all need to be witnessed.

It was never my intention to dissuade.  I know those are some difficult questions.  Many people struggle over their entire lifetime to find love.  My wish for you is that you can better define what you're looking for so more time is not lost with false starts or spent looking in wrong places.  Clarify your thoughts, pick a direction, and go with it.  As for salvation... there is a difference between running away from something uncomfortable or toward something beneficial?  Which is it for you?  No other person or fortune teller can tell you the right answers for you and your situation.  Only you can answer that for yourself.  From what I read, you’ve got some pretty good thoughts and internal dialogue!  You’re a deep thinker, but just don’t let decision-paralysis set in.  

Finding the 'right' person doesn't require a social anthropologist.  It's not about odds or probabilities.  It's about being open to others and pursuing social opportunities...  Keep it real, have some fun, focus more on what you can do for and with others.  Practice gratitude and service to others.  Look for the beauty in all things.  Right now you're still licking wounds from a bad break-up, and so it's kinda normal to see things from a darker perspective...  So, go get social!  The more people you meet, the more people get to know and like you, and they'll know you’re single and they’ll want to set you up with someone they know will be good for you.  You keep saying you have nothing to offer, but I have a strong suspicion that isn’t true, so just stop saying that.  I'm certain you have a great deal to offer, but maybe you just can't see that at the moment because of all those negative feelings.  Those will pass in time.  To get past negativity, let me challenge you to do three things every day: 1.) say something or do something nice or unexpected for someone else, 2.) take a moment to stop and appreciate something in life (smell the roses, appreciate nature, get some sun on your face, watch children playing, a mom tending to her baby, smile at someone, just be still and listen, etc.) and 3.) accomplish at least one productive thing each day.  

So back to what you really want from your ideal relationship?  Is she…a cool activity partner, a bootie call, someone who’s there for you and cares about you, someone who’ll take care of you when you’re sick, someone who can empathize when you experience a life stress or setback, someone to share the joys of your accomplishments, someone who encourages you to be the best version of you…a team mate?  A sustainable long-term relationship is about mutual interdependence; but it’s less about our own needs and more about what we can do for the other person.  When we stop worrying about ourselves and start focusing more about the needs, perspectives, and what we can do for other persons, that's when we find our happiness and true love.

To clear any confusion or angst, try taking a step back and look at the situation from different point of view.  Think about your closest male friend, a best buddy, a younger male relative, someone near and dear to you...   If they were in the same exact situation as you, what’s the best advice you would give to him?