More thinkin
Originally (couple of years ago) I thought I needed some insight into living after my wife died. How others lived.
My reason for day to day living HAD been focused on day to day responsibilities and challenges. being a husband and father, a provider. I never looked too far ahead into the unknown, maybe week to week or further out month to month. At times even years ahead in a more abstract way into retirement, life insurance, things like that.
The idea in my mind at that time was that men did not live longer than women so the responsible thing to do was to make sure my wife was cared for properly after MY death.
Linda had given her everything to me and our family.
It was unsaid that I would continue to be a husband even after I died. I believed that I had all of my ducks in the row. It was one of those things that made me feel manly. Call it ego, patting myself on my own back for a job well and properly done.
Onward-
She died first, not part of my well laid plans. So here I am still alive, relatively healthy except for the ache in my stomach, no pill for that. lonesome is impossible to describe.
In another post I described about giving up on being alive. No point.
Well anyway, woke up in a hospital with needles and tubes sticking out of me. Skin and bones was me.
Next stop was the head shrinker of course. Got my brain washed, That is what they do ya know.
Anyway, I now have a schedule. I get up, take my pills, wait half hour and the then eat something. Just now had a cookie. Perk a pot of coffee, go outside and sit in my folding chair and watch people. waiting for time to pass, walk around some, check my tires and then engine oil. go inside my trailer and bring up the interweb and check the news. look at the calendar to make sure what day it is. Look at the weather report and forecast.
Over the course of the day, just repeat till evening when I open a can of something like soup, I don't know, just something. Heat it in the microwave and stuff it down my neck.
Anyway, my shrink told me that I need a social life. What social life? old men and women with canes and walkers, not me. Other people who tell me I am all wrong and that I must change something or everything, become a vegan or go for walks or get a pet.
After considerable thought, I've decided that I want some one to do things for and with.
Not going to happen.
I have visited several senior centers, just for something to do between cookies and soup. weather and news.
mostly women there, very few men. Most of the women just knit with heads down and the few men can hardly move without help.
So in three days I am going to move again, usually every two weeks. Takes a day to pack up and tied down. Then drive for a couple of hours to my next destination which some times proves to be closed or costs too much. At least then there is a little adventure to find an alternate place, Then more of the same schedule. Wake, take pills, eat a cookie, perk coffee, check weather and so on.
Hope springs eternal though. Maybe tomorrow I'll find someone to do stuff for, to care for and about, some one to listen to, some one to argue with about nothing.
I know! lets save the planet! Nope, a million years from now this planet will have shaken us humans off like an infestation of fleas.
Oh- dear moderator, I know I don't think like you and don't share your thoughts, In fact I don't live in your skin, I'm not a clone of you or anyone else. You might say I'm one of a kind.
I will not be upset if you delete this post. I have gained from writing these lines, filled about an hour of nothingness with something. So I am thankful. Now I am going to go sit in my chair and watch people for a few minutes or more. You know the rest of the story.
End.