The American Dream

[VegasVanGuy]

A funny thing happened. I had my RV worked on. I drove around the block with the mechanic to make sure the sensor was repaired. We started talking. He has a wife, two kids, and just bought a house. The American dream. I said that I'm single. I just sold my house, bought a 22ft RV and a motorcycle, traveling anywhere. He said, "You are living the dream."

I enjoyed the irony.

 

[Patrick46]

Yep! The dream has changed!

 

[Every Road Leads Home]

I say everybody should have their own dream (or dreams) and follow it. No one dream should define us all.

 

[Queen]

I say everybody should have their own dream (or dreams) and follow it.  No one dream should define us all.

Right on!

Only downside I'm seeing to this is that my dream and my wife's dream may be running in different directions.

 

[SternWake]

Seems as if there is no middle ground.  You either seek the white picket fences and 2.3 kids and a dog, or you do not, or you do, then you don't.


I, never did.

 

[mockturtle]

Most of the people I know would probably not be happy livings as I do. And I'm glad. Can you imagine trying to find good camping sites if everybody lived on the road?

 

[Free Range Chicken]

I want to have both sides, or maybe like a hybrid. I think i could get married and have kids, wife, hehe a dog and the white picket fence and establishing that as a base. Then perhaps escape on the van for weeks or maybe months, maybe alone or maybe someone in the family may want to join. That's just a possible scenario that my mind pictures. ..

The challenge is to find a partner who would b ok with my idea

Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk

 

[Every Road Leads Home]

I want to have both sides,  or maybe like a hybrid.  I think i could get married and have kids, wife, hehe a dog and the white picket fence and establishing that as a base. Then perhaps  escape on the van for weeks  or maybe months,  maybe alone  or maybe someone in the family may want to join.  That's just a possible scenario that my mind pictures. ..

The challenge is to find a partner who would b ok with my idea

Sent from my SM-G386T using Tapatalk

I tried this set up once.  I started dating a girl who had a kid.  My job has always been seasonal, summers are slow and winters are very busy.  She couldn't get up and go as much as I could so I'd do some trips with her and her son and some alone.  Eventually it ruined the relationship as she didn't like me taking off for 4 weeks at a time.  However, i think I've seen some of the video blogs where one spouse travels and the other is content staying home so I think it can work.

 

[ghost]

A funny thing happened. I had my RV worked on. I drove around the block with the mechanic to make sure the sensor was repaired. We started talking. He has a wife, two kids, and just bought a house. The American dream. I said that I'm single. I just sold my house, bought a 22ft RV and a motorcycle, traveling anywhere. He said, "You are living the dream."

I enjoyed the irony.

He is spot on brother!!!  No doubt.  The other dude is a slave just without the physical chains...

Peace,

Matt

 

[Queen]

I tried this set up once.  I started dating a girl who had a kid.  My job has always been seasonal, summers are slow and winters are very busy.  She couldn't get up and go as much as I could so I'd do some trips with her and her son and some alone.  Eventually it ruined the relationship as she didn't like me taking off for 4 weeks at a time.  However, i think I've seen some of the video blogs where one spouse travels and the other is content staying home so I think it can work.

I think that's how it will be for us.  My wife has acknowledged that while she enjoys some travel, she really prefers home and hearth, but she also understands I may need to wander.

 

[eDJ_]

When you look at the American Dream,  look at how it is invested. 

House with Picket Fence,  Gas, Electric, Phone, Cable/Internet, water, sewer (services)  Insurance. Mortgage.
Then there is the Car(s) and license & insurance.  Taxes on house and car. 

It begins to sound less like a dream than a headache.   But let your boss use this "dream" to hold over your
head,  threaten you with layoff's or termination to extort working you 60 to 80 hours a week for what
the "shylock" is paying you 40 hours for...cause you are a salaried employee...and it begins to look more like a
nightmare.

If you are a guy,   you'll notice how the wife expects you to be the breadwinner and support her and the kids
you have with her.  She has her investment in the kids and looking after them,  but of course this is built on the back of his providing this American Dream. 

But when you look at this Dream it may come to look like a ticking Bomb.  Women today are wondering why they can't find Good Men,  the internet is full of such post.   Most of us here have surely seen such by now.
Articles in portals like Yahoo explain every day how men over 40 just aren't marrying like they used to. 

So here you go.   Who is he dreamer and who is the free man ?   It appears the one who chooses not to
embrace a dream that benefits anyone but himself is the free man today.   And this goes for women who follow this awareness too.  You can find companionship without being married.   You can live in other facilities besides houses or apartments and live better, mobile, and more enjoyably without the monkey on your back
from the promoters of,   "The Dream" who would have you being a servant to it.

 

[masterplumber]

I think the American Dream can become a nightmare, but it doesn't have to. I think Debt and having to always buy the latest and greatest are bigger culprits to the nightmare than the house itself. And that can happen whether you're in a sticks and bricks, or on the road. Just look at all the big class A and fifth wheel rigs out there.
I've never made a lot of money working, but I'm fortunate to have been able to do what I want for work for a large portion of my life. I actually enjoy the work I do now for the most part, but still don't make a lot. I'm also extremely blessed that we bought our house at the rock bottom and it's almost paid for while I still have quite a few more years of work in me.

As for travel, I'd love to be on the road more or less full time, but I also like to have at least a simple home base with a shop to putter in. MY wife likes to travel, but more by plane and staying in hotels, condos, etc... Fortunately her business travel allows her to accumulate air miles etc so we can occasionally take those kind of trips together, and she gets her fill of it the rest of the time with work. I like to hit the road with just my truck and trailer, or sometimes just my motorcycle and a tent, and see where I end up. She's ok with me doing that, so long as the bills are paid. So I'm slowly but steadily working us out of debt, and simplifying life so we can both have the kind of life we really want. That said, it's taken us 30 years of marriage to get to this point. Early on we were just like most people and bought into the premise that debt was good and more was better, and our spouse should want the same things we do all the time. Reality is that debt makes you a slave and your partner is a unique person different than yourself. And it's ok to be different and want different things at times - that doesn't mean it can't work and you both cant' be happy, but it does take some compromise at times and an awareness of each others needs.

 

[ArtW]

Yup, eDJ, men are waking up and walking away, and the type of women who can't figure out why, are the problem
Too bad the good women suffer, too

 

[Queen]

Most of the women I know who are divorced or widowed after 40, are choosing to remain single as well, they no longer want to have to take care of guy. They enjoy going out occasionally but have no desire to share their space again.

 

[Svenn]

If you are a guy,   you'll notice how the wife expects you to be the breadwinner and support her and the kids
you have with her.  She has her investment in the kids and looking after them,  but of course this is built on the back of his providing this American Dream. 

There are women out there who understand vandwelling, which really, more fundamentally, is simply striving to be free from materialism.  It's actually doing it, and not just talking about it.  They're hard to find and I'm sure they feel the same about us, but part of our responsibility, to put it crudely, is to stop thinking with our ** and find people we share that deeper connection with.  I meet a lot of women who think my truck is 'fun' and that I'm interesting, but I can tell deep down they still want the picket fence and the nauseating suburban lifestyle.  That lifestyle doesn't even deserve to be called materialism, because in reality such a person doesn't even really care or have an interest in material or art or design... they simply want the 'status' it affords.  Look at how poorly built even the upper-class suburban home is made, how they all shop at the same stores,  have the same life plans, etc.  

You can never know how much your happiness is dependent on money until you lose it; and with the successes of the modern industrialized world, most people never come to that knowledge.

 

[Suanne]

For me, my "American Dream" has changed over time, even tho' I was certainly raised to pursue the white picket fence version.  In reality, my adulthood "dream" has evolved from having a happy family (then got divorced), to survive/thrive as a single parent (then job/degree/job), to the white picket fence (with 2nd husband), to a successful career (then retired), to vandwelling.   In reality, the transitions weren't as smooth as written here.  Rather, they overlapped and were messy with their impetus often out of my control.

Currently, I'm living two of those dreams concurrently.  I'm both a vandweller, and have a house with the white picket fence ... tho' ours is stained brown ...

Since the person I love and am committed to enjoys and needs the stability of our house, I spend part of the year with him.  And, since my soul needs the peace and solitude of the backcountry, as well as the experience of travel, I spend the other part of my year as a vandweller.  Do I wish my partner loved being on the road like me?  Of course. 

I figure I can choose to look at it in two ways: 

1) I can view it like I'm missing out on being a full-time vandweller; or, missing out on being with the love of my life all year.  Or,

2) I can consider it a rare gift to be able to be invested in both lifestyles.  I'm a solo vandweller who's married, as well as a wife who's a vandweller. 

I strive to consider it a gift, despite the challenges and compromises.

Although I typically identify myself as a part-time vandweller, the reality is that it's my full-time identity, just as is "wife."  When I'm on the road, I'm still communicating with John.  And when I'm at our house, I'm still participating in the vandwelling community. 

I feel very fortunate to have lived, and am living my dreams.

Hear, hear to each of our unique American Dreams!

 

[ArtW]

Queen, I know a few women like that, too, we have fun poking fun at those who are still looking for their 'prince charming' or 'snow white' as well as comparing notes RE our ex's flaws, and are pretty good friends
Personally, no woman i was ever with has ever 'taken care of me' it was the other way around, and aside from being the 'wallet' I also got sick of being 'step n fetchit'
Suanne, good you found a way to make it work, my ex and I got along much better when we were 'semi separated, and get on well now that we're not together

 

[mockturtle]

Most of the women I know who are divorced or widowed after 40, are choosing to remain single as well, they no longer want to have to take care of guy. They enjoy going out occasionally but have no desire to share their space again.

Same here, Queen.  I've met more guys who are looking for a relationship than women.  I think guys want someone to take care of THEM and most of the women I know have already BTDT.

 

[masterplumber]

For you mature ladies out there, you'll love my mother in law's saying since my father in law passed a decade ago. "men my age are just looking for a nurse or a purse".

 

[Queen]

For you mature ladies out there, you'll love my mother in law's saying since my father in law passed a decade ago. "men my age are just looking for a nurse or a purse".

My mom said the exact same thing when I asked her if she was planning on dating in the years following my dads death.  She'd preface it with "I had the very best in your dad, he and I were two peas in a pod"