Questions about Grief.

[SSure]

Hi. My name is Rick and I read your post and wanted to reply because I have some experience working with grief. Lots of info out there for you to read and tons of folks to talk with who've been through the same thing you are dealing with now. While everyone deals with grief differently, there are predictable stages you may go through. It can seem hopeless and you may even think to carry on is just not worth it anymore. I hope you do because the pain will gradually drop off with your hard work at recovery. Don't be afraid to seek professional help and go on medication if a doctor feels it will help. It's not brave to go on alone if you really need help. Keep reaching out until you get the help that suites you best. Don't give up and take it day by day. Keep working at it! Recovery from grief is a lot of work every day. People DO care even if they are too busy to help or reach out. You can do this and you are worth it. Get to work!

 

[DrJean]

Yes seek a grief counselor for some brief therapy is you need to.

I do caution about medications though. Even the manufacturers admit they rarely work... less than 1/3 of the time used... AND it has been shown that 6 months of good talk therapy equals the results someone whose meds are helping them at the 6 month point. All too often people have paradoxical reactions to the psychotropic medications too (and I thought I was the only one to have paradoxical medication reactions)... whereas they can make you depressed (hear the ads... suicidal thinking... included in the side effects?!)

At this point, you're probably really doing ok in the realm of grieving. Not feeling happy but progressing in your own grieving process.
Be gentle with yourself--- each one of you--- and don't think you "should" be any where else in your process unless you truly just cannot function.

There are caring people here, too, that are more than willing to share encouraging words. Keep reaching out. ((((hugs)))

 

[DannyB1954]

If you look for recent posts from me you will see that I was out of touch for a couple of weeks. I got home from a triple bypass open heart surgery night before last. The night of the operation I almost met my maker. I was on an air breathing tube that was sealed up on my mouth. I got sick coming off the anaesthetics and threw up. Because it could not come out at least some of it went into the lungs. I came to enough to rip the tube out of my face. This did not make me popular with the night nurse and I got yelled at until they figured out that I was drowning. Got pneumonia, spent the next week + in ICU. Odd thing is there were no bathrooms in the ICU ward. I got to poo in a bucket.

Dying is not the worst thing that can happen to a person, and it is inevitable at any rate. Everybody handles it different, so this is how I see it, and may have nothing to do with how you should feel. When It comes to grief, I have to decide who is it that I am feeling sorry for. Grief and self pity are two different things. I then have basically two options at that point. Live in a manner that pays respect to the person that I lost, or whine and cry. Poor me.

 

[abnorm]

Danny ........I'm glad you're OK my internet friend...........Hospitals can be a damn dangerous place........my wife aspirated also.....nasty stuff........and you got "room service" for that bucket

You have to take care of YOU !..........How'd the Heart work out ?.........My thoughts and prayers are with you buddy......Good Luck doug

 

[DannyB1954]

Thanks, I just need some R&R time now.

 

[Gunny]

Happy to have you back Danny, I woke up from minor surgery with a tube stuck down my throat, I can relate somewhat.

Here's to your good health..

Rob

 

[Cammalu]

Oh man Danny! I sure hope you are feeling a whole lot better. Hospitals scare the hell out of me also. I've learned the hard way that you really need to have a family member or friend with you there 24/7.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[Queen]

Glad you're still here, Danny!

 

[#1BonBonQueen]

If you look for recent posts from me you will see that I was out of touch for a couple of weeks. I got home from a triple bypass open heart surgery night before last. The night of the operation I almost met my maker. I was on an air breathing tube that was sealed up on my mouth. I got sick coming off the anaesthetics and threw up. Because it could not come out at least some of it went into the lungs. I came to enough to rip the tube out of my face. This did not make me popular with the night nurse and I got yelled at until they figured out that I was drowning. Got pneumonia, spent the next week + in ICU. Odd thing is there were no bathrooms in the ICU ward. I got to poo in a bucket.

Dying is not the worst thing that can happen to a person, and it is inevitable at any rate. Everybody handles it different, so this is how I see it, and may have nothing to do with how you should feel. When It comes to grief, I have to decide who is it that I am feeling sorry for. Grief and self pity are two different things. I then have basically two options at that point. Live in a manner that pays respect to the person that I lost, or whine and cry. Poor me.

So glad you are still here and posting again. 
Sorry you had to go thru so much, but it seems to have made you re-think about grief and who you are sad for?  Which in itself may be a good thing? Not that you had to go thru it, but that it made you think?
Grief is very hard to go thru alone, without your loved one, so we all do deal with it differently.
Still glad you are here!!!!!
Sharon

 

[ArtW]

Glad you're gonna be OK Danny, that's some scary stuff right there

 

[IanC]

[quote pid='261005' dateline='1486262040']
So after the trip to Montana, me and my younger brother flew to Hawaii, rented a jeep and camped around the island for a month and spread some of his ashes there so that he could finally say he'd been to Hawaii.
[/quote]

My dad served in Egypt during WW2 and had a lifelong interest in everything to do with ancient Egypt but never went back. My brother, when he was stationed in the Middle East spread his ashes on the Nile.

 

[VanGrrl57]

Glad to read that you are okay, Danny. I will go light a candle for you and send healing thoughts and prayers your way.


VanGrrl57

 

[DannyB1954]

So glad you are still here and posting again. 
Sorry you had to go thru so much, but it seems to have made you re-think about grief and who you are sad for?  Which in itself may be a good thing? Not that you had to go thru it, but that it made you think?
Grief is very hard to go thru alone, without your loved one, so we all do deal with it differently.
Still glad you are here!!!!!
Sharon

I think that the point that I was trying to make was that at least for me, death was not that frightening of an issue. Not everyone has an operation that ends well, but I had no panic or feeling of impending doom when I made the decision to proceed. The Neptune Society would haul off the carcass after anything worthwhile was harvested, and my neighbor already had my dog and would give her a great life. I would rather be a dying person who likes themselves,  than a living person who does not. I had my original heart attack about 12 years ago and had stents put in. Maybe I resolved my plight at that time.


I don't think people can have opposite emotions at the same time. One can bounce back and forth, but ultimately they have to choose one. I have lost a number of people, (happens when you get to my age, 62). So am I feeling sorrow or grief for the person who passed, or do I wallow in the poor me's?  After a while wallowing does not make for a wonderful life. I guess it comes down to I prefer the style of the Irish Wake. Others are free to feel as bad as they wish for as long as they wish. This may seem, (or even be insensitive to the emotions of others), but,  we all get to choose how we see things. Our thoughts create our emotions. If we choose to view life in a way that depresses us, then that is our choice.

 

[WeNeedaChange]

Hi. My name is Rick and I read your post and wanted to reply because I have some experience working with grief. Lots of info out there for you to read and tons of folks to talk with who've been through the same thing you are dealing with now. While everyone deals with grief differently, there are predictable stages you may go through. It can seem hopeless and you may even think to carry on is just not worth it anymore. I hope you do because the pain will gradually drop off with your hard work at recovery.    Don't be afraid to seek professional help and go on medication if a doctor feels it will help. It's  not brave to go on alone if you really need help. Keep reaching out until you get the help that suites you best. Don't give up and take it day by day. Keep working at it! Recovery from grief is a lot of work every day. People DO care even if they are too busy to help or reach out. You can do this and you are worth it. Get to work!

Thank you so much. It has been awhile since I checked on this post and things are a bit easier now. It has been hard, but friends and my husband have been a big help.

 

[WeNeedaChange]

Yes seek a grief counselor for some brief therapy is you need to.

I do caution about medications though.  Even the manufacturers admit they rarely work... less than 1/3 of the time used... AND it has been shown that 6 months of good talk therapy equals the results someone whose meds are helping them at the 6 month point.    All too often people have paradoxical reactions to the psychotropic medications too (and I thought I was the only one to have paradoxical medication reactions)... whereas they can make you  depressed (hear the ads... suicidal thinking... included in the side effects?!)

At this point, you're probably really doing ok in the realm of grieving.  Not feeling happy but progressing in your own grieving process.  
Be gentle with yourself---  each one of you--- and don't think you "should" be any where else in your process unless you truly just cannot function.

There are caring people here, too, that are more than willing to share encouraging words.  Keep reaching out. ((((hugs)))

Thank you. Been awhile since I made my original post and things are different now. A bit easier as I have adjusted. I have many friends who have helped me along.

 

[WeNeedaChange]

Guilt and grief can become so woven together they can't be separated--when that happens, the future can be unbearable.

I've been there and done that and the only thing that makes life bearable for me is service. It's the only thing guaranteed to get me through another day.

Thank you Bob. It has been awhile since I visited my post and things have adjusted a bit. I need to be of service to myself now. I need to take care of myself now. I forgot to do that for awhile, and I got into trouble and got sick. I cant do that anymore. No more guilt. My health depends on it.