I needed to type these thoughts instead of including it in my video today because it is emotionally charged for me. It makes it difficult to speak when you have your heart trying to crawl out your throat. ... know what I mean?
So, today, Thursday the fifteenth of February, 2018, is the start of the estate sale; continuing through tomorrow and possibly Saturday.
I walked through the house this morning to record all of the things my kids, my (ex?)wife and I have accumulated over more than 35 years as a family. There were memories that made me smile, and then I would realize that this chapter of my life is over. Then I would cry. I’m still crying.
Yesterday I came across an old valentine, in the form of a letter, that I gave to my wife in our 11th year. I used my phone to take a photo and I sent a copy of it to her. I’m sure we both wept over its contents.
In nearly the same instant, I also saw a new life ahead of me. A life that is free of material clutter. It is surprising how far one can pare down when you have to. I managed to get everything that I and my daughter needed, and a few things that we did not, into my little Hyundai Santa Fe.
I’ll not go into the details of how I, we, got here. Partly because I don’t fully understand what all of the causes are. Partly because it’s personal and I don’t want to sound like I’m whining.
I AM whining. But anyone in this much pain would, I suppose. I just don’t want to SOUND that way.
Next week, unless something falls through, the sale of the house will close escrow. The last vestige of a 37 year story ends (we dated for 2 years), and a new one begins.
I wish that she were coming with me.
I will lament the old life. It had great value to me. But I will also look forward to the new life, it has value too. Even before it's officially begun; value that will grow over time. I believe it to be a lifestyle that will become more of the social normal in years to come. I think many of you who watch my videos and read my posts would agree that we, as a culture, are headed that way...the way of the neo-nomad.
Much of the world, America in particular, has become fat, spoiled, lazy, greedy, selfish, critical and judgmental. I don’t exclude myself in this assessment. After all, I was just being critical and judgmental.
I don’t want to be the above anymore.
I am mourning deeply over my lost family, house and past life. But, I am excited beyond words at the prospect of the new life. A better, kinder, less selfish life.
I’ve been watching many of you who trod through here by way of your videos and text posts. Some of you I believe I will treasure if I happen to be fortunate enough to get to know you face to face. You have been, and hopefully continue to be, my encouragement, my source of information, my reassurance in those fleeting moments when I ask myself, “can I really do this?”
In a little over a week from now, I will find out. I have faith!
