Jumped into the "stealth" van life and am mostly disalusioned

[Jack Grit]

I jumped into “stealth” urban van dwelling (with occasional stays out “in the sticks”) with both feet several months ago. I must admit from the outset that I am very disillusioned. The following are things I had overlooked, downplayed or simply had to experience to really understand. 1. High on the list is lack of solid sleep. I just don't understand how a person can be relaxed and get solid sleep knowing that at any moment a cop may knock on ones door or window. In addition in the back of my mind ( in some areas) is slight concern about thieves, vandals etc. I do have bear spray and plenty of surprises for anyone trying to break in, so am not very concerned but if someone were to try and break in and I had to do serious damage to stop them whose fault would it be? Not mine of course but then again who knows how the authorities and a possible a jury would view it? 2. Another thing is the lack of privacy at fitness centers. I find it very uncomfortable spending time grooming my goatee, stash, and so forth after having walked through a minefield of germs. 3. Then there is the problem of hanging out and cleaning my van in a relaxed manner. Where, in the city, does one open up the doors and windows to air out the rig while organizing things etc? 4. I have many hobbies. For some reason I thought I could continue them. I can to some extent but am seriously limited in some respects.

There have been positive experiences and life lessons yet I gotta be frank and say the scales tip to the side of disillusionment (so far).

I may try BLM land for a stint but I am not extremely extroverted. Even if I were there simply aren’t a lot of people to choose from to hang out with out in the wild. I believe people need ample exercise, a network of good relationships, a good diet, among other things, to live a healthy happy life. I don't see that happening alone in the middle of a forest or desert.

Any comments and or suggestions concerning my experience and observations will be appreciated.

Jack Grit

PS is there a better place in the forum to post this?

 

[flying kurbmaster]

interesting comments, appreciate your frankness. I can see how it can get that way. I am interested in knowing what kind of van you are in. Can you stand in it? Have you changed cities do you have a support network around or on line? Several years ago I had to move into my Combi and I hated it, Now when I stay in my van quite comfortably, I put some thought to why I couldn't settle and all I can come up with I was just not set up properly for cooking, cleaning, entertaining, excersing and some of it was my state of mind at the time, I had a break up in a unfamiliar town. so all those things played on it. Interesting observations you have though, maybe if you could find a driveway in a back alley to park more permanently where you could start to feel safe. good luck fk

 

[Lifemagician]

How refreshing to read your comments. When one first starts to read the forums it is easy to fall into the believe that it is all beer and roses, which is just not the case.

I have to say that I have not done stealth camping. With so many alternatives available, I don't see why one would. But to each his own.

Have you thought of, or are you reasonably close to a truck stop or travel plaza. Most of my nights, when I am on the road in the US are spent at these. They are mostly 24 hour operations, have people coming and going all night and are well lit. From my experience the restrooms are usually very well maintained, and showers can be had for a fee. I also make good use of their microwave and if available, the hot water to do my dishes.

Some have a driver's lounge, where there is usually a TV going. Many of the truckers can be very friendly and share experiences of the road. Many are friendly and chat while I am washing dishes or 'cooking' something in the microwave. I have spent countless hours with folk at truck stops sharing experiences and learning about the road ahead.

Like you, it took me a long time to really be comfortable and sleep well, but since I have never had a problem, now find that I need to set my alarm.

This publication lists the truck stops / travel plazas which make RVs welcome. It is well worth investing in. Many have special parking areas set aside for RVs. Sometimes I join them, other times I park where it is obviously not going to bother the employee parking.

At the desk where you pay for your fuel, just ask if there are any local restrictions on parking overnight. They usually ask what I am driving and when they hear it is just a standard van I have always got the OK.

The same goes when parking in a mega store's parking lot. Go to the customer service desk and ask if there are any restrictions. If there are, move on.

I have often stayed at the one truck stop or store for three or four nights in a row. During the day I might have gone off to the library, or some other place where I could get wifi. Or I might have spent my day cleaning my van and attending to other chores. Then I make sure I am right at the back of the parking lot. Well away from the buildings.

Lifey

 

[jeanontheroad]

Jack, back in the day, when we got our first full-sized van to camp in, it also served as my normal transportation. Frankly, I was obsessed with it. I loved to putz around in it. I used to go to a local park overlooking the ICW in Clearwater, FL on my lunch hour and have a fabulous time vacuuming and cleaning the windows and reorganizing. People stopped by to chat, but the cops never bothered me.

 

[TheMadTitan]

You may attribute it more to being in a tractor/trailer, but in 20+ years of being on the road practically every summer with my family only 1 time were we ever bothered by anyone, and it was handled quickly by the security on the lot. Truck stops, despite the movie mentality of most people, are generally safer than most other places. I've had bad insomnia since I was a kid, and I would frequently wander them on my own playing video games and watching TV. That was before the advent of the newer/friendlier truck stops as well so it's probably even better now.

Take advantage if you can, and I think it'll help a lot with your sleeping problems and shower issues. If you can get a Pilot Truck Stop Professional Driver card (to get one just go to what's called the "Fuel Desk" on the side of the store where truckers come in from the diesel pumps) they won't question it. You get free showers and such so if you just change your plans around to include going there to get gas you can rack them up pretty quick. They have similar programs at other truck stop chains.

It does take some getting used to hearing all the trucks driving in and out, and people talking around you and such, but eventually it just becomes white noise. Believe it or not after so long on the road I actually sleep better when there's a slight tinge of diesel in the air and the constant idling of nearby trucks. There is a safety in numbers aspect too, as along with the truckers there are tons of salesmen, weary vacationers, and other late night travelers even in the wee hours of the morning.

As of right now I'm parked on private commercial property on a fenced-in lot less than a city block from the highway patrol HQ, and they drive by all the time and not one has stopped yet. I just try to be low-key.

 

[Stargazer]

Jack Grit,

Yep, I get it. I think when many people first consider this lifestyle, they do so at a time in their lives when everything has just become too much. They read how wonderful it is, how others have dealt with the problems and challenges, and it sounds so easy. What a great way to escape from it all, eh? And it's so cheap! Think of all the money you'll save! And all these really nice people who think like you, who understand, and are non-judgmental.

Well, welcome to the real world! The first few months are tough! It's like a new romance. One tends to see the problems but overlook them in their initial excitement. And when the honeymoon is over, well...you know.

I had to do some soul searching then. I thought maybe I was doing it wrong, something was wrong with me because look at all these deliriously happy people living in their vans full-time! Was I a sissy? A weakling? I realized one day that I needed a place to call home. A home base. And that it was OK! So I bought a small travel trailer that my van will pull, found an RV park near family, and parked it. I still live in my van whenever I get itchy feet, probably about six months a year (it's also my daily driver). Being in the RV park gives me social interaction and "neighbors". For me, it's the best of both worlds.

Do what works for you! You'll figure it out.

I have not stealthed. I can't imagine having to go to work every day and living in a city in the van.

 

[Cambia]

Ear plugs.

 

[rvwandering]

It does take awhile to get used to living in a vehicle. It may be a little harder for you if you have to stay around San Francisco because there aren't many places like truck stops or big box stores where you are welcome to spend the night and can relax without worrying about a cop knock. During the day, however, try finding a park where you can hang out, get some exercise and air out your van.

If you are able to travel, there are many BLM camping spots where people congregate for the winter. You can have an active social life if that's what you desire plus you'll get a good night's sleep, be able to spread out if your hobbies are making the van cramped and you can get as much fresh air as you want.

Give it some more time and see if you adjust to it. Some people never do. It's all about finding what makes you happy whether it's living in a van ( personally I need more room for organizing everything so we live in a small RV) , an apartment in the city, a house in the suburbs or a cabin in the boonies.

 

[AltTransBikes]

Jack
I applaud you on the candor with which you write and why this forum is such an asset....real people real places.

I think more than anything, your comment:

“stealth” urban van dwelling (with occasional stays out “in the sticks”)

illustrates the challenge. IMO, 'stealth urban' has to be the hardest of all for any kind of permanent or long term basis and requires an inordinate reserve of inner resources.

My experience is the other side of that coin in the sense of 2 years travel spent almost exclusively 'in the sticks' with little to none 'stealth urban'. Everyone's needs and plans are different of course. I mostly got through cities and urban areas as fast as I could, not needing to be connected there for all the reasons people live in cities. I also did little in the way of boondocking, looking for and planning my routes to include either RV parks or fed/state/county campgounds, usually with water/elec hookups and restroom/shower facilities. A bit harder on the budget that way but still less than the life I had been living.

I do think lengthy 'stealth urban' and/or self-contained boondocking 'in the sticks' require tight planning and I marvel at the folks who do so with ease and comfort.

 

[caseyc]

I may have misinterpreted the original post, but it seems to me that most of the "problems" are pretty much mental, as opposed to physical reality. In other words, it's more the imagined stress of the potential of something bad happening. During the whole time of your urban stealth camping, did anyone actually physically bother you, whether a thief or a police? I'm guessing not, since you didn't specifically mention so. You are getting stressed out unnecessarily on all the "what ifs". You will need to find a way to calm your nerves to have less anxiety. Only you can figure that out for yourself. In any case, good luck, hope you can find a way.

 

[compassrose]

Stealth, particularlly urban stealth, is not for everyone. It's certainly not for us. I make no apologies. I prefer my bus conversion to the tents and popup we had in the past. I like the privacy. I like having my own shower. I like having my own washer & dryer. From what the OP posted, it's not the size but the ameneties on the "street" and the safety. I suggest at a minimum to move into a campground. You may find you like boondocking but not urban stealthing. So stay in a campground in urban areas. You may find that a small travel trailer with it's own bathroom may suit you. There was a guy who traveled with a tiny vintage trailer. He rarely stayed in a campground unless he was sick or it was real cold. He stayed in parking lots and out in the desert. Pulled the little 13ft trailer with his old truck. Worked for him and his dog.

 

[Terry]

One thing to consider is that are no magic bullets in this life. No one change is gonna make life different as far as our social interactions are concerned. I am vary introverted myself and suddenly find myself alone after nearly 40 years with my best friend and partner. I have no idea how to approach anyone and have a conversation. If I were to look for another friend and partner, I have no idea wjhere to start. As well as the baggage of a 40 year relationship where things were strained sometimes and just give all to my partner for the last five years..
Probably not making sense, but my point is, you/me are going to have to find somewhere or a group to "slide" in on the edge till you/I get comfortable with someone and find that someone else may believe I'm not as pittiful as I feel.
Hopoe this isn't as confusing as it sounds to me.

 

[AltTransBikes]

Nope, not confusing to me at all, I read that loud and clear friend.

Peace

 

[Jack Grit]

“I am interested in knowing what kind of van you are in. Can you stand in it? Have you changed cities do you have a support network around or on line?“
Che­vy Astro Cargo with a“cage”. Can not stand in it. Have changed cities in the sense that I travel around the greater bay area much more often. Have some family members and friends in the area but have no support network per se. For some reason online communities don’t do much for me. I have a pretty large YouTube presence and I constantly get these long PM's. Not really knowing who I am conversing with doesn’t really fulfill social needs. I understand that it does for some people.

“I have to say that I have not done stealth camping. With so many alternatives available, I don't see why one would.“
One of the major draws for me to this lifestyle among others is the saving money idea. I don't know many alternatives that are free. I may ask local business people if they need a night watchman in trade for letting me stay on their property.

“I realized one day that I needed a place to call home. A home base.“
I think this is likely what I will end up needing. Having one would probably answer many of my concerns.

“there are many BLM camping spots where people congregate for the winter”.
Do you have a link to a website or the like?

“During the whole time of your urban stealth camping, did anyone actually physically bother you, whether a thief or a police? “
Actually yes. When I first began I was In an old Mercedes. I parked three days in the same spot. That was a mistake. A cop ( with his charming red light shining through my rear window) told me to vamoose.

“So stay in a campground in urban areas. “
I don't know how many of these exist within the bay area but I will definitely check into it.

“No one change is gonna make life different as far as our social interactions are concerned.“ Yes, am aware of that. It will be quite the challenge to juggle everything.

Thanks to everyone for replying to my post. You provided much info for me to ponder.

~J Grit

 

[compassrose]

Also check out marinas. You woud be suprised how many have RV hookups.

 

[rvwandering]

" “there are many BLM camping spots where people congregate for the winter”.
Do you have a link to a website or the like?"

Jack - here are a few options. Most good spots are in southern California. Arizona and Nevada. If you have another area where you'd like to go let me know and I'll see if I can come up with something.

BLM in Arizona and California - http://www.blm.gov/az/st/en/prog/recreation/camping.html

Don't forget about the RTR in Quartzsite - http://www.cheaprvliving.com/blog/page/2/ We've only been to the tail end of one but it was pretty free flowing with people coming and going and various degrees of interaction between people. Good time - go if you can.

Slab City - http://www.slabcity.org/ Never been - some people love it, others hate it.

Government Wash - http://freecampsites.net/#!448&query=sitedetails Good choice if you want to be close to a city (Las Vegas) but still out in a beautiful, natural spot.

Avi Casino - http://www.avicasino.com/ Large gravel lot at the casino where people stay for weeks at a time. Awnings, tables and barbeques are okay. Very friendly people when we stayed.

Loners on Wheels - http://www.lonersonwheels.com/ Rving group for single people. They seem to do a fair amount of boondocking.

 

[owl]

op, I'm not at all surprised at what you are going through. Some here will, already are, going to blame you for not falling in line and saying this is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Life changes are epic. We all have different levels of comfort, expectation. Slow down, take a breath, understand this isn't forever. There is no fail here. You are living your life, do it your way. Don't be swayed by anyone who tells you this is the only way. If you are not comfortable with your life, change it. Change until you are happy or at least content. It is possible. Michael

 

[owl]

op, don't forget, 68000 posts, 5000 members, 40 maybe 50 active posters. Many not on the road, never been. Don't get discouraged. You have a lot to offer. Easily the most real post and one of the more interesting. Don't stop, let us know how you are doing. Thanks Michael

 

[Lifemagician]

Have just had another thought, which may interest you. Are you aware of the MeetUp groups? The link is to the Bay Area MeetUps.

These groups are all over the country, both yours and mine, and cater for all types of interests and activities. I have joined six groups which cater to my interests. One is a camping group for mature members. We go away for weekends to locations within a couple of hours drive from home.

Maybe you will find there something which will interest you and give you the opportunity for friendships and company. So why not check it out. (BTW. anyone can start a group.)

Lifey

 

[Kevin H]

Jack - I did not see if you are interested in traveling or being somewhat static. If you are OK with being a bit static, check with any rv park or campground. Most are usually looking for what are called "work campers".

These are people living in RVs, vans etc and they work for a nominal number of hours in turn for a space in the park and frequently minimal pay. If you go to a RV park, that guy driving the golf cart escorting you to your site is most likely a work camper spending a few months at that park. Often the ladies working the check in counter are the partners of the guy in the golf cart.

RV parks are great neighborhoods. Everyone has a common interest - their lifestyle. They all understand what your lifestyle is about and many have been, or are, in your situation, whatever that may be. The social opportunities abound to the point that you may find yourself needing less interaction!

We have been living full time in our RV for almost 7 years. We do not have a home base. Our RV is our home. We almost never boondock but we have spent a few nights at Walmart or Home Depot.

RV parks are inherently safe. You almost never hear of any theft and no-one is going to roust you. Nearly all have shower/restrooms. Quality can vary but I can count on one hand those that were below OK.

There is a lot of short term work available for those wanting to do something. As for us, we just finished our second summer working in Yellowstone. We are traveling a bit to visit family and then will head to southwest Texas to volunteer at a state park for the second time. For work information check into www.workamper.com/‎. This is basically a clearing house of jobs all over the country for transient types like us.

There is no right nor wrong way to this lifestyle. It is so unique that it is understandable that it may take a while for you to find what works for you. The beauty is that if one thing does not work, this lifestyle perfectly lends itself to trying something else.

Good Luck and keep us posted. We've got your back!!