I'm still OK

[Terry]

Well, I don't want to remember exactly how long, but it's been close to two months since Cathy left me. I'm doing a whole lot better than I thought I would. I haven't panicked from being all alone and am getting used to it. I now know that I'ld like to have a friend more than a mate. No one will ever be a replacement for Cathy and looking for such is foolish. Now I'm not saying I don't want someone to share my life with, but I'ld rather we (whomever) be friends first.
All is not just coming up roses though. I get lonely a lot with no one to share my little triumphs with. ( no offence to anyone but sharing these little things with people you have never even seen isn't the same)
I can only hope things will get better when spring comes. Short, miserable, winter days aren't very good for helping depression. Living so close to what was one of the best beaches in the US and finding them dreary doesn't make for the best moral boosters either. But, only three more months and the world will be a little brighter place to be, especially Pensacola. I'm not placing a lot of expectations on change, because I will have to make any changes happen, but spring time is just a much nicer time of year than now and it will be easier to get out and about to try to find people/places/events where meeting nice people is not as much a problem for someone as introverted as me. And the depressing holiday season being past will also be a plus. BLEH!

 

[Patrick46]

Good to hear back, and that you're doing well.

I hear these young folks talking about marriage, and how 'in love' they are. YES, the LOVE part IS important....but are they FRIENDS??? Do they like just simply spending time together?? Do they have interesting conversations, and challenge each other intellectually??
Love, like anything else, will go in waves. Sometimes its up, and sometimes it's down...and when it's down is when people throw in the towel....UNLESS they're friends FIRST! I've found, that if you're 'friends' first...then this will hold you together to work through the tough times until the love cranks up volume again.

Don't worry too much. There are ALOT of people in this big ol' world. Being lonely DOES suck...buy by keeping yourself open, and working to be the best person you can possibly be, then you'll attract someone who's of a like mind.

This is exactally what happened to me, 29 years ago. I had given up on finding someone to share my life/time with, and figured, that I might as well work on following my dreams. Wouldn't you know it.....she found me!

Have a great holiday, and a joyous new year!!! This next year is gonna really be exciting...and there's gonna be lots of traveling in it....Woo-Hoo!!!!

 

[WheelEstate USA]

Pensacola isn't as exciting in winter as it is during summer (well, for Pensacola, that is, LOL). There's still a lot to do, and lots of people to meet.
I agree that you should look for friendship first, and its true that no one will replace Cathy. A replacement isn't what what you need anyway. I think a guy needs someone new and different to distract him from thoughts of one who is gone. Not saying you should forget the love you once shared....just need to move forward with your life and happiness.

Take care of yourself, lift your head, and step on out there.

 

[Patrick46]

just need to move forward with your life and happiness.

Hahaha....same message, different wording!! (posted at the same time!!)

Kindred spirits!!

 

[WheelEstate USA]

Patrick, well said.
If Margie weren't such good friends I'd have kicked her to the curb long ago. Its that trusting friendship that forms a firm foundation for a lasting relationship.
Whatever you do, don't let loneliness take you down.

---

Patrick, I know you and I have been there, done that.

 

[papas34]

I've been married and divorced more than I care to admitt.
I would give up the moment things felt ....uncomportable.
I found myself attracted to women withabuse issues......what a mess...women with abusive pasts and a man who would give up the first time thete was conflict....
Now I'm married to a wonderful strong woman(15 years), we have had our troubles, money, health and my new personality due to a head injury.
The kick in the pants is how I live more than 1/2 the year away from her due to health issues and we would much rather be together.....she will retire soon.....wonder if we will get sick of each other then?

With the technology we have now, it's much eaier to deal with loneliness.....
We have a chance to reach out to others, we can be more open with our thoughts, feelings and dreams.....if we change the way we look at our on line friends they can become as close as face to face.....like a phone call.

 

[Cambia]

Terry, are you taking care of yourself? Eating regularly? Getting enough sleep? These are often problems for grieving people.

Was Cathy on hospice? because if so, hospice should have free grief counseling available for you. Sometimes it's good to be able to talk about your grief work face to face with someone who understands what you're going through. It has been very helpful for me.

What is remembered, lives.

 

[Terry]

Hi Ella.
Yes, I'm eating regularly, maybe not so healthy since almost everything comes out of the microwave. The only things I can fix are sandwiches, burgers, grits and eggs and red beans and rice.
Cathy was under hospice home care for over three years. I had a lot of time to get myself ready for losing her. But I choose not to use the after services they offer. I am pretty much an old hand with therapy and know what works for me to cope with things that make me sad. I'm doing OK for now and know that things will get better, or at least, easier.

 

[WheelEstate USA]

Learning to cook might be a good hobby. Not only can you take better care your diet needs, but it gives hand and mind something challenging, as well as rewarding.
How about volunteering in the kitchen at your local senior center. If you're a church goin guy, get into some of the programs/events. Helping others most often ends up helping that giving soul.

Cathy would want you to be happy and healthy physically and mentally, wouldn't she??

 

[Terry]

Hi b&us
Actually, she wanted me to hurry up and follow her. I believe that was because of her fears and not wishing me ill or anything. I've discovered I'm kind of selfish after losing our oldest son and now Cathy. But I have thought of volunteering to help out somewhere, Just haven't come across a situation that would "fit" me. I'm not a people person and have very little patience with other people. Some of this is because of the noise that is screaming in my head day in and day out. Also, I hate hypocrites, and I can't believe in such as the new testament puts forward. So I don't go to any church. I believe in A god, but probably not the same one/way most others do.
And, my health is pretty poor. I'm riding a bicycle to get my BP under control so I'm making an effort to do something about that. I am on Medicaid with my disability, but can't find a decent doctor that is willing to accept Medicaid patients. And there isn't much they can do for me anyway because I am very prone to bad side effects of pharmaceutical drugs. So much so that, after so many tries, I don't want anyone experimenting with any more drugs on me.
I wouldn't mind learning to cook more if there were someone to wash the dishes. Besides me.

 

[hippiechk]

Terry...I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to warn you in time that I was coming past you so we could become real life friends! I wish I had just called from the side of the road...sorry...

Take care of you please!

 

[Terry]

That's OK. Maybe someday we'll be in the same area and with plenty of time to meet up. Have a nice holiday.

 

[signman]

Terry, I'm sorry, it was kinda my fault Joni didn't stop or call, she was upset trying to deal with our relationship, seperation issues at the time. We have straightened our situation out, and are very happily a couple now. I would also like to meet you sometime, Joni and I might be back in your area again some time soon, we definately wont miss next time. Take care and pm any time you wish, Duane and Joni

 

[papas34]

Signman, does this mean no more tease......man I'll miss that....
Good Luck to you both

PAPA

 

[wagoneer]

Got his hands full, something to be in envy of. A good cry always works for me, happy trails

 

[signman]

@ Papa, no more please, Tease is OK, I know better than to try to change a woman like her, she's just rite the way she is.

@ Adrian, Yes, I have my hands full, but it's the best full I have ever had. Thanks for the compliment, "something to be in envy of". I had resigned myself to not finding my soul mate, Ya never know what may happen, never give up.

On top of the world, Duane

 

[Terry]

HI ya'll. signman, everything's cool. Since I don't have to stay home and take care of Cathy anymore, I intend to get out and about as much as finances will allow so maybe sometime, somewhere?
I can agree with not changing a woman to suit your needs. If you think you can, their just fooling with you. If you don't figure how to accept and love them as they are, they can make you pay in many ways. Cathy and me didn't always get along but we always agreed that we loved each other more than anything could happen that might try to come between us. She could piss me off enough to leave, but within 5 minutes of getting away from the argument, I was always calling home to check on her and let her know I wouldn't be long before I came back home so not to worry her.

 

[hippiechk]

Hi all...now I see how it is! I turn my back for a bit and you guys start with the male bonding...not to mention talking about me behind my back *laugh*.

@ Terry... Duane's Mom is still in FL, I/we will be in the neighborhood again *smile*.

@ Del ... Hmmm, this isn't tease but an actual please in that I'd really love to have a ride on that there Trumpet of yours, almost a ringer for my old Snorton...I pack like a bag of feathers, I won't even flinch if you take air at 65 and I promise to be a good passenger and tease you the entire time... I do have to hang on to something! *wistful smile*

@ Adrian ... don't cry until my shoulder is there for you! Then when you feel better lets dance my friend and it had better be like no one is watching! I am free to please friendly like... *grin*

@ Duane ... A weak man might need to show me his love by proving his strength, exercising control and imposing limitations. Thanks for being the kind of man to show me your love by being strong, loving me as I am, and adding feathers to my wings every day! *PPSIMM*

@ everyone else...have I ever mentioned that I love this herd of cats...all of you!!

Question to Adrian...Should I rename yer thread AKA - Sgt. Pepper's?

 

[signman]

Hi All, I'm guessing we need to start savin' change and find one of those leakin, weak electrics Brit Bikes, and I'm more for an on/off road BMW, I'll let y'all know how this turns out. Signman

PS my four wheeler might do better for Arizona, we'll see

 

[Terry]

Shoulda caught me earlier. I sold the Sporster, after fixing EVERYTHING the restorer didn't get right for 2 grand. An old friend talked me out of it. Now all I got is a little Rebel to play around on. Loved the Sporty but with my back and assorted other problems, I couldn't enjoy it.
I don't know how long I'm going to stay in Pensacola. My intention is to move close to my last remaining son as soon as we can work things out. That's just south of Jackson Ms. Won't be in the next month or so but as soon as we can find the right piece of property, I'll put this place up for sale. Shouldn't have to wait on anything to purchase the property, once we find something, but need to sell this place to get something set-up to live in. Selling this place will probably be the biggest hold up.