I'm failing at Van Dwelling

[Dingfelder]

When they're young enough and call you Sir ... well... you are indeed "Sir."

Once I realize someone calling me "Sir" is not a bill collector, I'm okay with it.

 

[highdesertranger]

in response to Cow,

do you know Headache? did you read her disclaimer in he signature line? do you realize she is also physically disabled? and cannot do mechanics work anymore.

as far as your post goes,

3. a GPS does not automatically mean you don't need a map. traveling in the boonies blindly following a GPS is a fools play. your sense of direction has nothing to do with a map or GPS.

4. obliviously you don't know headache or you would have never said for her to fix her own vehicle. then you said, "which brings me to the next point. For the specific problem of the radiator, you can get this guck that you pour into the radiator and it stops the leaks." NEVER EVER put stop leak in your radiator. it causes more problems then it solves and not just in the radiator.

as for the rest of your comments stop assuming that headache is you, she is not. everybody is different and everybody deals with stuff in a different way. what works for you might not work for someone else. it might seem like I am mad at you I am not, just way to much bad advice and assuming in your response. highdesertranger

 

[Stargazer]

Headache,

I, too, do not see your efforts as "failures".  You have succeeded so far, whether or not you like it.

Just because I don't like a particular person does not mean I'm a failure at making friends.

Just because I don't want to be in a "Relationship" right now (after being married most of my life), doesn't mean I failed at it then.  (Am a widow.)

Just because I now drive a minivan and some days I yearn for a pickup, doesn't mean I failed at choosing the right vehicle.

All this means is that sometimes certain things are good at that time in life, change happens and I have to change those things to fit circumstances.

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain who tells you there is only one way to live right!  Does that mean that vandwellers failed at living in a S&B?

So van life isn't for you.  Be proud that you at least tried it!  If you never try something new and different, you will just be stagnant.  Yuck!  Ok.  Next!  I have done this all of my life.  Try something new, get it done one way or another, then on to the next whatever.

Oh, the stories I can tell.  Makes me the life of the party! ROFL (at myself)!
I can't count how many times I have tried something and thought, "Well, THAT didn't work!  What's next?"

At least you tried!  Good for you!

 

[Headache]

4.  obliviously you don't know headache or you would have never said for her to fix her own vehicle.   then you said,  "which brings me to the next point. For the specific problem of the radiator, you can get this guck that you pour into the radiator and it stops the leaks."  NEVER EVER put stop leak in your radiator.  it causes more problems then it solves and not just in the radiator.

THANK YOU!  

FFS the leak is at the seam where the plastic tank meets the aluminum core.  That crap fills HOLES!  Guess what the center of the radiator is filled with? Tons of small passages aka HOLES that if you don't put that "guck" in just right will plug those passages you NEED for your coolant to go through!  I still have to drive this leaker 9 more days until I get it fixed.  The LAST thing I need is more problems.  Additionally that crap may plug holes but it does NOTHING to prevent the seam from continuing to split. 

I'm sorry to know that bickering went on.  Let me explain something right now; this is my whine, piss and moan thread.  Some of it will be angry, some of it stupid, hopefully there will be some redeeming comedic value but in all cases I hope educational in some way.  This kind of lifestyle does not suffer fools lightly!  In my experience the things I bring up in this thread NEED to be talked about more openly.  I just recently watched a couple of videos where Bob is addressing these harsh realities.  YAY!

If you can't handle what I post in this thread don't read it and definitely don't comment on it.  Seriously.  These are my opinions about MY experiences.  Hopefully they will save someone problems down the road. 

What many of you don't understand is I'm a big fan of failure.  NOT intentional failure but the kind of failure where you did your best but for whatever reason things didn't work out.  Failure is where most of the learning and creativity happens.  It's also where you learn your personal limitations.  Some of you are acting as if I'm perpetuating negativity.  Go away!

Now for the rest of you that want to learn something, admit that its happened to you too, want to gently and creatively call me out for being a wuss and above all EDUCATE peeps about important realities that those color glossy brochure style videos rarely bring up  then please continue.  Me love you long time, even Jim dear.   >: )

 

[stonebirdfarm]

That's an unsettling report. I do appreciate it, though. I'm planning to give up a very nice apartment this spring because I don't want to maintain it... the money is such a waste, especially if I won't be in it most of the time. So your report of vandwelling failure bothers me.

I don't know if, because I'm a woman, I should have a trailer or RV rather than a van. I am completely new to insulating, building, and everything involved in making a home within a van happen. However, I have some confidence I can create a nice bedroom in the space of a van, and I will have a bathroom... I think that's essential for my needs.

The issue with your spinal arthritis and needing a high roof tears at my heart. I can imagine your pain - it sounds excruciating - but more, I'm sad because most people cannot upgrade to a HR van and so many are saying that is almost essential to happy vandwelling.

Maybe vandwelling takes a bit of desperation. If people can afford to move back into s&b then leave their RVs empty in the driveway, maybe they're just not desperate enough.

I have no roots, no home town, no husband, no children with me any longer, and I have never owned real estate. I feel that I'm able to wander. I've been hoping for road trips in heaven but as it turns out, I'm able to do it right now if I give up the s&b apartment, so that's my plan. I hope I don't get out there, months from now, yearning for the good old apartment days, thinking I can't take anymore and must settle down.

My mother was a wanderer, and only stopped because of a serious medical condition.

I'm sorry you are calling it quits but it does sound like there have been an extraordinary number of difficult challenges, and I thank you for sharing your story and observations with us.

 

[stonebirdfarm]

Just saw this....thought you might like it!

Solivagant-

Traveling alone is empowering. And when you are brave enough to take on the roads yourself you become a Solivagant. Wandering alone is an unadulterated bliss which travel lovers should try at least once.

 

[ckelly78z]

This sounds like you may still be searching for that thing which will give you relief, and happiness. Vandwelling didn't work out for you, but don't let that keep you from trying other methods of therapy. I wish you luck, and good health (for you, and your van) in the future, and hope you find something that brings peace to your soul, and a smile to your face.

 

[rhondaweasley]

As a woman, I'll just say pooping in a bucket has not bothered me. Unless you do an RV with hookups, you are still pooping and peeing in something you have to dump (or relying entirely on public toilets if you stay urban). And except for "look", I do not see the difference between a bucket lined bag or a cassette toilet or an RV toilet. It's just a prettier design on the same basic idea, a mobile human waste collector that you have to somehow dump somewhere (even if that's a black tank at a dump station). It still ultimately doesn't work like a house.

That being said, the choice to go minivan (for me) was entirely about cost. Waiting to afford a Class B or saving up to afford a standing van, was less important to me then having a reliable van where I had a bed and storage sooner rather than later. Everything else (toilets, sinks, etc etc) could be worked around. Getting a van I knew was reliable and had the least likely chance of breaking down was FAAARRR more important to me then the innards of an RV that "look" like a home. Because anything i could get at equal price that was a standing van or RV ran a way higher risk of mechanical problems/breakdown. That scared me faaaarrrr more than having a bucket toilet. Trying to have an already set up van or RV (even a class B) would have meant going to the cheapest option (which means higher risk of break downs) or waiting longer to transition. And waiting longer just didn't appeal to me.

A reliable minivan is just the lowest possible start up cost you can get to comfortably having a traveling bedroom. There's alternatives for everything else you could possibly get out of an RV that can be installed while living in it, if you're willing to live without it to get closer to living mobile sooner the rest is just upgrading as you go. I don't feel like I'm roughing it just cause I pee in a bucket and sometimes wash out of a basin with some soapy water between gym showers. I feel like a stand up shower is nice, but completely not "necessary". The way a microwave is "nice", but completely not necessary. I'm also single and currently have no pets (and can very happily be a hermit for months at a time).

I also like being able to go anywhere and not looking like anything, but a minivan. I feel comfy driving it, which I might not as easily with a large RV or huge van. I owned an RV with a leaky roof for a little over a month and in addition to the dream dying when I ultimately sold it, I HATED driving and parking the thing. I could feel the weight of all the "house things" it was carrying. With the minivan I honestly sometimes forget about the stuff "behind the curtain" while driving. It's fairly easy and light to drive and since my furniture is a camping cot and some plastic drawers and bins....super light. I can park it in the city or out camping. It has a higher fuel efficiency then most RV situations/bigger vans. If I need a mechanic, there's less issues about where to take it, because it's just a minivan. All this is way more important to me then the innards of something that looks like a traditional house, would be harder to drive, harder to park in urban situations, and possibly harder to find a mechanic for/have more expensive repair cost.

But not everyone can do minivan life. I think it's good for people to find out what they can and can't live with/without. I do hope to get a bigger vehicle someday. Still not an RV, but I will wait until I can afford something reliable. Until then, the minivan gives me the ability to choose freedom sooner and cheaper with more reliability then an RV or an expensive standing Van.

But I could have said this forever and not known it was true without living it.

You lived what you thought you wanted and now you know the limits of what you need to feel comfortable. It is good to get out and find out what makes you happy/not happy. And also good to be prepared to walk away from a thing you *thought* you wanted when you discover it's not for you. I had a friend very bravely do that concerning a career she thought she wanted in the arts, namely in film/TV. And she got there, she was working (behind the scenes) on a big show. And she hated it, the "Hollywood" way of being just didn't suit her. And she changed careers. Even now she fights feeling like a failure for walking away from the "dream". She got into a world hard to get into and felt really guilty walking away from it. However, she is now relieved to be working just a 9 to 5 job without all the stress that came from being in that Hollywood environment. And that was her happy, but if she had been just thrust into 9 to 5 without experiencing the "dream", she never would have discovered all the things about that life that made her unhappy. It's okay to find out a thing isn't for you. Failure is not trying, not trying it and finding it unsuitable.

 

[GypsyJan]

It is rather like my approach to art appreciation....I sometimes only know what I don't like!

Thanks, Rhonda, for the thumbs up on minivans. I hope to remain in mine as long as I am physically able (actually I think manuevring from the driver's seat to the cot in the cargo area is keeping me more limber!). I don't have the funds or the know-how for a bigger rig and have been grateful many times that I didn't have to park one or find specific campsites to accomodate one. Plus the noise pollution from the a/c and generators irks me. I do not venture out into nature to listen to such noises!

 

[Headache]

Thank you those who have posted kind words and wishes.

As far as minivans go... absolutely NOT! That's not what this thread is about. I've never had to park anywhere special and so far it appears that my 1 ton front end may just be cheaper to rebuild than yours. I don't have CV joints, boots and other stuff. I have less computerized stuff as well. I can carry more solar.

My spine is bad enough bent over and shuffling through here as it is. There's no way I'm getting on my knees with osteoarthritis. Add to it a dog, cat and cat box.

For many with mental issues, spacial limitations add to worsening conditions due to the lack of necessary health care. I feel like the walls are closing in as it is and yet, I don't want anything much bigger because of the anxiety I go through parking in small or busy/full parking lots.

There's a gal whose old small class A motor home got me very intrigued mainly because she cut a hole in the floor so her cats could use the litter box down in a compartment. I don't mind old but I'd definitely want a newer running train. Anyway, I parked next to her to check out the length and she was only about a foot and a half longer than me. Very doable and all the systems very simple. Of course I'd muck that up by installing insane amounts of solar. Someday.

My hell in Mesquite is almost over. I've parked at all the casinos, Wal-Mart and the truck stop. Monday and that new radiator can't come soon enough. I'm going to make a pit stop in Henderson then be in AZ somewhere Tuesday.

If nothing else happens an alignment and tires are next.

 

[user 2252]

Good for you.

 

[RoamerRV428]

Headache just find that path that suits you so well and makes ya happy. You will find it If a new rig is needed, get it. If finding a small homestead is what ya need, do it. Just work towards whatever floats your boat and makes you content. That is all any of us can do in this lifetime Sometimes it can be a hard route to travel to find it, but at some point we all settle somewhere good for us so keep on looking and something will suit you fine.

 

[Headache]

I should have been happy this morning.   There is snow in the hills above Mesquite and I love snow.  The new radiator is in.  

But real life usually gets in the way of my attempts at happiness. I'm always waiting for the rug to get pulled out from under me and it did.

This is real life folks.  I'm not going to sugar coat it.  If you are sensitive, tend towards the dramatic or create crisis out of the smallest reality then stop reading now.

This is my reality so don't make it into something it's not.  Likewise don't read too much into it.  I'm sharing my experiences because I feel a great disservice had been done by not talking about these things especially to those afflicted by mental illness.  We NEED to know the real reality so we can learn how to cope with it.  Or to not feel like such a damn failure when we discover living in a van isn't the freedom we got convinced it is.

Two weeks ago yesterday I was shown a leak in my radiator.  It happened on the same day that I found out my new living arrangement near a lake and my escape from this misery I know as "van dwelling" wasn't going to happen.  My first thought was that I wanted to die.  It made no logical sense to me to keep pretending that I was worth something.

Fast forward to yesterday and after driving 3 miles there was coolant pouring out from somewhere with a much smaller drip to the right, the same place where I thought a drip was occurring before I left the shop.  But since antifreeze was spilled then hosed down I thought it was residual fluid.  I didn't trust myself.

BPD people like me are notorious second guessers.  If you get a decision out of us you are completely unaware of the lengthy process to come to a decision that technically we are still unsure of.   I'm very well known for not going with my gut because I'll argue with myself about it anyway.

A couple of the guys from the shop drove out to the truck stop, found the loose hose clamp and tightened it up, then asked me to come back to the shop so they could check and make sure everything was as it was supposed to be.  Good thing I did because while I was there we kept seeing this one teeny tiny drop of green even after hosing everything down several times.  Finally the tiny crack in the seam of the brand new radiator made itself barely evident.

I'm now in the shop again while the 2nd brand new radiator is being installed.  I should be happy about it but instead I'm crying, depressed and in a lot of pain.

This is my reality.  Hopefully later today I'll see that AZ border.  I brought my fishing poles.  I now have a shower tent.  Hopefully my friend will catch up with me on the 20th.  I'm going to be a miserable broke ass until January but maybe that out of state fishing license won't be too bad.   That is after I pay my hotspot bill which of course, just went up.

 

[B and C]

Dang Headache, you're making my heartache. See what I did there. Just trying to cheer you up.

 

[WanderingRose]

Double Dang, Headache, life seriously sucks sometimes.

When these kinds of things happen to me, I tell myself “it’s a test, to see how much I can handle”, making me even more determined to get up, keep moving, and pass yet another test I didn’t sign up for.

Deep breaths.

 

[Headache]

I was ready to be looking at Mesquite from the rear view.  The mechanic took it for a test run and I drove it back to the truck stop as I had yesterday.  Nothing happened.  Completely dry!  I was thrilled. 

I fed my animals and made my last pit stop before I headed south.   A few minutes later something didn't feel right.  I went back to the bathroom and sat down in a stall. Let's just say that a few minutes later things came out very swiftly.  I waited until I thought I had ran out but during all that I began to feel nauseated. 

Full blown panic attack and the worst I'd ever experienced.  All I could do is wait it out.

When I thought it was over I went and bought some OTC medicine for nausea but about 10 minutes later it became obvious it was too late and that came up too.  Thankfully I used the handicapped stall.  It was all over the place.  Luckily I was sitting down because things weren't done on that end either.  

After another 10 minutes I stepped out of the stall, right when a truck stop attendant was coming in.  I explained what happened and she offered to take me to the office so I could sit down.  I wanted to get back to my van after I cleaned up my mess.  She told me it was okay, she'd clean it. 

I'll leave tomorrow after I've had some ginger and some psillium husk and hopefully some sleep.  I hope this doesn't happen tomorrow but I don't transition well .

 

[ckelly78z]

This is all a big adventure, and should be be viewed as such. Try to find the bright side of a situation like this, that the crack was found in a shop by professionals, and not leave you stranded in traffic, or in the middle of nowhere.

 

[cyndi]

I was thinking of you today. Meant to text but got distracted. Sending good mojo for a truly fabulous day tomorrow. Blue skies, a tail wind, clear and traffic free roads. And a gut that isn't exploding

 

[jimindenver]

Headache was also not on the road when she got sick. That's a blessing in itself.

 

[Steve1950]

Wow, I see you are finding out what I did and the only difference is that I tried it out for a month before making any decision to give up my comfortable home.

Living in a vehicle is rough. I don't care who you are. After a month of sleeping in a vehicle and living by my wits I decided that that was not the life for me. And I was even staying at campgrounds most of the time with showers and flush toilets. I did boondock a few days and pooped in a bucket with a garbage liner in it and used a portable shower tent. I came to the conclusion very quickly that there would be no way I could live my life in such a primitive way. I headed back to my comfortable house and was very thankful that I had it to go back to.
I have since moved out of the house and was considering living in my vehicle (suv) because I was homeless living in a motel and was getting kinda desperate but finally after applying at low income HUD assisted housing, found a nice apartment that I can afford. You can too if you just check with the county family services agencies. There is help in every county in every state, it's pretty simple to find them. And you have to apply to alot of them and then wait till one comes available. Most of them only charge you 30% of your income.
The van or vehicle living is not a utopia. It is a different kind of life that some people say they enjoy, but I would never live like that unless I was homeless and couldn't find anything else. But there are other alternatives you just have to look for them.