I'm failing at Van Dwelling

[WanderingRose]

Thank you, Headache, for your frankness and honesty.

I won’t say I’m sorry for the situation you find yourself in currently, because it sounds like you are discouraged and dissilusioned but otherwise safe and sound. It was a lifestyle try and learning experience that has ended somewhat badly, as some learning experiences do.

We are the sum total of our experiences to date, and while you tried something that hasn’t worked out as you would have liked, at least you took the plunge and pursued a dream.

I don’t agree that vanlife isn’t necessarily for women, but there are some different challenges for us.

I also have absolutely no innate sense of direction. I rely heavily on my PocketEarth app, which unfailingly tracks my location in real time, even without signal.

I have never full-timed, but have traveled for months at a time as a widow, and it can indeed be very isolating. Having a partner makes a big difference, tho having a pet along mitigates a lot of the aloneness, for me.

We also take our mental health issues with us, and they can be exacerbated in some ways by a mobile lifestyle and ever-changing environment, I have learned.

Understanding ourselves, and making peace with our demons, is always a work in progress, in my experience. Some we meet help us along this journey, others not so much.

It doesn’t sound to me as if you are failing, more that you have learned about a lifestyle you chose to try.

You did it voluntarily, rather than being thrust into it by crisis, and that is something to be grateful for.

Re-assess, re-group, and make whatever changes you need to.

Good luck, and thanks for sharing.

 

[Cammalu]

I think that many underestimate their need for comfort. I need to stand and certainly want a bathroom. I think a lot of people are in your shoes.

Do you know where you will settle? It was nice meeting you last rtr.

 

[Blanch]

Them poor women folk.....

Please?
Being female hasn’t stopped me from doing anything besides using the men’s room.

What a stupid thought.

Women give birth, it is one of the most painful and difficult things a human can do. And most of us have done it more than once.

I am a strong and independent female on the road. Ladies, don’t believe it.


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[WanderingRose]

Thank you, Blanch.

 

[RoamerRV428]

don't bash too hard LOL as a gal I get what he was saying. women tend to gravitate toward more comfort with conveniences, that is truth and I get where it all came from...…..not to say there are not women out there who will do their own personal thing and be fine just doing that, with way less what we all call the 'comforts' of daily living that a lot of gals love.

I am sure the women comment was not meant in any bad way at all!

but yea, roar a bit, I get it cause us gals can do anything we want

 

[Blanch]

I’m tired of men telling women what they are capable of. That’s all.

I would hope that being female isn’t holding any other strong and independent females back.


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[Cammalu]

What Blanch said [emoji16]. How many women are in the military living exactly like the guys??? Been there done that. It certainly wasn’t at all harder on us.

 

[GraceinMotion]

"Being female hasn’t stopped me from doing anything besides using the men’s room. "
LOL Blanch, I got you beat there! I'll be darned if I'm going to wait in line if there's an empty seat on the "other" side.
Thankfully my parents experimented with getting "back to the land" in my teen years. I didn't appreciate it then, but sure do now. I can poop in the woods, bathe with a cup of water and some ACV, be happy with few possessions, and enjoy the great outdoors with all its unpredictability. Some of us are lucky. We have the option to live in a vehicle or not. 
Bob, bless him, is showing us that we don't have to be so scared of losing a job, apartment, etc. Now with the nonprofit, he's giving hope to even those who cant afford a vehicle to get started. He's a giver, an encourager and motivator. 
To those haters and complainers, what are you doing to help make someone's life better?

 

[RoamerRV428]

yea I have hit the men's room many tiimes cause I wasn't waiting for women to get done in the only women's room also and I will do that again easily and without thought. A toilet is a toilet to me!

not saying it will ever change but the majority of women on the road wants some conveniences that an rv or equiv. can give. Heck many men want conveniences also.

Horse gal here. That thing is trained to tie and stand. Probably something we need to do with men more HAHA oh boy I am pushing that now LOL

 

[mpruet]

This thread has caused me to think and ponder a bit.

Bob recently made a video in which he made the following statement - "Where ever you go, there you are".  Or as I was told by my parents - "You can't run away from yourself." 

I sometimes question why folks want to become a nomad.  Oh there are financial reasons sometimes, but being a nomad in itself can be an expensive proposition as you have pointed out.  Things break and have to be repaired.  And if you constantly travel then you have a large fuel expense because most vehicles that nomads live in are not going to be high MPG vehicles.  Oh if you slow down your travels and are a true minimalist then you can reduce your expenses because you reduce your consumption, but you can become a minimalist without moving into a van.  And if you are frugal and find the most inexpensive means of filling your needs then you can further improve your financial situation.  But you can again become frugal without moving into a van. 

So why become a nomad?

I think often that it is because folks often are trying escape from themselves.  (Oh I'm going to get a lot of comments for saying that...   )

It is human nature to try to protect ourselves.  Often that results in looking outside of our self for the causes of our misery.  We often do not accept personal responsibility for our situation.   It's not my fault that I don't have money to live comfortably.  It's the rich people's fault.  It's not my fault that I haven't saved enough for an emergency fund.  It's not my fault that I drink too much.  It's not my fault that I can't find a job. - and on it goes.   The ancient Greeks had it right with "To thyself be true..."  Know yourself..

So I think that a lot of folks adapt a nomadic life because they are trying to escape from themselves.  (I'm not saying all!!!)  They see all of the YouTubers looking so happy where they are - in the boonies - traveling all over the place - exploring one new place after another.  Have you noticed how so very few of them present the hard side of their lives?  How they had to get under the rig to repair a broken dump tank?  How they had to trudge into town once a week to wash their clothes?  How they had to deal with running out of water in the desert?  Have you noticed that they all tend to have all the bandwidth in the world - that most of their videos are going to be over 3 GIG of data (times three videos per week times four weeks per month).  That's a minimum of 36 GIG upload per month...    And most of them have fairly expensive video editing tools, cameras and other media tools, software, music etc....  

I recently started watching a youTuber called "Little House on the Road".  While he might be a bit on the negative side, I think that he does provide a balance to what most of the youTubers provide.

I don't begrudge the youTubers because most of them are trying to use youTube to earn an income and they will (and should) do what is necessary to be attractive to subscribers.  That's the way the world works - you earn more if you hustle more.  Unfortunately a lot of folks who are trying to escape from their life only see the good times that these tubers present and get the idea that if they just get a van and hit the road that they will be happy.   Only they just trade one set of problems for another.

No - happiness comes from within, not without.  Things will not make you happy, nor will the lack of things.  And constant discomfort can make you really unhappy. 

A bit about myself. 

I'm quasi nomadic - a part timer.  I have no desire to give up my home, except for the high property taxes... ;-)  I'm on the road quite a bit spending maybe 4 months in my S&B.    I travel because I want to see as much of the world while I can.  I'm not running away from myself.  I know why I travel and live part-time in a small RV.  I've traveled for a while in a Prius so have experienced the most minimal nomadic lifestyle.  I was comfortable in the car camp (other than the gnats...) I currently have a class-B for many of the reasons that were mentioned in this thread.  I need to be able to stand up and do my back exercises otherwise I have pain from herniated discs.  I have to be careful about my low-carb diet due to diabetes which was difficult to do while car camping.

 

[WanderingRose]

I didn’t feel the comment about vanlife not necessarily being for women was meant harshly, nor unkindly, but perhaps coming from not having been exposed to a lot of strong women successfully traveling alone.

In a small and older Class B, a lot of especially women are aghast that I travel alone, and truthfully if I hadn’t already done it extensively with my late husband I don’t know that I would have tried it by myself.

But, it was always a dream I had, so maybe I would have.

People ask aren’t I afraid, and that is the least of my concerns. My response is, unequivocally, “no”.

Not being mechanically inclined, nor the fix it type but for necessity, are more an issue for me.

We do tend to learn as we go, wherever and whenever we start.

 

[Blanch]

I didn’t take the comment as harsh and have no ill will towards the poster.
I just don’t want a female to read it and believe it. Some of us let society tell us who we are. Some of us know who we are.

And this is Cheap RV Living, not just van dwellers. I’m disabled, 58 and full time in a travel trailer and truck. I’m too ill to try a van without a high top. I like to set up a camp and then take my truck and go exploring and photographing. A van isn’t a good choice for me.

Now, if a human, male or female, isn’t an independent thinker and able to take care of themselves, I believe they don’t belong out here.

Know thy self.

That day will come for me. I was unable to walk very far without forearm crutches or a cane for years. Thanks to lessening my stress and a new medication I am walking unassisted. Last winter I even rode a bike! But it won’t last forever. I AM still disabled. When I can’t take care of myself any longer this nomadic existence will end.


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[travelaround]

I am all for creature comforts. I require a home I can stand up in and a nice bathroom (will get the best, I assure you) ... if I couldn't manage this lifestyle change I wouldn't do it. I also require a comfortable chair and a book. I've done a lot of roughing it and don't mind that short-term but for full-time vandwelling I want my home to be my comfort zone.

I don't need a dog to keep company with me. I don't want to have to walk a dog several times every day; been there done that - never again I hope. I absolutely love living alone. All that peace and quiet helps me maintain my peace of mind and creativity.

What bothers me a bit is watching some of the YouTube videos of people rushing from one campsite to another and worrying about where to spend the night. They don't look relaxed or happy. I need to be relaxed and happy most of the time, or why bother doing it? The state of mind is everything.

 

[QinReno]

I did not say women couldn't do it, just that there are a lot of things you have to give up in a typical van, and that all the women I've known rely heavily on. Mainly toilet, shower, and being able to stand up.

My back gets sore from stooping, I go for a week or more without a shower, my hair gets very greasy, I am grizzled from not shaving everyday, and everyday I have to find a place to stash the poop bag ... on the sly and disguised as something else ... since it's illegal to simply toss it in the dumpster.

That's life in a van, and it's not very poetic. You have to know what you're getting into.

People with Class-Bs that are totally converted and people with 30' TTs, like some on this thread, don't live the life I described. Their life is much closer to the comforts of S&B. That's not van life. It's living like the other 8,000,000 people with RVs. You have to know what you're getting into.

 

[WanderingRose]

That’s right, QR, and in a Class B I don’t pretend to live the same minimalistic life that you and similarly circumstanced people do.

I do think that many of us can identify and empathize with the negatives the OP laid out, regardless what we are traveling in.

 

[QinReno]

I try to convey the reality, and not the emotion. I think people get a little too blinded by Bob's emotion, but that's who he is. BTW, my back hurts this morning.

 

[Blanch]

I disagree. I have to move every two weeks. Just got hassled by the ranger a few minutes ago. I have to get all my own water, dump my waste, nothing I do is like living in an apartment.

Constantly moving, strange neighborhoods, I have to carry 45 pound containers of water and fill my tanks with it. I have to hitch and unhitch my trailer unassisted. I use solar and I have to carry a generator.

This is cheap RV Living. I have the RV because I am disabled. I have a kitchen and bath and I can stand up. Lots of folks in vans have that as well.

Why do people have to belittle one another?

I’m not tough because I’m not in a van? Really? Give me a break.


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[WanderingRose]

I try to convey the reality, and not the emotion. I think people get a little too blinded by Bob's emotion, but that's who he is. BTW, my back hurts this morning.

I’m sorry your back hurts.

 

[QinReno]

Blanch, I wasn't belittling anyone. I was pointing out that people with TTs have the 3 **MOST** important things that van dwellers do not typically have ... a regular toilet, a shower, and room to stand up. That is the major downside to the van.

Also, no room to walk around, no room for a couch or nice easy chair. I don't even have a refrigerator because they use too much power. I use a cooler, and most of the time don't have any fresh produce or meat. A van is really little more than a "metal tent", which is how I think of it. The only real difference from tent camping is you don't sleep on the ground. Totally different world from an RV or TT.

 

[rosiemartinez1211]

"Being female hasn’t stopped me from doing anything besides using the men’s room. "
LOL Blanch, I got you beat there! I'll be darned if I'm going to wait in line if there's an empty seat on the "other" side.

ME TOO!!I'll be damned if I'm gonna wait in a women's long line when there's no men waiting. BUT I check to make sure it's not gross first. Typically the toilet rarely looks used since the urinal is used. 
But guys, y'all can be nasty sometimes! There have been times that I've had to do the cross-legged dance waiting in line with other women cuz the boys kept missing their aim.