Hi everyone

[happiergnome]

I was told i have to make a post here so, here i am.  

I'm looking at this lifestyle as a way to afford what life has thrown at me.  At 31 i had to move my 64 yo mom in with me after she had a bad car accident. I've gotten her spinal fusion surgery and we've been to many memory drs. Three years later at 34 and her at 67, the insurance company says her spinal fusion surgery was degenerative and her sudden memory loss and Alzheimer's is age related and settled her suit for 75k of which she's getting 38k. Our attorney said she wouldn't be able to stand up to a deposition and we couldn't afford to stay closer to where the accident was for the trial.  

She needs a memory care facility as she's growing steadily worse. With no retirement or savings our budget is her social security and my income. Memory care facilities cost on average 3500 to 4000 a month. I've been looking for more gainful employment and government help as well as a way to reduce my costs since combined we bring in about 3200 a month. 

Obviously i need to not be truly homeless while she's getting the help she needs so i need to make basically double what i do now.  I can use some of the settlement to get a van and install some fans since we live North Florida. I'm trying to research other states for both less expensive costs for her and still with job opportunities for me. I have no formal education but I'm an intraday analyst for a call center and did home remodeling for 4 years and then workforce management before that so I'm ready to dig ditches or do high level computer work. Either way, I'm overwhelmed.

 

[Riverman]

Welcome to the forum, may you and your mom be blessed in every way.

 

[user 13531]

Welcome to the CRVL forums...

 

[B and C]

Welcome to the forum!

My wife's mother only made about $800 a month in SS. When she got to where she needed a nursing home, we applied for assistance at a nursing home that would take (I think) Medicaid as she was destitute. Finding a nursing home that will take and help get assistance is not hard. The second choice worked out for her and us. What happens is you mom cannot have any money over about $2k in savings or in her possesion. Her settlement money will count against this and won't last long at a care facility. What happens is they take all her SS money and she would get about a $50 a month allowance for personal care items (haircut, etc.). This would leave all your money for you.

You should get a lawyer involved to see if she can gift you $6K that would not have to be paid back if you can get her in a care facility (after her settlement money is about gone). You could start her out paying with the settlement money and then go on Medicaid assistance after that. It is her money and good choices need to be made. Knowing what the choices are is paramount.

My suggestions are:
1. Talk to some care facilities to find out your options there.
2. Talk to a lawyer
3. Make decision based on the info you have.

Good luck.

 

[happiergnome]

Thank you for the advice. I want to enlist the help of an elder law attorney as i still don't have a poa yet. The programs I've been able to find myself seem to all include a household income stipulation which we exceed. 

Did your wife's mother live alone?


Obviously i need to speak with an attorney first but so far everything points to renting her a cheap one bedroom by herself first so she then qualifies for assistance which just seems so asinine.

 

[rvwandering]

Welcome to the CRVL forums happiergnome! Several other members have or are now taking care of parents. Hopefully they can give you some more advice and you can find a good solution for both you and your mother.

To help you learn the ins and outs of these forums, this "Tips & Tricks" post lists some helpful information to get you started. We look forward to hearing more from you.

 

[DLTooley]

If the asset limit had been indexed to inflation it would now be near 10k. 

https://www.americanprogress.org/is...-a-barrier-to-economic-security-and-mobility/

I am no expert but it looks like you will only lose 2-3 months of eligibility with a 6k vehicle. Following the rules on this sort of financial stuff is crucial. Ask the lawyer who did the insurance claim?

 

[B and C]

My MIL lived alone. We tried to get her to move in with us but she was unwilling as she didn't want to move away from friends (comfort zone). When she got to the point she could not take care of herself is when we started looking into this. Your situation is different than ours as MIL owned her house.
You are the caretaker right now. It is up to you to seek the professional advice you need. This is not the place. All we can do is guide you to the help you need. Nobody said this was going to be easy.

 

[wmyers4u]

Welcome. I was in a similar situation after my mom had a stroke. I was a full time caregiver for 5 years. We moved from Daytona to Tennessee. Comparable income but lower cost of living.

As others have mentioned, govt assistance will become essential in your journey. My advise as I've dealt with some of this personally is to preserve capital, save money. You'll need it.  You are doing a job. If you weren't caring for your mother someone else would be getting paid to. Have your mom pay you what a nursing home would cost. When she runs out of money (below $2000 in assets) file for assistance for her. Take the money you've legally earned from caring for her and buy and outfit your van that way.

Don't be a fool and let her go broke. You are doing this to help her and this is a completely legal way to do this. You will have to report and pay taxes on this as income but that's a lot better than watching it disappear.

 

[Riverman]

There are some rules about a relative giving away their assets before entering a health care facility (medicaid).

Here's a good article on the subject:

https://www.elderlawanswers.com/medicaids-asset-transfer-rules-12015

 

[wmyers4u]

All reasons to get legal assistance. Also note that my suggestion of being paid for an actual service you are providing at a fair market rate is so important. It's not a gift but legitimate pay for an actual service you are providing that has to be legally documented as a fee for for services for verification purposes.

This should be done with legal assistance to cover everything. Also, legal never discussed this with me as a suggestion. I had to figure this out myself and go from there. I believe the OP said something like $40k in assests which is a lot to us but chump change to some lawyers and they aren't going to concern themselves with saving it unless you bring it up.

 

[happiergnome]

Thank you all. Our budget has been so tight i couldn't afford to do anything but research myself. But now that the settlement has come in i can actually get legal advice from actual lawyers and hopefully not screw this up.

 

[flamingofreeway]

Thank you all. Our budget has been so tight i couldn't afford to do anything but research myself. But now that the settlement has come in i can actually get legal advice from actual lawyers and hopefully not screw this up.

 

[wmyers4u]

Look for free or low cost legal aid in your area. Some places offer this.