Frugal over Freedom give cheapest scenario

[ORANGE]

True B and C and Queen.

I know Im eligible for a domestic abuse shelter. But then what? And then what? With my health problems Im not easily adaptable. I do have a plan though.

If the 315 apartment is the cheapest option, then I can get to it and run out my money that would come post divorce.

I dont trust the government at all. I am verifiable disabled with chronic fatigue syndrome and even though it is true, Ive been sick for 30 years, I LOST winning social security disablity at the district court level. What was left was supreme court. Never gonna happen. So I never got that money to help me. So decades cant work, never got any assistance but living in the sort of marraige that I managed...but I see the writing on the wall. So I began the van research.

I dont believe going to abuse shelter is gonna do me good for long term.

 

[B and C]

Does the shelter have a councilor?

 

[WanderingRose]

The DV shelter would be a place to go to immediately, presuming they have room and you meet their intake criteria.

You would also have access there to at least an advocate, who can help you sort things and figure out where to go from there.

There may also be a counselor/therapist at the shelter, or they can link you with one thru community mental health.

I thought at $315/month that the apartment you mentioned was subsidized from some source, but if not and you are low income that will be available to you tho perhaps with a waiting list, depending on where you live.

If you are being abused, get out first and figure out your long term plans from there.

And don’t announce what you are doing, just GO.

Leaving is one of the most dangerous times in an abusive relationship.

Good luck to you.

 

[Cammalu]

Get out now. Don’t wait. Go anywhere. What state are you in? Apply to HOWA for one of the vehicles they are giving away.

 

[SheketEchad]

True B and C and Queen.

I know Im eligible for a domestic abuse shelter.  But then what?  And then what?  With my health problems Im not easily adaptable.  I do have a plan though.
<snip, snip, snip> 

I dont believe going to abuse shelter is gonna do me good for long term.

As one who decades ago had to avail myself of a shelter, you are right, it is not a long term solution for your future life.  It is the way to preserve your actual life so that you indeed, have a future.

As WanderingRose said, if you qualify (mine involved the police), you will have immediate housing if there is room. They can assist with mental health counseling, applications for available services, and they guard your whereabouts vigilantly.  They can assist you with low income legal assistance and guide you in directions you currently may not be aware of.  I did not have to use services as I was still working, but many women in the shelter did avail themselves of services available.

It is understandable that with your health issues, and inside of a long term relationship, to frame it that the devil you know is better than the one you don't; but when someone has escalated to stating they can push you down the stairs, you are not in the familiar territory your codependency might lead you to believe (unless he's been saying this for years, and even then, I'd not be complacent)  This is not meant as an insult, because codependency is long term emotional/mental/physical conditioning for which new thinking has to be learned.

Best wishes, BTDT and threw away the T-shirt.

 

[Elbear1]

An apartment has the same costs as living in a van. Plus rent and utilities. You still need gas, you still need food, you still need insurance.

 

[WanderingRose]

But it doesn’t, Elbear.

She has already said she doesn’t have the financial resources for repairs.

 

[Qxxx]

"I know Im eligible for a domestic abuse shelter. But then what? And then what? With my health problems Im not easily adaptable. I do have a plan though".

Orange, this is way more than I know how to deal with, but as Rose indicated, the thing to do is to take it one step at a time. Maybe go to the shelter, let things normalize a bit, and then plan the next move while you're in a better environment. Talk to the counselors.

That's how I deal with everything in my life: one step at a time, but with a longer range plan in the back of my mind.

 

[Elbear1]

But it doesn’t, Elbear.

She has already said she doesn’t have the financial resources for repairs.

Would have alot more if not spending $315 plus utilities. 

The math doesnt add up. If all one has is $370 a month paying $315 plus utilities plus food, gas, and insurnace....

 

[Elbear1]

Alk she has to do is drive 40 west to flagstaff without breaking down. Wait there for a month and drive to quartzite where theres people who can help all winter.

 

[ckelly78z]

I would strongly suggest living as frugally as possible in the apartment , while saving your pennies/$$ for a van life that will be rewarding, rather than limiting.

 

[owl]

Life is a series of steps best taken one at a time. I would caution you on making life decisions based on a poll. Getting real world advice from counselors in your area makes much more sense. They can advise you on programs you would qualify for. If you are over 65 you will qualify for SS, not disability but SS. Your income will be low enough that you will qualify for rent assistance, food programs. There are usually support groups that can help with things like transportation etc. I also would not depend on moving across the nation to find a collection of folks, regardless of their best intentions, to help you. If you are in a dangerous domestic situation leave now, I can't stress how critical this is. Do you have family or friends in your area that may be able to help? When you get on a positive path you will find decisions are easier to make. Desperation is a start but it is not the end.

 

[crofter]

I agree, van is the best option.  If you get an apartment, you will be in one easy place to find.  On the road is better, and you already have the van. Do leave ASAP. It is not nearly as much fun to survive a homicidal attack as it is to not have those injuries at all and just be tired from driving. Got the scars and wore the tshirt for a while.     ~crofter

I forgot to comment on the financials - I know someone currently doing this while paying for camping. It costs about $300 per month to stay in pay forest service campgrounds with a discount pass (half price). The person I know also boondocks some to stretch the camping budget. I believe the caravans stay in places that are free, so you would save your entire housing budget every month. ~c

 

[ORANGE]

And the winner is....  NEITHER.  I filed a protection order and he is out of the house. :thumbsup:

So now I baby step what is the next best move for me, and then the next best move for me.

Definately it is not vanning.  So I wont be active on the forum or watching videos etc.  Thank you for being there.  And maybe I hope this thread will be of help for others.  And maybe I will catch up with ya'll in a couple years.

 

[WanderingRose]

I was a little worried about you, ORANGE, but looks like you’ve been busy.

Good luck to you.

 

[1shemp]

Good luck.

 

[SheketEchad]

I'm glad you took steps to protect yourself, as I too, was getting worried. Best wishes on your positive move forward.

 

[Stargazer]

A protective order is just a piece of paper. It will not stop him if he decides to come after you. Please be very careful and watch out for yourself. Now is the most dangerous time. Change all locks, secure your home, and be very aware of who is around you if/when you must go out. If you have a garage, lock your car inside.

I hope you see this! Please know those of us who have BTDT are thinking of you.

 

[owl]

Stargazer is right. No normal person threatens another person's life or wellbeing. The fact that he's already said he doesn't care what happens to him indicates an advanced threat mode. I can't stress enough how careful you must be at this time. Take steps to protect yourself and your future.

 

[ORANGE]

Thank you for your concern.

Yup I am informed on that issue.

It is good to be in peace and quiet and a much needed rest.  Braceing, tension is sooo exhausting to my already exhausted self.  I pray for increase of energy over time.