Broken heart by a Non-nomad

[RollingOm]

Ahhh! two weeks in California, and already my heart's been broken by a non-nomad who asked me to "settle down".  Everything happened so fast, last month I was in the desert, and then came to CA for the holidays.  I met this extremely charming and charismatic man who wanted to take over my life, my heart and my soul. when I excitedly shared my summer camping experiences with him, he warned me that "when we live together you're not going anywhere".  My heart dropped. It is true that the comforts of a house and a stable place still appeal to me (especially in the winter), but what will happen when I want to hit the road next summer? When the AZ desert fills up with stars in the fall?  I just couldn't stay with him, but it's amazing how fast I fell for him, and now my heart is broken because he doesn't even want to keep in touch. He said, "What is the point"? <sigh> maybe he's right.

As soon as the holidays are over I'm going back to the desert and find some healing around the campfire. Honestly, I feel lonelier now in this big city than I ever felt in the forest or the desert all these months. 

RollingOm

 

[dawnann7]

Wow. To me he sounds like a control freak and you were brilliant in extricating yourself quickly, before things got too far. Sorry you are feeling broken hearted but I think you avoided years of grief. Good for you! ~hugs~

 

[CautionToTheWind]

o.m.goodness, run. His traits appear to be narcissistic. build and destroy. Narc's will suck you in -- too fast too soon. Glad you got out when you did. Campfire healing sounds about right.

 

[cyndi]

You dodged a bullet! Celebrate!!!

 

[MrNoodly]

One of my nieces just divorced a guy like that -- after only a few months. He was not only a smooth talking control freak, but a liar and con man, too.

 

[WalkaboutTed]

Please copy and paste your exact sentence into a Google search:
"I met this extremely charming and charismatic man who wanted to take over my life, my heart and my soul. "

All the first page results are about men who run the gamut from merely self-centered and narcissistic to utter sociopaths. One of the hallmarks of the beginning of an abusive relationship, is the rapidity of how he/she sucks you in. If someone whom you just met feels comfortable telling you how and where you are going to live, just give it a few more weeks or months. If you're lucky, you'll walk away with no physical marks. But likely psychic marks. Let this be a cheap lesson.

Don't want to be a negative Nellie, but what you described screams "Abuser!"
Ted

 

[Cancan]

Yep. Met several of those. One at Ehrenberg. After a week this female friend was telling me how to brush my teeth and when to eat. Control turns into abuse. Run ! Run!

 

[jimindenver]

Abusive or controlling aside, finding someone that fits into your life includes finding one that fits in to your life style. In my case that can be hard because finding someone that I find attractive, is gay and attracted to me out here in the middle of no where is a pretty tall order. Add in pooping in a bag and it gets to be even harder.

 

[RollingOm]

Please copy and paste your exact sentence into a Google search:
"I met this extremely charming and charismatic man who wanted to take over my life, my heart and my soul. "

Don't want to be a negative Nellie, but what you described screams "Abuser!"
Ted

You're all right on the dot. I was feeling I was loosing myself, and loosing my smile. Now that I'm out of there my smiles are coming back, and most important I'm gaining back my peaceful heart. Thank God my healthy instincts told me to get away. This experience, however, helps me to see that although I'm a nomad and I like my solitude, I also need human interaction, and a human touch, but not the kind of company he offered  :s

I thank you all for your support, and I thank Bob for this forum where I find support and encouragement.  God bless!

RollingOm

 

[free2enjoy]

I've grown to see that in life, these three things are needed as a foundation for broad happiness....

- my health
- a companion that is my deepest best friend for every kind of intimacy
- and her health

With that, everything else is possible in accordance to ones own authentic passions and interests.

 

[Jeremiah Diminovich]

I wouldn't wait for the holidays I know how you feel people think they know what's best for us and the reality is we don't necessarily need the tie-down of bills cars houses jewelry fancy stuff all we really need is a True Companion to travel with to see the sights with do fun things with. Me being a man I had to learn that just because society says men should be in control does not necessarily mean that's the way it should be I believe everybody should be the pilot of their own path and if two peoples path travel the same road then that's a glorious thing.

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[Jeremiah Diminovich]

Me personally I will probably spend the holidays alone out here in the desert I got tired of my kids the ex-wife the family the friends everybody trying to control me and tell me what they thought I needed to do to be happy and like you said sometimes just sitting around a campfire is happiness enough

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[RollingOm]

I would have done the same, Jeremiah, just spend the holidays out there in the desert, but I came to CA more for my family than for me.  I figured sacrificing one month in the city is a small price, then I will run for the hills like my pants are on fire 

RollingOm

 

[Jeremiah Diminovich]

I have a friend on the East Coast that's a female in her 30 40s That was supposed to follow me out here but things kept blocking her way now she's feeling stuck because of the holidays having to be with family and friends and not do the things that she feels would make her happy sometimes the best Christmas gift we can give somebody is letting them know we found ourselves and have peace in our minds and souls

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[free2enjoy]

I agree completely!

It's nearly impossible to convey to others the true foundation of happiness....a self directed, authentic life.

 

[SoulRaven]

Or to put it another way, as I would put it, "lack of bossy assholes makes for a happier, more content , life"
I think pure happiness is a little more elusive than that.  IMO.  

Speaking of which RollingOm, I hope you're not still near that asshole.  

Regards to you, 

Pat

 

[dawnann7]

Now that I'm out of there my smiles are coming back, and most important I'm gaining back my peaceful heart.

I've been living apart from my husband for several months and we are going back and forth on whether to "try again" or not. This is the key thing I have also noticed - my smile and my "self" is coming back. Peaceful heart, as well. What a joy to rediscover what you thought was lost.

Hugs...

 

[RollingOm]

Speaking of which RollingOm, I hope you're not still near that asshole.  

Regards to you, 

Pat

Thank you Pat!  <sigh>

 

[Jeremiah Diminovich]

I'm in my 40's and I was raised in society warm in or in control women were supposed to stay home not after raise in 7 kids for of them being girls all to adulthood I have learned the only person that has control over us or the people we give it to be your own person set your own Destiny's control your own life and when you find a man that agrees to go same concepts with you you will have a beautiful life

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[Jeremiah Diminovich]

And don't feel bad its not your fault my wife of 20 years just left me about a year ago for a man that can provide her with the shiny things she thinks she wants because I'm disabled and can't provide that type of income. Its funny cuz I've destroyed my body putting her through college to make 20 plus dollars and hour now I can't even afford to buy coffee for the month.

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