Am I a Weenie, or just Nuts?

[angeli]

How crazy am I?<br><br>I have four acres with a mobile home on it (paid for) in a rural area in FL.&nbsp; I hate it.&nbsp; I hate it here.&nbsp; I hate my living situation.&nbsp; I'm a northern Californian at heart and love the Pacific.&nbsp; Can't stand the partnership I suckered myself into.&nbsp; But I'd still stay here for the sake of 'owning' property if my living situation didn't suck so bad.<br><br>Instead I'm shopping around for a van or something large enough to live in with two small dogs so that I can get out of the situation I'm in and go West.<br><br>I'm walking away from the so-called American Dream to become a rubber tramp.&nbsp; On top of that, I'm 50, partially physically disabled, and will have to earn a living on my computer.&nbsp; Truthfully, I've done this before, at least the living in the 16 foot Scotty for 6 years before.&nbsp; The whole time I wished for land.&nbsp; I dreamed of gardens.&nbsp; Now after a decade of suckedness, I'm dreaming of getting the open road back.&nbsp; And that entails walking away from ownership.<br><br>But I'll have my self-respect back, too.&nbsp; I hope.&nbsp; Unless I wake up one day and ask myself, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????"<br><br>So I ask you, am I a Weenie, or just Nutz?&nbsp; Anyone else have any experience with this?<br><br>

 

[sl1966]

I would keep it until you know for sure you don't want it.&nbsp;<div><br></div>

 

[angeli]

Keep which?<br><br>The land: not in FL<br>The relationship:&nbsp; not on planet earth<br>The dogs:&nbsp; MINE <br>The rest of the stuff accumulated over 10 years home ownership and 20 years marriage: just stuff.<br><br>I know there have to be people who have faced this issue.&nbsp; I apologize if I've posted this in the wrong place.&nbsp; <img src="https://vanlivingforum.com/images/boards/smilies/frown.gif" align="absmiddle" border="0"><br>

 

[johnny_canuck]

<font face="Arial">My wife had a headache for 20 years. She kicked me out. Her headache went away. I have 3 sons. I gave her the house and everything in it. Paid for what the kids needed. Rented a room down the street so the kids knew I was still around. My sons grew up just fine. No problems with the police. No criminal records. Emotions aside, it was a good thing. I was not happy. Sometimes we need a kick in the butt to make a change.&nbsp;</font>

 

[stude53]

<p style="margin: 0px;">Angeli, </p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">IMHO, You are not crazy for wanting some peace, and some relief from the financial and personal stress you are obviously experiencing.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">Letting go of everything you have accumulated can be hard, but ask yourself what <u>you</u> really need to be happy, and go for that.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">Best of luck and GodSpeed, Angeli.</p><p style="margin: 0px;">&nbsp;</p><p style="margin: 0px;">Bob (aka stude53)</p>

 

[Seraphim]

<p>Change is never easy, especially from a position of relative security.&nbsp; Get the van and travel for a bit; get away from the situation, back on the road, then decide. You can take one step without commiting to a move out West...</p>

 

[judycmomx6]

Angeli, YOU ARE NOT NUTZ! If you are then there are a whole bunch of us that are. I also am in my fifties, have also been married for over 20 years, also own a home, also disabled, and also HATE IT! But my husband is very sick and I would never leave him because of that, and even our children think I should. And I am also a Californian stuck in this horrid south. I also dream of getting out of here and going back to the west in my camper and riding my bike again where ever I like. And I WILL SOME DAY! We spend our whole lives taking care of everyone else and never usually do anything for ourselfs(spelling?), and there are alot of un-happy women out there that never say anything and just go on with what's expected of them and are miserable for the rest of their lives. DON'T DO THAT TO YOURSELF! Do what will make you happy! We don't have that much time left on this earth, spend it being happy! Go for it Angeli!

 

[angeli]

johnny - sorry for your sadness, but WOW... kudos to you for sticking around for the kids.&nbsp; That's your legacy and you must be a pretty decent guy to have raised three sons who sound like their heads are screwed on right.&nbsp; Everyone's life looks a bit different, and it sounds like the solution you and your ex-wife hit on worked.<br><br>Bob - wise and succinct!&nbsp; Thank you for the good words and the good wishes.&nbsp; You are exactly right.<br><br>Seraphim - thank you for the response.&nbsp; I have actually just come home from five months away in Northern Cal taking care of my 80 year old parents.&nbsp; I missed my dogs.&nbsp; Other than that, coming home was like having a root canal with no Novocain.&nbsp; The 3200 mile trip to and from was spent in my little Ford Focus wagon, and even tho sleeping in it was like trying to squish a canoli into a gum wrapper, it was such a relief to be OTR again.&nbsp; I can see myself on the road again so easily...<br><br>judy - Sister!&nbsp; thanks so much for your note, it rang all the bells.&nbsp; I'm sorry for your situation, and boy don't I know how that feels!!!&nbsp; My own soon to be ex is also ill, but his is mental illness - bipolar, psychotic, head injury, and thank the gods he's medicated.&nbsp; Taking care of him was not what I signed up for, but then again we never can know what will happen coming down the pike.&nbsp; He didn't ask to get knocked over the noggin, and I didn't ask to be a nurse in a psycho ward for over a decade.&nbsp; Sad for him, sad for me.&nbsp; 'In sickness and in health...' has destroyed my own health.&nbsp; I'm done.&nbsp; Roasted on both sides.&nbsp; And you are right.&nbsp; Life's WAY too short, and I'd better get busy making a few good memories to tide me over till the next one.&nbsp; Thanks for the encouragement.&nbsp; Good luck with yours!<br><br>I really appreciate everyone's responses.&nbsp; It would be so easy for me to walk away from all this, and I feel like I SHOULD care about the house and land, (especially the garden) but I really don't.&nbsp; That's why I wonder if I'm nuts, because we are supposed to want that, aren't we?&nbsp; Instead, I just want to be free.<br>

 

[johnny_canuck]

<font face="Arial">Misery sure does love company. But way cheaper here than a shrink!&nbsp;</font>

 

[akblack10]

Angeli, &nbsp;It's hard to offer advice as I don't know very much about your situation but from what you explained, I have a few recommendations..... &nbsp;I spent 9 years in California in the 80s, 90s and 2000s on and off. &nbsp;I love California so I understand what you miss..... but.... California is in BIG Trouble economically, so I don't recommend becoming a property owner there anytime soon. &nbsp;You can go and live there in a van and re-charge your California battery for a year or two. &nbsp;I bought 20 acres in rural Kentucky and spend 5-6 months a year on it, the rest of the time I am overseas or out West. &nbsp;I like to have a place where I can park my truck / camper and visit friends and family (Kentucky) but I love the adventure of travel and the open road. &nbsp;Can you keep the property and still hit the road? &nbsp;Can you rent the house? &nbsp;If you sell the house and property and decide you are tired of the road, then what? &nbsp;Go get some California and see if you still like it!

 

[karl]

If there was a buyer for my home and business willing to pay $.50 on the appraised dollar value I'd be looking for a small patch and a storage container for the sentimental stuff. <br><br>Got a lot of history in this house, first one I ever cared about- built it myself after the big D, raised two kids alone, married the best woman on earth, lost her to the big C...., and I still want out of the business, and the property.<br>Sometimes it is just time for new scenery and challenges. <br><br>Only you can decide if it is time and if it is what you truly want...too often we choose what we think others would approve of, rather than what we really want.<br>Kinda sounds like you have the skills, just need to choose.<br><br><br>

 

[lampliter]

I "lived" in Florida for 37 years.<br>My advice to you is sell it and get out as fast as you can.<br>There are still some beautiful places in Florida but you can always go back and visit.<br>Maybe you could trade for property in another state where there aren't so many for sale signs. Then sell that property and go mobile.<br>

 

[angeli]

"lived" is exactly the right way to put it.&nbsp; I know lots of folks like Florida, but up here in the NE part of the state, it's really different.&nbsp; Not for a person of my temperament.<br><br>In the 5 1/2 months I was OTR visiting my family, practically the whole small town I live in has gone up with for sale bank signs.&nbsp; forclosed.&nbsp; That's scary, it wasn't even a fancy neighborhood.&nbsp; Thank the gods we at least own ours outright.<br><br>Can't really sell.&nbsp; Soon-to-be-ex cannot work, but cannot get disability.&nbsp; I couldn't cause him to lose the roof over his head, because he has no options.&nbsp; So when I walk, it will be just me and my doggies and the highway.&nbsp; Which is really fine.&nbsp; I can retain ownership with an idea towards future sales, but it would be distant future.&nbsp; Plus, I'm only partially disabled, and can still run my own business and support myself.&nbsp; I do have options.<br><br>But that kind of thing does make me question my sanity sometimes.&nbsp; What, am I nuts?&nbsp; WALKING away from home ownership, the thing we are told over and over again we should want...&nbsp; I think you are right, just choose it and go for it and don't look back.&nbsp; No regrets.&nbsp; If I don't go, I'll regret it LOTS.<br><br>johnny - ouch!&nbsp; Don't mean to dump.&nbsp; Was just thinking that this is a topic that has to be common for folks living this life.&nbsp; What makes people go rubber tramp?&nbsp; Everyone has their story.&nbsp; Might be worth collecting a few, eh?&nbsp; I'm sure it's been done.<br><br>Thanks for the good words and wisdom everyone.&nbsp; <img src="https://vanlivingforum.com/images/boards/smilies/wave.gif" align="absmiddle" border="0"><br><br>

 

[angeli]

I guess it isn't necessary to solve everything immediately.&nbsp; I was trying to clean up my mess before leaving, metaphorically, but so what if things hang out for awhile?<br><br>I know what you mean about NE Florida, although I hate to generalize about an entire area.&nbsp; The best I can say is that there is a certain point of view that is often prevalent up here, that is alien to the way I think about things.&nbsp; It's not a comfortable fit.&nbsp; I was much more comfortable in Humboldt County where my folks are, or even in CO or NM or AZ, some places I stopped last time I was OTR.<br><br>I guess the thing is to find my rig, put what I can in storage and just leave, since the decision to go had already been made.&nbsp; I just wrestle with the doubts about how to do it, and about how crazy it might be, since walking away from it all goes so far against what we are taught that we are supposed to want.&nbsp; If that makes sense.<br><br>It is hard for an herbalist to walk away from her garden, but I've got good suppliers...<br><br>I'm sure this is all nonsense to so many who have done it already.&nbsp; But I really do appreciate the support and good words.<br><br>Now on to finding that rig!<br><br>

 

[judycmomx6]

Angeli, I'm sure they don't think it's nonsense. I would imagine that there are some on this site that have had the same, or close, hard choices before they got out on the road. This is a HUGE choice to make and we can't make it without weighing the pros and cons. And where else can you ask besides here, any "normal" person WOULD think we are crazy for even considering such a move, especially in these times. Anyway, just do what you feel you need to do for your own sanity, and I hope you have a great time looking for your "escape vehicle"! Talk to ya later!

 

[judycmomx6]

Also Angeli, I forgot to tell you that I think you could sell your art work out on the road to galleries or to some of the people that you come across, I think it's absolutely beautiful. I make jewelry and I have some of my stuff in a gallery here where I live and there are tons of art work in this gallery and yours is right up there with what they have for sale. You should consider doing this as well as whatever else you were thinking about. You really are a wonderful artist!

 

[Guest]

No comment on the relationship. No comment on how to work out the property thing. And you already know about the freedom and peace of being mobile.<br><br>But if I could reach over and push you out of Florida - I would do it in a heartbeat. <br>GTFO of Florida, chickie. It's a miserable, soul-sucking vortex. <br><br>I recently did, and started noticing the difference as soon as I crossed the state line. Until I got out, I hadn't realized exactly how much damage living in that depressed, economically screwed, miserable, hateful place had done to me.<br>The longer I'm gone, the better I feel, the more hopeful my outlook and the happier I am. Not kidding.<br>Outside FL, people are nicer, friendlier, and not trying to screw you over, steal from you, or scam you every second of every day. &lt;--- Dealing with that nonsense 24/7 really takes a toll on you, your attitude and your outlook on life.<br>The <i>only</i> thing I ever miss about FL - is the weather.<br><br>

 

[ped]

<P>Damn,&nbsp; living in FL is really that bad? </P>

 

[angeli]

ped - ummm... yes.&nbsp; jah.&nbsp; si.&nbsp; oui.&nbsp; s*** yeh.<br><br>4X4 - thanks!&nbsp; and 'soul sucking vortex' is really the best description so far.&nbsp; the 5 1/2 months I was away, I was so much happier.&nbsp; the week I got back, I prayed to not get sucked back down into this energy.&nbsp; But the longer you are here, the harder it is to stay positive.&nbsp; I'm refusing to give in, and am looking for my escape pod!<br><br>As for pushing me out?&nbsp; It would take so little effort!&nbsp; How about the RTers at camp do a rain dance for me around the campfire?&nbsp; Special request!!&nbsp; Visualize wheels turning and the Florida State sign receding rapidly in the distance, as I head steadily and safely towards the redwoods and the Pacific ocean, in the Perfect Van.&nbsp; LOL!&nbsp; <br><br>conversely, I could just bend over and paste a bullseye target on my unmentionables while y'all put your boots on.&nbsp; NO steel toes please.<br><br>judy - I really hope I get to meet you someday.&nbsp; You are so positive and wonderful.&nbsp; What a nice lady.&nbsp; If I do meet you, I will give you a big hug.&nbsp; but until then, consider it delivered digitally!<br><br>thank you everyone.&nbsp; thank you thank you thank you.<br><br>If anyone sees a good escape pod in the N FL area for $3500 or less, please let me know!&nbsp; You guys are the best!!!<br><br><br><br>

 

[judycmomx6]

<P>Thank you Angeli! I just know how you feel! And we girls have to stick together!</P>