Many Conflicting Thoughts

Honestly you and your true love should be working to make both your dreams come true. Anything else leaves one or the other feeling short changed. The desire to roam may taint the comfy, stable situation so use your time to learn and prepare. I spent years doing it not really knowing if it was ever going to come to pass. It kept me sane and when the time did come I was ready to pack it up and go.

Welcome back!

I'd say you gave the relationship a year and you still have the desire to travel. Not giving that to yourself can and will only lead you down one road......regret. whether that be in a week, a year, or on your deathbed if you don't try it will eventually come back to haunt you. Like Jim said, you should both be working to make each other's dreams come true. Find a compromise, a common ground, something that fulfills both your needs and go for it. If one can't accept the other's dream(s) then i'd say the writing is already on the wall.

It's hard but i've walked away from several relationships, a few from a woman I deeply loved, but also ones where I wasn't free to do the things I needed to do for myself. They for their own reasons we're unable to give me the time and space I needed for my own personal growth and adventures. As a result i'm coming up on my 37th birthday and still single. I do have days where I wonder "what if" I stayed with one of them but then I think about the places i've been, the things i've seen, the people i've met and I wouldn't be willing to trade those experiences for the latter, so I know I made the right choices thus far.

And as with all advice, it's much easier said than done. I still struggle with decisions, even when I know what the right answer is deep down inside. We all do.

Yes I understand this completely. Going through this with my family, and the guilt of leaving them. Also afraid of breaking the closeness I have worked for my whole life....

Why do you have to settle down? Would the relationship work if you lived in your vehicle and she stayed in her settled life? Would she be there for you if you came and went on your terms?

She feels like by my wanting to be nomadic that I'm ungrateful for what I have and not living in the moment. In honesty I just feel restless. I understand the meaning of gratitude and being humble. I realize that there are problems with any lifestyle, pros and cons to each. And I realize that van life won't solve all my problems, it's just a different way of life that I think would be exciting. There will most likely be downfalls to it...running out of money, getting a flat tire and getting stuck somewhere, etc. It's not that I feel ungrateful for what I have....I just feel unsettled.

I think what it comes down to is being able to explain to someone who doesn't want to be a nomadic, your reasons for wanting to be. They aren't going to understand it and will try and find all the reasons why it's not a good idea. It's not a bad idea to be nomadic...just a different one from the "norm". It's hard to break out of this lifestyle because I literally don't know anybody who is a nomad, other than the people I talk to and see online. It'd probably be easier if I knew people in real life who were nomadic.

For me personally, it's hard to stay living in this hamster wheel existence. That's why I keep moving cities and finding new jobs. I get bored too easily and want to live in different places and do different jobs. I don't know how people live in one place their whole lives and work the same job. That sounds like death to me. I feel like by being nomadic, and being able to work seasonal jobs in different places, it would suit my needs better than living in a house in one place, working a job with no end in site, other than retirement, or death.

Sorry to ramble and keep posting...lol

Have you considered wwoofing? Would that interest you. https://wwoofusa.org/how-it-works/

I lived in Cali (not wwoofing) on a stipend for a year with a neighboring hot springs/mud bath, etc (free entrance). Met people from around the world.

waverider1987 said:

She feels like by my wanting to be nomadic that I'm ungrateful for what I have and not living in the moment.  In honesty I just feel restless.  I understand the meaning of gratitude and being humble.  I realize that there are problems with any lifestyle, pros and cons to each.  And I realize that van life won't solve all my problems, it's just a different way of life that I think would be exciting.  There will most likely be downfalls to it...running out of money, getting a flat tire and getting stuck somewhere, etc.  It's not that I feel ungrateful for what I have....I just feel unsettled.

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Sounds like shes trying to talk you out of it.

waverider1987 said:

I think what it comes down to is being able to explain to someone who doesn't want to be a nomadic, your reasons for wanting to be.  They aren't going to understand it and will try and find all the reasons why it's not a good idea.  It's not a bad idea to be nomadic...just a different one from the "norm".  It's hard to break out of this lifestyle because I literally don't know anybody who is a nomad, other than the people I talk to and see online.  It'd probably be easier if I knew people in real life who were nomadic.

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I feel the same. But if they arent supportive of what YOU want and only concerned about what THEY want...

waverider1987 said:

For me personally, it's hard to stay living in this hamster wheel existence.  That's why I keep moving cities and finding new jobs.  I get bored too easily and want to live in different places and do different jobs.  I don't know how people live in one place their whole lives and work the same job.  That sounds like death to me.  I feel like by being nomadic, and being able to work seasonal jobs in different places, it would suit my needs better than living in a house in one place, working a job with no end in site, other than retirement, or death.

Sorry to ramble and keep posting...lol

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I feel the exact same. I havent moved cities, but every few years I switch jobs for something different. yesterday I had a mental breakdown. I had to leave work to get away from it. Ive been at this job for over 2 years, mainly due to pay. But the only reason for the high pay is to keep the turnover rate low. The same crap day in day out, constantly changing to "better" the system (when does the govt ever get it right)

CautionToTheWind said:

Have you considered wwoofing? Would that interest you. https://wwoofusa.org/how-it-works/

I lived in Cali (not wwoofing) on a stipend for a year with a neighboring hot springs/mud bath, etc (free entrance). Met people from around the world.

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Yes I did that in Hawaii.  Wasn't as expected.  I need to research the places more before I go.  Both places were owned by predators lurking on young girls.

CautionToTheWind said:

I lived in Cali (not wwoofing) on a stipend for a year with a neighboring hot springs/mud bath, etc (free entrance). Met people from around the world.

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I was raised in the Hot Springs of N ~ CA.  Great place to be if you have the money.

[font=Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]waverider1987 Wrote: 

https://vanlivingforum.com/showthread.php?pid=324378#pid324378[/font][font=Verdana, Arial, sans-serif]For me personally, it's hard to stay living in this hamster wheel existence.[/font]

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Just because I am an old (er) man, it does not mean I do not understand.  I spent many years playing the game because I had responsibilities.  Now it is my turn.  

Letting go is a far better thing than holding someone back.  True love can grow seperately without growing apart.  It is better to move on than to make someone hate you because you are not happy.  

Make a plan, and have someone to tell when you change it.  Adventures happen.  

Enjoy life.

GotSmart said:

Letting go is a far better thing than holding someone back.  True love can grow seperately without growing apart.  It is better to move on than to make someone hate you because you are not happy.  

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That's what she's saying, that she sees that I'm unhappy.  In reality, I'm more happy now than I have been, relationship wise.  There's that other thing missing though...the freedom.   It makes her feel sad that I'm unhappy, so then she blames herself for it.  I can tell she's a bit fed up with me as well.  She wants me to be happy and feels like I take things for granted and should just be happy.  I wish it were that easy in my brain.  I have a desire to wander...i don't know how else to put it.  I hate that it hurts people.  Nobody wants to see me go live in my van.  That's being "homeless" and a "bum".  Just feel like I'm letting everyone down with this "dream" of mine.

I see more happy faces on those wandering than in expensive cars.

My mother had a lot of cliches about they and them.  

In short.  Sail your own path, no matter which way the wind is blowing.  Who cares how unhappy "they" are.  You need to take this time to breath the free air and see what is over the next hill.

A video you might find interesting:

At this point, just flip a coin. Heads you stay, tails you go. Make sure to flip it high into the air, if you let it land to see the result, stick with it. If you don't let it land and grab it out of the air, you already know what you want to do, you might just be fearful of the consequences(both good and bad). Have I given worse advice? Prob not, but you seem to be stuck, do what YOU want. Best of luck, time is ticking.

There are lots of really great posts in this thread about how to have a relationship AND also be able to travel, even if your partner doesn't want to.  

May I suggest you re-read through them all again and ask yourself how you can find a balance and create the kind of life you want for yourself? You seem to think that you must settle down and settle for less than what you want in order to have a relationship, but why should you? Is your partner's happiness more important than your own?

GotSmart said:

I was raised in the Hot Springs of N ~ CA.  Great place to be if you have the money.


Just because I am an old (er) man, it does not mean I do not understand.  I spent many years playing the game because I had responsibilities.  Now it is my turn.  

Letting go is a far better thing than holding someone back.  True love can grow seperately without growing apart.  It is better to move on than to make someone hate you because you are not happy.  

Make a plan, and have someone to tell when you change it.  Adventures happen.  

Enjoy life.

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Right on with your advice, GotSmart. It's doesn't make for a happy "old age" when one dwells on what they should have done. My generation was sold a bill of goods and used to support a government that didn't give a S___. Used up, we are now abandoned to a life of poverty, which is why many become nomads. Younger people who want something different from the "hamster wheel" should break away now. If you are truly loved you will be understood, without pressure to change who you are or what you want!

Waverider,

Just my "outside lookin' in" perspective, but if you stay behind with her, ultimately you will come to question why. If she needs you to conform to her ideal of happiness, this can't end well for you. Compromise, in my experience,  seems to lead to mutual dissatisfaction. 

In my life, absence did make my heart grow fonder...of someone else.

After nearly 20 years of nomad life, I know myself well enough to know I cannot live in just one place.

I have moved (on average) every 3-5 months. After the first 2 months I get antsy and feel the need to move on. After 4-5 month I am a basket case....I need to go

I have always told people that I am a nomad. That I will be leaving. Most never believe me till it happens. So, I avoid romantic entanglements. I know if I don't, I will be unhappy and my partner will be unhappy because of it too.

I wonder how this is working for you? I hope you come back and post again.

Interesting, VanKitten! I'm not an official nomad yet (don't have a vehicle) but I have been criticized and/or teased all my life because I've moved a lot. Once I've lived in a town 2-3 years and investigated the history, culture, geography etc. I'm ready for greener pastures. I've left relationships behind as a result. Never thought of it as a need to move on but now I realize that's what it has been. (My family descended from Daniel Boone, wonder if it's in the genes?) You're smart to state your case up front from the start. I'm really really really not interested in relationships right now. Been on my own for over ten years and love it! It would take a pretty special person with a lot of patience to interest me.