Women's Forum: Intro, Marriage, Space

[saracatherine]

Hello, new here, have intro'd myself in the general intro thread but also especially interested in what women are up to here.

I'm 46, and happily married since I was 19. We're childless by choice and get along well and like our lives. BUT...

After 27 years of marriage I sometimes feel like okay, I've experienced that, now I just want to be alone. I go through bouts of just scrolling through small apartments in various cities that interest me, imagining my life alone. My husband knows all about this and we laugh about it, but the feeling for me can get very intense. I don't want to divorce or separate...I love him and like him, I just sometimes want to be like Katharine Hepburn who said of her relationship with Spencer Tracy, "Live separately and visit often." 

Then I stumbled onto this whole van/RV living thing recently and feel like this is a really good potential solution to that issue. I can put together my own little mobile quarters and get away when I want to, or having him along when I want to. I make my own money as a self-employed person in a career I can take with me anywhere, and I feel fortunate in this. (Health insurance is an issue right now as my husband is also freelancing, and I'm worried about what's going on with ACA and AHCA...but I guess everyone is worried about that.)

I'm in very early stages of thinking about all this. Thinking I will probably be ready to look for a deal on some sort of vehicle in the fall and work on it to be ready next spring to take out. 

Aside from the needing space and freedom issue, I also just like the idea in general of having a self-suffiency plan. I grew up in a very financially unstable situation and I hate that feeling of "oh no what if x y z happens" - I want to KNOW that IF x y z happens I will be fine and prepared.

I have a lot to learn about mechanical things. I have never been good at DIY stuff, I'm not good at even simple measuring and have a terrible sense of direction and have never even been able to do a craft...like I am the kind of person who calls a handyman to put up a towel rack. I have trouble with spacial imagining or something, and definitely trouble with math. I know I'm smart and can learn some things quickly but I feel a piece of my brain is missing there! So that's something I need to gain confidence in and get over. Which will involve getting over my reluctance to ask for help.

 

[Cammalu]

Sarah Catherine perhaps a Class B would be better than try to build anything yourself. I know I wouldn't try and if you are that bad at DIY it might just ruin everything and make you crazy.

Welcome to the girls room by the way [emoji3]


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[saracatherine]

Thanks! Yeah, I am not ruling anything out and don't actually intend to build something by myself if I do go the van route. I have a couple of friends who I've already talked about doing this with who are good at these things! Made a deal with a friend with the most skills that if he helps me get set up, he has free borrowing rights

I like the idea of something smaller because I also could use a vehicle for getting around when I'm home. My husband and I share a car; a second one would really come in handy, so something that could double as that would be a bonus. (Like a Transit Connect or similar...)

(Edited to add that if money were no object, I would LOVE a really fancy new-ish class B! But I'm trying to get into a frugal mindset haha)

 

[Queen]

I hear you about time and space. My wife is still working and so I get loads of time all by myself, it's like being single again for a few hours each day, very therapeutic. When she retires in September it's going to be interesting, at first we'll have the excitement of our move back to FL, but after that it'll be the two of us in a small condo. I'm really hoping having the pool, bicycles, and beach will make us feel less closed in. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be with her than anyone else on earth... but sometimes I just want to be alone. Probably why I've always enjoyed the solitary nature of swimming.

 

[Sarah]

Saracatherine, I started using my truck camper as a way to get away from my dorm-mates who were more interested in chatter than studies. I love the quiet. I've learned my Grandmothers appreciation for Opera to study by, it just relaxes me and my mind can work at its best.

I've learned what I need as to clothes, cleaning supplies and many other things just to conserve space. You would be surprised at what you don't need in a camper.

The nights you can get away from the urban sprawl and see the skies and listen to the quiet are worth it.

 

[saracatherine]

I hear you about time and space.  My wife is still working and so I get loads of time all by myself, it's like being single again for a few hours each day, very therapeutic.  When she retires in September it's going to be interesting, at first we'll have the excitement of our move back to FL, but after that it'll be the two of us in a small condo.  I'm really hoping having the pool, bicycles, and beach will make us feel less closed in.  Don't get me wrong, I'd rather be with her than anyone else on earth... but sometimes I just want to be alone.  Probably why I've always enjoyed the solitary nature of swimming.

Yeah, my husband went freelance last fall after him having a day job and me working from home for 10 years, and now we both work at home and in some ways, it's great, but other times it's like I turn around and "oh you're here" and "you're still here" and "don't you have somewhere to go?"

I like swimming, too. So quiet under the water.

 

[Queen]

^^^ Exactly. In so many sports I've played it's loud and requires constant interaction, I get in the pool and no one can speak to me until I decide I'm done. Pretty rare thing in this busy world.

 

[TrainChaser]

Another option might be a used Class C RV.  Bob has an article on buying one of these as a first step toward the van life:  http://www.cheaprvliving.com/rv-living/baby-steps-buying-an-older-class-c-rv/

Here's an article from an RV site that describes the various classes of RV, including the Class C:  https://rv-roadtrips.thefuntimesguide.com/rv_class/

You could 'taste' the RV life for not too much money in a small Class C (their gas mileage isn't great), and find out what you need and what you don't need.

If I moved up from a van, I wouldn't go any larger than a Class B, but they're not as cheap (even used) as a Class C.  But I would have to win the lottery to do it...

If you decide to go with a cargo or passenger van, have your friend just do a basic conversion (platform bed, with height designed for tote storage underneath), for starters.

OP:  "... if he helps me get set up, he has free borrowing rights."  Add him to your insurance, or you may find you don't have coverage if he has an accident (even if it wasn't his fault).

One big advantage of having a camper-type extra vehicle when you're thinking about "... I want to KNOW that IF x y z happens I will be fine and prepared", you'll have a mobile place to stay.  When Hurricane Katrina approached, every motel for many miles was filled.  With a van, you can just call a friend out of the danger area, and ask, 'can we park there?'

 

[shadowmoss]

One big advantage of having a camper-type extra vehicle when you're thinking about "... I want to KNOW that IF x y z happens I will be fine and prepared", you'll have a mobile place to stay.  When Hurricane Katrina approached, every motel for many miles was filled.  With a van, you can just call a friend out of the danger area, and ask, 'can we park there?'

To add to the above, I'm in AZ and there are wild fires going on about 10 miles from me.  My Mom lives in senior housing and there was a meeting at her complex about what to do if they are required to evacuate.  She told me she is coming to my RV, about a half mile away.  We made plans about how we would drive down to my lot in the metro Phoenix area.  She has gas in her car to make the trip, and the motorhome has enough as well.  My car will get left behind.  She seemed happy that she knew for certain what to do.  She is 86yo.  I'm glad I can help her feel safe.  I also am happy my house has wheels for much the same reason.

I would also suggest an older class c to start.  That is what I did.  They can be had around Mesa, AZ for not much money.  Mine was $3.5K and I sold it for $3K 6 months later when I got the class a.