Women Only: I'm back!

[Karla]

Hi, gang.  It's been so long I'll bet nobody remembers me.  Last year I got divorced, moved to Flagstaff, my college student son moved into my  new apartment with me so we both could save a little money, and I got a job in a group home.  The job was as abusive as the marriage, so I quit when I finished my TESOL and started teaching ESL online.  But I couldn't make a living doing that and I just couldn't keep getting up at 2AM to teach kids in China, so I started a paralegal training course.  My son ripped me off and moved out.  At the beginning of April this year I quit both my part time teaching jobs and moved to Sacramento.  Now I have a much better and much cheaper apartment, all to myself (& the doggies of course).  I finished the paralegal course, but it was giving me anxiety attacks so instead of looking for a normal paraleglal job I'm publishing novels and working on putting together a website that teaches legal and medical vocabulary ESL.  That's what I'm hoping will pay for my van and support me after I move into it.

Oh, and not long after I moved to Sac, my daughter (the good kid) had to have brain surgery and now has developed an arrhythmia which I wouldn't worry about so much if she didn't have a rocky medical track record including a Got-tex atrial septum from open heart surgery at age 9.
So how's your year going?

 

[phyllisindallas]

Hi Karla. Sounds like you've had a rough time. I can relate to problems with your son- I have a grown son who has decided he is too good to talk to me, and I have only seen my grandchild once. Quite a blow considering how much I sacrificed to give him a good life.

As far as your daughter's arrhythmia, I have been living with one for years (had one procedure done but need another), and I think it sounds scarier than actually living with it. If I am careful I am fine. (Feel free to pm me if wish about this- I have learned what sets mine off and how to minimize it.)

That website sounds interesting. You are welcome to pick my brain on that (I do web design).

I'm new to this forum, so I don't know you, but wanted to say hi, and wish you the best with your ongoing plans.

 

[Karla]

Hi Phyllis, nice to hear from you. I wouldn't worry about my daughter's arrythmia if it weren't for her medical background. I have one too, and my mother had one just like it. She didn't have to do anything about it until she was 90, and she lived to be 95, so I don't worry about mine. But we found out when my daughter was 9 that she had been born with no atrial septum and was slowly dying. She got a Got-tex wall sewn into her heart back then.

I've got some design training, but there are days when I could use some input. I'll definitely keep your offer in mind. Thanks!

 

[phyllisindallas]

A septum is a different story, for sure.

I'll pm you about web stuff.

 

[travelaround]

I'm another former web designer. I guess I can still do it but ... now my sites are all on WordPress using Genesis (usually) and I've been downsizing on sites for the last few years. At 66 I'm thinking retirement thoughts and only want to keep sites I really want to work on.

Anyhow, welcome back, Karla. I have only been here a short time so I don't remember you from last year. So sorry to hear your son ripped you off - that must be heart breaking!

Phyllis, like you, I have a child who thinks she's too good to talk to me. This has been ongoing for so many years now, I don't let it bother me anymore. I focus on my children who love me and want a relationship with me and thank goodness I had more than one child.

Karla, it takes time for a website to bring in the benefits, usually. I hope you're successful. My websites have had some financial ups and downs in the last few years, and I ended up doing online transcription to pay my bills. By the way, I'm also a paralegal (not working as one) and a novelist.

I hope we all can get on the road before long. I anticipate having a van by next March.

 

[Karla]

Hi travelaround, thanks for speaking up. How did you get started doing online transcription? Do you work from home?

 

[Karla]

I'll be turning 60 soon and all my friends are either retired, retiring, or getting ready to retire. I have my own health issues and dread having to job hunt again. Last year the group home was the only local job I applied for that even responded, and it was a nightmare. I'd rather work from home wherever I can and get set up for an income for when I get my van.

 

[Gardenias]

"...My son ripped me off and moved out.  ..."

"...I have a grown son who has decided he is too good to talk to me, and I have only seen my grandchild once. ..."

"... I have a child who thinks she's too good to talk to me. This has been ongoing for so many years now, I don't let it bother me anymore. I focus on my children who love me and want a relationship with me and thank goodness I had more than one child. ..."

Hi Karla, welcome back!
Thank you for starting a theme on this thread!
I'd been feeling so alone in that one of my children isn't communicating with me...
You're quite resilient with what you'd gone through!

 

[travelaround]

There seems to be an epidemic of estranged children. It makes you wonder where they got the idea that this is okay. Were they somehow taught that in school? Every story is different, I guess.

Sorry, Gardenias, that this happened to you too. I can tell you - my situation has been ongoing for almost 20 years. I have never seen that daughter's children and probably never will. I am resigned to this, and no longer am willing to put my emotions into the situation. I gave the situation to God and I'm not even thinking much about it anymore. If she wants to be that way, I am okay with that, it is her choice, but I'm not going to sit here crying about it anymore. I'm going to go out and have fun and live a happy life.

Despite whatever my daughter's complaints are (and I have asked and she refused to tell me any reason for her estrangement) . . . whatever reasons she may have, it doesn't make me feel distress anymore, because I know God loves me and forgives me and accepts me, and that's what is important to me now. I wake up every morning and know that God loves me, even if my daughter doesn't.

Seriously, it gets better. After all these years, I don't think about her every day anymore.

 

[travelaround]

Hi travelaround, thanks for speaking up.  How did you get started doing online transcription?  Do you work from home?

Hi Karla - I'm not doing the transcription anymore though I must admit it was interesting at times, to learn about the things people were getting done. I worked for Rev.Com and yes, you can work from home. It is a very nice transcription interface.

My reason for no longer doing it - well... I type about 60 words per minute and it wasn't paying enough to be worth my time at that speed. If you type faster you might find it worthwhile. I was not even making minimum wage when comparing earnings to time spent working.

The main reason I did it for so long was that my website income took a dip and I wasn't able to pay my bills, so in desperation I did this work to pay bills. When the need to earn extra income dissipated, so did my motivation.

Some of the files are very interesting. I typed court case transcripts, interviews, focus groups, committee meetings of the Forest Service, telephone calls to the post office answering machine, television programs of various types from a well-known network news program to some kind of pool building show, and even sermons.

Anyhow, Rev.Com - you can apply online in case you want to give it a try.

 

[Karla]

Ah. No, I can't beat your typing speed. Oh well, it was a thought.

That's how my second ESL job got to be. Cambly pays 17¢/minute while you're on a call, so the most you can make if you're on a call for an hour is $10.20. Most calls are shorter. Many are people using freebie promotional minutes, and some of them are pervs. I read my paralegal lessons between calls.

 

[phyllisindallas]

Phyllis, like you, I have a child who thinks she's too good to talk to me. This has been ongoing for so many years now, I don't let it bother me anymore. I focus on my children who love me and want a relationship with me and thank goodness I had more than one child.

I'm glad that you have found peace with that. I'm afraid I am not yet to that point. No one can hurt you like your children.

 

[travelaround]

No one can hurt you like your children.

So true - you give birth to them, feed them, nurture them, love them through every bad behavior, care about every aspect of their lives for years and years, educate them, and so much more. And then to be discarded over some trivial thing, it is heart rending. I know that. My daughter was never willing to tell me a reason why she abandoned our relationship. She just said she'd never talk to me again, and she hasn't.

 

[phyllisindallas]

Same with mine. He said he never wanted to talk to me again, and refused to tell me why. It baffles and saddens me to a degree I cannot express.

 

[travelaround]

I was sad for years. Eventually I got angry. Now I'm resigned. I guess these are normal stages of grief.

 

[phyllisindallas]

Yes, that's a good way to describe it.

 

[travelaround]

My daughter is 37 now. She's been in the Navy 6 years, got out, got married, earned a PhD, and had two babies. Still, we have no relationship and all I can do is pray for her, and I do. I no longer let her abandonment bother me. This is all in God's hands now. I live in emotional peace after many years of grief and turmoil.

 

[phyllisindallas]

My son is 35, married, with one child.

I don't know how you let it go. All I can do now is to try not to think about it.

 

[travelaround]

I had a boyfriend who used to say I shouldn't let (some people) take up real estate in my mind. In other words, why spend a lot of time thinking about someone who doesn't love you? ...someone who doesn't care how much they've hurt you? Some people don't deserve your continued devotion, loyalty, love, time and attention. The fact that I gave birth to her and loved her and gave so much to her doesn't mean that she has the right to destroy my happiness and peace of mind.

If my daughter ever wants to make amends and establish a relationship, I'll deal with it then. I'd be willing to try, but to be honest, after everything I went through, I'd have trust issues that would keep me from being extremely open like a normal parent would be. I'd probably think twice before letting her into my home, even, especially as I'm a single woman. It would be like meeting someone I met on Craigslist... I'd have to go slow and be cautious, just like with any other person who has hurt me deeply in the past.

 

[Karla]

That's how I feel about it too. When my son wants a relationship, I'm willing. He's 29, has no sense, and at some level I'm worried sick about him, but I can't fix him and at least he hasn't reproduced. I had to come to terms with the need to focus on taking care of myself and walk away, just like with the divorce.