Will I End Up Alone

[watercoursegreen]

Honestly, you guys are a really smart bunch of people...

The title of my own thread surprises me now... My original purpose was simply to ask whether a nomadic life would result in being alone... but perhaps my subconscious was really asking whether I'd be alone in life, in general...

It's interesting... you guys are putting into words the 'war' that is going on in my head.

Some of my thoughts align with RoamerRV428: that perhaps the solution is to "get my butt out there and into real life".

My last serious relationship ended 6 years ago. Since then I think I have been on a kind of auto pilot - barely living my life. When I realized how long it had been, and how little I have done since then, it freaked me out. Half a decade of my life just sort of vanished with nothing really positive to show for it. I'm not old, but, at 29, I also don't feel young enough to excuse being stuck in this rut anymore.

Perhaps my life does feel meaningless at the moment - not in a depressed sort of way, but in a: "What the heck am I even doing with my time on this planet?!" sort of way.

If I can summon a moment of clarity, and just write my thoughts as they come to me I would say:

I am worried that I am squandering my life. Time is slipping away from me and I can't even remember where it went. 6 years feels like 6 days. I look back and I see nothing truly valuable or worthwhile. It scares me.

But looking forward scares me too. Perhaps I will rediscover what I'm passionate about. But can I survive on those passions alone? Could I truly be happy with no one to share them with?

And what if I do find someone? How can I prevent it from ending as it did before? I guess there is only one way to find out...

Had to google it to remember, but this quote came to mind: "To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering."



Taking Doubleone's advice (offering advice to someone in my situation), I think I would say this to myself:

'If you don't have any meaning in your life now, find some. Anchor yourself to it. What you choose should be independent of other people, because other people don't make good anchors. They can disappear, and you'd find yourself lost again.

If you find an anchor, companionship should follow. Yes, it really sucks that you have to be anchored before other people will care about you, but don't do it for them - do it for you.'



God I sure hope this counts as my mid-midlife crisis.

 

[Cammalu]

Start helping other people by volunteering. Habitat for Humanity is a good one. There are many. By helping others you will find you are helping yourself. You will gain big time and the people you are around will take notice.

 

[RoamerRV428]

Also remember, OP, you don't need a full time purpose in life to crash down on ya overnight

you don't live in the future. You live in the moment. We are present in this minute of our life. So what you do today is more important truly than what you might do 10 yrs from now. Live for today, in this day, be present in this day.....and at the end of this day, say to yourself, what did I do that was purposeful, or what kindness did I contribute to the world, or what small accomplishment did I achieve and hit my goal?

Today is all we have a we must live it truly. Thinking toward our future, of course, give it some thought, but today is the day that counts cause tomorrow isn't guaranteed to anyone

Truly start to live your life today. Take a real step into your life and live it and all good things will follow I am sure

I am nearing 60 now, boy, you wanna say what the heck happened to decades of my life HAHA I sure had some some decades fly by LOL

 

[Doubleone]

'If you don't have any meaning in your life now, find some. Anchor yourself to it. What you choose should be independent of other people, because other people don't make good anchors. They can disappear, and you'd find yourself lost again.


If you find an anchor, companionship should follow. Yes, it really sucks that you have to be anchored before other people will care about you, but don't do it for them - do it for you.'

That's some pretty good advice...! :thumbsup:   All except the part about independent from other people... that's negativity trying to creep in.  Anchoring yourself to anything independent from others would be a self-imposed solitary and lonely life.  Will you end up alone? ...Only if you choose to be alone.  A wise person once said 'the journey of a 1000 miles begins with the first step'.   However, before you can take a first step you still need to have at least some idea of where you're going, a direction...  So take a deep breath, exhale and let go of the past and all that negativity.  Envision a bright positive future with lots of people.  Take that first of many steps... Anchor yourself in service to others and let the rest fall where it may.  There is no higher and more noble purpose than serving others, especially when you may not receive credit or anything in return.  Service to others is the ultimate expression of love.  You can begin serving others right now, right where you are at, and anywhere you choose to travel. Our relevance can only be found in our relationships with others.  Think of someone in your past whom you consider the most relevant in your life...  How did they serve others or you?  When you serve others they see you, and appreciate you, and that creates relevance.  In similar fashion, a long-term relationship isn't about asking "what's in it for me?" or "will my needs be met?"  I suppose in a reciprocal way you also 'do it for you' but try to do more for her... give more than you take.  It's about understanding and compromise, thinking about the other person, serving your companion's needs, like a partnership... but you gotta put in the work.  You can choose to be relevant!  What can you do to provide her with her ideal relationship?  Will you be…a cool activity partner, a bootie call, someone who’s there for her and cares about her, someone who’ll take care of her when she's sick, someone who can empathize when she experiences a life stress or setback, someone to share the joys of her accomplishments, someone who encourages her to be the best version of her…a team mate?

 

[Minivanmotoman]

Lots of great words of encouragement.

Pondering the unknown with it's uncertainties is great to assess the past and plan or prepare for the future.

In this case, all that you can do is be your best, seek out opportunities and maximize them.
Live the moment, learn from the past, strive to improve, be someone that another would be attracted to and maximize your exposure. It's a numbers game to a certain extent.
Get out there and live life for all it's worth, with or without someone.
Worry doesn't help, only planning and action will.
Get out there!

 

[watercoursegreen]

I have truly never met such a kind group of people as this... Honestly, you are all an amazing combination of genuine kindness mixed with an unbelievable amount of intuition.

Thank you, RoamerRV428, for saying: "...you don't need a full time purpose in life to crash down on ya overnight"

- that's exactly what I found myself doing: trying to find some kind of life-altering purpose to dedicate my life to. *sigh... desperation is so dangerous. That's not to say that I think dedicating one's life to a cause is bad, but I think doing so out of desperation is probably not good.



And thank you again Doubleone for this: "All except the part about independent from other people... that's negativity trying to creep in.  Anchoring yourself to anything independent from others would be a self-imposed solitary and lonely life."

- I honestly did not notice the negativity in my own statement, but you're right: it's there. I think I have a real blind spot, and that's a bit scary. I'm not 100% certain, but I think my big issue is trust: I just don't trust other people, and I think that causes so many obscure problems. Like just today I realized how difficult it was for me to acknowledge a compliment from a coworker... I actively had to force myself to say the words "Thank you," because my natural reaction is to laugh it off nervously and say something dismissive (which I'm sure probably comes off as rude to other people, even though that's never my intention). I really want to learn to say a genuine 'Thank you', without laughing or anything.

I am not naturally an emotional person - at least I don't come across as one (although, secretly, I think I very much am). I was talking to a coworker I barely know, and she told me that her daughter recently died. She was buying flowers for her daughter's grave. I honestly never know what to say in those situations... I'm horrible. The first thought that pops into my head, no joke, is usually something like: "Well that sucks..." but I KNOW I CANNOT SAY THAT. My mind rushes around trying to think of something to say, but I end up saying nothing. I literally forced myself to say "I'm sorry" to her (which is also really hard for me to say). I hope it sounded genuine...



So saying "Thank you" and "I'm sorry" are both extremely difficult for me. That makes me sound like a horrible person, but I honestly want to be a good person. I really admire people who can be kind in a truly 'genuine' manner. But I can't be that way around other people. Heck, the only reason I can say any of this is because you all are 'there', and I am 'here'.

And while I'm not an outwardly emotional person, I've always felt like I am more inwardly emotional than most people I meet. I give a lot of thought to things... like if I hear really beautiful music, my eyes would probably tear up (If I'm alone). If there's one of those cheesy 'Hallmark moments' in a movie I will probably want to tear up, but quickly suppress it and get angry - telling myself: "That doesn't happen in real life."

And yet, to other people, I ironically come across as an always-positive, super-enthusiastic, 'go-getter'. I laugh probably 100 times a day, and sometimes even I can't tell if I'm laughing genuinely or just playing the part. My humor is almost always sarcastic though...



I apologize for writing all of this... I think part of it is therapeutic... but I also feel like maybe it (along with everyone's great comments) could help a future person like me.

I think my immediate 'goal' will be to focus on starting some 'hobbies'. Fitness has always been an important belief of mine, so I think I am going to join a gym so I can pursue it in a more social manner.

I made a list of other hobbies and things I have always wished I were good at: I want to learn to draw, and to play an instrument... maybe the flute, or harmonica. I also love hiking, so I think I will join a group for it. I'm going to use that 'Meetup' website...

I have also decided to make it a goal to compliment at least 1 person every day (please god let me not be too awkward).

I might even break down and make a Facebook account... I have never liked it, but now days people look at you weird if you ask for a phone number instead of their Facebook username. It's going to be awkward though, because although I've done some interesting things in my life, I rarely took pictures of any of it - and those I did take, I lost...



... I think I'll get a camera.



Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart

 

[RoamerRV428]

hey from what ya wrote you sound like so many of us. you are fine, there ain't nothing wrong with ya that getting out of your own mind and joining in on life's bounty to offer won't help

I am weirdo in a way, introvert yet forced to 'say the right thing' when it needs to be said. Older I know the appropriate responses. I am sorry. Done. Wow, Congrats on that! Done. Hey I am happy for you on achieving that! Done......small things make people happy I learned.

Heck at the grocer the other day it was slam full and crazy, gave the big smile to the gal and said, love love your nail color? OMG she beamed. That was all it took....she ran the groceries faster thru the binger gadget and she bagged faster and I was outta there faster, just what I wanted, all with a small compliment and kindness to another.....I felt good also giving that but it also got what I wanted in the end LOL

remember also, don't do things for a 'only goal' reason. Like exercise, join that gym for your body and well being, IF YOU make connections with others it is a great thing but don't make the gym the place to make or break it......just BE in the moment and when you are, other's come to you cause you are a draw, a confident person, a person to be noticed but you can still make that contact on your terms as needed.

from all you wrote heck you are OK, you ain't as bad as you are placing yourself LOL heck we all have the drama in our brains, just walk yourself slowly out of it and be present in your life in the minute you are in it and all should be cool just chatting things out.....I think in general you do have that confidence that you truly want,your post shows me that side of you! You will go onto bigger and better times!

 

[geogentry]

There's some really good advice in this thread. I've read through everything I just been posted both from the OP and all the other posts. I wasn't going to say anything because there's so much good advice on here already. But I'm going to throw my two cents into the kitty.

I can fully understand how you feel being an introvert. Me too. I have found over the years that giving someone a compliment can be a toughie. Try to keep in mind you're not giving them a compliment to make yourself feel better. When you give a stranger a compliment keep in mind how it makes them feel. You just made their day a little better. So practice, it will be difficult at first but it gets easier.

From what I understand you're not on the road yet. I found out that with all the research I did and all the preparations I made I was still clueless when I got out on the road. Give yourself a chance when you get out on the road to find out what works for you. What changes do you have to make to the way you started out doing things. Learn how it all works best for you. Once you got that down then you can start looking for someone to join you. Whether they're already on the road or just a dreamer ready to chuck it all and get on the road. I know one thing for certain all that you can imagine is probably far worse than you're going to experience. You are on the threshold of one of the greatest experiences of your life. Don't be afraid to take that step. There are far more people who want to experience this lifestyle than you imagined.

As far as meeting someone, it's the same as meeting someone if you lived in a stick and brick. You're going to have to get out there and look, when you feel ready. They're out there. For every person doing a YouTube video there's likely a thousand that you never hear or see. There are a lot of single females who want to escape from the rat race just like you. You got in some really excellent advice on where to find them.

Don't give up your dream because of fear. I guess there's a lot of ways I could say it but it's already been said very well. You have nothing to fear but fear itself.

Sent from my SM-J727V using Tapatalk

 

[Gr8ful]

Don't waste a single moment worrying about. If it's meant to be you'll get the chance. Live for today, tomorrow will work itself out. In my day all my friends got married the summer after HS graduation exept me. So they all want you in the same boat they're in & set up dates. The last one I wasred $60 & 4 hrs I could have been getting my bike ready for race day so I put an end to it. If your not happy with yourself no one can mke you happy. They can add to it but happy comes ftom inside you. Laater I met my wife at my Gradmas out of state funeral & love at first sight 38 years ago & we have 0 in common. It was meant to be.

 

[eDJ_]

I don't know much of your background, education, or trade skills.   But I would highly suggest you get this together before going on the road so you can support yourself.  You should look at being self employed with these skills too. Lets say you are a certified welder who can do mig or stick weld.  Perhaps you are a cook or chef with a ServSafe certificate. But best is to have a skill where you don't have to tote a bunch of baggage.  X Ray Tech's at Hospitals don't need to carry much with them and can find jobs where they are rotated around the country giving them time to travel about. Such companies do this for nurses too. 

This thread is full of good information.  But if you notice, a lot of folks around here have a dog or cat as their travel companion so they don't have to feel so alone..........or feel they have a significant other who may not share your 
desires to be free and make demands on you to give it up.  (and give them their way)  I can't think of anything that would sour the opportunity to be young, single, and free to find yourself in any worse of a manner.

Believe me,  I speak from experience.

 

[owl]

OP, there are two things going on here that most miss. Are you going to find someone and are you going on the road. Whether you find someone or not has nothing to do with your situation but who you are. Love doesn't choose based on situation, love is blind. If you want to end up alone, you will. If you don't, you won't. Love is out there for everyone who desires it, the answer is in the quest.

 

[regis101]

Back in 1995 , the world population was 5.714 billion people. Look it up.
A statistic was drawn stating that for every person on the planet there is 35,000 compatible mates.
YMMV.

 

[Stargazer]

Watercourse Green,

Make yourself happy first. Nobody else can do that. Ever been to online dating sites? (*shiver*) Let's pretend for a few moments and write your profile:

"I'm a 29 yom, lonely and miserable, hate the life I'm living and think I want to live in a small trailer in California. I want to be free from life's challenges and live in nature. I don't know how I will earn money to eat but something may turn up. Am seeking a female my age who will follow me wherever I want to go for the rest of my life and make me happy."

A person who would answer THAT is not someone you want. So...let's try again.

"Hi! I am a XX year old man living the Good Life and am looking for a lady to share my happiness and adventures on the road! Last week, it was hiking in the cool forests of the Sierras, right now I am fishing off the California beach. Next week? Who knows! But getting there in my mobile abode will be half the fun."

See? So make yourself happy, by yourself, then you have good things to share with someone who is doing the same.

Being young and figuring out life is a challenge. Because just when you think you have it all figured out, well... you realize you don't know jack. And off you go again! That's the fun part.
Because things will change.

Best wishes!

 

[Stargazer]

Adding this:

It isn't HOW you live that makes you happy. It's how you LIVE.

 

[RageTherapy]

I'm not optimistic on relationships and I'm not going to tell you that everything will be okay, as I know for myself that I am out here alone in this universe.  It's possible you may be the same, and if you're seeking a nomadic lifestyle it will be harder as you will be unable to establish yourself in the eyes of other people around your age.  I know you're lonely and nothing anyone says will change that--it's not something you can disregard or ignore anymore than hunger or thirst.

Unfortunately, at around your age--our age--I'm not even sure there's enough good people left.

You can still do the van thing while living in a city, as long as the city allows you to sleep in a vehicle overnight. That would probably be your best bet.

 

[Elbear1]

Rarely do 2 people die together at the same time. Most people die alone.

 

[HalfShadows]

Become the right man for yourself, if you don't,  you will struggle with any relationship including friends.

 

[RoamerRV428]

Confidence and focus in your own life attracts many into your zone also Know thyself well and others will come to you!

 

[Doubleone]

Stargazer has some really good insight... Some people may call it law of attraction. Negative energy attracts negative energy and positive energy attracts positive energy... and positive people. Nobody wants to be around a 'Debbie-downer'... Oh...BTW, I have no reservation about saying I do have confidence in you! I am going to tell you everything is going to be OK! Why? Because you are here, reaching out, being real, working on yourself. That's a huge step in any future relationship...

 

[DebraOak]

Your question and explanation already show that you know a lot about yourself and are willing to learn more. That makes me believe that you will not be lonely. Yes, there are a lot of retirees on the road (in 11 months I'll be one of them) but have you watched YouTube lately? There are younger females doing this too. And most people in this lifestyle, no matter their age, are introverts and non-conformists. In fact, I met a couple yesterday who are married but they live apart from each other half of the month. They both need their solitude and they are extremely happy and satisfied in their marriage. 

For your personality and minimalist values, you should be assured that you've picked the right lifestyle for yourself and not so worried about the WHAT IFS. That's an area you can further work on for yourself. Find your bliss with you. Do what you love socially and guess what you'll find the people you are meant to be with. 

By the way, I chuckled at your experience with females wanting the creature comforts. In my relationship my husband for 35+ years before he died, it was the other way around. So, don't stereotype male/female. We are all unique and though your experience may seem to say one thing, it might also say something else like: maybe you need to learn to fish in different lakes, lakes that have the fishes that like to vanlife. Which lakes are those? Who knows - that's your job to find out!

Oak