"Trauma Anyone?" Thread Resurrected

[VanDwellerMod]

Due to active members' requests, posts from the thread titled "Trauma Anyone?" have been reposted here in this thread, less those specific posts removed at an unregistered member's request*.




*Note: Our policy has since been documented such that unregistered member's posts will no longer be removed.

 

[Queen]

I guess the old adage that there's no such thing as a geographic cure has a lot of merit; but so does getting away from the location of the trauma, seeing new sights, having new experiences, spending some solo time processing your trauma. Just be sure not to buy into that magical thinking that everything will be different/better when you roll down the road, you're still you and your head will be in the same place until you do some work on that part of it.

 

[SoulRaven]

I'm agreeing with "Queen" on this one. Too often people feel that just a change of scenery will change their whole life and more likely than not the issues just move with them. I think it takes a new approach to life to really leave the past behind, let it go and move on or at least get as close as possible to doing that. I don't think you can "escape" something that is part of you by running, unless it is a physical thing that you can leave behind or maybe something that can be lessened by some distance.

 

[DuneElliot]

I did it when I was 18. And a geographic and social change was actually just what I did need by getting away from it. Of course, that was when I was 18 and still changing anyway.

 

[IanC]

Undoubtedly, but you never escape past trauma, or a lifetime of trauma. Every minute of your life is locked in your subconscious mind. Being out here, free of the distractions that kept much of that pushed into the background, can allow a lot of it to come to the fore - as fresh as the day it happened. Isolation can be torture, if you let it be.

I have always identified with hermits and others who have chosen to live solitary lives, and I bet all of them were escaping worlds that they didn't know how to deal with. This life can give people, who are more comfortable alone, a way to do that.

Shows like Oprah have created a fantasy world where one great event, one positive moment can undo the past and you pass through the fog into bright sunshine. That is the magical thinking. We are the product of every second we have lived. That bell can never be unrung - I don't believe. The best we can hope to do is manage our personalities in a different way than we have. Queen was correct in her 'geographical cure' statement - believe me, I've had a lifetime of that, and if anything it brings home the fact that 99% of our hurts were the result of us putting ourselves in the position, voluntarily, to be hurt. This, of course does not apply to childhood events, where we are 100% at the mercy of the kindness of the world - or lack thereof.

 

[Theadyn]

Where ever you go, there you are. True. Very true. But that can also mean that where ever you go, you are there, in a different place, possibly getting a different perspective. That can also be true.

Not to side-track, but in AA they say to change your 'people, places, and things'. If you keep around all those things then it is likely to go back to doing the same old things, which weren't good. So by changing people, places, and things, you are in a different place, physically and mentally. More positive, I would hope. Getting away from the bad people, bad places, and bad things that cause you to want to drink or drug. Toxic things. Would that not be similar to trauma?? It is a thought. Even traumatic events can imprint on people, places and things. And changing the environment on those I can't help but think would be positive. Just my two cents worth.

Warm wishes your way!

 

[ArtW]

I dunno, one of my sons has recurrent drug problems, as well as no direction
At one point he decided a change of people, places, and things was for him, so he signed up for classes at Motorcycle Mechanics Institute, and moved to Arizona.
Where he promptly got into the drug scene there
Changing your people, places and thing CAN be helpful, but change comes from inside, and running from problems doesn't fix them
I could give a much better example, but it'd probably get moderated

 

[Every Road Leads Home]

Changing people means changing the type of person you associate with as much as the actual person

Two of my best childhood friends have been involved with drugs off and on their entire lives from 15 until today.  When they started heading down that path, I cut ties with them and made new friends doing different things.  Otherwise i'm sure i'd have followed in their footsteps.  I'm still friends with them and try and help em as much as I can, but they'll never be cured.  I brought one up to my house in Maine to help me work on it and literally with in the first 48 hours here he was already hooking up with people in the local drug scene.  Their knack for seeking out the right people to get what they what is uncanny.

 

[IanC]

Where ever you go, there you are.  True.  Very true.  But that can also mean that where ever you go, you are there, in a different place, possibly getting a different perspective.  That can also be true.  

Not to side-track, but in AA they say to change your 'people, places, and things'. 

'People, places and things' refers to the alcoholic's (and probably many people's) tendency to blame their surroundings and others for their current predicament, as an alternative to looking inward. If an alcoholic/addict believes that other people/places are the reason for his addiction, he will most likely use again. You can put an un-recovered alcoholic on a desert island, 1,000 miles from a living soul and he will be finding berries to ferment.

There is also the expression, common in AA, that says "If you always do what you always did - you'll always get what you always got"

I thought being more remote would help me quit smoking, but not the case - I just got back from a 40 mile round trip to get a pack.

 

[lenny flank]

Never works. No matter where you go, you take yourself with you.

 

[ArtW]

ERLH, your post, and Ian's, after are prime examples of exactly what I meant by that post, you can run to new PP&T, but if you're the same 'you' inside, you will find new PP&T that are the same, with a different cover, you have to deal with problems, not run from them (unless your problem is a homicidal maniac, then running might be good)

Lenny, well stated

 

[IanC]

LOL, I just noticed the banner ad above this thread is "Do you suffer a major depressive order?" - they don't miss a beat, do they?

 

[jimindenver]

I have done it twice. Once when I was 18, again the first of this year. Both times it was a unhealthy situation that not only was there never going to be a way for me to fix them, I wouldn't have wanted to even if I could simply for the fact that they had gotten to that point in the first place. Both times I could have done it to a lesser degree but I was still going to change my situation one way or another.

Now to clarify, I didn't hit the road out of desperation or as a only option. This has been a life long dream of mine. One that I have been preparing for even though I never thought it would be possible. Every time the other half and I went camping I would say wouldn't it be wonderful to do this all of the time? For 30 years I have looked at it saying what would I need, how would I do it and collected the knowledge and gear to make it happen the way I wanted it to. When the opportunity arose I took it killing two birds with one stone. I am no longer in that situation and I'm fulfilling my dream quite comfortably I might add.

As far as being a hermit goes, the last two weeks have been the first time I have been isolated since I left. I have spent time in campgrounds meeting people. Spent time at the RTR making friends, some of which I have either camped with since or will meet up with in the future. My last spot was a week with a group that loosely camps together. My next two are to meet up with others. Being alone is a option but not the only one. It does allow for reflection and seeing the balance of what is missed with what caused me to leave. It also lets me be a me instead of a us. Allows me to deal with my needs, wants and values after decades of taking care of others, always considering them or even worse, tolerating. I'm getting to rediscover and be me, something that was lost long ago in the we. Then again there is always Max the wonder puppy to keep me company and bring me joy. Together we are a boy and his dog living a dream.

So yes I escaped a bad situation and am almost happy it got to the point that it did. I would never have thought I could have been this happy and content until now.

 

[Blanch]

Life is a journey and I am glad mine is back to being a journey of adventure.

I had a judge give me a 1 year restraining order to sell my house and disappear. He said he didn't think he should restrict someone's movement in a small town. So I sold my house and bought a travel trailer and truck and disappeared. Am I running from a homicidal maniac? Well, when he got pissed off at me he went into the backyard and shot and killed my cat..... I just don't feel like being next.

There are lots of reasons to disappear or become a nomad. I am broke, disabled and hiding from a person who wishes me harm. I am also happily a nomad as this life really suits me.

My restraining order ran out when I was at the RTR and I felt very safe. I felt safe in Ehrenberg as well. I never felt safe when I lived in that small town with him there. Never. I had cameras on my house and some deep rooted paranoia. That's gone now. I am healing. Life is better. I also get to change my backyard at will and enjoy nature. Win - Win!!


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[ArtW]

Yes, in that situation running was the right choice
You were running from the cause of the trauma, and possible injury / death
if I implied that would be wrong, let me correct that notion, you can't recover from the trauma of being in danger WHILE being n danger

 

[Gunny]

First let me tell you congratulations on getting out of that environment. While the trauma or memories of it will never go away, there are many ways to alleviate some of your worries. You have taken the first step. No one is absolutely safe, it doesn't matter where you are BUT around a group such as this if trouble did arise I can guarantee you that there would be a whole group of people who "Have your back".

I am not a physically imposing person since my heart laid down on me but there are those on this forum and at gatherings that are. The old cliche' that there is safety in numbers holds true.

May I also suggest some firearms training and a conceal carry permit? Anyone who hurts someone smaller or physically weaker AND kills a cat is a psycho. And a bully and I think bullies are sub-human.

Stay safe and if things or memories get to you, call or join a group for people that have been in your shoes.

Rob

 

[Every Road Leads Home]

I just want to congrat everyone who have removed themselves from unhealthy situations, whether it have been physical, mental or both. Having assisted a few people I care about out of them, I know how hard it is to get out from under one. The people who do that to others for lack of a better word, are absolute experts at what they do and know exactly how to and what they are doing.

 

[Blanch]

I'm not trying to make this thread about me. I am just telling a bit of my story to illustrate that we aren't always running from ourselves.

Trauma? Yes.
Is becoming a nomad an unhealthy way to deal with it, I don't think so.

To be out in nature and sunshine is very healing. Whatever it is you are trying to leave behind, nature and sunshine helps.
Being able to sit alone and enjoy the quiet and solitude is healing. If you can't sit alone and relax then this lifestyle may not work.

I've done the therapy and put in the time to feel comfortable with me. It's everyone else I am not sure of. Given time I think my opinion of the human race may improve....

And Gunny - I am trained and armed. Thanks.



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[Bast]

I think I have dealt with most of the emotional trauma in my life.

I don't know I why I am feeling so pulled toward this life. I am very attracted to the freedom. The ability to get up and go. I also have a very stressful job that is getting harder and harder to do. l am also having health problems. I've also wanted to do something like this since I was a teenager. I just have a feeling that if I don't do it now I will regret not doing it. I promised myself years ago I was going to die with as few regrets as possible so here I come.

 

[CautionToTheWind]

Glad someone posted this thread as it's been on my mind, not for me, however for others.

In all honesty, I believe many people want to escape for elbow room. I grew up in a very freeing lifestyle/town; open roads, not much traffic, fishing, along with genuine people. I have missed that moving to a different state/city many decades ago. For me, it is more of a vibe.

Everyone's definition of "living" may be different.