Torn between two ......
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ArtW
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if it de stressed you it was the right choice
RE nursing homes: I can't speak for your state, but here there are quality nursing homes that accept Medicaid, My Mom was in one (actually three) for over 10 years and she was treated well and taken good care of, only once did I have to do a war dance around a nurse's station in all that time
There are of course bad ones, too, the one Jeanne is in I would not care to be in myself, though it's not as bad as the ones you describe
I hope she makes a full (or as full as possible) recovery
I understand totally your plan to take your own life when the time comes
RE nursing homes: I can't speak for your state, but here there are quality nursing homes that accept Medicaid, My Mom was in one (actually three) for over 10 years and she was treated well and taken good care of, only once did I have to do a war dance around a nurse's station in all that time
There are of course bad ones, too, the one Jeanne is in I would not care to be in myself, though it's not as bad as the ones you describe
I hope she makes a full (or as full as possible) recovery
I understand totally your plan to take your own life when the time comes
VanKitten
Well-known member
Cammalu said:
I have been off here while trying to get things settled. Read my new post....
But...could you send me details? Maybe drop an email or message here?
What program name? What is eligibility requirements? What assistance is available? Thanks for your help!
VanKitten
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CGunny said:
Yep.
Fits me to a tee
"When I get to heaven, tie me to a tree. Or soon I'll start to roam, and then you know where I will be"
kayell
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You keep saying Medicaid, but at 90 she should have Medicare. Is there some reason she doesn't? Medicare will definitely cover a nursing home without requiring poverty. My mother was in a nursing home after hospital stay for 3 weeks last winter and no charges were made to her - all covered by Medicare. While she really did need the care, she wasn't in as desperate condition as your mother.
VanKitten
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Ah...Medicare will only cover to a max of 100 days in a nursing home or skilled nursing facility. After that....nothing. And, only if she continues to show consistent improvement. When her improvement levels off (which it will) Medicare is done.
My Mom will likely be in the 62% who recover most function within 9 months. Let's me say that again...9 months. 8% never recover.
After August 1, my Mom will be discharged. Improvement has not been consistent and now she is off Medicare. So...she must come home. At $300 per day in a nursing home.. She will spend down the assets in less than 6 months. My Dad is in actually worse shape. He cannot manage daily living any more. Since this has been an ongoing deterioration, there is no Medicare billable incident. Medicare only pays for medical issues. 100 days is from the time of admission to an acute care hospital stay.
My Mom will likely be in the 62% who recover most function within 9 months. Let's me say that again...9 months. 8% never recover.
After August 1, my Mom will be discharged. Improvement has not been consistent and now she is off Medicare. So...she must come home. At $300 per day in a nursing home.. She will spend down the assets in less than 6 months. My Dad is in actually worse shape. He cannot manage daily living any more. Since this has been an ongoing deterioration, there is no Medicare billable incident. Medicare only pays for medical issues. 100 days is from the time of admission to an acute care hospital stay.
VanKitten
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It is not clear at this point just how much my Mom understands. Her speech is very difficult, and there is still a lot of "word salad" happening. Also, she has a lot of confusion between what her hears, what she thinks, and what she can say. Hard to know this soon where the disconnect is. Does she not understand, and therefore the words are a jumble. Is the problem with her hearing or her processing of the words? Or..does she understand everything, and her mouth cannot form the words correctly enough to make herself understood? Hard to say at this point.
jaxtonsgram
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VanKitten: been wondering how things are going. The biggest thing I have learned over the years caring for my disabled kids is to talk (usually phone or email as it's hard to get out of the house) with others doing the same thing. I get support and I have learnt more about what resources are available from them than any professional person. Even though your plans have changed, please feel free to keep in touch. There are others like you on this forum that are at home caring for lived ones yet dreaming. Bobs blog and forum have given me dreams for the future and helped keep me sane (although there are those that would dispute my sanity). Nora
VanKitten
Well-known member
Things have been very rough.
In the last two weeks, I have gotten to Colorado, gotten the POA settled, found and rented a suitable handicap accessible home, moved my Dad and the household. found and hired home care aides for my Dad, found and set up nursing aide for Mom for when she is ready to move home.
Discharge was scheduled for yesterday, but she was not doing well..and they decided to keep her one more day.
Most of the household has been unpacked and set up...still lots of unpacked boxes everywhere.
Starting this week I have to add getting the old place cleaned up, repaired on put up for sale as quickly as I can.
I am hoping that once everyone is in one place, it will be easier to find time to get things done instead of driving constantly back and forth.
Now begins the day to day of taking care of them, and trying to manage everything. I never thought I would be in this position. Having two disable parents and the same time!
In the last two weeks, I have gotten to Colorado, gotten the POA settled, found and rented a suitable handicap accessible home, moved my Dad and the household. found and hired home care aides for my Dad, found and set up nursing aide for Mom for when she is ready to move home.
Discharge was scheduled for yesterday, but she was not doing well..and they decided to keep her one more day.
Most of the household has been unpacked and set up...still lots of unpacked boxes everywhere.
Starting this week I have to add getting the old place cleaned up, repaired on put up for sale as quickly as I can.
I am hoping that once everyone is in one place, it will be easier to find time to get things done instead of driving constantly back and forth.
Now begins the day to day of taking care of them, and trying to manage everything. I never thought I would be in this position. Having two disable parents and the same time!
Every Road Leads Home
Well-known member
My heart goes out to you. I've been in your shoes putting off my own dreams twice in the last 8 years. First with my Dad, then with my grandmother, and then I myself had to go and get disabled! However, I have no regrets. I'd do it all over again if given the chance and I'll do it for my Mom if/when she reaches that stage. It's not easy juggling everyone when the money isn't there either. My dad had no savings, no retirement and a house he still had a mortgage on. Luckily I was able to refinance the house and pull the little bit of equity it had out and then that allowed him to live there 18 months until he passed, then we just let the bank have it.
Sounds like things will get a bit easier once you are all under the same roof. Makes me wish families still stuck by one another as it would be a lot easier if 3 or 4 family members could carry the burden instead of it always falling on one.
Matt
Sounds like things will get a bit easier once you are all under the same roof. Makes me wish families still stuck by one another as it would be a lot easier if 3 or 4 family members could carry the burden instead of it always falling on one.
Matt
VanKitten
Well-known member
Cammalu said:
I finally got a call back from the VA. Their advisors went through the eligibility with me. Each of my parents must have spent down their assets below 20k AND have less than 2k monthly income. So, this isn't going to be an option.
I include Dad in this because, now that I am here and can see what is happening with him, he is actually in worse shape than she is! Dementia.
I appreciate the help. It is worth chasing down every possibility!
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